No Shows are Normal?

soontobespitzer

We had limited our guest list to 60 people including the bridal party, I feel like only 3040 people were really there though and I didn't know until I walked down the aisle. Do we call the people and ask what happened? Just call ask if they want pictures to see if they have a reason? Or suck it up and say nothing?

soontobespitzer

Oops typo, I meant 30 or 40 people, not 3,040

HobokensFury

Every wedding has no shows. Let it go. Calling people will make things awkward at best and can possibly ruin relationships.

Cortney1982

I wouldn't say anything or offer pictures.  It's quite a bit of no shows though, makes me wonder what went wrong?

kmmssg

Did you invite 60 people or did you have 60 people RSVP that they would attend?

itzMS

I asked a close friend of mine who was supposed to fly in from out of state what happened (we were just concerned something happened to him). .

But, any of our local friends/relatives who were no-shows are not getting contacted.

It's tough to not feel offended, but we're just moving on the best we can!

TaraMc728

We had a couple of no shows.  Some of them called us and told us what happened, but hey did that on thier own.  Others did not, nor did we ask, we just let it go.  Things happen.

[Deleted User]

I think no shows are normal at all weddings.  Things come up or people just forget.  I also wouldn't say anything. 

rlavach

As you’ll see from the ‘no show’ thread a few days ago on this board, it is a common occurrence. Calling them is just confrontational. What are you going to say? ‘So, I noticed you weren’t at my wedding…what happened??!?’ See how that can be taken? If they RSVPd yes & then didn’t come, shame on them. But there isn’t much you can do now. Move on from it. We had about 10% no-show, some with no explanation at all. Nothing I can do about it.

Jana711

We had quite a few no-shows.  Although I was pissed, still am actually, that we spent money for them, I would never ask anyone about it.  A few people contacted us with the reasons why we weren't there, but at this point, it doesn't matter.

transcriber87

Yes, no shows are normal...so are the missing RSVP's and people who RSVP and even tell you a day before that they will see you at the wedding...We had an original number of 100, then FI had gotten ahold of his family and there were 10 added so my mom called the venue and upped it to 115, paid almost 500 xtra bucks...all for nothing because we had maybe 97 people there...and all that food probably went straight into the garbage

mattycam

Yes, unfortunately this is common.

soontobespitzer

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_no-shows-are-normal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:445c576b-dab3-4b1e-b4a9-4c439e5ef87cPost:8df1bd73-fe2f-408d-a75a-749c1e886248">Re: No Shows are Normal?</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't say anything or offer pictures.  It's quite a bit of no shows though, makes me wonder what went wrong?
Posted by Cortney1982[/QUOTE]

Thats what I was thinking, it seems like alot of no shows to me but we didn't ever get an official count since we forgot to get a guestbook and never sat and counted who was there. We invited alot more than 60 because we knew people wouldn't be able to come (far distances like Alaska and Hawaii) but had 50 people rsvp yes outside of the wedding party or a few maybe's. Looking at it maybe there really were around 40 people there so there might not have been as many no shows as I think, but I guess we will never know for sure. Thanks for the advice, I'll just leave it as is with the people who didn't show. We still had a blast anyway!

Kristin789

In my region (the old-fashioned south), I've never heard of no-shows.  People are pretty serious about being called to attend a religious/spiritual ceremony as a member of the family or as a person asked to be a part of the family.  And the people who attend are considered witnesses to this wedding, and the bride and groom know that they can call on any of these people in the future, to give advice on buying a house or a car or whatever, to give advice on other issues when good times turn to bad, etc.  It's a real honor here to be asked to be a part of this ceremony and the reception afterward, and to stand up for this couple in their future lives...

rlavach

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_no-shows-are-normal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:445c576b-dab3-4b1e-b4a9-4c439e5ef87cPost:ba89bfed-48d6-4d9b-a319-92a6fd27d55c">Re: No Shows are Normal?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No Shows are Normal? : Thats what I was thinking, it seems like alot of no shows to me but we didn't ever get an official count since we forgot to get a guestbook and never sat and counted who was there. We invited alot more than 60 because we knew people wouldn't be able to come (far distances like Alaska and Hawaii) but had 50 people rsvp yes outside of the wedding party or a few maybe's. Looking at it maybe there really were around 40 people there so there might not have been as many no shows as I think, but I guess we will never know for sure. Thanks for the advice, I'll just leave it as is with the people who didn't show. We still had a blast anyway!
Posted by soontobespitzer[/QUOTE]
<span style="font-size:9pt;font-family:Verdana, sans-serif;color:black;">You can’t always go by the guestbook because not everyone signs them. My parents didn’t even sign ours, although I know for sure they were there…haha. With a smaller guest list like yours, I’m kind of confused on how you don’t know if someone was there. We only had 10 tables, so when we went around to say thank you to everyone, it was pretty easy to spot the gaps of people & see who didn’t come. If your guest list was like 200+, then I can totally see how hard it would be to spot the missing people. </span>

MrsGandthebeag

We didn't have any no shows.  

Kimberly0402

We has 2 no-shows, which was pretty good, considering we had 110 people,

brommel

No Shows are normal, but your ratio is higher than most.

Even if you truly only had 50 people RSVP a "definite" Yes.

I wouldn't personally call, but you can definitely have a friend or relative ask

whoever it was in passing, "Oh, we missed you at the wedding!" or something

of the sort.  It just shouldn't come from you, and definitely should be the only

reason for their call.

[Deleted User]

We had about 7 no-shows.
5 Did not give us a reason before or after.  I don't think you should call them. Just ignore them. That's what I am doing.

In my opinion, their lack of concern or reaching out to us after the fact shows us the real depth of the "relationship" we have with these people...

AJuliaNJ

I've been hearing that no shows are normal, but I could not even imagine just not showing up for a wedding I RSVP'd for. It seems like such a slap in the face to the host of the wedding. You still have to pay for them because they were part of the final head count, right? If I had to miss due to unforeseen and late-occurring circumstances like illness or a family emergency, I would absolutely make contact myself to tell the host what happened. If it was not possible to give notice, they would definitely hear from me within days with an explanation and apology. No way would I just not show up with no explanation or wait until the bride contacted me.

Who does this????

I am interested to see what no shows we get.

thisismynickname2

I am curious if, for the people who had no-shows, if the people were extended family, acquaintances, or otherwise "obligation" invites?  Like another person said, I would never no-show to a wedding. The only person I know who did that to a friend was because her grandfather (who she's close to) went to the hospital the morning of.  

I am planning a guest list of 80, but those are close friends and the first round extended family (direct aunts, first cousins).  It's shocking to me that, save for a true emergency or illness, people would blow off a wedding after an RSVP.  

easilyunamused

I have nightmares about no-shows! That really makes me anxious, but there really isn't anything you can do about them. I wish that you didn't have to pay for their plate. I would still be sad they didn't come, but at least you didn't have to pay for them not to be there.

JoanE2012

We had no no-shows. But I'm sure this is not the norm.  If I couldn't attend a wedding after I RSVP'd, I'd definitely call after the wedding AND send whatever gift I would've given if I had actually attended.  Sadly, I'm sure that's not the norm either.

loca4pook

We had two couples no-show, and both gave explanations. One actually showed up to church the next day accidentally. both actually sent a gift...though, I hear that is rare.

 

 

AJuliaNJ

The only no-shows we had were people's dates. A few people RSVP'd with husbands or boyfriends and then simply didn't bring them. It was slightly annoying that it came up in conversation that they knew for several days or over a week and didn't say anything. Since our final count was due only 3 days before the event, this should have never really been a problem unless they broke up the night before or got sick last minute.  I guess people just don't realize you still get charged if no one comes.

thisismynickname2

Thanks for the feedback

ZeroOrchestra

I was in a wedding last year that had a ton of no shows. I only remember because the other BMs were trying tomove the escort cards of the missing people so the bride wouldn't see and get upset. So I guess it happens, though I don't know any of the reasonings in this case. 

Gisellerina

We had 3 no-shows.  I am going to say something to one of them, just a direct statement along the lines of: "I'm really disappointed that you didn't show up."  My guess is he'll apologize and we'll move on.  I don't think it's necessarily relationship-ending to say something, depending on the circumstances.  This particular person is someone I've considered a friend for quite a while and who had been texting about how excited he was to be coming.  I think it's okay to let friends know when they've hurt your feelings (and mine were hurt by the no-show) and then you move on.  The other two I'm not worrying about - they're people I would have liked there, but I'm not close enough to them to feel hurt by it - life happens.

Lyds85

we had about 15 no shows. honestly it really pissed me off. It sucks that people have no consideration to the fact that you are having to pay for their dinner and everything and then your out that money. but what can you do... its their loss anyway!

Sharpschruter22

We had 75 guests and no no shows. I guess that's the beauty of a destination wedding.

jackiebrim

Unfortunately, yes. My father paid for 30 extra people to come, and somehow he overpaid by 20. So TWENTY people were no shows! My father is pissed, and he's within reason!