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Self-Addressed Thank You Notes

Hello Fellow Knotties--I recently attended a bridal shower for a long-time friend.  Her maid of honor sent the invitations out via eVite (which I thought was pretty tacky especially since my invitation went into my Junk/Spam mail, and I had to search for it and fish it out when they called and told me I was late with my RSVP for an event I didn't even know about.  D'oh.).  This shower was in a formal location over two hours away, where everyone had to dress up for the evening, and it was a themed shower with specific types of gifts.  This was the second shower I attended and second gift I purchased for this friend.  When I arrived, the parking was to be paid by me, and adult libations were only provided via a a cash bar.  Neither of these details were provided on the eVite.

While I wasn't super happy about the above details, I kept my cool UNTIL the maid of honor asked us all to fill out our names and addresses on the thank you note envelopes to "help the bride out."  I'm afraid I lost my temper and pretty much said, "I don't think so.  If (bride's name) wants to thank me for my gifts, my time, and my support, etc., she will find a more appropriate manner of doing so."

I cannot imagine doing any of the above to my support circle of family, friends and other guests and have learned several lessons already.  I have even begged my attendants to keep it simple with only two pre-wedding bridal events--a true shower for family and closest friends AND an anything-goes-girls-night-out (no gifts). 

So tell me...how horrible am I?  How would you have handled it?  I was invited to still another shower for this same friend (but have since RSVP'd no) and then there's still the big day, which is a four-hour trip and overnight stay away.  Is it really too much to expect a sincere, hand-written thank you note from the bride?  Who do you think is ultimately responsible for how things went--the bride or the maid of honor?  I mean, the party is for the bride, but the maid of honor threw the party.  I'm confused.  Thanks, y'all!

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Re: Self-Addressed Thank You Notes

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    Ew. I don't know who is responsible for trying to make you address your own thank you, but I agree it was not ok. If I had to guess, the bride or the MOH probably saw this somewhere in a bridal magazine or on some other similarly terrible resource. I'm glad you said something about it. In any case, I think it's gross to have multiple showers all while inviting the same circles. At this point I would feel completely milked for presents and I would decline any further pre-wedding events. 
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    I wouldn't necessarily gold it against the bride but I do think that the MOH did a shitty job hosting.
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    "Help the bride out? Wait.. Did she break her hand? Or get carpal tunnel or something?" << smiles sweetly, walks away >>
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    Addressing your own thank you card? What's next? Writing your own thank you note?

    I'd hold the bride blameless and put all the terrible hosting on the MOH.

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    Yes, I'm thinking this is more MOH.  I look at the bridal shower as a gift, in and of itself, so I've not been very specific as to details of my parties, but I am definitely going to ask that proper etiquette be observed.  To me it's pretty simple, if you can't afford to go big, just follow the KISS (Keep It Simple Sweetie) principle and do it small but well.  I am certainly going to ask my MOH to walk me through my parties.  I want to see her vision, help with any etiquette areas or gaps, and help her simplify if it looks to be too complicated where stuff falls through the cracks.
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    I've seen this nonsense at a lot of showers over the past few years, and now it's all over Pinterest, which means it's gone viral. Sometimes, the host(s) soften the blow by putting all of the envelopes into a basket and drawing for door prizes, but it's still super tacky.

    You were spot-on with the whole, "If I can take the time to pick out a gift, wrap it, drive here, and give it to you, you can spend 30 seconds writing out my address." I refuse to put my address on the envelopes now.
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    I agree with you: It is rude and tacky to expect guests to self-address their own thank-you notes after they took the trouble to get a gift, wrap it, and come to your party venue.

    But I'm more inclined to hold the MOH, as hostess, responsible for the tackiness of this (and charging the guests for drinks and parking) than the bride unless there's definite evidence that she was okay with that. 

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    I had to do this at a baby shower and was annoyed. Then the thank you note came and it was not the envelope I had addressed, so I was annoyed all over again for wasting my time.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Tacky tacky tacky 

    Unfortunately, this has been floating around Pinterest and too many brides view as the Bible and fail to question to etiquette (or lack thereof) regarding these "wonderful ideas". 
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    Tacky.  I would have refused also.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    Super tacky. I didn't realize this was rude until TK, but once I thought about, it totally made sense. Why should I have to write literally the easiest part of the thank you note? Why should I have to contribute to my own thank you note at all?


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    No. I made sure that my sisters DIDN'T have this after seeing it at my SS's shower (when she personally walked around reminding people to fill the envelopes out).

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    AddieCake said:

    I had to do this at a baby shower and was annoyed. Then the thank you note came and it was not the envelope I had addressed, so I was annoyed all over again for wasting my time.

    Clearly the mom to be didn't plan the shower, so why hold it against her? I would have done the same thing and rewritten all the addresses. 

    Some people just don't know any better, unfortunately.  I was MOH in my sister's wedding, and one of the other bridesmaids mentioned doing this. I told her nicely it's not etiquette approved to do that, and she said she had only been to one other shower ever, and they did this. 
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    AddieCake said:

    I had to do this at a baby shower and was annoyed. Then the thank you note came and it was not the envelope I had addressed, so I was annoyed all over again for wasting my time.

    Seems like the host probably picked out random envelopes and not even ones that went with the Thank You cards the mom to be would use -- what a waste.
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    Good for you for standing up for yourself. And I get that the MOH planned this but the bride knew that MOH was throwing 3 parties for her, right? That's ridiculous. And she must have seen the fill-out-your-own-return envelope thank you notes, right? I probably would have asked if I should just write my own thank you note too? But I'm a bitch.

    Honestly, I would probably bring it up with the bride. Either she's clueless, and has a right to know, or she's clueless about etiquette (and common sense) and is going to screw up some important relationships with this behavior.



    Anniversary
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    I'd put the envelope thing on the MOH (person hosting the shower), but I like your response! I think you were very justified.

    3 showers (with the same group of people) is ridiculous. I would've only attended one. 
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    Super tacky but this is all on the MOH and her poor hosting skills and not the bride. 
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    This drives me crazy, not just for the tackiness, BUT clearly the hostess has your address from the invite, as does the bride because you're invited to the wedding!
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    edited June 2015
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    AddieCake said:

    I had to do this at a baby shower and was annoyed. Then the thank you note came and it was not the envelope I had addressed, so I was annoyed all over again for wasting my time.

    Addressing your own envelope is awful. However, I honestly wouldn't be annoyed at the thank-you writer for getting a different envelope. The host maybe thought it would make Mama-to-be's life easier, and Mama-to-be tried to correct the mistake.
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    AddieCake said:

    I had to do this at a baby shower and was annoyed. Then the thank you note came and it was not the envelope I had addressed, so I was annoyed all over again for wasting my time.



    Let's hope this was the new mom's way of letting everyone know that she didn't approve of that idea.

    I wouldn't have filled out the envelope either.

                       
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    I've seen this more and more these days.
    Next time it happens to me I'm drawing the Carmen Sandiego logo. Where in the world am I? I guess you'll have to take the time to look where you sent my invite.

    I'm now going to have the theme song stuck in my head all day..
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    Bleh this hostess sounds like a hot Pinterest mess.  Although I disagree that an evite like Paperless Post or something is tacky.  Everything else is disgusting though.  A cash bar?  Seriously?
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    I'm all about the spreadsheets; names and addresses off the wedding list spread sheet, paste them into a shower spreadsheet. Take the shower spreadsheet and make a column for writing down who attended, and another for gifts received. Then you can just glance at the sheet and go "Okay, Rita from 2749 dingleweed st came and gave us a wine carafe. Easy peasy!"

    Spreadsheets are the shiznazz.



    Omg i love my address spreadsheet. Code-name (only used for my memory), informal names for save the dates and inside wedding invite, and then formal names for each person/couple/family for wedding invite, columns for addresses, y/n column for if I already sent save the dates (they got done in batches), and y/n for if they get a shower invite, columns for wedding rspv, and then a column for shower/wedding gifts so I can send thank you's properly. It takes me 15 seconds tops to print an envelope for a person thanks to the spreadsheet.
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    I've been asked to do this at showers before and it really pisses me off.
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    It's annoying and classless, but it doesn't make you much better to make a fuss in public. Dramaaaa


    Although I would be thankful to get a fucking thank you note, which I never do....from anyone....ever
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    I attended a shower once where we were all told to address the envelopes for our thank you cards... after being told not to bring gifts to the shower because our presence was gift enough or some other such nonsense. I was annoyed AND confused.
    ~*~*~*~*~

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    larrygaga said:

    It's annoying and classless, but it doesn't make you much better to make a fuss in public. Dramaaaa



    Although I would be thankful to get a fucking thank you note, which I never do....from anyone....ever


    I was thinking this, too. I could not imagine refusing to do it and making the person asking me to do it feel awkward and uncomfortable.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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