Depressed 3 weeks after the wedding

lisa12982

I got married on 9/18/10.  I had the best time at our wedding, but there were a few bumps in the road.  First off, I literally had like 12 people not show that said they would which really bothered me.  How can you RSVP to something where you know it's not cheap for the bride's parents and then just not show?   I had a hard time with this and obviously am still peeved about it.  Anyone ever gone through this before.  I just felt it so disrespectful not only to me but to my parents footing the bill!
Another thing that I still think about is our DJ.  Originally we were supposed to get a band, but changed to a DJ at the last minute for budget and personal preference purposes.  We had heard DJ"s were just as good, more budget friendly and could play everything we wanted.  The band we originially booked couldn't play everything we wanted. 
The ceremony and cocktail hour went so well and everything was beautiful.  Even the first hour of the wedding ceremony was nice as everyone sat down to eat and we had our first dances and toasts.  But after that the party was just lame---the DJ was some dorky guy with a computer that didn't get the crowd going.  I was really surprised b/c we had gotten them from a reputable vendor in the area we got married.  I literally had to give him a sign to let him know, lets get this going!!
Overall, we had people dancing and it was fun, but I feel compared to other weddings, my entertainment was kind of lame. 
I went to a wedding last night where the enterainment was so much fun and everyone was out on the floor dancing without encouragement from me!!  After that wedding, my feelings were confirmed that my entertainment wasn't that great.   There were more people on the veranda area having a great time outside by the pool smoking cigars and drinking instead of inside where the "entertainment" was.  (Kind of embarassing, and maybe I'm overanalyzing, but I feel my bridesmaids felt the same way and felt bad for me). 
I also didn't end up throwing my bouquet. Unfortunately most of the ladies I thought would stay that are single left---there were like 3 single girls left when it was time to go and it was a little embarassing so we didn't do a bouquet toss.  I think about it now and there were actually more single ladies, but in the rush of everything and the car arriving just as I was asked to throw the bouquet, I didn't.
How can I get over this?   I know it's so lame b/c I got married and am loving married life, and overall I LOVED my wedding, but I can't stop thinking about it!  Any ideas or stories of things you felt didn't go well but got over it would be greatly appreciated!

[Deleted User]

First of all, with regards to the rsvp thing, this also happened to me. While I agree that it is rude, unless you know for sure why they didn't show, I would hold off judgement. For example, of my Mom's relatives that did not show had a sick husband that she needed to be with. In my mind, that is definitely permissible as to why she missed our wedding. Other people, yes, it is just flat out rude and disrespectful, but there is nothing you can do about it now. It is over and done with. The best advice I can give you is to move on and be happy that the most important thing is that you are now married to your best friend.

The entire DJ/music thing is also in the past and something that you should not sit and dwell on. For our wedding, the DJ was great, but the guests didn't want to cooperate with him and he had to tell the guests several times we were doing this or that.

And don't worry about not having a bouquet toss, there are a lot of brides that skip those things these days.

There were things about my wedding that I wish I could change too, like a good percentage of our guests left between 7 & 8 pm when we had the DJ and reception until 10pm. It was a bit disappointing, but I told myself I wasn't going to let it get to me, but instead partied and had fun with the people that were still there.

felicia220

Nothing is every going to be perfect, including your wedding.  Sh!t goes wrong, that is just life.  My wedding was far from perfect but I choose to remember the things that were perfect in my mind, like my ceremony was exactly what I wanted and more, it kinda cancels out all the other BS that happened.  There is always going to be something you wish that you could change, but why drive your self crazy over something you have no control over.  You are not alone, I am sure there are tons of people on here that can tell you all the regrets they have about their wedding.  I personally choose to live without regret and just be happy that everyone I love came to watch me marry my other half.  

vsgal

Nobody's wedding is perfect.  That is a fallicy fueled by corportations wanting to make a profit of off your childhood fantasy. 

People don't always follow through with what they say they are going to do.  We had three that RSVP'd that did not show up.  Did it truly matter in the grand scheme of things? No.  Do I dislike them now? No.  Were we disappointed that they did not make it?  Yes.  Disappointed, not disrespected.  People have their own lives and those lives don't always jive with specific plans.  When they RSVP'd, they probably had every intention of coming.  For whatever reason, on the wedding day they did not make it.  I guarantee they were not sitting at home twirling their hands and revelling the amount of money they just cost you.  Let it go. 

I did not do a bouquet toss.  Not my style and nobody missed it, trust me. 

The DJ may have not been the best.  Don't dwell on it.  Nobody danced at my wedding unless I was out on the dance floor.  All of my guests were in the bar drinking or outside smoking.  About a quarter of them left early because they went overboard with the free liquor.    That being said, people had a great time at our wedding.  They still compliment us over a year later on our shindig.  They recognize that  we had the three things you need for a good party--good food, good liquor and good people.  H and I had the one thing we needed--signed marriage license at the end of the day.  That is all that matters.

Don't dwell on any of this stuff.  It will make you crazy and potentially damage relationships.  None of these things affected the desired outcome.  You got married.  Friends and family were  there and life is good.  Focus on your future with your new hubby.

samy322

I am having issues similiar to yours- my wedding was the same day- I think talking about it (like you are now) should help...when you see your thoughts written in black and white it may change how you feel a bit

I totally feel you, i had some upsetting things happen to me and I am sure you are as overjoyed to be married as I am, but it dosent take away the sting of those bumps in the road that night. 

just think about the positive things that happened that day when those bad thoughts try to creep in, and looking at the pictures may help too!!

good luck- but don't worry you are not alone!  

Sarawalls

We are definately feeling the same way.  I'm pissed at myself, at other people, at circumstances, and I don't know where to put it all. 

It sneaks up on me in quiet moments.  A memory comes back with a regret, my stomach does a flip, and I try to think, who cares, you've been to a million weddings and no one remembers the bad stuff.  People had a good time; they've told you so.  You're married to your best friend, and you have your whole life to get those pictures you wanted/dance to that song/visit with those people. 

It helps a little, but it's obviously not working entirely.  I think we just need to be honest with ourselves and say, you know what, things didn't go as planned, I'm a little let down, and I'm going to have a little hissy fit about it!  That seems to help a little, too. :-)

I've just been told through 9 months of planning how I'm supposed to act, what I'm supposed to do, how I should be feeling, and how wonderful everything will be, so smile and enjoy it, dammit.  So, I'm just gonna go ahead and be a little peeved for a minute, in the privacy of my home, with the man who loves me, bitchy or not.  Because sometimes the only thing that helps is to talk about it and feel a little validated.

I hope we both feel better very soon.  I'm rooting for you!  *hugs*

FutureMrsRoss2010

I hear ya, I was married on 9-18 too.  And now I'm totally bummed out, find myself regretting things I can't change, and I don't know how to shake it off! 

MISSCOURTNEY20

Oh boy. This post really has me scared.

I haven't gotten to the other side of my wedding but I can say that dwelling on things that you cannot change is a very hard place to be. I was there when I got all no's but one from my other's OOT family members. I was pretty bumbed but then I had to think about the other 100+ people who were coming. Try focusing on the positive and look at the pictures. Hopefully those are great and you can go back to those moments.

kpwedkk

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_depressed-3-weeks-after-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:3462e0a6-8ecb-4158-af9f-07e84fbf0518Post:628789b2-95f2-41ad-a692-848c062cef9f">Depressed 3 weeks after the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I got married on 9/18/10.  I had the best time at our wedding, but there were a few bumps in the road.  First off, I literally had like 12 people not show that said they would which really bothered me.  How can you RSVP to something where you know it's not cheap for the bride's parents and then just not show?   I had a hard time with this and obviously am still peeved about it.  Anyone ever gone through this before.  I just felt it so disrespectful not only to me but to my parents footing the bill!

<strong>Stop and think first about your no-shows... There was a sudden death in our family, and some of our guests couldn't make it ( they did let us know but the catering order was already in, Oh well... it was seconds for someone else in the guests for dinner)... You don't know what happens out there, so please let it go, 12 is such a small number of people, I hope that you aren't counting peanuts!


</strong>
Another thing that I still think about is our DJ.  Originally we were supposed to get a band, but changed to a DJ at the last minute for budget and personal preference purposes.  We had heard DJ"s were just as good, more budget friendly and could play everything we wanted.  The band we originially booked couldn't play everything we wanted.  The ceremony and cocktail hour went so well and everything was beautiful.  Even the first hour of the wedding ceremony was nice as everyone sat down to eat and we had our first dances and toasts.  But after that the party was just lame---the DJ was some dorky guy with a computer that didn't get the crowd going.  I was really surprised b/c we had gotten them from a reputable vendor in the area we got married.  I literally had to give him a sign to let him know, lets get this going!! Overall, we had people dancing and it was fun, but I feel compared to other weddings, my entertainment was kind of lame.  I went to a wedding last night where the enterainment was so much fun and everyone was out on the floor dancing without encouragement from me!!  After that wedding, my feelings were confirmed that my entertainment wasn't that great.  


<strong>What's done is done.  Move on.  If you and your DH had more time to research great entertainment, then so be it.  Ask those ones that gave you bad reviews of the DJ... ask them how they liked the booze, and food?   I found that there are a few in every wedding that nitpick what was good and what was bad for every wedding I've gone to.  I'm there to bless the new married couple, not to say this was good, and this was terrible.</strong>


There were more people on the veranda area having a great time outside by the pool smoking cigars and drinking instead of inside where the "entertainment" was.  (Kind of embarassing, and maybe I'm overanalyzing, but I feel my bridesmaids felt the same way and felt bad for me).  I also didn't end up throwing my bouquet. Unfortunately most of the ladies I thought would stay that are single left---there were like 3 single girls left when it was time to go and it was a little embarassing so we didn't do a bouquet toss.  I think about it now and there were actually more single ladies, but in the rush of everything and the car arriving just as I was asked to throw the bouquet, I didn't. :( How can I get over this? 


<strong>I've been to a lot of weddings where the bride didn't throw the bouquet, or the groom didn't throw the garter... And the two that ended up not getting the bouquet and garter, didn't have to dance with each other. 

If you still have your bouquet, consider preserving it, and giving it to your Grandma, or Mom, or keeping it as a keepsake.

</strong>
 I know it's so lame b/c I got married and am loving married life, and overall I LOVED my wedding, but I can't stop thinking about it!  Any ideas or stories of things you felt didn't go well but got over it would be greatly appreciated! :)

<strong>In the end, you got married right?  With loved ones and friends from both sides!   You were basking in glow like a whirlwind of love for you were marrying the man of your dreams.  Think of the positive thoughts, and moments in your wedding.  Those are what matter :)

 Your negative feelings might already started to take a toll on your Dear Husband, so for his sake, don't dwell on the madness at your wedding.  It's hard work planning, and making every detail go right... Celebrities have loads of weddings, and do you think it's all fairytales and faeries?

 If something goes wrong, it doesn't get brought up, over and over and over.  Be the bigger person, with the golden heart, push all of those negative emotions aside :)  We have faith in you!</strong>

Posted by lisa12982[/QUOTE]

Hope that helps!

CynthiaJH

Wow-here I thought I was crazy. I was crying at weird times all the next day-to my girlfriends not my husband. And they all said they understood. I have regrets about the getting ready at my parents house and my reception. The ceremony and inbetween pics were great. I feel like the oart at my parents house could have been way better but instead it was rushed and the recpetion was so awkwardly times between the vendors-and I don't think one of them is to blame-it was the way the night went. Didn't get to talk to many people, felt bery rushed through things like the dances and cake cutting. And by the time we did the dances tons of people were already outside smoking, People keep telling me they had fun but I feel like I missed out on so much. Hopefully this pit feeling in my stomach goes awayand yours too!
BTW, married life is awesome. In the process of changing my name which is another exciting part!

lisa12982

Thank you all for your encouraging messages and also your BRING ME BACK TO REALITY comments.  I seriously needed that.
I have gotten over it.  I got my pics back on Monday and they literally made me feel 1000 times better!  They were wonderful.  I have to sit down now and chose 600 proofs out of 2000 pictures and then chose the pics for my album and mini story book album.  Once you get your pics back it makes it feel that much better it seems and they really do cap on all the fun, positives of the wedding.  In no way is there a picture of any parts or the wedding I would "do over". 
I'm so happy and am starting to realize that I was silly and petty in overanalyzing and stressing over the past. 
My mom also would dwell and recap on EVERYTHING which would sit there and make me recap on everything.  You know mothers and how critical they can be at times.  She didn't think anything about the DJ but she didn't like my wedding coordinator at all (she thought she was terrible and was very unimpressed).  Trust me I"ve heard all about it!  I actually didn't mind her so much.  Mom has confessed though that it was a gorgeous wedding and most of it was a blur like it was to me. 
I had many friends come up to me and tlel me my wedding was gorgeous and was wonderful.  AFter a while you definitely get over it.

gabbeygolucky

My flowers were all wrong, I didn't even get my toss bouquet and two of the corsages.  I had 25 people who were no shows with no warning and when I woke up at 5 am, my aunt had sent a text with a lame excuse as to why she was bailing last minute.  But at the end of the day, I was married to my best friend and we had a beautiful day!

Janesse

I went through a lot of similar emotions after my wedding.  My husband did too.  It took us quite a bit of time before we finally got over it, and I'll be honest that sometimes I still think of it and get sad/upset again.  You put a lot of work and emotions into planning a wedding, and then suddenly it's over, and it's harder when it doesn't turn out to be what you had planned.  The one thing that did go as planned is that you got married.  Try to focus on the positive.  Do you have any of your photos back?  Once we got ours, it helped to balance out some of that negative energy.  Hope you feel better about it soon!

Janesse

Awww, after leaving a comment I came back and saw this.  I'm glad that you are feeling great about your wedding now!

emilysshoes

Hi 

I got married on August 28th and I am still having waves of depression about my wedding... lots of things are upsetting me from my hair to the videographer (who showed up three hours late) to my mother-in-laws behaviour etc.. 

The photos aren't helping either. I feel frustrated at the photographer for not having shot all the guests, or for not advising for me to take my bustle down, or things like that. 

Still I am having to think of it in smaller terms, like the fact that my husband said he had the best day of his life and that we did lots of things to our house which we would't have done for ages (we got married at home) and that whilst it is supposed to be the "best day of your life" it is only "one day of your life" and that our marriage is more important than our wedding. 

It is also a comfort to know that other people feel the same! So many people i know say they had the best day of their life and i am so jealous of them!! 

roselyn81

Lisa, I got married the same day as you! And I have had regrets and a case of the blues after our honeymoon. But now I'm trying to put it behind me.

Like many of the ladies said here, it doesn't help to dwell on it, and at the end of the day, what really matters is that you married your love! 

Our limo didn't show up--they sent a corporate looking van instead. SO UGLY. Was I upset? Hell yes! Could I control a supposedly reputuable vendor's mistake? No...

Did everyone who said they would come show up? No. We had last minute cancelations, and people (even relatives!) who couldn't even bother to RSVP! All they had to do was check box Yes or No and put the envelope in the mail. One family member, did not even reply to our email or text messages about whether or not she was coming until the week-of! Very rude. But what could I do about it? (Now I'm probably not going to go out of my way to be as friendly to this person..)

What were the parts of your wedding day that were absolutely fabulous? Was it the awesome photos you got? The beautiful location? The feeling of seeing your fiance when you walked down the aisle? That's what it was for me. Remember those and keep reliving those in your mind! I have been and it makes me happy   My regrets are out the window and I haven't been so sad about it anymore. Married life has been wonderful also

A lot of what happened was out of your control. You planned the wedding as best as you could and hopefully you enjoyed some of it and will have great memories, and some fun stories to tell