Tell me if I'm overreacting

novella1186

The biggest attention whore this world has ever known let other women wear long white gowns to her wedding.

I think this is proof that other people wearing white will not detract from the bride, because we all know Kim would never risk anyone detracting attention away from her It will be ok. (No offense to Kim K fans, but let's be honest, she seems to LOVE attention)

bride2b71614

Random fact; hundreds of years ago it was the custom for bridesmaids to wear the same dress as the bride in order to confuse evil spirits on her wedding day.

But yes, Kim K encouraging her family to wear white to a wedding doesn't detract from the bride. That being said I wouldn't wear white/a bridal looking dress to a wedding.

anrforanr

Thanks everyone. I guess the real challenge now will be getting my mom and sister to get over it.

novella1186

anrforanr said:

Thanks everyone. I guess the real challenge now will be getting my mom and sister to get over it.

My mom got snarky because FMIL told her she wanted to wear pink to my wedding to match the bridesmaids, which my mom thought was silly and would look stupid. When she started snarking to me about it, I said "Do not say anything negative to her about it. If you make her feel bad about an outfit she feels so good about, you will have to deal with ME because I will be pissed. She's an adult, she can choose her own outfit, and whatever color she wants to wear will be fine. I'm excited to see you and her in whatever outfit you each pick because you're both going to look beautiful! So anyway, how's your sandwich?" That was the end of that.

Seriously, there are far more important things for your mom and sister to worry about than someone else's outfit. Make it explicitly clear that they are not to put your FMIL down, and you are fine with her choice, so the matter is done and over and there's no need to discuss it. It is NOT worth starting family feuds and hurting feelings because of the color of a stupid dress.

drunkenwitch

anrforanr said:

Thanks everyone. I guess the real challenge now will be getting my mom and sister to get over it.

If they insist on bringing it up, just laugh and say "you honestly think the guests will be confused about who the bride is? They're smarter than that".

Cue mom and sis to raise hue and cry about the dress and you say "I am marrying the person I love, a dress has nothing to do with it."

mrscomposer

Everyone in my sister's wedding (bridesmaids, groomsmen, MOB, MOG, and FOG) were wearing various shades of beige/tan.  Everyone knew who everyone else was, because we looked at faces and not clothes.

It's going to be fine.  If she does end up wearing that dress, like everyone else has said, she's going to be the one who looks like an idiot.  If your mom and sister do bring it up, I would just (repeatedly) say that it's not a big deal, and everything'll work out fine.  If you say it often enough, they may start to believe it

PrettyGirlLost

drunkenwitch said:

I honestly can't wrap my head around people being "furious" over a dress. It's.A.Dress. if an adult wants to dress like a jackass, then that reflects poorly on them. I also don't buy this outshine the bride bullshit. Your guests are there to see you get married, someone's dress is not going to stop them.

This. I don't buy into these bullshit sartorial restrictions that you can't wear white, black, or red to weddings. As women, we need to get over this line of thinking and stop validating the ridiculous notion that guests have to dress and act a certain way or else they are actively trying to and will outshine the bride.

Nonsense.

OP, every one of your guests could wear white to your wedding and you'd still be the bride. You'd still be the center of attention. You and you FI and everyone else needs to let it go and stop being petty. Because honestly, snarking and judging people over the color of a dress is petty.

PrettyGirlLost

photokitty said:

I would try and let it go. She's going to look like the ass, not you. I still vividly recall and snark about the MOG who wore a pale silver dress with a train. We all knew who the bride was and who was the sad attention whore.

As to those photos posted above, my guess is that those moms their attire with the help of the bride. Otherwise the bride wold probably look annoyed...or they are staged.

Or those brides didn't give a flying rats ass about other women wearing white to their weddings.

I didnt. I know a lot of women who dont. Hell Princess Kate didn't give a shit that Pippa wore a white dress to her wedding.

polaroidgurl

anrforanr said:

I've tried to adopt the mentality that she'll look ridiculous. But my mom, my sister, and FI are all furious at her, so it is getting hard for me to keep calm. They are all completely against her wearing it to the wedding. My addiction to the knot has helped me be a little more calm about it, but since when isn't it common etiquette to not wear white to a wedding?

And FI did make a comment to her (not super gracefully I'll add)...and her "justification" was "It's ivory, not white, so it's ok".

Also, I'd post a picture but it is not flattering on her, so I don't want to embarrass her by posting it all over the internet. There will be enough at the wedding.

As a bride who is having a similar problem with an ex-bridesmaid (pulled out because she's nervous about standing up in front of everyone) and has now chosen a white lace dress which just so happens to be a short version of my wedding dress, I can sympathize with how you're feeling. But the fact is, she will look stupid on the day.
This is her problem not yours/mine. Most people will pass her on the day and think "wow, someone's trying to compete with the bride" and that will be it. If it really does look like a showy dress then she will make a fool of herself and that's that. No one will be going, oh wow you look better than the bride. And if so, oh well, when it comes down to it, yes we want to feel wonderful on our big day but it really is JUST about spending the rest of your life with your groom. Besides, it sounds like the rest of the bridal party will deal with her anyway, so just sit back and relax.... okay maybe don't sit back, you still have some planning to do ;P