Bridal Shower, To be or not to be?

amazingasian

So, my wedding is in two months.

One of my bridesmaids has decided to taken up planning a bridal shower, but will not tell me anything. Simply saying "You're going to have a bridal shower, don't worry about how." It's been 2 months since she said this, and after conversing with the other bridesmaid that was planning with her, nothing has happened. Ideas were tossed around, but nothing solid. This bridesmaid was getting irritated, because she is away at college and unable to throw the shower herself.

Normally, I would shrug it off, and not care. After all, it is expensive, and time consuming. They do not HAVE to throw me one.

BUT, I am moving April 1st into me and my fiances first apartment on our own. We are basically starting from scratch and many of the things we need are on our registry. I just wish I knew if one was happening or not, so I knew if I should buy the things on my registry for when we move. (instead of buying a dollar store shower curtain because I'm not sure if I'll receive one, etc).

AND, the MIL is hounding me on if the bridesmaid is getting anything together, because if not, she wants to throw one. (the MIL can be a bit nasty at times which makes it difficult and even more stressful) But I'm not supposed to know anything about the shower, not even that nothing is being done so far. 

How do I gently talk to her and find out if she is planning one, so that if she isn't, the MIL can do so? (Without sounding demanding)

I don't want to sound selfish, I would rather not have one. But I wish I knew what to expect?

Maggie0829

I would just go about life like you aren't having a shower.  Buy what you need and then just remove those items from your registry just in case.

And if FMIL is so interested if one is happening or not then she can contact your BMs to find out. Nothing is stopping her from throwing you a shower.  But she should communicate with your BMs to make sure that if they are throwing you a shower that their guest list and her guest list do not over lap.

Finally, if you don't want a shower at all then tell your MIL that and also tell your BM.

southernbelle0915

I would ask your BM if/when the shower is happening, because if there isn't a date and invites haven't been sent, your FMIL wants to host one.

Seriously, if BM hasn't literally sent invites, I would write it off as not happening. She might be like "I'm sending them this week!" Probe her for honest answers because she sounds flaky, trying to please and often that = nothing has been done.

thisismynickname2

I'll also add that you don't need a shower to get physical gifts. If you need to buy yourself a shower curtain now, either buy a nice one and take it off your registry or buy a dollar store one and hope for something nicer. 

Update your shipping address on your registry to something stable (maybe a parent's house?). I speak from personal experience--- even without a shower, you'll still get stuff off your registry shipped to you. People like giving "stuff" and those who just give cash, well, buy yourself that upgraded shower curtain.  

Point being- act like you're not getting a shower. If they don't get their act together, no big deal!

MobKaz

amazingasian said:

So, my wedding is in two months.

One of my bridesmaids has decided to taken up planning a bridal shower, but will not tell me anything. Simply saying "You're going to have a bridal shower, don't worry about how." It's been 2 months since she said this, and after conversing with the other bridesmaid that was planning with her, nothing has happened. Ideas were tossed around, but nothing solid. This bridesmaid was getting irritated, because she is away at college and unable to throw the shower herself.

Normally, I would shrug it off, and not care. After all, it is expensive, and time consuming. They do not HAVE to throw me one.

BUT, I am moving April 1st into me and my fiances first apartment on our own. We are basically starting from scratch and many of the things we need are on our registry. I just wish I knew if one was happening or not, so I knew if I should buy the things on my registry for when we move. (instead of buying a dollar store shower curtain because I'm not sure if I'll receive one, etc).

AND, the MIL is hounding me on if the bridesmaid is getting anything together, because if not, she wants to throw one. (the MIL can be a bit nasty at times which makes it difficult and even more stressful) But I'm not supposed to know anything about the shower, not even that nothing is being done so far. 

How do I gently talk to her and find out if she is planning one, so that if she isn't, the MIL can do so? (Without sounding demanding)

I don't want to sound selfish, I would rather not have one. But I wish I knew what to expect?

Technically, you are still going to need to make a few purchases.  Even if you have a shower, it is a general rule that no gifts be put to use until after the wedding occurs.  Obviously, every bride never expects the worst case scenario, but it does happen.  So unless you were prepared to repay every gift you opened prior to the wedding day, the guideline is a prudent one.

amazingasian

I've never heard of that one! Thank you for the heads up. I would have felt terrible if I found that out afterwards!

amazingasian

I'll definitely just ask her if it's happening or not, but act like its not happening either way. Thank you! I didn't know if I was being selfish or not.

theartistformerlyknownas

Honestly, I would buy dollar store things either way, until after the wedding - then you can use your registry completion discounts to buy those things.