What If We Got No Gift?

iloveu4ever

I would try to get ahold of them or get in touch. I would be alittle worried about my gift.

kara811

Don't mention the gift, if you think it  might have been lost, just wait on it a little bit, maybe it's late. Gifts are not required, their presence alone should already be a gift to you. Still thank them for being a part of your wedding.

caseyandlizzie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_got-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:290629fe-5120-4bed-972c-6de26bf79368Post:0bb989ac-979a-479b-94b8-fed768223b97">Re: What If We Got No Gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]caseyandlizzie and MissySue20 - Yes, if someone does not have the decency to bring a CARD - a $1.99 card saying congratulations - then that makes me question their overall general human common sense capabilities.
Posted by crushme8602[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, but you are hilarious!

crushme8602

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_got-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:290629fe-5120-4bed-972c-6de26bf79368Post:ddc6d6b6-9fe0-4ed4-9988-c113419ed819">Re: What If We Got No Gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What If We Got No Gift? : I'm sorry, but you are hilarious!
Posted by caseyandlizzie[/QUOTE]

Glad I could entertain you.

janedoe1113a

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_got-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:290629fe-5120-4bed-972c-6de26bf79368Post:0bb989ac-979a-479b-94b8-fed768223b97">Re: What If We Got No Gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]caseyandlizzie and MissySue20 - Yes, if someone does not have the decency to bring a CARD - a $1.99 card saying congratulations - then that makes me question their overall general human common sense capabilities.
Posted by crushme8602[/QUOTE]

<div>A congratulations in person isn't enough?</div>

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_got-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:290629fe-5120-4bed-972c-6de26bf79368Post:0bb989ac-979a-479b-94b8-fed768223b97">Re: What If We Got No Gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]caseyandlizzie and MissySue20 - Yes, if someone does not have the decency to bring a CARD - a $1.99 card saying congratulations - then that makes me question their overall general human common sense capabilities.
Posted by crushme8602[/QUOTE]

Whatever. It's not worth arguing with you anymore.

I can't believe this thread is still going from a week or more ago. Lame.

mia082683

I didn't take the time to read through all of the above so I apologize if I repeat what someone else has said... I would send a thank you for attending the wedding.   Most guests will question it if you send them a thank you and make no mention of the gift. 

Then I would probably (depending on who the people were that didn't give a gift) ask someone else (my mother if it was on her side of the family) to casually mention it in some way to find out if it was lost.  As tacky as that may seem, I've heard of SO many brides whose gifts were lost; they were disappointed to have not received anything while the guests were angry to have not received a thank you.

lindsay5432

I think for a guest to go to a wedding and not give at least a card, is tacky and rude.  It makes me think they only came for the free food.  Cards cost $1.00 at the dollar store or can be homemade.  I agree it is absolutely not necessary that they purchase a gift or give money, but to not give a card is unacceptable imo.  I wouldn't waste a thank you card and stamp for someone who didn't bring a card.

For the poster who said "isn't it enough that they said congratulations in person?" I say no, same as when you receive a gift it is not enough to say "thank you" in person!

COSmitty

Well damn... I have been such a bad wedding guest all these years. In between paying for the flights, hotels, dresses, etc and the chaos of travel I know there are times where I have forgotten a card or been so poor as to not pick out an additional gift (including weddings I have been in). I have also not attended weddings and then sent a gift. 

I have always seen it as my participation in the event is what they have actually asked for. When I can afford more- I do more. I try and remember cards but admit I have probably forgotten once or twice due to the chaos of remembering to show up, do my hair, help the bride, watch people's kids, etc. 

I am about to attend a wedding at the end of the month. We can afford the plane tickets but I will be reusing a dress I've worn to other events, we will be staying with family on air mattresses, and borrowing a car to make the trip financially feasible. The rest of the family who can't attend are sending cards/gifts. I hope the bride and groom are more compassionate than you.

mia082683

I know a gift is not required at a wedding, but I wouldn't go to a wedding if I couldn't afford to give a gift.  It may not be quite what a typical wedding gift looks like, but it would be something.  I also would not go to a friend or family member's home without bringing something.  If I had forgotten the card or gift, I would send it right away. 

My biggest fear is losing gifts or having them stolen as this has happened to SO many people that I know.  I don't assume that I'll be getting gifts from everyone that attends my wedding, but  Iwill most definitely send them a thank you tahnking them for attending and hope that if they did bring something that will be enough for them to call and say, didn't you get my gift? 

almost-a-bride

I was under the understaning that the wedding party does not give a gift. If I didn't receive a gift from a guest, I would never ask them about it. How rude! Some of you people shouldn't even receive any gifts because your brats. Get over yourselfs.

verymegv

um. hi.

regardless of what YOU think is rude, you can only control your own actions.

so NO, you should not ask people "if their gift got lost". that puts them in an EXTREMELY awkard situation, and that is rude of YOU.

like the PPs have said, everyone who attends the witnessing of your marriage deserves a thank you note.

it's incredible what the focus has become these days. oh yes, let's sideline the fact that they witnessed the most important day of my life becuase i didn't get that blender i registered for!!!

take a gut check and figure out where your priorities are.

LowerEastSiiide

Some people are disgustingly cheap and rude. Who doesn't give a gift? 

BunniKakes

While double-checking our thank you notes, I realized only two of our wedding guests didn't give us gifts or cards, so I think it's a 'norm,' even if it's not a requirement. (No value judgment, just an observation. I personally always send a gift or check for each invitation I receive, but a large part of that is because I can. 22yr old BunniKakes in grad school making 15k a year didn't do that.) One I sort of shrugged off, as he's a single guy and younger. The other one ticked me off, even as I knew I didn't really have a 'right' to be so angry. I wasn't looking for a gift or a check, but an acknowledgement. A card alone would have been a nice gesture.

(The real reason I was mad was because this was one of our GMs and his lady friend of many years. The same GM who never bothered to show to the rehearsal dinner or rehearsal, after confirming his intent to do so dozens of times. He ignored all phone calls and text messages asking him if he was okay and if he was going to be able to make the actual wedding. Later he told us he 'forgot' about the event, despite later contradicting himself by saying he wanted to take a nap instead. He definitely got a cold shoulder from the rest of the bridal party when he finally showed up day-of.)

I'm dropping it and I recommend you do the same. It's just not worth it. I can almost promise you that you will find no satisfaction in it. If there was a mix up, it will right itself. Was it lost? Probably not. But if you check your registry against your gifts and a few weeks pass with something still missing, contact the store in question. The person may have thought the bachelor party or something else was their contribution to your day. Who knows...

If you can write an honest thank you note, certainly do so. It seems like the right thing to do and it certainly show you're a classy lady who values your loved ones. :-)

mia082683

The only reason I worry is because a distant family friend got married last summer.  My parents were able to attend the wedding and brought her a card with a check in it.  Six months later, the check was still not cashed.  When contacting the bride, she had not received it... For six months, she thought my parents were a**holes for showing up without even a card to acknowledge her wedding (and I don't blame her.. I think a card is the right thing to do).  If my parents had given her cash, which they had initially planned to do, they would have never known. 

cusi229

i have to say i agree with the OP!   i'm sorry, to show up to a wedding a not give a little gift i think is the rude part.  Its like showing up to a party and not giving the hostess a little something, like a bottle of wine. 

arf3420

I agree that a lot of people might not be able to afford a gift, so it definitely shouldn't be expected.  But it's incredibly rude not to at least give a card.  There's no excuse for that.  You can buy a nice card at Walmart for less than one dollar.  Or you could even handmake a card.  I would never have the nerve to attend someone's wedding and not at least give a card.  But I also agree that it will only make the situation worse if you mention it.  It's best to let it go and just send a thank you note for attending/being in the wedding.

peanutkls

Blah I hate reading these blogs and read how snotty girls are to eachother. Don't people realize that some people may not be as rude as they sound if they are asking a question or making a comment. Be resepectful we are all here for the same reason and if you don't have good advice for someone then just simply do not respond just to say something rude.

Meg1979

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_got-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:290629fe-5120-4bed-972c-6de26bf79368Post:2571321f-8ebb-4007-8740-12bbf5de7d6e">Re: What If We Got No Gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]OK- I am not "whining" I am asking for advice. Considering I have followed the model that I try to be as generous as possible. Considering we payed a considerable amount to travel to these people's weddings, my husband rented a tuxedo double the cost of the one we asked the groomsmen to buy for his wedding, and we gave them a significant gift for their shower and wedding.  Oh and also my husband payed for a weekend long bachelor party that the other guy requested- I just expected the courtesy of the returned favor, or at least a nice note.  I don't appreciate you telling me that I am whining about not receive a gift.  You don't know me and have no right to say that to me. 
Posted by corrado2[/QUOTE]

Unfortunately, it isn't tit for tat.  My ILs didn't even give us a card on our wedding day.  I would avoid asking.  If he brings it up, then yeah, tell him it's missing.  Otherwise, I think a nice note thanking him for standing up for your H would be in order.

futurepivko

dont follow up. that is REALLY rude. its not a job interview!

and for those who didnt give us gifts, they didnt get a thank you note. they got an open bar and a formal sit down dinner, a candy buffet, and a night of dancing and fun. that was their 'thank you'

SarahKW

I'm not sure if anyone else has said what I'm about to say because I'm APPALLED at some of these responses and scrolled down right away to respond. The only thing corrado is trying to say is she doesn't want to seem completely rude by not sending a thank you card if in fact a gift/card was given but was lost! I've had this same fear and it has NOTHING to do with wanting to receive gifts, but rather making sure you're not seen as a completely rude and unaware bride. Some of you people just hop on the chance to pounce someone. It's just ridiculous.

mia082683

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_got-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:290629fe-5120-4bed-972c-6de26bf79368Post:91ceb086-6e79-4048-9a8f-ce290a1407fe">Re: What If We Got No Gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not sure if anyone else has said what I'm about to say because I'm APPALLED at some of these responses and scrolled down right away to respond. The only thing corrado is trying to say is she doesn't want to seem completely rude by not sending a thank you card if in fact a gift/card was given but was lost! I've had this same fear and it has NOTHING to do with wanting to receive gifts, but rather making sure you're not seen as a completely rude and unaware bride. Some of you people just hop on the chance to pounce someone. It's just ridiculous.
Posted by SarahKW[/QUOTE]


AGREED!

KellyBrian2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_got-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:290629fe-5120-4bed-972c-6de26bf79368Post:91ceb086-6e79-4048-9a8f-ce290a1407fe">Re: What If We Got No Gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not sure if anyone else has said what I'm about to say because I'm APPALLED at some of these responses and scrolled down right away to respond. The only thing corrado is trying to say is she doesn't want to seem completely rude by not sending a thank you card if in fact a gift/card was given but was lost! I've had this same fear and it has NOTHING to do with wanting to receive gifts, but rather making sure you're not seen as a completely rude and unaware bride. Some of you people just hop on the chance to pounce someone. It's just ridiculous.
Posted by SarahKW[/QUOTE]

I quote, from the OP, <strong>"We think it's rude that no gift was given"

</strong>You were saying?

mia082683

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_got-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:290629fe-5120-4bed-972c-6de26bf79368Post:28b2810d-c5f7-4ad9-be4d-a13f590bbcbf">Re: What If We Got No Gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What If We Got No Gift? : I quote, from the OP, "We think it's rude that no gift was given" You were saying?
Posted by KellyBrian2013[/QUOTE]


How do you <strong>know </strong>that no gift was given?

cindyn9178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_got-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:290629fe-5120-4bed-972c-6de26bf79368Post:f89a88c4-1e4e-45d8-949e-17048888a606">Re: What If We Got No Gift?</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't take the time to read through all of the above so I apologize if I repeat what someone else has said... I would send a thank you for attending the wedding.   Most guests will question it if you send them a thank you and make no mention of the gift.  Then I would probably (depending on who the people were that didn't give a gift) ask someone else (my mother if it was on her side of the family) to casually mention it in some way to find out if it was lost.  As tacky as that may seem, I've heard of SO many brides whose gifts were lost; they were disappointed to have not received anything while the guests were angry to have not received a thank you.
Posted by mia082683[/QUOTE]
I agree with this. It is very possible that the cards got lost. It happens all of the time. No, people are not require to give a gift (although it is nice, and I would hope that everybody would, not everybody does). However, I find it odd that they wouldn't give a card. The fact that there is no card would make me wonder if the card was lost.
So I would do as suggested above - send a thank you but don't mention a gift. Just thank them for attending/being a part of the wedding.. if they did give a gift, hopefully they will ask about it to make sure you got it.

As for giving a gift when you are in the wedding party - I've been a bridesmaid 4 times, FI has been in 3 weddings. We each gave a gift every time. Just because we were in the wedding and spent money for that doesn't mean we don't give a gift. Other people might feel that way, but we don't. We attended the wedding, we gave a gift. Period.