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brides & child free weddings

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Re: brides & child free weddings

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    theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
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    maeday2 said:

    pinkrevenge said:

    CMGragain said:

    I KNOW I'm old fashioned, but I think weddings are about FAMILIES joining together to celebrate the marriage.  Babies are a part of families.

    I get the impression a lot of brides, especially the young ones, are confusing their wedding with a prom.  They have visions of dancing, drinking, and romance.  For us, it was about embracing our families, and calling them to witness our union.  The dinner, drinking and dancing receptions were just staring to be popular, thanks to movies and THE WEDDING INDUSTRY.

    Did we get our dream wedding?  No, not with OUR families involved, but we tried.  Daughter's wedding was much more relaxed, and child friendly, including a special dance for the children to do with the bride.  (The Hokey Pokey!)  Great photo op!

    Sorry, but that was all a lot of barf to me. The bride has to dance with kids? No, no thanks to all of that.
    Photo op says you have to. Go ahead and barf though. Great photo op! 
    As long as the barf is color coordinated.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    edited June 2015

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    mikenbergermikenberger member
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    After this thread
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    ashley8918ashley8918 member
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    MagicInk said:

    I walked in to 11 notifications. I feel so special. I don't think I've gotten double digits after only 24 hours when I wasn't talking about my wedding.


    My point was it is important of us to use inclusive language at all times. So it is not "the bride" and "the groom"but it is "the couple". A more inclusive way for @Jen4948 to state it would have been "Remember it's not always just one half of the couple who wants a child free wedding" which is both true and an excellent point, Wifey and I decided our guest list as a unit and I assume that heterosexual couples did as well (based on the talk on TK), and still allows for being inclusive.

    And yes, I'm going to continue to point out on the boards when we were not using inclusive language. Because we should be. Because always hearing "bride and groom" is fucking annoying. There is nothing wrong with grooms or men. There is something wrong with the assumptions that only women are wedding planning at all and that everyone getting married is heterosexual.

    If I went around assuming everyone getting married was Christian and white, or at least used language implying that, that'd be pretty shitty of me.
    See? Like I fucking said.
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    .defunct635833965868395700.defunct635833965868395700 member
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    edited February 2015
    Sorry, but that was all a lot of barf to me. The bride has to dance with kids? No, no thanks to all of that.


    Photo op says you have to. Go ahead and barf though. Great photo op! 

    As long as the barf is color coordinated.

    ******* (my quotes broke, wtf)
    That's what color coordinated signature cocktails are for!

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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    edited June 2015

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    ashley8918ashley8918 member
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    pinkrevenge said:

    I still want that shirt. I'll dye my fucking hair to match the pink and wear blood red lipstick and leopard heels and be like "What?"

    Badass.

    YES. I may or may not own 4 pairs of leopard print shoes. And I have red lipstick. Halfway there!
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    plainjane0415plainjane0415 member
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    flantastic said:

    DILEMA!!!! HELP PLZ!!!

    I can't decide whether to have my sister's two children as flower girl and ring barrier. They would be really cute and my photographer said she might be able to get my wedding featured in a bridal magazine... BUT they usually walk down right in front of the bride? I don't want people still thinking about their cuteness when it's time for my grand entrance. What should I do?

    ALSO, my mom is insisting that if I have a flower girl and ring barrier, that they have to come to the recepcion. I don't really want kids running around my reception screaming and being to cute when dancing... shouldn't they be in bed?? I told my sister that if I ask them to be in the wedding, I think it'd just be more fun for everyone if their older sister took them back to the hotel and babysat during the reception. My mom and sister called me a bridezilla for just that simple request! Advise??

    Please help!!



    LOL

    Ring Barrier

    LOL!!

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    alexandducky412alexandducky412 member
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    OnceUponSnow said:

    In all honesty, we're not inviting children to our wedding because the few children in my family are just not well-behaved at all. I would not go as far as saying these kids would ruin our wedding, but it would certainly make the whole thing significantly less enjoyable for everybody. 



    Luckily for us, all of the children in our family are either babies or old enough to behave themselves at this point, save for a tiny handful, so we feel safe inviting children. Not to mention it's a beach wedding, so those kids in our families who just so happen to run buck fucking wild all the time can run themselves into the sand and have less energy to run amok during quiet moments.

    Parents may or may not also be getting encouraged to let them play because it's a casual-ish wedding and it's easier to dress them in clothes they can play in.
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    Knottie52293890Knottie52293890 member
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    My FI and I together have 8 nieces and nephews, ages 5 to 4 months..there are plenty of reasons why I choose not to have the kids at our wedding. My ceremony is outside near a lake with no barrier, (not necessarily safe for kids) and also i don't want my sister and my FI family to have to worry about their kids at the reception. Our families have said that they are excited to have a night out, they won't have to worry about what time to leave among other reasons. I love kids and can't wait to have my own one day but I'd rather have a wedding free of children. I don't consider myself to be 'recreating my prom' or that i'm too young and that's why i dont want kids there. It's up to the bride and groom to decide and i won't judge them if they do or don't want them there.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    This post makes me feel weird, not in a bad way. Like I'm both laughing and feeling guilty. To the OP, I believe I'd fall into catagory 1. I don't want kids at my wedding and I'm (I think at least) taking the necessary steps to respectfully make it clear they aren't invited and all that. But at the same time I feel like a bitch because I just honestly can't stand kids. Of course I'm not going to be rude to a child or someone that has or wants children, nothing like that. I just can't handle them. I don't really know why. Perhaps it has something to do with my family having few kids around (living with my grandparents, all the "kids" are about 10-20 years older than me) and I just never got used to the busy nature and noise of them. I don't know. As long as I follow the proper invitation wording and tell people politely that I don't want children at my wedding if they RSPV for them anyway and all of those sorts of things, my reason doesn't really matter a ton, does it? If there's some huge politeness thing i'm breaking, go ahead and tell me, because I'm oblivious.
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    flantasticflantastic member
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    Knottie59869593 said:

    This post makes me feel weird, not in a bad way. Like I'm both laughing and feeling guilty. To the OP, I believe I'd fall into catagory 1. I don't want kids at my wedding and I'm (I think at least) taking the necessary steps to respectfully make it clear they aren't invited and all that. But at the same time I feel like a bitch because I just honestly can't stand kids. Of course I'm not going to be rude to a child or someone that has or wants children, nothing like that. I just can't handle them. I don't really know why. Perhaps it has something to do with my family having few kids around (living with my grandparents, all the "kids" are about 10-20 years older  with than me) and I just never got used to the busy nature and noise of them. I don't know. As long as I follow the proper invitation wording and tell people politely that I don't want children at my wedding if they RSPV for them anyway and all of those sorts of things, my reason doesn't really matter a ton, does it? If there's some huge politeness thing i'm breaking, go ahead and tell me, because I'm oblivious.



    No, you're fine. If you don't want to be around kids, that's a valid reason - but as you said, no need to go around telling all kinds of people that, just don't invite them. If there's an RSVP issue, don't even say "Sorry, but I don't want children at my wedding" just "I'm sorry for the mixup, but the invitation was only for X & Y; I hope you can still come."

    We're more worried about brides who have ridiculous justifications, like that the kids will somehow steal their attention or actually RUIN the day, which is basically impossible if you have the attitude of a decent human being with logical priorities.

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    thespeshulestsnowflakethespeshulestsnowflake member
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    MandyMost said:

    redoryx said:

    I've come to the conclusion there are two kinds of Child Free weddings. 


    First is the couple who, for whatever reason, don't want children at their wedding. WHICH IS TOTES OKAY. They follow all appropriate etiquette protocol: inviting just the parents by name on the envelope and if someone tries to RSVP their kid, they call them up and explain the miscommunication and hope the parents can come but understand if they can't.

    Then there are the weddings where the bride doesn't even want babies to cry because it'll ruin her wedding. Or doesn't want to be upstaged by a baby because it will ruin her wedding. Or she doesn't want the little brats running around because it will ruin her wedding. Or she wants to make her MOH step down because she'll have a baby there and she wants to voluntold her MOH to use a babysitter and if the MOH doesn't want to it will ruin her wedding. Or, OMG MY BM/MOH/WHATEVER IS PREGNANT WHAT I AM GOING TO DOOOOOOO

    I always wonder about those women who fall into the second category and if they want to have children of their own and if they'll be as understanding when someone invites THEM to a child free wedding in the future. 

    Methinks not.
    I feel like the latter is the SAME woman who will have kids and think the universe revolves around them and will freak out whenever they're not invited to anything like "how rude! they're party of my FAMILY. How can they not be invited!". Once a selfish, self-absorbed bitch, always a selfish, self-absorbed bitch. The situation changes, but the person doesn't. 
    QFFT
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    mccwenmccwen member
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    We are trying to keep the kids to a minimum. My fiance and I are both in our 40's, neither one of us has ever been married, and we don't have any children (and we've decided not to have kids.) The only kids that will be at our wedding will be family, and that's only about 4-5 children.

     Besides, I'm a kindergarten teacher (for the last 15+ years) and I spend plenty of time with little ones and as much as I love my job ... I'd like a break on my wedding day. :-)
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    charcoalandblushcharcoalandblush member
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    FSIL and her husband were adamantly against kids at their wedding. Their invitations said "Respectfully, an Adults Only occasion." Her husband also said that they reason they put "Black Tie Optional" was their way of saying "No really, you better not fucking bring your kids." They are 100% in category 2. We were at DF/FSIL's cousin's wedding and during dinner, there were like 7 kids playing on the dance floor. All of the adults were seated and eating, the kids weren't bothering anyone, just having a good time. He glares at them and goes "That is EXACTLY why we won't be having kids at our wedding." Ummm... because they're adorable and having fun?

    Also, during the first dance, all of the kids sat on the floor on one side of the dance floor and watched, they just looked mesmerized. It was one of the most adorable things I've ever seen. There are some great pics of that too.

    When we told FSIL and her husband that we're inviting kids to our wedding, her husband says "You should think long and hard about whether you ACTUALLY want kids at your wedding." Umm... we have... that is why we're sitting here telling you that we are inviting kids to our wedding. 

    That's kind of his MO though, any time I mention a decision or a plan that we have he has to go "Have you thought about [insert insultingly obvious concern that we obviously thought about before making our decision]?" He literally thinks we're stupid.

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    charcoalandblushcharcoalandblush member
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    edited April 2015
    climbingwife said:


    CMGragain said:

    I KNOW I'm old fashioned, but I think weddings are about FAMILIES joining together to celebrate the marriage.  Babies are a part of families.

    I get the impression a lot of brides, especially the young ones, are confusing their wedding with a prom.  They have visions of dancing, drinking, and romance.  For us, it was about embracing our families, and calling them to witness our union.  The dinner, drinking and dancing receptions were just staring to be popular, thanks to movies and THE WEDDING INDUSTRY.

    Did we get our dream wedding?  No, not with OUR families involved, but we tried.  Daughter's wedding was much more relaxed, and child friendly, including a special dance for the children to do with the bride.  (The Hokey Pokey!)  Great photo op!

    Yeah, my prom was 17 years ago. Definitely not trying to recreate that. I embraced my family and my friends, many of which we consider family members. Just because I didn't invite their babies doesn't mean I'm young, or immature or trying to recreate a vision. 

    ---- Preemptively Fixing Boxes ----


    Agreed. This is ridiculous. Literally no one is confusing their wedding for a prom do-over.



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    TrixieJessTrixieJess member
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    Meh...I've been to both, they are both fun. I do have to agree with the pp who mentioned that people who are adamantly child-free at their weddings tend to be the ones screaming when little Johnny isn't invited years down the line. 

    We are having children at our wedding. However, we are having an outdoor, afternoon wedding and we will have our son who will be 3.  I think if you want children, have children, if you don't, don't. Don't make a big deal about it.
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    flyingfoxesflyingfoxes member
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    edited April 2015

    We are having kids at our wedding.  My sister's son is REALLY ill-behaved.  I had to risk offending her yesterday by telling her she needs to find a way for them to get to the venue hours after she needs to be there (she's a bridesmaid).  Our venue is a winery, and they're open the day of the wedding until they close at 6 (the ceremony will be shortly after 6). 

     Honestly - they're kids - it's not fair to expect them to be there at 11:30 a.m. while we're getting hair and makeup started and sit quietly - they'll be bored out of their minds and will be running and screaming up and down the hallways and annoying the winery staff and customers.   Hopefully they'll be able to burn off some of their energy on the dance floor after we have cake! 

     I don't consider them to be "ruining the day".  They are part of our families and we want our families as part of the day - it just takes a little extra consideration and planning to make things easier.  That being said - I have friends who relish the chance to leave their kids for a night and enjoy a couples' night out alone.  I think FI and I would be one of those couples someday, lol. 

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    flantasticflantastic member
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    edited April 2015
    mobride2015 said:

    We are having kids at our wedding.  My sister's son is REALLY ill-behaved.  I had to risk offending her yesterday by telling her she needs to find a way for them to get to the venue hours after she needs to be there (she's a bridesmaid).  Our venue is a winery, and they're open the day of the wedding until they close at 6 (the ceremony will be shortly after 6). 

     Honestly - they're kids - it's not fair to expect them to be there at 11:30 a.m. while we're getting hair and makeup started and sit quietly - they'll be bored out of their minds and will be running and screaming up and down the hallways and annoying the winery staff and customers.   Hopefully they'll be able to burn off some of their energy on the dance floor after we have cake! 

     I don't consider them to be "ruining the day".  They are part of our families and we want our families as part of the day - it just takes a little extra consideration and planning to make things easier.  That being said - I have friends who relish the chance to leave their kids for a night and enjoy a couples' night out alone.  I think FI and I would be one of those couples someday, lol. 



    @mobride2015, is this a "the winery literally will not allow anyone under 21 until after 6 PM" issue, or a "I've decided on behalf of my sister what is best for her kids and making her do it" issue?

    ETA: She doesn't have to be there for hair and makeup at 11:30 just because she's a BM. She can choose to come then, but you should not be creating that expectation, especially with the large inconvenience if her kids are truly not allowed. If it's better for her, she can do her own hair and makeup at home, and be there for your ceremony with her kids. That's what's required of her. This really sounds 'zillaish.

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    flyingfoxesflyingfoxes member
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    edited April 2015
    flantastic said:

    mobride2015 said:

    We are having kids at our wedding.  My sister's son is REALLY ill-behaved.  I had to risk offending her yesterday by telling her she needs to find a way for them to get to the venue hours after she needs to be there (she's a bridesmaid).  Our venue is a winery, and they're open the day of the wedding until they close at 6 (the ceremony will be shortly after 6). 

     Honestly - they're kids - it's not fair to expect them to be there at 11:30 a.m. while we're getting hair and makeup started and sit quietly - they'll be bored out of their minds and will be running and screaming up and down the hallways and annoying the winery staff and customers.   Hopefully they'll be able to burn off some of their energy on the dance floor after we have cake! 

     I don't consider them to be "ruining the day".  They are part of our families and we want our families as part of the day - it just takes a little extra consideration and planning to make things easier.  That being said - I have friends who relish the chance to leave their kids for a night and enjoy a couples' night out alone.  I think FI and I would be one of those couples someday, lol. 



    @mobride2015, is this a "the winery literally will not allow anyone under 21 until after 6 PM" issue, or a "I've decided on behalf of my sister what is best for her kids and making her do it" issue?

    ETA: She doesn't have to be there for hair and makeup at 11:30 just because she's a BM. She can choose to come then, but you should not be creating that expectation, especially with the large inconvenience if her kids are truly not allowed. If it's better for her, she can do her own hair and makeup at home, and be there for your ceremony with her kids. That's what's required of her. This really sounds 'zillaish.

    @flantastic Eek - you are right - the way I worded it was poor.  I need to re-word it to her - I for sure don't require them to get their hair and makeup done by the people I'm bringing in, especially if it causes issues!  Thanks for the setting-straight! 
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    Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
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    mobride2015 said:

    We are having kids at our wedding.  My sister's son is REALLY ill-behaved.  I had to risk offending her yesterday by telling her she needs to find a way for them to get to the venue hours after she needs to be there (she's a bridesmaid).  Our venue is a winery, and they're open the day of the wedding until they close at 6 (the ceremony will be shortly after 6). 

     Honestly - they're kids - it's not fair to expect them to be there at 11:30 a.m. while we're getting hair and makeup started and sit quietly - they'll be bored out of their minds and will be running and screaming up and down the hallways and annoying the winery staff and customers.   Hopefully they'll be able to burn off some of their energy on the dance floor after we have cake! 

     I don't consider them to be "ruining the day".  They are part of our families and we want our families as part of the day - it just takes a little extra consideration and planning to make things easier.  That being said - I have friends who relish the chance to leave their kids for a night and enjoy a couples' night out alone.  I think FI and I would be one of those couples someday, lol. 

    Since she's his mother, she probably knows what he can handle a hell of a lot more than you do. I don't know why brides feel the need to tell other people how to parent their children.



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    Knottie47653389Knottie47653389 member
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    My fiance and I decided to not have kids at our wedding, partially for cost, partially for capacity, but mostly because we wanted to give our family a fun reason for a date night. I was a little nervous to bring it up to my cousins that their kids would not be invited to the wedding, but I bit the bullet this past weekend and brought it up and was quite shocked at the response I got. My cousins THANKED me for giving them a fun reason to hire a babysitter and stay out late and have a night free if kids. Not to say they would have an awful time with their kids around, but I know at many family functions they are chasing their kids around and not really able to chat with anyone else because their attention is diverted. Moral of the story, people are happy for you and your special day, and this is your day to be (reasonably) selfish. Many people have been in your shoes and know there are so many constraints to planning a wedding and will understand whatever decision you make.
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