Registering and Gifts

Gift registry & Wishing well

Hi all

We are beginning to look at gift registries for our upcoming wedding. However, whilst we are based in our current location, we know in the next year we will move abroad for graduate schooling. As a result, we don't want to have to store gifts that we may not see for 3 - 5 years, perhaps longer! And so we feel it would be more appropriate to add an option for guests to leave a money donation if they like instead. We won't force either, we will just provide the options on our website. But our close friends and family members know that money would likely be more suitable for our situation.

Does anybody have any ideas for how to do this wishing well option? I was thinking there is a service like a gift registry, where you could just click on a link and the guest can choose the amount to deposit, and it all goes to a selected account of our choosing? Is this possible?

Thanks for your advice!

Re: Gift registry & Wishing well

  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    member

    Hi all


    We are beginning to look at gift registries for our upcoming wedding. However, whilst we are based in our current location, we know in the next year we will move abroad for graduate schooling. As a result, we don't want to have to store gifts that we may not see for 3 - 5 years, perhaps longer! And so we feel it would be more appropriate to add an option for guests to leave a money donation if they like instead. We won't force either, we will just provide the options on our website. But our close friends and family members know that money would likely be more suitable for our situation.

    Does anybody have any ideas for how to do this wishing well option? I was thinking there is a service like a gift registry, where you could just click on a link and the guest can choose the amount to deposit, and it all goes to a selected account of our choosing? Is this possible?

    Thanks for your advice!
    If you wish to receive money as a gift instead of boxed gifts, just don't register for gifts. It's extremely tacky to ask for money as a gift versus something boxed. It also implies that your guests are required to give a gift for your marriage, which gifts are optional. Just don't register and you'll get your point across. And if someone chooses to give you a boxed gift anyways, they were going to give you a boxed gift regardless of your wishes. 

    Luckily, it's very widely known and accepted to give money as a gift :) So don't stress!

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  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    If you're planning on moving abroad within a year of marriage, I would skip registering. People will understand your plans and probably just give cash instead.

    If you don't register, decline any showers offered as showers are for physical gifts.
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    Chiwatkinssouthernbelle0915
  • jacques27jacques27
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments 5 Answers
    member
    edited March 2015

    Hi all


    We are beginning to look at gift registries for our upcoming wedding. However, whilst we are based in our current location, we know in the next year we will move abroad for graduate schooling. As a result, we don't want to have to store gifts that we may not see for 3 - 5 years, perhaps longer! And so we feel it would be more appropriate to add an option for guests to leave a money donation if they like instead. We won't force either, we will just provide the options on our website. But our close friends and family members know that money would likely be more suitable for our situation.

    Does anybody have any ideas for how to do this wishing well option? I was thinking there is a service like a gift registry, where you could just click on a link and the guest can choose the amount to deposit, and it all goes to a selected account of our choosing? Is this possible?

    Thanks for your advice!
    If they know, then why do you need to tell them?

    1) It's rude to ask for money or to assume that people will be getting you a gift, period.
    2) Those services take a cut of the money and are deceptive.  I can write you a check for 100 dollars of my own free will because I'm a smart person and recognize that cash is a good gift always, or you can get 93 dollars by specifically telling me you want cash and having me go through your service.

    People know cash is a good gift.  Don't register and they'll get the hint.  They can figure out how to reach for the checkbooks and write you a check or hit up an ATM machine without you telling them.  If anyone asks where you are registered, just politely say "We didn't register.  We're moving abroad next year for graduate school next year and don't need anything."  They'll get it. 
    chibiyuiadk19
  • edited March 2015
    Hi all. Thanks for the responses, I was very open in my initial post as I am trying to understand the appropriate etiquette for this situation, especially as I have heard of so many different ways.

    I guess I wouldn't understand how people would be able to gift us money unless we put something online (I guess we just leave a jar at the wedding? I don't know, please educate me!)

    I also take the point about not providing any registry, therefore, most people will be free to do whatever they feel is right - which I like. I've never liked telling people what to do, we are just thankful we get to celebrate with the people in our community! :)

    Peace


  • jacques27jacques27
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments 5 Answers
    member
    edited March 2015

    Hi all. Thanks for the responses, I was very open in my initial post as I am trying to understand the appropriate etiquette for this situation, especially as I have heard of so many different ways.


    I guess I wouldn't understand how people would be able to gift us money unless we put something online (I guess we just leave a jar at the wedding? I don't know, please educate me!)

    I also take the point about not providing any registry, therefore, most people will be free to do whatever they feel is right - which I like. I've never liked telling people what to do, we are just thankful we get to celebrate with the people in our community! :)

    Peace




    The same way they give cash as gifts all the other times...by writing out a check or obtaining cash from a bank or ATM and giving it to you.  They either tuck it into a card and mail it to you or put it in your hand.  You then take those checks to your bank and deposit them into your account.

    Have you seriously never had a family member send you a check or a ten or twenty dollar bill in your birthday card?  This is not a new or difficult concept - people will figure it out.  People have been giving money as gifts for decades before paypal or money registries ever existed.

    Chiwatkinsadk19Liatris2010
  • edited March 2015
    Not really, but I guess I am trying to see how it would work at a wedding with hundreds of people. I don't know if I'd wanna even see cash on the day! let alone have to hold 20 cards or so. But if that is a common custom then I take this on board. And we will just leave out any registry or wishing well
  • You won't have to 'hold 20 cards or so.' They'll put them in the card box or on the gift table and you take them with you at the end of the reception. Open the cards, send thank you notes, and deposit the checks/cash.
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    Chiwatkins
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    member

    You won't have to 'hold 20 cards or so.' They'll put them in the card box or on the gift table and you take them with you at the end of the reception. Open the cards, send thank you notes, and deposit the checks/cash.

    Bingo. You're WAY overthinking this. You don't have to lug around a bunch of cards all night.

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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    You should set up a card box or some other sort of card holder on the gift table. (Not a money jar or wishing well.) A lot of people will mail you a card or mail a check with their RSVP, but people who gift money at the wedding will usually stick it in a card.

    People drop it off when they come in. Depending on security, you may want to have it moved to a secure place once all the guests have arrived. If anyone hands you a card or cash during the reception, you put it in your bag or have your new H put it in his pocket.

    People have been giving money at weddings since long before the invention of the internet.

    adk19
  • edited March 2015


    People have been giving money at weddings since long before the invention of the internet.

    I always find it odd when people ask about how to get cash gifts for their wedding.   Perhaps it's my social circle, but cash gifts for a wedding are the norm and I would never even suggest it because it seems so common.   It's the year 2015, doesn't everyone give cash now?   

    I agree with PPs; don't register and set out a card box at the wedding. 
    sweetmoya
  • Not really, but I guess I am trying to see how it would work at a wedding with hundreds of people. I don't know if I'd wanna even see cash on the day! let alone have to hold 20 cards or so. But if that is a common custom then I take this on board. And we will just leave out any registry or wishing well

    You can do one of two things: 

    1) Have a card box on your gift table (some people may bring physical gifts)
    2) If someone physically hands you a card, put it in your purse or on your table. 

    Don't over think it. 
    *********************************************************************************

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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    You won't have to 'hold 20 cards or so.' They'll put them in the card box or on the gift table and you take them with you at the end of the reception. Open the cards, send thank you notes, and deposit the checks/cash.

    Yep, this. We didn't register for anything as DH and I lived together for over a decade before our wedding. Our guests who chose to give us gifts gave us cash, checks, or gift cards via the pretty box we had near our guest book. Only one person handed us their card directly, which I put into the card box the next time I passed by the guest book. At the end of the night, we grabbed the box and took it back to the hotel with us. Easy, peasy.
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • Oh man.... I'm glad I saw this/read this.  My FI and I aren't going to register for anything (we have enough stuff as it is).  My aunt was saying I NEED to do a wishing well.  I was like "I'll have a cute card box on the gift table".  They kept calling it a darned wishing well.  I just feel like it's a little crass.  I'll stick with the card thing!
    photokittyBlue_Bird
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    I had a very small registry with one of those online registries, and no one bought anything on it. I got only cash and checks.



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