We don't have very friendly families

[Deleted User]

redoryx said:

ashley8918 said:

Knottie59869593 said:

I do have a job. I said that. And I have a decent savings "decent savings" means a very different thing to a high school student than it does to an adult, so I sincerely doubt this, as well as a place to stay in mind. The town here is tiny, and all of the apartments for rent are cheap but decent, my dad used to live in one. They don't know we're engaged, that's what I meant. His family does, they don't care a bit. And one of my cousins knows as well, she's a bridesmaid. If we're married, it means I won't have to live in a dorm during college any. THE HORROR! Just kidding, this is a ridiculous, childish reason to be considering marriage. That's one reason. Another is for health reasons. Hospital visitation rights, and his right to make decisions about my health care if I can't. That's something I'm worried about anyone else being part of. I know he will respect my wishes. I have a serious heart condition that makes that a concern, even at my age. And although it's more down the road a bit, we have serious plans to move to and gain citizenship in Finland. He doubts he will meet requirements to stay for the full 5 years required, but if I manage that and become a citizen, he requires less years of residence in the country. I plan on finishing college there, after going to UW Madison for bachellor's degree. Those are some things, aside from the lovey dovey "I just can't wait" stuff.

I have a job and a savings account. I also have a 401K.

Saying "I have a job and a savings account" makes me think, perhaps incorrectly, as you seeing income and savings as comparable or interchangeable. That's a dangerous view because it's easy to dip into your savings here and there and before you know it, poof, all gone.

Oh I know. Of course I'm very careful about my savings. It's something I am very conscious of because of how my dad lives. He blew all his savings and got short of money When he needed it. It wasn't pretty.

lurkergirl

Babychild, the ring is least of your worries.

[Deleted User]

lurkergirl said:

Babychild, the ring is least of your worries.

I know. As I said, it's not something I care about a ton. Just whenever he can get the money to spare without risking money we need for other costs. Of course it's nice, they're pretty and whatnot, but if he can't afford it, he can't. That's fine.

ashley8918

lurkergirl said:

Babychild, the ring is least of your worries.

This.

Everything you have posted suggests that you are not only too young to be married, you are not emotionally mature enough to get married. Your reasons for doing so are silly (dorm, so we can live out our wild-ass dream of living in Finland, etc.), and you have no idea what it means to be an adult with adult responsibilities. Try doing that first.

[Deleted User]

Which responsibilities do you have in mind exactly? I don't expect to be living a glamorous life with lots of free time and no headache. I expect it to be stressful, for me to be lucky getting more than 8 hours of sleep, I expect a lot of stuff I don't really look forward to. I certainly don't expect a nice pretty and easy cakewalk.

lurkergirl

Like, literally every single responsibility of adult life.


ETA: I can almost guarantee you that whatever you're earning at 17 isn't going to be enough to support 2 people through college. 

flantastic

I have yet to hear a compelling reason to get married right now. Start there. What's the rush, exactly?

[Deleted User]

I can't pay for our college up front if that's what you mean. My 40 year old uncle is still paying student loans because he blew every bit of it that he had to spare. And in a city the housing will be more expensive. I know that. Things will be harder there than here, where housing depends on income. Dad's rent was under $100 a month when he lived at the place I'm looking at, and he made more than I do. As for my fiancé, it might not have sounded like it earlier, but we are going to get him taken care of so he can drive and therefore work. We both have cars that don't need to be paid off, so that's a plus. Since he can't drive I really don't know why he has one, but he does. And my car insurance isn't an alarming amount. His might be more, but still manageable. Of course there are many costs aside from housing and auto insurance, but having those two not be a major concern is definately a good thing.

[Deleted User]

flantastic said:

I have yet to hear a compelling reason to get married right now. Start there. What's the rush, exactly?

I've explained in a previous comment. I respect that all of you have differing opinions, but ultimately I just want what makes me happy. I was just wondering if there was any advice or similar stories anyone could offer regarding my future sister in law and grandpa.

KatWAG

OP, What do you consider a decent savings? I know its a relative amount. But, still I am curious. 

When I was 17 I thought $500 was a huge amount to have saved. It wasn't until I had to pay for some medical bills and a fender bender on my car that I realized that $500 is nothing. 

Have you even been accepted to college? Or even applied? Or looked into financial aid packages? Its March 2, and I am assuming it is way past most school application deadlines. 

Maggie0829

Knottie59869593 said:

I can't pay for our college up front if that's what you mean. My 40 year old uncle is still paying student loans because he blew every bit of it that he had to spare. And in a city the housing will be more expensive. I know that. Things will be harder there than here, where housing depends on income. Dad's rent was under $100 a month when he lived at the place I'm looking at, and he made more than I do. As for my fiancé, it might not have sounded like it earlier, but we are going to get him taken care of so he can drive and therefore work. We both have cars that don't need to be paid off, so that's a plus. Since he can't drive I really don't know why he has one, but he does. And my car insurance isn't an alarming amount. His might be more, but still manageable. Of course there are many costs aside from housing and auto insurance, but having those two not be a major concern is definately a good thing.

Yup like food, rent, renters insurance, health insurance, gas/electric, cable/internet, phones, books for school, gas for car, car insurance and miscellaneous expenses PLUS the cost of your wedding (whatever that may be).

Ok so you and your FI are going to get him a drivers license and try to find him a job. Is he going to go to school? Finding a job isn't just going to happen over night. How long can you support both of you with whatever savings you have? A month? Six months? A year?

What will you do if your car kicks the bucket? Do you have enough money to get a new one?

flantastic

Knottie59869593 said:

flantastic said:

I have yet to hear a compelling reason to get married right now. Start there. What's the rush, exactly?

I've explained in a previous comment. I respect that all of you have differing opinions, but ultimately I just want what makes me happy. I was just wondering if there was any advice or similar stories anyone could offer regarding my future sister in law and grandpa.

And everyone is saying that being married should not be the only way to make the two of you happy together, and "doing what makes you happy" without serious consideration to the consequences is a very immature reason for doing anything.

I believe you might consider the consequences if you knew what they were, but you don't even know where to look for the possible consequences. Which means you should hold the phone.

falsara

OP, I know you mentioned health issues as being a big part of the reason you wan to get married.  You both have health issues that might require drastic measures that you would like the other to have a say in.  You can do that by getting power's of attorney and living wills, that state other people besides your family (your SO) can make those choices.  You don't have to be married to do it. 

Also once you get married, will you both have health insurance.  Right now you're both on your guardians' plans.  That's something that will change the second you sign that marriage certificate.   

We love to see people who are in love here.  But maybe you guys should just move in together.  you can rent an apartment off campus, and live together, and take care of each other.  You both have medical conditions that can take a high toll on the other partner, you have to be ready for that.  Once he turns 18 his mother has no say over when/ if he can get his meds or weather he can have his license.  Just wait a year or two.

I'm just trying to point out other options for some of the issues that you've stated as reason's for getting married.  You're both young, and you have some awesome years ahead of you.  You can be just as in love living together and figuring out adult life together without being married.

mikenberger

This whole thread just makes my heart ache. Or the place where my heart should be? Who knew I had feelings. But it's just like listening to my cousin. And it just breaks my heart.

Getting married will not solve any problem you have. If you're concerned about medical things, get a living will once you're 18 directly outlining your wishes. You can get them for free/cheap online and then you just have to have it notarized. If he can't drive, how is he going to work? How are you going to support him in his quest for a license if you're busy working and trying to go to school? And if he needs seizure meds, he's going to have to prove that he's able to drive seizure free before he can even think about getting a license. I could go on, but I know my fellow PPs have it covered and I'm sure you've heard it before.

You sound like a very smart girl, but all of your solutions are "in a perfect world" scenario. You don't seem to have any thoughts that this could all go horribly wrong (you lose your job, he can't get a license, someone ends up in the hospital etc.)

If he's the perfect one for you now, he'll always be the perfect one for you. Please reconsider getting married right now. I do wish you the best of luck:) life isn't easy and it doesn't get easier when you get married. Like I said, you seem smart. But with age, comes experience and wisdom. Which, through no fault of your own, you lack. It's not your fault you're 17 but enjoy being 17! Enjoy college, enjoy your fiancé. There's no need, at all, to rush anything at your age.

[Deleted User]

KatWAG said:

OP, What do you consider a decent savings? I know its a relative amount. But, still I am curious. 

When I was 17 I thought $500 was a huge amount to have saved. It wasn't until I had to pay for some medical bills and a fender bender on my car that I realized that $500 is nothing. 

Have you even been accepted to college? Or even applied? Or looked into financial aid packages? Its March 2, and I am assuming it is way past most school application deadlines. 

I have a little over $15,000, which I know isn't as much as I'd like it to be. Medical bills are nuts, I honestly know maybe 10 family members that haven't had some serious health issue that required a lengthy hospital stay. And i'm on track with where I should be as far as college applications. Around October next year is when my grade has to start worrying about that.

[Deleted User]

flantastic said:

Knottie59869593 said:

flantastic said:

I have yet to hear a compelling reason to get married right now. Start there. What's the rush, exactly?

I've explained in a previous comment. I respect that all of you have differing opinions, but ultimately I just want what makes me happy. I was just wondering if there was any advice or similar stories anyone could offer regarding my future sister in law and grandpa.

And everyone is saying that being married should not be the only way to make the two of you happy together, and "doing what makes you happy" without serious consideration to the consequences is a very immature reason for doing anything.

I believe you might consider the consequences if you knew what they were, but you don't even know where to look for the possible consequences. Which means you should hold the phone.

We've talked about things and talked and talked and talked. We know the success rate of young marriages is low. We know things don't always (aka rarely) work out for couples our age. I have heard and thought about everything that all of you have mentioned. These are all very real concerns for me.

[Deleted User]

falsara said:

OP, I know you mentioned health issues as being a big part of the reason you wan to get married.  You both have health issues that might require drastic measures that you would like the other to have a say in.  You can do that by getting power's of attorney and living wills, that state other people besides your family (your SO) can make those choices.  You don't have to be married to do it. 

Also once you get married, will you both have health insurance.  Right now you're both on your guardians' plans.  That's something that will change the second you sign that marriage certificate.   

We love to see people who are in love here.  But maybe you guys should just move in together.  you can rent an apartment off campus, and live together, and take care of each other.  You both have medical conditions that can take a high toll on the other partner, you have to be ready for that.  Once he turns 18 his mother has no say over when/ if he can get his meds or weather he can have his license.  Just wait a year or two.

I'm just trying to point out other options for some of the issues that you've stated as reason's for getting married.  You're both young, and you have some awesome years ahead of you.  You can be just as in love living together and figuring out adult life together without being married.

Your comment was rather refreshing. I mean you still urge me not to get married, and of course I want to, but your points were rather nice to hear. And I didn't know that bit about health care. My grandparents often lie to me about how things work. I could've sworn I read some on some legal website that marriage was the only thing that allowed that. Perhaps I missed a section.

[Deleted User]

mikenberger said:

This whole thread just makes my heart ache. Or the place where my heart should be? Who knew I had feelings. But it's just like listening to my cousin. And it just breaks my heart.

Getting married will not solve any problem you have. If you're concerned about medical things, get a living will once you're 18 directly outlining your wishes. You can get them for free/cheap online and then you just have to have it notarized. If he can't drive, how is he going to work? How are you going to support him in his quest for a license if you're busy working and trying to go to school? And if he needs seizure meds, he's going to have to prove that he's able to drive seizure free before he can even think about getting a license. I could go on, but I know my fellow PPs have it covered and I'm sure you've heard it before.

You sound like a very smart girl, but all of your solutions are "in a perfect world" scenario. You don't seem to have any thoughts that this could all go horribly wrong (you lose your job, he can't get a license, someone ends up in the hospital etc.)

If he's the perfect one for you now, he'll always be the perfect one for you. Please reconsider getting married right now. I do wish you the best of luck:) life isn't easy and it doesn't get easier when you get married. Like I said, you seem smart. But with age, comes experience and wisdom. Which, through no fault of your own, you lack. It's not your fault you're 17 but enjoy being 17! Enjoy college, enjoy your fiancé. There's no need, at all, to rush anything at your age.

Thank you, I think you're very kind. I would never want to, but if I had to to get things squared away, taking time off of school for a day for his driving test would be no burden on me. I honestly don't remember the last time I had homework, or a grade below an A- aside from in gym. So missing a day or two would be fine if need be for me. And I know things can go wrong, I'm terrified of that. I do know that if I lose my current job I can get one that's about 5 miles farther away with little to no effort. My uncle is the president of an independent Burger King franchise, and we are on very good terms, he constantly tells me how if I need a job all I need to do is ask. I would much rather work on my own ability instead of getting a job I didn't earn, but if it's about being able to eat next week, then I do what I have to. The only thing that is a major concern of the things you listed for me is if he can't get a license. It would be very hard on us, but I know people that manage jobs without one that they need a ride to every day. Of course that's very Inconvienient. And there are places in town he could walk to, so he could try to get hired there if possible. There's a lot I have to worry about, and a lot I have at least partially squared away. Definately a lot more to do. I truly do appreciate you not talking down to me or belittling my feelings, thank you.

[Deleted User]

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie59869593 said:

I can't pay for our college up front if that's what you mean. My 40 year old uncle is still paying student loans because he blew every bit of it that he had to spare. And in a city the housing will be more expensive. I know that. Things will be harder there than here, where housing depends on income. Dad's rent was under $100 a month when he lived at the place I'm looking at, and he made more than I do. As for my fiancé, it might not have sounded like it earlier, but we are going to get him taken care of so he can drive and therefore work. We both have cars that don't need to be paid off, so that's a plus. Since he can't drive I really don't know why he has one, but he does. And my car insurance isn't an alarming amount. His might be more, but still manageable. Of course there are many costs aside from housing and auto insurance, but having those two not be a major concern is definately a good thing.

Yup like food, rent, renters insurance, health insurance, gas/electric, cable/internet, phones, books for school, gas for car, car insurance and miscellaneous expenses PLUS the cost of your wedding (whatever that may be).

Ok so you and your FI are going to get him a drivers license and try to find him a job. Is he going to go to school? Finding a job isn't just going to happen over night. How long can you support both of you with whatever savings you have? A month? Six months? A year?

What will you do if your car kicks the bucket? Do you have enough money to get a new one?

I can afford a new car, although the one I have is in great shape. But yes, if I need a new one I can get one. And if nothing else, he has one. He just can't drive. I don't get why his mom got it for him and won't let him drive though. Anyway, my savings is a little more than what a full time minimum wage job can get you in my state. It's certainly not comfortable living, but it's expected of people here that can't get "good" jobs. And assuming I don't lose the job I have, I should be able to manage if it takes him as long as it took me to find a job.

esstee33

Knottie59869593 said:

mikenberger said:

This whole thread just makes my heart ache. Or the place where my heart should be? Who knew I had feelings. But it's just like listening to my cousin. And it just breaks my heart.

Getting married will not solve any problem you have. If you're concerned about medical things, get a living will once you're 18 directly outlining your wishes. You can get them for free/cheap online and then you just have to have it notarized. If he can't drive, how is he going to work? How are you going to support him in his quest for a license if you're busy working and trying to go to school? And if he needs seizure meds, he's going to have to prove that he's able to drive seizure free before he can even think about getting a license. I could go on, but I know my fellow PPs have it covered and I'm sure you've heard it before.

You sound like a very smart girl, but all of your solutions are "in a perfect world" scenario. You don't seem to have any thoughts that this could all go horribly wrong (you lose your job, he can't get a license, someone ends up in the hospital etc.)

If he's the perfect one for you now, he'll always be the perfect one for you. Please reconsider getting married right now. I do wish you the best of luck:) life isn't easy and it doesn't get easier when you get married. Like I said, you seem smart. But with age, comes experience and wisdom. Which, through no fault of your own, you lack. It's not your fault you're 17 but enjoy being 17! Enjoy college, enjoy your fiancé. There's no need, at all, to rush anything at your age.

Thank you, I think you're very kind. I would never want to, but if I had to to get things squared away, taking time off of school for a day for his driving test would be no burden on me. I honestly don't remember the last time I had homework, or a grade below an A- aside from in gym. So missing a day or two would be fine if need be for me. And I know things can go wrong, I'm terrified of that. I do know that if I lose my current job I can get one that's about 5 miles farther away with little to no effort. My uncle is the president of an independent Burger King franchise, and we are on very good terms, he constantly tells me how if I need a job all I need to do is ask. I would much rather work on my own ability instead of getting a job I didn't earn, but if it's about being able to eat next week, then I do what I have to. The only thing that is a major concern of the things you listed for me is if he can't get a license. It would be very hard on us, but I know people that manage jobs without one that they need a ride to every day. Of course that's very Inconvienient. And there are places in town he could walk to, so he could try to get hired there if possible. There's a lot I have to worry about, and a lot I have at least partially squared away. Definately a lot more to do. I truly do appreciate you not talking down to me or belittling my feelings, thank you.

Your college school schedule could be very different from your high school class schedule, especially early on, when there are a wide variety of classes you can take. I usually arranged my classes so I was only there on Tuesdays and Thursdays when possible, and then worked the rest of the week. Some semesters it was classes on Mon/Weds/Fri, work the rest of the week. It's not like high school, where you're assigned a schedule of classes you have to take, and you're there 5 days a week from 7:30-3:30 or whatever. In many situations, you make your own schedule. 

[Deleted User]

esstee33 said:

Knottie59869593 said:

mikenberger said:

This whole thread just makes my heart ache. Or the place where my heart should be? Who knew I had feelings. But it's just like listening to my cousin. And it just breaks my heart.

Getting married will not solve any problem you have. If you're concerned about medical things, get a living will once you're 18 directly outlining your wishes. You can get them for free/cheap online and then you just have to have it notarized. If he can't drive, how is he going to work? How are you going to support him in his quest for a license if you're busy working and trying to go to school? And if he needs seizure meds, he's going to have to prove that he's able to drive seizure free before he can even think about getting a license. I could go on, but I know my fellow PPs have it covered and I'm sure you've heard it before.

You sound like a very smart girl, but all of your solutions are "in a perfect world" scenario. You don't seem to have any thoughts that this could all go horribly wrong (you lose your job, he can't get a license, someone ends up in the hospital etc.)

If he's the perfect one for you now, he'll always be the perfect one for you. Please reconsider getting married right now. I do wish you the best of luck:) life isn't easy and it doesn't get easier when you get married. Like I said, you seem smart. But with age, comes experience and wisdom. Which, through no fault of your own, you lack. It's not your fault you're 17 but enjoy being 17! Enjoy college, enjoy your fiancé. There's no need, at all, to rush anything at your age.

Thank you, I think you're very kind. I would never want to, but if I had to to get things squared away, taking time off of school for a day for his driving test would be no burden on me. I honestly don't remember the last time I had homework, or a grade below an A- aside from in gym. So missing a day or two would be fine if need be for me. And I know things can go wrong, I'm terrified of that. I do know that if I lose my current job I can get one that's about 5 miles farther away with little to no effort. My uncle is the president of an independent Burger King franchise, and we are on very good terms, he constantly tells me how if I need a job all I need to do is ask. I would much rather work on my own ability instead of getting a job I didn't earn, but if it's about being able to eat next week, then I do what I have to. The only thing that is a major concern of the things you listed for me is if he can't get a license. It would be very hard on us, but I know people that manage jobs without one that they need a ride to every day. Of course that's very Inconvienient. And there are places in town he could walk to, so he could try to get hired there if possible. There's a lot I have to worry about, and a lot I have at least partially squared away. Definately a lot more to do. I truly do appreciate you not talking down to me or belittling my feelings, thank you.

Your college school schedule could be very different from your high school class schedule, especially early on, when there are a wide variety of classes you can take. I usually arranged my classes so I was only there on Tuesdays and Thursdays when possible, and then worked the rest of the week. Some semesters it was classes on Mon/Weds/Fri, work the rest of the week. It's not like high school, where you're assigned a schedule of classes you have to take, and you're there 5 days a week from 7:30-3:30 or whatever. In many situations, you make your own schedule. 

I know. Many of my teachers know my situation and I've gotten so much wonderful and helpful advice from them. About college too, my math teacher is especially helpful. It will also be nice to get to skip some classes (calculus and some of my English, for example) because of being in advanced high school classes that provide college credits. I don't know every class that is required for all students for example, but I wouldn't imagine that I would need many more math classes if I was going into linguistics. Our math teacher was talking about advanced college math today actually. It was terrible lol

esstee33

Knottie59869593 said:

esstee33 said:

Knottie59869593 said:

mikenberger said:

This whole thread just makes my heart ache. Or the place where my heart should be? Who knew I had feelings. But it's just like listening to my cousin. And it just breaks my heart.

Getting married will not solve any problem you have. If you're concerned about medical things, get a living will once you're 18 directly outlining your wishes. You can get them for free/cheap online and then you just have to have it notarized. If he can't drive, how is he going to work? How are you going to support him in his quest for a license if you're busy working and trying to go to school? And if he needs seizure meds, he's going to have to prove that he's able to drive seizure free before he can even think about getting a license. I could go on, but I know my fellow PPs have it covered and I'm sure you've heard it before.

You sound like a very smart girl, but all of your solutions are "in a perfect world" scenario. You don't seem to have any thoughts that this could all go horribly wrong (you lose your job, he can't get a license, someone ends up in the hospital etc.)

If he's the perfect one for you now, he'll always be the perfect one for you. Please reconsider getting married right now. I do wish you the best of luck:) life isn't easy and it doesn't get easier when you get married. Like I said, you seem smart. But with age, comes experience and wisdom. Which, through no fault of your own, you lack. It's not your fault you're 17 but enjoy being 17! Enjoy college, enjoy your fiancé. There's no need, at all, to rush anything at your age.

Thank you, I think you're very kind. I would never want to, but if I had to to get things squared away, taking time off of school for a day for his driving test would be no burden on me. I honestly don't remember the last time I had homework, or a grade below an A- aside from in gym. So missing a day or two would be fine if need be for me. And I know things can go wrong, I'm terrified of that. I do know that if I lose my current job I can get one that's about 5 miles farther away with little to no effort. My uncle is the president of an independent Burger King franchise, and we are on very good terms, he constantly tells me how if I need a job all I need to do is ask. I would much rather work on my own ability instead of getting a job I didn't earn, but if it's about being able to eat next week, then I do what I have to. The only thing that is a major concern of the things you listed for me is if he can't get a license. It would be very hard on us, but I know people that manage jobs without one that they need a ride to every day. Of course that's very Inconvienient. And there are places in town he could walk to, so he could try to get hired there if possible. There's a lot I have to worry about, and a lot I have at least partially squared away. Definately a lot more to do. I truly do appreciate you not talking down to me or belittling my feelings, thank you.

Your college school schedule could be very different from your high school class schedule, especially early on, when there are a wide variety of classes you can take. I usually arranged my classes so I was only there on Tuesdays and Thursdays when possible, and then worked the rest of the week. Some semesters it was classes on Mon/Weds/Fri, work the rest of the week. It's not like high school, where you're assigned a schedule of classes you have to take, and you're there 5 days a week from 7:30-3:30 or whatever. In many situations, you make your own schedule. 

I know. Many of my teachers know my situation and I've gotten so much wonderful and helpful advice from them. About college too, my math teacher is especially helpful. It will also be nice to get to skip some classes (calculus and some of my English, for example) because of being in advanced high school classes that provide college credits. I don't know every class that is required for all students for example, but I wouldn't imagine that I would need many more math classes if I was going into linguistics. Our math teacher was talking about advanced college math today actually. It was terrible lol

The classes you'll have to take vary by what you major in, but also by personal preference. So, for example, I have a Bachelor's in English, so I had to take an insane number of literature, language, and grammar courses. I still had to take all the way up to College Algebra, but nothing past that in math classes. I really doubt you'd have to take advanced math for a Linguistics program, but who knows. I had to take X number of credits in, say, art classes, but I could choose which ones I wanted to take -- so since I suck ass at drawing and any kind of actual art, I took classes about the theory of music and things like that. Mostly I just chose classes based on what days and times they were offered, and how much they sounded like I would love or hate them. 

There are only a few classes that ALL students are required to take, but that varies by university, I'm sure. 

Anyway, the point is that you make your own schedule. So if you need to take him to work on certain days, just schedule your classes for after you drop him off, or on days he doesn't work. It gets harder the further along you are in your degree, because at that point, there ARE certain classes you're required to take, and sometimes they're only offered on specific days. But that could be years down the road. 

theartistformerlyknownas

I just wanted to point out that if your respective family members bought these cars/have their names on the title (like you mentioned his mom buying his), and they're not cool with you getting married/being independent, there's a very good chance you won't be allowed to take them with you. Even your bedroom furniture, clothes, etc, if you didn't pay for it, or your name isn't on the title, you'll likely need to leave it behind.

Otherwise I agree with PPs. There is A LOT about adult life that I think you need to get accustomed to before jumping into marriage.

[Deleted User]

esstee33 said:

Knottie59869593 said:

esstee33 said:

Knottie59869593 said:

mikenberger said:

This whole thread just makes my heart ache. Or the place where my heart should be? Who knew I had feelings. But it's just like listening to my cousin. And it just breaks my heart.

Getting married will not solve any problem you have. If you're concerned about medical things, get a living will once you're 18 directly outlining your wishes. You can get them for free/cheap online and then you just have to have it notarized. If he can't drive, how is he going to work? How are you going to support him in his quest for a license if you're busy working and trying to go to school? And if he needs seizure meds, he's going to have to prove that he's able to drive seizure free before he can even think about getting a license. I could go on, but I know my fellow PPs have it covered and I'm sure you've heard it before.

You sound like a very smart girl, but all of your solutions are "in a perfect world" scenario. You don't seem to have any thoughts that this could all go horribly wrong (you lose your job, he can't get a license, someone ends up in the hospital etc.)

If he's the perfect one for you now, he'll always be the perfect one for you. Please reconsider getting married right now. I do wish you the best of luck:) life isn't easy and it doesn't get easier when you get married. Like I said, you seem smart. But with age, comes experience and wisdom. Which, through no fault of your own, you lack. It's not your fault you're 17 but enjoy being 17! Enjoy college, enjoy your fiancé. There's no need, at all, to rush anything at your age.

Thank you, I think you're very kind. I would never want to, but if I had to to get things squared away, taking time off of school for a day for his driving test would be no burden on me. I honestly don't remember the last time I had homework, or a grade below an A- aside from in gym. So missing a day or two would be fine if need be for me. And I know things can go wrong, I'm terrified of that. I do know that if I lose my current job I can get one that's about 5 miles farther away with little to no effort. My uncle is the president of an independent Burger King franchise, and we are on very good terms, he constantly tells me how if I need a job all I need to do is ask. I would much rather work on my own ability instead of getting a job I didn't earn, but if it's about being able to eat next week, then I do what I have to. The only thing that is a major concern of the things you listed for me is if he can't get a license. It would be very hard on us, but I know people that manage jobs without one that they need a ride to every day. Of course that's very Inconvienient. And there are places in town he could walk to, so he could try to get hired there if possible. There's a lot I have to worry about, and a lot I have at least partially squared away. Definately a lot more to do. I truly do appreciate you not talking down to me or belittling my feelings, thank you.

Your college school schedule could be very different from your high school class schedule, especially early on, when there are a wide variety of classes you can take. I usually arranged my classes so I was only there on Tuesdays and Thursdays when possible, and then worked the rest of the week. Some semesters it was classes on Mon/Weds/Fri, work the rest of the week. It's not like high school, where you're assigned a schedule of classes you have to take, and you're there 5 days a week from 7:30-3:30 or whatever. In many situations, you make your own schedule. 

I know. Many of my teachers know my situation and I've gotten so much wonderful and helpful advice from them. About college too, my math teacher is especially helpful. It will also be nice to get to skip some classes (calculus and some of my English, for example) because of being in advanced high school classes that provide college credits. I don't know every class that is required for all students for example, but I wouldn't imagine that I would need many more math classes if I was going into linguistics. Our math teacher was talking about advanced college math today actually. It was terrible lol

The classes you'll have to take vary by what you major in, but also by personal preference. So, for example, I have a Bachelor's in English, so I had to take an insane number of literature, language, and grammar courses. I still had to take all the way up to College Algebra, but nothing past that in math classes. I really doubt you'd have to take advanced math for a Linguistics program, but who knows. I had to take X number of credits in, say, art classes, but I could choose which ones I wanted to take -- so since I suck ass at drawing and any kind of actual art, I took classes about the theory of music and things like that. Mostly I just chose classes based on what days and times they were offered, and how much they sounded like I would love or hate them. 

There are only a few classes that ALL students are required to take, but that varies by university, I'm sure. 

Anyway, the point is that you make your own schedule. So if you need to take him to work on certain days, just schedule your classes for after you drop him off, or on days he doesn't work. It gets harder the further along you are in your degree, because at that point, there ARE certain classes you're required to take, and sometimes they're only offered on specific days. But that could be years down the road. 

Yeah, that sounds doable. I hope so. Thank you very much and art for example xD I've taken literally every art class my school offers. Now I'm in independent art because there's nothing left. I love making things. There are a lot of classes at my college of choice that I've looked at. It's a lot to take in, but when I'm a senior I'll have a better idea, the counsellor helps people individually (tiny school, that's no issue for him) to figure out what they have to do.

theartistformerlyknownas

OK another point... College is so much harder than high school! Please let go of the impression that because high school is easy for you, college will be too. It is a whole other ballgame. I was a tutor in college, and you wouldn't believe the number of people I worked with who just couldn't fathom why they were failing, because high school was such a breeze. My SIL is a professor at UW Madison and I can tell you, it is NOT a breeze.

[Deleted User]

lolo883 said:

OK another point... College is so much harder than high school! Please let go of the impression that because high school is easy for you, college will be too. It is a whole other ballgame. I was a tutor in college, and you wouldn't believe the number of people I worked with who just couldn't fathom why they were failing, because high school was such a breeze. My SIL is a professor at UW Madison and I can tell you, it is NOT a breeze.

I know. I expect to have to study in college, things will be much different. I'm sure you know my type then- always good grades and never look twice at books, don't take notes. I know that will have to change when I'm in college. As for the car, I don't know about his, but mine is in my name and was a gift from my grandpa that I get along with. Grandma's told me many times that "if you don't take every bit of what's in your room with you when you leave, I'm throwing it away!" So I'm assuming she's cool with me taking my stuff. And all of my family knows I want to move out as soon as I can, they're fine with that. My grandpa that gave me the car is always telling me to ask if I need help and stuff. He's always been really great to me. I don't want help really, I don't want to let it get to that point. He's had a college fund going for me since he found out his daughter was pregnant. I could never even try to pay him back for all he's done.

theartistformerlyknownas

Knottie59869593 said:

lolo883 said:

OK another point... College is so much harder than high school! Please let go of the impression that because high school is easy for you, college will be too. It is a whole other ballgame. I was a tutor in college, and you wouldn't believe the number of people I worked with who just couldn't fathom why they were failing, because high school was such a breeze. My SIL is a professor at UW Madison and I can tell you, it is NOT a breeze.

I know. I expect to have to study in college, things will be much different. I'm sure you know my type then- always good grades and never look twice at books, don't take notes. I know that will have to change when I'm in college. As for the car, I don't know about his, but mine is in my name and was a gift from my grandpa that I get along with. Grandma's told me many times that "if you don't take every bit of what's in your room with you when you leave, I'm throwing it away!" So I'm assuming she's cool with me taking my stuff. And all of my family knows I want to move out as soon as I can, they're fine with that. My grandpa that gave me the car is always telling me to ask if I need help and stuff. He's always been really great to me. I don't want help really, I don't want to let it get to that point. He's had a college fund going for me since he found out his daughter was pregnant. I could never even try to pay him back for all he's done.

Is that where you're getting the 15k number? There's a big difference between having that money given to you, and being able to earn, budget, and save that money on your own.

[Deleted User]

lolo883 said:

Knottie59869593 said:

lolo883 said:

OK another point... College is so much harder than high school! Please let go of the impression that because high school is easy for you, college will be too. It is a whole other ballgame. I was a tutor in college, and you wouldn't believe the number of people I worked with who just couldn't fathom why they were failing, because high school was such a breeze. My SIL is a professor at UW Madison and I can tell you, it is NOT a breeze.

I know. I expect to have to study in college, things will be much different. I'm sure you know my type then- always good grades and never look twice at books, don't take notes. I know that will have to change when I'm in college. As for the car, I don't know about his, but mine is in my name and was a gift from my grandpa that I get along with. Grandma's told me many times that "if you don't take every bit of what's in your room with you when you leave, I'm throwing it away!" So I'm assuming she's cool with me taking my stuff. And all of my family knows I want to move out as soon as I can, they're fine with that. My grandpa that gave me the car is always telling me to ask if I need help and stuff. He's always been really great to me. I don't want help really, I don't want to let it get to that point. He's had a college fund going for me since he found out his daughter was pregnant. I could never even try to pay him back for all he's done.

Is that where you're getting the 15k number? There's a big difference between having that money given to you, and being able to earn, budget, and save that money on your own.

No. I have that in my personal savings. He hasn't cashed in his 25+coffee cans full of change. I have no clue how much is in there. But it's one heck of a graduation gift I'm sure, because there's no pennies in all of it, he always had me pick them out and keep them when I was little so there was room for bigger change.

ashley8918

Knottie59869593 said:

OK another point... College is so much harder than high school! Please let go of the impression that because high school is easy for you, college will be too. It is a whole other ballgame. I was a tutor in college, and you wouldn't believe the number of people I worked with who just couldn't fathom why they were failing, because high school was such a breeze. My SIL is a professor at UW Madison and I can tell you, it is NOT a breeze.

I know. I expect to have to study in college, things will be much different. I'm sure you know my type then- always good grades and never look twice at books, don't take notes. I know that will have to change when I'm in college. As for the car, I don't know about his, but mine is in my name and was a gift from my grandpa that I get along with. Grandma's told me many times that "if you don't take every bit of what's in your room with you when you leave, I'm throwing it away!" So I'm assuming she's cool with me taking my stuff. And all of my family knows I want to move out as soon as I can, they're fine with that. My grandpa that gave me the car is always telling me to ask if I need help and stuff. He's always been really great to me. I don't want help really, I don't want to let it get to that point. He's had a college fund going for me since he found out his daughter was pregnant. I could never even try to pay him back for all he's done.

Is this the "savings" you mentioned?

theartistformerlyknownas

Well I still think you would be doing yourselves and each other a favor by taking giant step back and taking each of these life changes on first, before tackling marriage. It's hard work, and everything in your life will change. Marriage will only make all of those changes and challenges harder, not easier. Prove your love and commitment by living through this, growing together, and supporting each other. You'll be off to a stronger start, and I think all your family issues will resolve themselves too.