Wording of invites

julieanne912

I'm sure this has already been asked before but I guess my search skills are not very good.  

My question is:

My mother is helping to pay for a portion of the wedding.  FI's parents (so far) haven't offered to pay for anything.  Would using the wording "Together with their families, Groom and Bride invite you to join them... (etc etc all the usual appropriate language) be the best/correct way to word it?

I don't want to exclude FI's family by only having my mom's name there, that feels like it would be a bit of a passive aggressive thing to do.  My mom is paying for about 25% of the costs and we are covering the rest.

Maggie0829

Well typically only the host of the wedding would be listed on the invite.  So if your Mom thinks of herself as the host then only her name would go on the invite.

But, sometimes it is best to go the least amount of drama possible route which would be "Together with their parents..."

So if you think his parents would through a fit if they are not listed on the invites then I would use that wording.

CMGragain

The bride and groom never directly invite guests to their wedding, which is a party in their own honor.  The groom's parents do not belong on the invitation unless they are hosting.  The wedding invitation is a simple note from the HOSTS to the guests, telling them who, what, when and where.  It is not a family tree.  IT IS NOT AN HONOR TO BE LISTED ON THE INVITATION!

Is your mother helping you plan the wedding?  Will she help you greet your guests?  If so, she is hosting.  It is nobody's business who is paying for what at your wedding.  If your FILS decide to host the rehearsal dinner, their name goes on the invitation for the rehearsal dinner, which is a separate event from the wedding ceremony and reception.

Here are some choices:

(Mother is names as the hostess - VERY traditional!)

Mrs. Bridesmother
requests the pleasure of your company (honour of your presence if church wedding)
at the marriage of her daughter
Bride's First Middle
to
Mr. Groom's Full Name
Day, date
time o'clock
Venue
Address
City, State

(No hosts are named - VERY traditional, but it assumes that you and your FI are hosting your own wedding.)

The pleasure of your company is requested
at the marriage of
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
Day, date (etc.)

The "Together with their families" is NOT traditional, but if you absolutely insist, you could use it.  There is also a "son of Mr. and Mrs Groomsparents" line that is sometimes used, but this is insinuating that the guests don't know who the groom is, which is a bit insulting to him.  It is NOT traditional, either,.

julieanne912

Thanks to you both!  My mom is helping with planning as much as any out of state mother that a daughter has a good relationship with would... she came with me to pick my dress, she's making some of the decorations (sewing is her hobby so she's making fabric bunting), she's a "contributor" to my pinterest wedding board (lol) etc.  She is pretty shy and quiet though so I don't know how many social things she'll be doing on the day of in terms of hosting.  She's also very laid back so I don't think she'll care too much about how the invite is worded.

Another complication is that his parents are divorced.  His mom is remarried, and his dad has been in a long term marriage-esque relationship with a lady (ie they own 3 homes and 2 businesses together). So it would be a lot of names if we were to list them all!  My dad has passed away and my mom is remarried, so I suppose if we were listing out all the actual parent names I'd have to list my stepdad too?  They've been married 10 years, and I'm thinking of asking him to walk me down the aisle.  

I was just thinking the "families" wording was a way to include everybody without having to have a laundry list of names on the invitation.  The wedding is a casual affair too by the way, if that matters.  

This kind of stuff makes my head hurt.  

Maggie0829

Yeah with the added information I would stick with just the hosts names or Together with their parents, because if you start listing all the parent names then your invite will start looking like a family tree!

I guess ask your FI what he thinks his parents will feel if they aren't included some way on the invite.  Yeah they don't have to be on it but it is better to prevent drama before it happens.  If they don't care then go with which ever wording sounds best to you.

CMGragain

julieanne912 said:

Thanks to you both!  My mom is helping with planning as much as any out of state mother that a daughter has a good relationship with would... she came with me to pick my dress, she's making some of the decorations (sewing is her hobby so she's making fabric bunting), she's a "contributor" to my pinterest wedding board (lol) etc.  She is pretty shy and quiet though so I don't know how many social things she'll be doing on the day of in terms of hosting.  She's also very laid back so I don't think she'll care too much about how the invite is worded.

Another complication is that his parents are divorced.  His mom is remarried, and his dad has been in a long term marriage-esque relationship with a lady (ie they own 3 homes and 2 businesses together). So it would be a lot of names if we were to list them all!  My dad has passed away and my mom is remarried, so I suppose if we were listing out all the actual parent names I'd have to list my stepdad too?  They've been married 10 years, and I'm thinking of asking him to walk me down the aisle.  

I was just thinking the "families" wording was a way to include everybody without having to have a laundry list of names on the invitation.  The wedding is a casual affair too by the way, if that matters.  

This kind of stuff makes my head hurt.  

Being on the invitation does not "include" anybody.  Not being on the invitation doesn't "exclude" anybody, either. 

I would suggest the traditional wording:

Mr. and Mrs. John Stepfather
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of her daughter
Bride's Full Name
to
Mr. Groom's Full Name
Day, date (etc.)

No, the wording doesn't change because of the formality of the wedding, just the style of the invitation.  I would only use "together with their families" if your FILS would pitch a fit about having their names on the invitation.  Talk to them about your wording, and find out what  they think.  Personally, I would not want to be on an invitation to an event which I am not actively hosting.

bananasplit472001

We just printed our invitations and my parents are 100% paying for it.  This is what we chose:

Mr and Mrs X Request the pleasure of your company

 at the marriage of their daughter

Brides Names

to 

Grooms name

son of X and X (his parents are divorced)

However, typically the host's names only appear on the invitation and it is not necessary to include the grooms parents if they are not hosting.

[Deleted User]

CMGragain said:

The bride and groom never directly invite guests to their wedding, which is a party in their own honor.  The groom's parents do not belong on the invitation unless they are hosting.  The wedding invitation is a simple note from the HOSTS to the guests, telling them who, what, when and where.  It is not a family tree.  IT IS NOT AN HONOR TO BE LISTED ON THE INVITATION!

Is your mother helping you plan the wedding?  Will she help you greet your guests?  If so, she is hosting.  It is nobody's business who is paying for what at your wedding.  If your FILS decide to host the rehearsal dinner, their name goes on the invitation for the rehearsal dinner, which is a separate event from the wedding ceremony and reception.

Here are some choices:

(Mother is names as the hostess - VERY traditional!)

Mrs. Bridesmother
requests the pleasure of your company (honour of your presence if church wedding)
at the marriage of her daughter
Bride's First Middle
to
Mr. Groom's Full Name
Day, date
time o'clock
Venue
Address
City, State

(No hosts are named - VERY traditional, but it assumes that you and your FI are hosting your own wedding.)

The pleasure of your company is requested
at the marriage of
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
Day, date (etc.)

The "Together with their families" is NOT traditional, but if you absolutely insist, you could use it.  There is also a "son of Mr. and Mrs Groomsparents" line that is sometimes used, but this is insinuating that the guests don't know who the groom is, which is a bit insulting to him.  It is NOT traditional, either,.

Serious question:. Why do the B&G never directly invite guests?

My fiance and I are paying. We are planning the whole thing. FMIL told us last week to expect a call from so-and-so who had a question; they called her and she said, "I don't know; FeeleytoBe and Feeley are planning this, not me and that's not something they've shared with me."

We are hosting; no one else, so why would we not directly invite our gueats? I don't plan a dinner party and then ask my MIL to invite people- how is this different?

Also, I have never been greeted at a wedding except on 1-2 occasions where someone gave the honor of playing Program Basket to friends/relatives. I have been thanked via a receiving line or at a table visit, but never greeted upon arrival. I just go in and sit down. I'm hosting so am I expected to stand at the entrance and welcome people as they arrive or does my thanking them in person, individually at cocktail hour cover that?

Jen4948

FeeleyToBe said:

CMGragain said:

The bride and groom never directly invite guests to their wedding, which is a party in their own honor.  The groom's parents do not belong on the invitation unless they are hosting.  The wedding invitation is a simple note from the HOSTS to the guests, telling them who, what, when and where.  It is not a family tree.  IT IS NOT AN HONOR TO BE LISTED ON THE INVITATION!

Is your mother helping you plan the wedding?  Will she help you greet your guests?  If so, she is hosting.  It is nobody's business who is paying for what at your wedding.  If your FILS decide to host the rehearsal dinner, their name goes on the invitation for the rehearsal dinner, which is a separate event from the wedding ceremony and reception.

Here are some choices:

(Mother is names as the hostess - VERY traditional!)

Mrs. Bridesmother
requests the pleasure of your company (honour of your presence if church wedding)
at the marriage of her daughter
Bride's First Middle
to
Mr. Groom's Full Name
Day, date
time o'clock
Venue
Address
City, State

(No hosts are named - VERY traditional, but it assumes that you and your FI are hosting your own wedding.)

The pleasure of your company is requested
at the marriage of
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
Day, date (etc.)

The "Together with their families" is NOT traditional, but if you absolutely insist, you could use it.  There is also a "son of Mr. and Mrs Groomsparents" line that is sometimes used, but this is insinuating that the guests don't know who the groom is, which is a bit insulting to him.  It is NOT traditional, either,.

Serious question:. Why do the B&G never directly invite guests?

My fiance and I are paying. We are planning the whole thing. FMIL told us last week to expect a call from so-and-so who had a question; they called her and she said, "I don't know; FeeleytoBe and Feeley are planning this, not me and that's not something they've shared with me."

We are hosting; no one else, so why would we not directly invite our gueats? I don't plan a dinner party and then ask my MIL to invite people- how is this different?

Also, I have never been greeted at a wedding except on 1-2 occasions where someone gave the honor of playing Program Basket to friends/relatives. I have been thanked via a receiving line or at a table visit, but never greeted upon arrival. I just go in and sit down. I'm hosting so am I expected to stand at the entrance and welcome people as they arrive or does my thanking them in person, individually at cocktail hour cover that?

The bride and groom never directly invite guests because the rule is that one never throws a party in one's own honor. It applies to other occasions too, like birthdays, showers, and so on. When the honorees are also the de facto hosts, then invitations are worded in a way that appear non-hosted.

CMGragain

FeeleyToBe said:

CMGragain said:

The bride and groom never directly invite guests to their wedding, which is a party in their own honor.  The groom's parents do not belong on the invitation unless they are hosting.  The wedding invitation is a simple note from the HOSTS to the guests, telling them who, what, when and where.  It is not a family tree.  IT IS NOT AN HONOR TO BE LISTED ON THE INVITATION!

Is your mother helping you plan the wedding?  Will she help you greet your guests?  If so, she is hosting.  It is nobody's business who is paying for what at your wedding.  If your FILS decide to host the rehearsal dinner, their name goes on the invitation for the rehearsal dinner, which is a separate event from the wedding ceremony and reception.

Here are some choices:

(Mother is names as the hostess - VERY traditional!)

Mrs. Bridesmother
requests the pleasure of your company (honour of your presence if church wedding)
at the marriage of her daughter
Bride's First Middle
to
Mr. Groom's Full Name
Day, date
time o'clock
Venue
Address
City, State

(No hosts are named - VERY traditional, but it assumes that you and your FI are hosting your own wedding.)

The pleasure of your company is requested
at the marriage of
Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
Day, date (etc.)

The "Together with their families" is NOT traditional, but if you absolutely insist, you could use it.  There is also a "son of Mr. and Mrs Groomsparents" line that is sometimes used, but this is insinuating that the guests don't know who the groom is, which is a bit insulting to him.  It is NOT traditional, either,.

Serious question:. Why do the B&G never directly invite guests?

My fiance and I are paying. We are planning the whole thing. FMIL told us last week to expect a call from so-and-so who had a question; they called her and she said, "I don't know; FeeleytoBe and Feeley are planning this, not me and that's not something they've shared with me."

We are hosting; no one else, so why would we not directly invite our gueats? I don't plan a dinner party and then ask my MIL to invite people- how is this different?

Also, I have never been greeted at a wedding except on 1-2 occasions where someone gave the honor of playing Program Basket to friends/relatives. I have been thanked via a receiving line or at a table visit, but never greeted upon arrival. I just go in and sit down. I'm hosting so am I expected to stand at the entrance and welcome people as they arrive or does my thanking them in person, individually at cocktail hour cover that?

I just answered this question last week.  The previous poster is correct.

When you are hosting a dinner party, that is an event where your guests are the honorees.  Your wedding is an event where the two of you are the honorees, and this is why it is different.

It is perfectly fine to host your own wedding, but you do not declare it in your wedding invitations. That would be too AWish.  It is worded, "The pleasure of your company is requested..".

A receiving line or table visits both count as personally greeting and thanking your guests.  It is not necessary to do more.

[Deleted User]

Got it; thanks!