Tuesday Treats

bethsmiles

TwoDimes said:

eilis1228 said:

On a WR note, we've been tackling the guest list. I hate it, but I think we're going to have to do a B list, which is super tacky. It's mainly because I was threatened by a cousin to invite ALL the cousins from that side even though 80% of them won't come. Our absolute max at the venue is 125, and right now we're around 155 with the A list, but that includes about 20 people that I know won't come... ugh. Wedding politics can bite me.

Why would you "have to" B-list? I don't understand.

 You hate it, so obviously you know it's wrong. Tacky is an understatement - B-listing is rude, and doing it could result in a more or worse hurt feelings that you would get if you just didn't invite them. You have a legitimate argument for not inviting people: your venue has a strict capacity limit. Stand your ground. Your cousin doesn't get a say in your guest list anyway (I assume this cousin is not contributing financially). Wedding politics only have to suck if you let them.

So much this. Don't B list, it's so incredibly rude. Everyone has to make cuts to their guest list. I know it sucks but you need to cut 30 people from you list and accept that those are your guests.

eilis1228

Posting on mobile so formatting may be off. We purposely chose a venue that would limit the guest list, otherwise it would end up being 250+ because of how large and extended my family is. We can't afford that large of a wedding. The cousin I referred to threatened to call me out on social media and cause a bunch of drama among my dad's family if I didn't invite all of my cousins on my dad's side. She even said she won't be able to come. There's a bit more drama to the story, but suffice it to say I've been told to invite a bunch of family with the knowledge that they won't come.

I'm aware that b lists are tacky, but I'm also trying to avoid extra family drama. The b list is just our coworkers, and we've been b listed to their weddings in the past, so they won't be offended.

We're still working on the guest list, but this option seems to be the best way to appease everyone at the moment.

bethsmiles

eilis1228 said:

Posting on mobile so formatting may be off. We purposely chose a venue that would limit the guest list, otherwise it would end up being 250+ because of how large and extended my family is. We can't afford that large of a wedding. The cousin I referred to threatened to call me out on social media and cause a bunch of drama among my dad's family if I didn't invite all of my cousins on my dad's side. She even said she won't be able to come. There's a bit more drama to the story, but suffice it to say I've been told to invite a bunch of family with the knowledge that they won't come. I'm aware that b lists are tacky, but I'm also trying to avoid extra family drama. The b list is just our coworkers, and we've been b listed to their weddings in the past, so they won't be offended. We're still working on the guest list, but this option seems to be the best way to appease everyone at the moment.

But that doesn't make it any less rude. I get that you are in hard spot but fuck your cousin. You don't need to appease everyone. Change your Facebook settings so you have to approve any posts you are tagged in or anything put on your wall and delete her at least until after the wedding. No one is entitled to a wedding invitation. If you dad's side of the family wants to be assholes about it let them. And you can always use the line "I'm sorry due to budget and the size of our venue we just can't invite everyone we'd like to" and repeat.

500days

@eilis1228  Not to beat a dead horse, but yeah don't do the b-list. Just stand your ground and only invite 125- and don't forget yourself and your FI! So really that's 123. I know it sucks, but you can't risk one single person rsvping yes. With the overage you have, the odds are NOT in your favor. 

AuroraRose41

bethsmiles said:

eilis1228 said:

Posting on mobile so formatting may be off. We purposely chose a venue that would limit the guest list, otherwise it would end up being 250+ because of how large and extended my family is. We can't afford that large of a wedding. The cousin I referred to threatened to call me out on social media and cause a bunch of drama among my dad's family if I didn't invite all of my cousins on my dad's side. She even said she won't be able to come. There's a bit more drama to the story, but suffice it to say I've been told to invite a bunch of family with the knowledge that they won't come. I'm aware that b lists are tacky, but I'm also trying to avoid extra family drama. The b list is just our coworkers, and we've been b listed to their weddings in the past, so they won't be offended. We're still working on the guest list, but this option seems to be the best way to appease everyone at the moment.

But that doesn't make it any less rude. I get that you are in hard spot but fuck your cousin. You don't need to appease everyone. Change your Facebook settings so you have to approve any posts you are tagged in or anything put on your wall and delete her at least until after the wedding. No one is entitled to a wedding invitation. If you dad's side of the family wants to be assholes about it let them. And you can always use the line "I'm sorry due to budget and the size of our venue we just can't invite everyone we'd like to" and repeat.

@bethsmiles FTW. 

@eilis1228 I know this isn't easy, but you chose to limit the guest list by choosing your venue. OWN that choice. If your family wants to be jerks about it, so be it. It will reflect poorly on them, not on you. What Beth said above is perfect. Also add what I said before if she says she won't come: "Well then, you will be missed." and leave it at that. 

eilis1228

I understand what you all are saying, I promise. The guest list has been a major source of anxiety since the day we got engaged for a number of reasons. To me, it's easier to potentially commit a small faux pas amongst coworkers than to create issues with family members that will be around for the rest of my life. I'm not going to post the details of all the dramas and threats and whatnot, but I prefer not to be the source of more drama within my dad's family. That particular cousin has already said she won't be able to attend, and I know the same to be true for almost all of the cousins on that side of the family.

Again, I understand your concerns and appreciate the advice. None of this is final since we have so much time. For now, both FI and I agree this is the best solution. The guest list is still a work in progress though.

bethsmiles

@eilis1228 - I'm sorry your family is causing stress! Your cousin sounds like a peach.