Reception Seating

lovemesomemonster

I  know this has been asked many many times.. just want to see if I can get a take for my specific situation. It has been a LONG time since we had a family wedding, the cousin that is closest in age to me is almost 10yrs older. From what I can remember we never had assigned seating charts at a reception and all of the weddings I have been to in FIs family have been open seating as well. With that being said we have a LOT of drama on my side that will be coming to this event.. I have a cousin that might not show because his wife hates his dad so if I assign seating they won't be together that's for sure, I also have three cousins (all brothers) who's wives do not get along but if I don't put them together two of them will know the other one already told me "do not put me with my sister in laws". So.. do I attempt assigned placement to avoid any drama parties together, or do I stay out of it and let them fend for themselves? Basically, most of the drama is within family units so when I start splitting them up it's going to be obvious. I'm either in the middle of it and potentially piss some people off, or I stay out of it and potentially cause some drama?

Yep, I know, sounds like a lot of high school drama.. trust me when I tell you that it gets to that point sometimes, we even had my aunts on mass email chains to the entire family one year talking about how "life is too short to be uncomfortable" so they would not to go Thanksgiving and be around "that other sister". 

Another note: Mine will be the first wedding since my grandma passed, she was the glue so no other cousin had to deal with the oh so fun family drama that has surfaced in the passed couple of years. 

flantastic

lovemesomemonster said:

I  know this has been asked many many times.. just want to see if I can get a take for my specific situation. It has been a LONG time since we had a family wedding, the cousin that is closest in age to me is almost 10yrs older. From what I can remember we never had assigned seating charts at a reception and all of the weddings I have been to in FIs family have been open seating as well. With that being said we have a LOT of drama on my side that will be coming to this event.. I have a cousin that might not show because his wife hates his dad so if I assign seating they won't be together that's for sure, I also have three cousins (all brothers) who's wives do not get along but if I don't put them together two of them will know the other one already told me "do not put me with my sister in laws". So.. do I attempt assigned placement to avoid any drama parties together, or do I stay out of it and let them fend for themselves? Basically, most of the drama is within family units so when I start splitting them up it's going to be obvious. I'm either in the middle of it and potentially piss some people off, or I stay out of it and potentially cause some drama?

Yep, I know, sounds like a lot of high school drama.. trust me when I tell you that it gets to that point sometimes, we even had my aunts on mass email chains to the entire family one year talking about how "life is too short to be uncomfortable" so they would not to go Thanksgiving and be around "that other sister". 

Another note: Mine will be the first wedding since my grandma passed, she was the glue so no other cousin had to deal with the oh so fun family drama that has surfaced in the passed couple of years. 

Up to you - just know that if you have open seating, you need to have 10-15% more chairs and tables than there are guests, so no one gets stuck at the last seats without friends or even without their SO.

I don't think it'd be too obvious if you assign seating and split up the families - we sat a bunch of adult cousins together without their parents, and otherwise mixed up family as long as it was with other people they knew.

jacques27

1.  If you lurk, you'll find the consensus is MOST people prefer assigned seating.  It takes away the anxiety for your guests of having to fend for themselves like they are back in the junior high lunchroom on the first day of school (especially those who may not know a lot of people at the wedding). 

2. It doesn't have to be that obvious.  I mean, I guess if you only have 20 guests and have 10 tables in order to have the appropriate parties seated away from each other, then yeah, I guess that would be obvious.  But otherwise, I generally make the assumption that I'm seated by people the wedding couple think I would have a good time eating dinner with.  Sometimes I'm seated by people I don't care for that much, but I'm an adult and know how to behave in social situations and after dinner is done I drink, mingle and dance with people I like instead of hanging out with them.  Make that assumption unless you have mugshot pictures of the others that prove otherwise.  I don't know how many people you expect, but most people "get" that assigning 100-200+ people means coordinating and potential splitting up general groups (mind you, not splitting up couples or families with minor children - but grown married adults don't have to sit with their mommies and daddies).

lovemesomemonster

jacques27 said:

1.  If you lurk, you'll find the consensus is MOST people prefer assigned seating.  It takes away the anxiety for your guests of having to fend for themselves like they are back in the junior high lunchroom on the first day of school (especially those who may not know a lot of people at the wedding). 

2. It doesn't have to be that obvious.  I mean, I guess if you only have 20 guests and have 10 tables in order to have the appropriate parties seated away from each other, then yeah, I guess that would be obvious.  But otherwise, I generally make the assumption that I'm seated by people the wedding couple think I would have a good time eating dinner with.  Sometimes I'm seated by people I don't care for that much, but I'm an adult and know how to behave in social situations and after dinner is done I drink, mingle and dance with people I like instead of hanging out with them.  Make that assumption unless you have mugshot pictures of the others that prove otherwise.  I don't know how many people you expect, but most people "get" that assigning 100-200+ people means coordinating and potential splitting up general groups (mind you, not splitting up couples or families with minor children - but grown married adults don't have to sit with their mommies and daddies).

That is not my problem. I totally get that the majority say to have assigned seating, I just know my crowd and have thus far stayed out of any family drama. I am in a family of a lot of strong willed, loud, opinionated women who have no problem speaking their minds which is what makes me want to just stay the heck out of it and let them decide on their own seats. The cousin and his wife not sitting with his dad, no big deal, that is a well known issue and nobody would say anything. It's the women on the other side I'm worried about, and since we don't generally assign seating charts at weddings in my family or FI's family I'm worried it will look odd to them if we do. Trust me, these women will go straight to "she did it to split us up", that is just how my family is. Love them to death, but let's just say that all Christmas party invites literally have a "check your drama at the door" quote at the bottom (I am so not kidding about that).

Casadena

I would do assigned seating for the sake of the rest of your guests.  Seat people according to what makes the most sense and if the SILs end up together then they can grow the H up and act like adults for an hour long dinner.  if they make a scene it makes them look bad, not you. 

Denise40

I'm doing assigned tables instead of seats