What happens after the wedding?

Jesusfreak414

drunkenwitch

Is anyone else confused and a little freaked out by this?

Jesusfreak414

That was pretty rude, but considering you have a name like "drunkenwitch"......yeah.......

Just trying to see if anyone else is going through anything similar.

mrsconn23

DixieNormous330

Um...er.... um.... wha?

photokitty

Jesusfreak414 said:

I have to be honest.  I never in a million years thought that something like this would happen to me.  I was so selfish and naive to believe that no harm can come to my marriage.  I got married April 26th of this past year, and after only 3 months my wife met another guy...a heroin addict in fact, and on Labor Day they started dating each other.  I fought for her for two months before she finally broke up with me on Halloween.  It's been quite a roller coaster.  I don't even remember the last time I talked to my wife and really had intimacy within our hearts.  My family says that to her, it was all about the wedding.  I was very involved in the planning, and as a male, that freaked out a lot of her friends.  We had a two-and-a-half year engagement.  We didn't plan for our future, like I wanted.  We only planned for the wedding.  When it came time for her to find a job, she didn't like that I hassled her about it.  I am not trying to put the blame on her, because let's face it, I was constantly on her.  For not having a job, she could have done more than watch tv or reading books or hanging out with friends and spending the little money I was earning for her, my son, and me.  I wanted her to at least clean or search for a job.  Instead, she visited a mutual friend in a rehab facility quite a bit, and that's where she met this punk.  Now she claims that God was wrong and that she married the wrong person.  I could go in to much, much, much more detail, but I would like to know.....is anyone else going through a similar trial?  After only 3 months, the marriage I had with my best friend fell apart, and I miss her so much.

Don't point out your spouse's flaws.  Love and cherish her.  My vows say "in good times and bad" "in sickness and in health".  She may want a divorce, but these are one of those bad times and she is also mentally sick.  I won't divorce her for ANY reason.

You need a call a professional therapist, we are no qualified to give you advice not his matter. Even if anyone is struggling with similar trials in their marriage, it is not going to be the same as your situation. You need to talk to a therapist and hopefully your wife will join you for couple's counseling if you decide the marriage is worth saving.

I said I wouldn't divorce my husband for any reason, then he gave me one I couldn't refuse... Life is too short to be unhappy. You need to talk to a professional who can help you sort this out. Not a much of random people on a message board.

Or at least talk to your priest - since we are making assumptions based on usernames, I'm betting you have one you can consult.

OliveOilsMom

You may not divorce her for ANY reason, but she will get her divorce if you sign off or not.  You cannot keep her in a marriage she does not want to be apart of.  I think you should speak to a counselor to help you move on from this experience.

Why would you want to stay married to someone who has left you for a herion addict?

Heffalump

Well, that sort of puts the marinara on the ceiling in perspective.

Also, I was a tad disappointed, because IIRC, "I have to be honest.  I never in a million years thought that something like this would happen to me" is how 90% of Penthouse Forums (Fora?) begin, but this went in a markedly different direction.

mrsconn23

Yeah, so my husband had a shitty first marriage. His first wife went off the rails...to the point where he had to get a paternity test to make sure his kid was his. 

Ya know what he did?  Took the kid and left the marriage.  She wasn't going to change. 

So get the divorce.  Get some counseling too.  

Just a tip, your marriage didn't go to the crapper because you 'pointed out her flaws'.  But seriously, some self-discovery on your part may help you move on. 

Jesusfreak414

Looking back on this post and other posts I have made, there are quite a bunch of bullies on here...pretty sad.....

VarunaTT

kmmssg

No one is bullying you.  People are trying to get you to look at reality here.  Even if you don't want the divorce she does and can get it.  People are encouraging you to get some counseling.  Pray tell, how is that bullying?

Heffalump

kmmssg said:

No one is bullying you.  People are trying to get you to look at reality here.  Even if you don't want the divorce she does and can get it.  People are encouraging you to get some counseling.  Pray tell, how is that bullying?

bullying = "not what I wanted to hear"  Pretty sure it's a violation of the TOS.

VarunaTT

Seriously, if you're not a troll, you have way too much information out on the interwebz about yourself.  I found 2 different profiles that contain much the same information with the same picture/names listed.  This would be more epic than Ladybug if you're a troll; dangerous if you're not.

drunkenwitch

Oh poodle, if this is your definition of "bully", you have got to toughen up. I also advise you to stay far away from reddit and 4chan.

wrigleyville

People are trying to help you. I didn't see any bullying. Nobody made fun of you. In fact, a couple posters recommended speaking to your priest/minister for guidance. Almost everyone said something sympathetic.

I'm confused as to why you take offense at this.

mikenberger

wrigleyville said:

People are trying to help you. I didn't see any bullying. Nobody made fun of you. In fact, a couple posters recommended speaking to your priest/minister for guidance. Almost everyone said something sympathetic.

I'm confused as to why you take offense at this.

Maybe because nobody told him "Continue to fight for her, she's wrong, don't give up. Never divorce."

Because that's not logical.

PMeg819

Cut your losses and move on dude.

JasperandOpal

I am sorry that you have been through such a tumultuous time since your wedding.  The truth is, a lot of people are not fully prepared for marriage and do hyper-focus on the wedding instead of planning for a future together.  People assume that if they love someone and they marry them, everything else will just fall into place.  As you have discovered, that is not always the case and people don't magically turn into your vision of the perfect wife just because they become your wife.

The best thing you can do is seek counseling. You need to speak to a professional.  Pp were correct when they said we are ill-equipped to help you with this issue.  You should see a marriage counselor, even if your wife will not go with you, and you may want to look into therapy.  You don't mention if you had pre-marriage counseling, I know that is required in some faiths.  If you did, perhaps you can speak to that person about the issues you are facing now.

Sometimes marriages fail. People do not enter into marriage thinking that theirs will fail.  That doesn't make you a failure and it doesn't mean that you won't have successful relationships in the future.  But you need to accept that it might not be with this particular woman and you need to realize that you are not the only person who has a say in whether this marriage continues.  As  pointed out previously, you might not be willing to divorce her but should she seek a divorce, she will likely be able to get one, and your refusal to accept that is not healthy for you or her.  

You can recover from this but you will not do it alone, you need to seek professional guidance in how to come to terms with everything you are feeling and the reasons behind why your marriage fell apart. 

photokitty

You can delete you post, but it's been quoted so people will still be able to read it.

Since this thread is now a DD and will spiral into gifs - I have to ask...

Am I the only one who came into this thread expect to give you answer - YOU CONSUMMATE THE MARRIAGE!!! Duh!! Sexy time! Bow chica bow wow!!

NowIAmSyp

photokitty said:

You can delete you post, but it's been quoted so people will still be able to read it.

Since this thread is now a DD and will spiral into gifs - I have to ask...

Am I the only one who came into this thread expect to give you answer - YOU CONSUMMATE THE MARRIAGE!!! Duh!! Sexy time! Bow chica bow wow!!

Nailed it.

*Barbie*

photokitty said:

You can delete you post, but it's been quoted so people will still be able to read it.

Since this thread is now a DD and will spiral into gifs - I have to ask...

Am I the only one who came into this thread expect to give you answer - YOU CONSUMMATE THE MARRIAGE!!! Duh!! Sexy time! Bow chica bow wow!!

isn't that basically the whole reason that 'Jesus Freaks' get married at 19?

that was my assumption too. 

OP - assuming this isn't MUD - in most cases, one of the spouses running off with a drug addict 3 months into the marriage isn't typical. i would have to wonder why in the hell you'd want to continue to subject your CHILD to crazycakes or risk getting an STD by maintaining a physical relationship with this person? 

theartistformerlyknownas

I'm really confused by who you think was bullying you, OP.

You're in a really shitty situation. I feel for you, truly. But we can't help you with this. You can't force your wife to stay with you if she doesn't want to be there. You shouldn't throw around mentally ill references for which you give no basis.

I second the opinion to talk to a clergy member, and possibly a therapist, and definitely a divorce lawyer.

VulgarGirl

Your wife is nailing/wants to be nailing another dude and you're refusing to give her a divorce and also we're bullies for telling you dude either let the girl go or get to counsling to see if your marriage is worth saving?

Did I get all that?

Ok, good fucking luck bro.

slothiegal

Wait, so you didn't like the advice about counseling, you say that you WILL NEVER divorce her NO MATTER WHAT (which comes off as hella creepy and naive at best, scary at worst)...what advice DID you want?

Pray. Just pray. Is that better?

zitiqueen

Jesusfreak414 said:

Looking back on this post and other posts I have made, there are quite a bunch of bullies on here...pretty sad.....

Aw, you just hang in there, pumpkin. Everything will work out fine.

slothiegal

PS a person making bad choices or being unfaithful =/= "mentally sick".

mikenberger

zitiqueen said:

Jesusfreak414 said:

Looking back on this post and other posts I have made, there are quite a bunch of bullies on here...pretty sad.....

Aw, you just hang in there, pumpkin. Everything will work out fine.

thejucheidea

I really wish I knew if they had sex prior to marriage. I've had only two friends get divorced, and they both waited until after marriage to have sex, and their husbands ended up cheating on them. Small sample size, I know, but it just seems interesting.