Guest asks me to un-invite another guest

aod30000

I would like some advice on an issue that came up today...We are getting married in a month and today a friend (I'll call her C) asked me to un-invite another guest's(I'll call her M) date. Here's the background...C was actually supposed to be a bridesmaid originally but due to her causing drama I asked her to step down for the sake of our relationship. Our friendship has been good and she was never uninvited to the wedding. Guest M's relationship with her boyfriend has been on the rocks and they've been fighting a lot and C does not approve of the boyfriend. The plan was that C, M and her boyfriend were going to split a hotel room for my wedding. Well this past weekend M and her boyfriend has a huge fight and he really hurt her and not C says she refuses to ride with them or stay in the same room as him. C asked me to un-invite M's boyfriend. Inside I was thinking "Hell no! Do you not know everything I have to do this last month?" but instead I suggested she talk to M herself and they make it a girls weekend. I'm not going to tell another guest they can't bring their significant other.  I'm just super annoyed and can't believe C would think she has any say over who is at my wedding. Seems like she would want to lay low after making me take her out of the wedding.  Am I overreacting? 

ashley8918

aod32815 said:

I would like some advice on an issue that came up today...We are getting married in a month and today a friend (I'll call her C) asked me to un-invite another guest's(I'll call her M) date. Here's the background...C was actually supposed to be a bridesmaid originally but due to her causing drama I asked her to step down for the sake of our relationship. Our friendship has been good and she was never uninvited to the wedding. Guest M's relationship with her boyfriend has been on the rocks and they've been fighting a lot and C does not approve of the boyfriend. The plan was that C, M and her boyfriend were going to split a hotel room for my wedding. Well this past weekend M and her boyfriend has a huge fight and he really hurt her and not C says she refuses to ride with them or stay in the same room as him. C asked me to un-invite M's boyfriend. Inside I was thinking "Hell no! Do you not know everything I have to do this last month?" but instead I suggested she talk to M herself and they make it a girls weekend. I'm not going to tell another guest they can't bring their significant other.  I'm just super annoyed and can't believe C would think she has any say over who is at my wedding. Seems like she would want to lay low after making me take her out of the wedding.  Am I overreacting? 

I stopped reading after the bold because this was rude as hell of you.

aod30000

Lol alright. You don't know the situation and I didn't ask for your advice on that. We came to that decision mutually and it was for the best.  

ashley8918

Okay, now that i've picked my jaw up off the floor...

C is being rude by demanding that you uninvitee someone, and M's relationship is none of her business. She can get her own damn room. That being said, What you did by kicking C out is inexcusable, and If I were her, you and I wouldn't be friends anymore, so this would be a non-issue.

You should not uninvite the BF, but you SHOULD profusely apologize to C for being such a rude Bridezilla.

redoryx

aod32815 said:

Lol alright. You don't know the situation and I didn't ask for your advice on that. We came to that decision mutually and it was for the best.  

edited because stupid gif was being stupid

ashley8918

aod32815 said:

Lol alright. You don't know the situation and I didn't ask for your advice on that. We came to that decision mutually and it was for the best.  

Nope. Super rude. Way to treat your supposedly good friend like shit.

Ladies, prepare your bingo cards because WE DON'T KNOW HER LIFE, and SHE DIDN'T ASK FOR ADVICE ON THAT, ONLY THIS.

aod30000

You confirmed my thoughts on the current issue and that's all I'm concerned with so thanks for that. 

ashley8918

aod32815 said:

You confirmed my thoughts on the current issue and that's all I'm concerned with so thanks for that. 

That's nice that you're not concerned about how your friend feels/is treated. Aren't you just the cutest little peach.

arrrghmatey

I'm assuming these girls are adults. That being the case, stay out of whatever drama they have going on between them and let them work it out like adults. If you're getting married in a month, your guest list should be pretty much finalized. You cannot uninvite a guest to your wedding unless there is an extreme circumstances (i.e. guest physically threatens someone or threatens to burn your venue down). It is not your responsibility to deal with their drama or their logistical situation regarding your wedding.

And I'll side-step the whole bridesmaid issue….

badbnagdway

If C does not want to ride with these people and does not want to stay with these people, guess what? She is a free person and can do what she wants. I am assuming she is an adult and not a minor, although.... maybe that's a bad assumption here... Bottom line, do not dis-invite anyone to your wedding short of that person being threatening or abusive. 

levioosa

Man, this is a clusterfuck. And yes, you are overreacting.

1) It was inappropriate to ask C to step down.  The only thing your BMs are required to do is show up on time, sober, and in the right attire on the day of the wedding.  Kicking someone out is a friendship ending move.  You might think things are fine, but they really probably aren't. 

2) C is an adult and can stay where she likes.  I am curious though, you mentioned M being "very hurt" by her BF.  Do you mean physically?  Or he was just an ass?  Because although it wasn't her place to demand you uninvite a guest, I totally get why she would be so upset at seeing or staying in a room with someone who was physically abusive.

3) Simply tell C that she is free to stay in another room and then change the subject.  You all are supposed to be adults.  It would help to act like it.  All of this (barring possible abuse, in which case you should be concerned about M, instead of worrying about your wedding), sounds incredibly immature on all of your parts. 

aod30000

Hmm does C breaking up FSIL's (who is a bridesmaid) marriage count for removing her? Since you some of you so quick to judge ME. I feel loyalty to my FSIL because she will be my family after all. I did not uninvite C but we both decided for her sake and FSIL's sake she should not be apart of the wedding since these two women cannot be in the same room as each other (not sure how the wedding will go). I did not create the situation but I was forced to deal with it. 

I did nothing immature, rude or inappropriate. 

levioosa

aod32815 said:

Hmm does C breaking up FSIL's (who is a bridesmaid) marriage count for removing her? Since you some of you so quick to judge ME. I feel loyalty to my FSIL because she will be my family after all. I did not uninvite C but we both decided for her sake and FSIL's sake she should not be apart of the wedding since these two women cannot be in the same room as each other (not sure how the wedding will go). I did not create the situation but I was forced to deal with it. 

I did nothing immature, rude or inappropriate. 

It was still rude of you.  You didn't have to "choose sides" or kick anyone out.  If two grown women can't handle being in a room together, then that's their problem, not yours.  Everyone in this situation has been immature. How old are you?

ETA: And why are you getting involved in other people's relationship problems?

ashley8918

aod32815 said:

Hmm does C breaking up FSIL's (who is a bridesmaid) marriage count for removing her? Since you some of you so quick to judge ME. I feel loyalty to my FSIL because she will be my family after all. I did not uninvite C but we both decided for her sake and FSIL's sake she should not be apart of the wedding since these two women cannot be in the same room as each other (not sure how the wedding will go). I did not create the situation but I was forced to deal with it. 

I did nothing immature, rude or inappropriate. 

No. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Also, they sound like a bunch of children. Really, they can't be in the same room at the same time? What will happen? Will they spontaneously combust? Rip a hole in the space-time continuum? 

thespeshulestsnowflake

levioosa said:

aod32815 said:

Hmm does C breaking up FSIL's (who is a bridesmaid) marriage count for removing her? Since you some of you so quick to judge ME. I feel loyalty to my FSIL because she will be my family after all. I did not uninvite C but we both decided for her sake and FSIL's sake she should not be apart of the wedding since these two women cannot be in the same room as each other (not sure how the wedding will go). I did not create the situation but I was forced to deal with it. 

I did nothing immature, rude or inappropriate. 

It was still rude of you.  You didn't have to "choose sides" or kick anyone out.  If two grown women can't handle being in a room together, then that's their problem, not yours.  Everyone in this situation has been immature. How old are you?

ETA: And why are you getting involved in other people's relationship problems?

Bolded for emphasis. Just stay out of it and let them figure it out.

MyNameIsNot

You all sound like you hate each other. If this is how you and your friends treat each other, I can't imagine how you treat people you don't like.

You all need to grow up and learn how to treat people. 

badbnagdway

Honestly, at this point, there's nothing to be done about the fact that the BM got the boot. It sounds like the circumstances were quite dramatic, but a person is in your WP because of their relationship with you, not others who are in attendance. 

Just don't dis-invite guests to your wedding OP, that is excessively rude. Tell C to deal with her own problems. 

redoryx

aod32815 said:

Hmm does C breaking up FSIL's (who is a bridesmaid) marriage count for removing her? Since you some of you so quick to judge ME. I feel loyalty to my FSIL because she will be my family after all. I did not uninvite C but we both decided for her sake and FSIL's sake she should not be apart of the wedding since these two women cannot be in the same room as each other (not sure how the wedding will go). I did not create the situation but I was forced to deal with it. 

I did nothing immature, rude or inappropriate. 

Here's the thing, you didn't need to even mention anything related to this in your original post. You could have started it with "Guest M's relationship with her BF...." and left all the other drama out.

That being said, stay out of other people's relationships. They can figure it out for themselves. And if they can't, they are the immature ones. 

aod30000

I don't hate either. I'm just attempting to keep peace between family and friends and have a wedding in the process. Thanks to those of you who offered honest advice

artbyallie

If FSIL's spouse cheated on her (which is what I'd guess you meant by 'breaking up her marriage'), then that is on the one who made the vows to her and not anyone else. Even if C is the 'other woman,' FSIL's spouse could have, you know, stood by those vows and not broken up their marriage.

Is everyone involved here in middle school? For crying out loud.

arrrghmatey

artbyallie said:

If FSIL's spouse cheated on her (which is what I'd guess you meant by 'breaking up her marriage'), then that is on the one who made the vows to her and not anyone else. Even if C is the 'other woman,' FSIL's spouse could have, you know, stood by those vows and not broken up their marriage.

Is everyone involved here in middle school? For crying out loud.

levioosa

aod32815 said:

I don't hate either. I'm just attempting to keep peace between family and friends and have a wedding in the process. Thanks to those of you who offered honest advice

We all offered great, honest advice.  Stop getting involved with other people's relationships/drama.  The only reason you should be involved in even the smallest amount is if M is being abused.  And even then, it's only your place to talk to M and support her.  If they're just fighting like kids in a high school relationship, then let it go and C can figure out where she wants to stay. 

You are making this all way more complicated than it needs to be.

flantastic

aod32815 said:

I would like some advice on an issue that came up today...We are getting married in a month and today a friend (I'll call her C) asked me to un-invite another guest's(I'll call her M) date. Here's the background...C was actually supposed to be a bridesmaid originally but due to her causing drama I asked her to step down for the sake of our relationship. Our friendship has been good and she was never uninvited to the wedding. Guest M's relationship with her boyfriend has been on the rocks and they've been fighting a lot and C does not approve of the boyfriend. The plan was that C, M and her boyfriend were going to split a hotel room for my wedding. Well this past weekend M and her boyfriend has a huge fight and he really hurt her and not C says she refuses to ride with them or stay in the same room as him. C asked me to un-invite M's boyfriend. Inside I was thinking "Hell no! Do you not know everything I have to do this last month?" but instead I suggested she talk to M herself and they make it a girls weekend. I'm not going to tell another guest they can't bring their significant other.  I'm just super annoyed and can't believe C would think she has any say over who is at my wedding. Seems like she would want to lay low after making me take her out of the wedding.  Am I overreacting? 

Your first reaction was

"I don't have time to get involved in other people's relationships,"

not, "This is not even remotely something that concerns me because you are both adults"?

Start adopting the latter perspective. "Keeping the peace" between friends and family members (who should be able to handle being in the same room as someone they despise because that is how grown-ups deal with their problems) should not concern you, either in the busy time until your wedding or afterwards, ever.

climbingsingle

OP, you and your friends are acting like children. Seriously, grow up.

drunkenwitch

aod32815 said:

I would like some advice on an issue that came up today...We are getting married in a month and today a friend (I'll call her C) asked me to un-invite another guest's(I'll call her M) date. Here's the background...C was actually supposed to be a bridesmaid originally but due to her causing drama I asked her to step down for the sake of our relationship. Our friendship has been good and she was never uninvited to the wedding. Guest M's relationship with her boyfriend has been on the rocks and they've been fighting a lot and C does not approve of the boyfriend. The plan was that C, M and her boyfriend were going to split a hotel room for my wedding. Well this past weekend M and her boyfriend has a huge fight and he really hurt her and not C says she refuses to ride with them or stay in the same room as him. C asked me to un-invite M's boyfriend. Inside I was thinking "Hell no! Do you not know everything I have to do this last month?" but instead I suggested she talk to M herself and they make it a girls weekend. I'm not going to tell another guest they can't bring their significant other.  I'm just super annoyed and can't believe C would think she has any say over who is at my wedding. Seems like she would want to lay low after making me take her out of the wedding.  Am I overreacting? 

In what state is legal for 14 year olds to get married?  I have a headache from this post.

southernbelle0915

Don't withdraw invites for people at someone's petty request. C is an adult. If she can't handle someone who is going to be there, then she has a choice to make: accept or decline. It's rude of her to try to shift the choice to you. Let her know the guest list is set and the most you can do is seat her at another table.

Dreamergirl8812

Wow. C sounds awful. She fucked a married man but doesn't approve of M's boyfriend? I wouldn't demote, fire, eject, ask her to stand down, or whatever euphemism you want to use. I'd probably slap her and tell her to go to therapy. And I would end the friendship.

This goes so far beyond your wedding day.

Viczaesar

In reply: "No."

mikenberger

Ditto all the PPs that said:

- You're the rudest of rude for kicking out the bridesmaid.

- You all sound like middle schoolers.

- Grow up.

AddieCake

Why is this even a question? Of course you tell her to get over it, deal with her own drama, and not give it a second thought.

novella1186

OP, it is absolutely not your responsibility to work out guests' accommodations for them.  If C refuses to stay in a room with M's boyfriend, too bad. That's her problem. She can figure out an alternative or talk to M herself about it. 

To run to you and ask you to un-invite M's boyfriend so she doesn't have to deal with him is so fucking stupid and immature of her. How does she get through life behaving that way? If she doesn't like a coworker does she run to her boss and ask for the coworker to be fired? WTF is wrong with this girl? 

Stay out of their drama. It is not your problem.