Wedding gift amount

chraron

So, before I got married I had a specific monetary range, depending on relationship, that I would give when I was attending someone's wedding...

After opening presents, I noticed that the majority of my guests gave us considerably less than the range I had been gifting other couples - even some couples that received a present from me...

I understand that gifts aren't to be expected and that there is no "set" amount to give - just whatever you feel is appropriate.... but was I previously over-gifting? Would it be appropriate to adjust my gift amount for future weddings I attend because of this experience or do I gift just as much as I had been gifting in the past? 

thisismynickname2

Rule of thumb: give what you can afford and are comfortable with given your relationship to the couple. 

Gifts aren't tit for tat. 

It's really nice that you're so generous. If you still have the generous spirit, keep doing what you're doing. I don't think over-gifting is a thing, especially if it comes from the heart. 

lovegood90

chraron said:

So, before I got married I had a certain amount that I would give when I was attending someone's wedding...

After opening presents, I noticed that the majority of my guests gave us considerably less than I had been gifting other couples - even some couples that received a present from me...

I understand that gifts aren't to be expected and that there is no "set" amount to give - just whatever you feel is appropriate.... but was I previously over-gifting? Would it be appropriate to adjust my gift amount for future weddings I attend because of this experience or do I gift just as much as I had been gifting in the past? 

To the bolded- you just answered your own question.

[Deleted User]

I personally don't have a set amount I give for weddings.  I give what I feel I can afford and what I want to give.  We just went to a wedding in December.  I was already out of Christmas debt, was feeling good about my personal financial situation, and was happy that this couple was finally marrying.  I decided to write a larger check than FH would have written.  Three months earlier the couple might have been given half as much because my personal financial situation was a little more questionable having just bought a house and all.  I think if you can continue to be generous without risking your personal financial situation, you should.

amelisha

Yep. Everyone's finances and feelings are different. There should never be a dollar amount expectation for a gift. It's also different depending on location, socioeconomic bracket, how close you are to the couple, etc etc etc.

Personally, I don't give gifts out of obligation or expectation, I do it because I want to, so that helps too. Giving gifts to people I care about makes me feel good so I usually give as generously as I can afford to...but that has changed a ton over the years. When I was in university it was a much different amount than it is now that I have a career.

southernbelle0915

Our cash gifts ranged from $25 to several hundred dollars. Some people gave nothing. Gifting is personal and not tit for tat. 

It's just whatever you can afford and how close you are to the couple getting married.

Iamnowmrsjms

I've always given a "standard" $100 per person, more if it is a really close friend or family member. 

I don't think you should give less to a couple in the future just because they didn't give you what you "expected."  Any gift is generous and yes, gift giving is not "tit for tat."

huskypuppy14

chraron said:

So, before I got married I had a specific monetary range, depending on relationship, that I would give when I was attending someone's wedding...

After opening presents, I noticed that the majority of my guests gave us considerably less than the range I had been gifting other couples - even some couples that received a present from me...

I understand that gifts aren't to be expected and that there is no "set" amount to give - just whatever you feel is appropriate.... but was I previously over-gifting? Would it be appropriate to adjust my gift amount for future weddings I attend because of this experience or do I gift just as much as I had been gifting in the past? 

Were you comfortable with the amount you were giving? If so, then you are not over gifting.

However, if you felt obligated to give a certain amount, and you think it's too much financially, then maybe you should readjust it. 

The amount you spend or gift to someone should never be compared to what they gave you and vice versa. You should give a gift because you want to. Everyone has different financial situations. 

 I feel like maybe I was giving more than my finances allowed when I was younger and going to weddings, because there was a certain amount that I thought was expected. Now I can afford it and it's not an issue. But I got a whole range of gift amounts, and they varied like Southern said.

allispain

I agree with PPs that as long as you are comfortable with the amount you choose to give (ie - you're not going to be cutting back on groceries, gas, etc. in order to give that gift), then that's perfectly fine, even if it's higher than what other people might have given you. I ran into the reverse, in which friend whom I had gifted $50 at their wedding gave us a check for $300. I felt badly when I opened their card and saw that, but I was also a poor grad student at their wedding, and they were both gainfully employed with very well paying jobs at mine. Our life situations were completely different - had I given them $300 I wouldn't have had money for food that month.

JennyColada

I tend to "over gift" for most events. I'm ok with that. I can afford it and it makes me happy to see how happy I've made someone else.

Could I spend ~50% less on my gifts? Sure. But spending the amount that I do makes me a LOT more than 50% happier. So it's worth it to me.

[Deleted User]

I do have a set range myself, it's what we can financially afford to fit into our budget. I'm sure some guests think we are cheap (we give $50) but I refuse to break my budget just to be a guest at someone's wedding.

AddieCake

Yeah, you answered your own question. You can't overgift or undergift. It's not a contest or tit for tat thing.

SammiNJonni

You answered your own question it is not tit for tat give what you want to and can afford

Knottie23368624

It would depend on the situation...my rule of thumb is typically $50 for each guest who was invited. I figure this covers the cost of the food for us to be there at the very least...so my fiancé and I give $100 for the two of us...but it has been less in the past.

huskypuppy14

Knottie23368624 said:

It would depend on the situation...my rule of thumb is typically $50 for each guest who was invited. I figure this covers the cost of the food for us to be there at the very least...so my fiancé and I give $100 for the two of us...but it has been less in the past.

This wouldn't have covered a third of the per person cost at my wedding. And that's kind of our point. You don't know how much people spent, nor should you. Give what you can afford/want to give, and don't worry about the per person cost.

Does that mean you would give less if it was a cake and punch reception? 

larrygaga

I totally do it based on how much they annoy me. My sister? 200-300 bucks cause I love her lots.

Fi's cousin who only got married because she wanted a special party and she's 18 years old and fucking stupid as hell? Holiday weekend wedding on top of all that shit? 40 bucks.

annathy03

larrygaga said:

I totally do it based on how much they annoy me. My sister? 200-300 bucks cause I love her lots.

Fi's cousin who only got married because she wanted a special party and she's 18 years old and fucking stupid as hell? Holiday weekend wedding on top of all that shit? 40 bucks.

This exactly.  My sister got married at a small chapel with about 10 guests and we went to a pizza joint for her reception.  She still received the most generous wedding gift I've given so far because she is my favorite (read: only) sister and I love the crap out of her.

Travel is also a factor for me.  If it's in our hometown I still have to fly but don't need a hotel so I can give more.  If you get married on the beach somewhere, I'm not going to be able to give you as nice of a gift.

futuremrshp

To the OP, I see what you're saying.  I feel like in previous weddings I was a guest to,  I had been very generous.  And when DH and I just went through our gifts, etc, I felt like a bit of a sucker for like 2 seconds. 

The thing is that if you think this way, it takes you down a rabbit hole and make you start thinking of people a certain way that you really shouldn't.  Give what you want and call it a day.  I had some family members who gave nothing (and, folks I know for sure that that one cousin certainly only came for the free drinks.  Trust me on this one.  I know my cousin! But it is what it is).  My brother and SIL have two kids with another on the way and they're living on one income.  I got a BEAUTIFUL card.  All I wanted was for them to be there--- I would have given THEM cash just for them to have been there if they said they couldn"t make it! 

People have different circumstances at different times.  You will too.  It's all good.  The fact that they're there is enough.