Invites and Paper

B- list GUESTS and SAVE THE DATES DILEMA

Ok so, i have a strict number of invites which is 109. my dad is paying for the catering and venue. My fiancé's mum wants to invite more people and pay for it. My fiancé doesn't want to invite half of the people she wants to invite. so my question is:  can I not send save the dates to them, BUT send an wedding invite 2 months prior to the wedding? Most of these guests she wants to invite are from england. How do i say no.... when she is throwing money at me, i just rather not have too many people and especially people my fiancé doesn't want there... if we do send save the dates to the people we want to invite... will the others get mad? what is the smartest way to do this : invite but not really invite people. " just to keep the peace " -____-
Kindest Regards,
Mindey

Re: B- list GUESTS and SAVE THE DATES DILEMA

  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member

    Technically you should only send Save The Dates to VIP' and people you are 100% positive will be invited to the wedding.

    So no, not everyone has to receive a Save The Date, just everyone you send a Save The Date to, MUST be invited to the wedding.

    image
    Mrsburrell2016futuremrshpadk19
  • thank you for your advice. I will def keep in mind while sending them! seriously laughing at this kicking man!
    Kindest Regards,
    Mindey
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member

    Ok so, i have a strict number of invites which is 109. my dad is paying for the catering and venue. My fiancé's mum wants to invite more people and pay for it. My fiancé doesn't want to invite half of the people she wants to invite. so my question is:  can I not send save the dates to them, BUT send an wedding invite 2 months prior to the wedding? Most of these guests she wants to invite are from england. How do i say no.... when she is throwing money at me, i just rather not have too many people and especially people my fiancé doesn't want there... if we do send save the dates to the people we want to invite... will the others get mad? what is the smartest way to do this : invite but not really invite people. " just to keep the peace " -____-

    There is no rule that says you have to send Save the Dates to anyone.  However, if you do send them, then those people MUST be invited to the wedding. STD's have caused many a problem for brides, so if you have any doubts, simply skip them.

    If this issue is stemming from your FI's mother, then it might be best for him to speak with her.  Your FI simply needs to explain that the issue is not one of money, but an issue of space and intimacy.  You want a small wedding.  Period. 
    adk19OliveOilsMom
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Your FI needs to tell his mom, "Sorry, but these people will not be invited. The subject is closed." and then refuse to discuss it with her any further. 

    Invite only those who you want there and that you'd be able to host. Send STDs to those that you are 100% certain you are going to invite. Do not B list anyone. 
    adk19
  • Yes, you can skip sending Save the date's to everyone. This is the time where you can B list people. Meaning if you aren't sure if you can or want to invite them, put then on a b list when it comes to STD's and don't send them one. It buys you time while you figure out exactley how many people you have to invite and who you still have room/budget to accomodate. By time it comes to send the invites out, you need to have your final list done. But for anyone overseas that you really want there, send them STD so they can plan for travel. It's more expensive for them to travel then Aunt Sue who loves 2 hours away.
  • This thread has been so reassuring!  

    I'm having similar problems with my mom, aunt, and grandmother (on my mom's side).  My mom is buying my dress, so I am negotiating her list.  We're limited by $$ and # we can physically accommodate, and she's given me a list of "family friends" and 20 people from her job. I'm willing to invite a few of the family friends because they are friends of my grandmother, and it would be nice for her since my grandfather died recently, but I know that I don't have room for my co-workers, so I can't justify hers.

    When I was looking at photos of dresses online my aunt said, "Oh that reminds me, I have to give you a list of my friends to invite."  I put that down by informing her that my father in-law to be has 7 siblings, and my fiance's family comes first.  He's not inviting all of his family, but still.  My aunt wants to me invite my uncle's siblings and their kids as well (he doesn't have 7 siblings but it's a high number like that.)

    My grandmother was mentioning people that should be invited simply because they would give me cash gifts.  While that sounds enticing the thought of everyone saying accepting the invitation makes my stomach turn. 

    My grandmother seems to show some kind of understanding when I explain the $$ and physical accommodation issues, my mom is resisting, and it's going way above my aunt's head.
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