Upset with the bridal party

craziqt43

After hearing awful stories, I never thought I would be in this position. My MOH and one out of 2 of my bridesmaids have been there through everything with me, for over 10 years. So, without question I asked them to be in my bridal party. With only 53 days until my wedding they haven't done anything. I asked them to set up appointments for their dresses (and offered to go with them)... they said they wold and never did.
In January they asked my mom for help throwing my bridal shower and then ignored any types of contact my mom tried to have from there on with them and I ended up never having a bridal shower.
When I ask them questions or opinions about certain things in the wedding- they don't answer. And my bachelorette party is this weekend (My second bridesmaid had planned all by herself, because they ignored all her calls about it) and the other 2 said they wouldn't be home from the beach in time to make it. What do I do?? I love them, but they're really hurting my feelings.

KBabe076

Wow, I'm sorry that your BMs are treating you like this! Have you said anything to them? Maybe they don't realize the duties of a BM and the time, effort, and money that goes into it. I feel like a lot of this should be common sense esp if they've been your close friends for so long.

I would def say something - don't go bridezilla but be sturn and let them know that they're hurting your feelings and expected more from them because of your 10 plus year friendship.

[Deleted User]

The only thing your BMs are required to do is purchase their dresses and show up sober and smile for pictures. That's it. The only problem here is your expectations of your BMs. Lower them and then there'll be no problem. They don't owe you anything so just let the parties go.

Have they always been like this? If yes, did you really expect them to change just for your wedding? You've been friends with them for over ten years so only you can answer that question.

Just give them the absolute last day that they need to order their dress. If they miss the deadline then they've officially removed themselves from the wedding party.

annamhisle

I don't think it's wrong for you to be upset by no means. I know all they have to do is show up - but still - they are your best friends so it's COMPLETELY understandable for you to feel this way!! I would maybe try and talk to them about it. I don't think your expectations are too high either. If you want to avoid confrontation, send them a message or an email explaining how you feel. This is such a stressful thing to plan a wedding & the last thing you want is for something else to not go as planned! 

[Deleted User]

Jordan I don't think you read everything there, they DIDN'T order their dresses, big problem with only 50+ days to go!

And MOH is definitely required to throw the shower and bachelorette party!

Craziqt, I'm extremely sorry this is happening to you!  You're 2nd BM deserves a lot of praise.  I would let the other ones know they're stressing you out, not having their dresses is unacceptable and something needs to change.  It may be too late for a shower but that's ok, just make sure they don't screw up your wedding day, too!

Lizzieyounce

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_upset-with-the-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:47f91db1-df9c-4dc2-a9f9-848c9b86516cPost:c6089d3f-f89f-4b60-baa1-70c696b4ec67">Re: Upset with the bridal party</a>:
[QUOTE]Jordan I don't think you read everything there, they DIDN'T order their dresses, big problem with only 50+ days to go! <strong>And MOH is definitely required to throw the shower and bachelorette party! </strong>Craziqt, I'm extremely sorry this is happening to you!  You're 2nd BM deserves a lot of praise.  I would let the other ones know they're stressing you out, not having their dresses is unacceptable and something needs to change.  It may be too late for a shower but that's ok, just make sure they don't screw up your wedding day, too!
Posted by Jinxed329[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>No, she isn't. </div><div>
</div><div>All a birdesmaid HAS to do is show up on time, sober, in the dress and smile for the pics.</div><div>
</div><div>That is <u>all</u> a BM has to do.</div><div>
</div><div>As for them not having their dresses yet, just tell them the final day to order. If they don't, then they have removed themselves from the BP.  </div>

Lizzieyounce

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_upset-with-the-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:47f91db1-df9c-4dc2-a9f9-848c9b86516cPost:c6089d3f-f89f-4b60-baa1-70c696b4ec67">Re: Upset with the bridal party</a>:
[QUOTE]Jordan I don't think you read everything there, they DIDN'T order their dresses, big problem with only 50+ days to go! <strong>And MOH is definitely required to throw the shower and bachelorette party! </strong>Craziqt, I'm extremely sorry this is happening to you!  You're 2nd BM deserves a lot of praise.  I would let the other ones know they're stressing you out, not having their dresses is unacceptable and something needs to change.  It may be too late for a shower but that's ok, just make sure they don't screw up your wedding day, too!
Posted by Jinxed329[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>No, she isn't. </div><div>
</div><div>All a birdesmaid HAS to do is show up on time, sober, in the dress and smile for the pics.</div><div>
</div><div>That is <u>all</u> a BM has to do.</div><div>
</div><div>As for them not having their dresses yet, just tell them the final day to order. If they don't, then they have removed themselves from the BP.  </div>

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_upset-with-the-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:47f91db1-df9c-4dc2-a9f9-848c9b86516cPost:c6089d3f-f89f-4b60-baa1-70c696b4ec67">Re: Upset with the bridal party</a>:
[QUOTE]Jordan I don't think you read everything there, they DIDN'T order their dresses, big problem with only 50+ days to go! And MOH is definitely required to throw the shower and bachelorette party! Craziqt, I'm extremely sorry this is happening to you!  You're 2nd BM deserves a lot of praise.  I would let the other ones know they're stressing you out, not having their dresses is unacceptable and something needs to change.  It may be too late for a shower but that's ok, just make sure they don't screw up your wedding day, too!
Posted by Jinxed329[/QUOTE]

<div>No, no, and no. They can still figure out the dress situation, even if it comes to picking up a couple of dresses from a department store. And the MOH <em>traditionally</em> is in charge of the shower and bachelorette party. These things are not required. Period. OP needs to chill out. She has more important things to worry about, like the next chapter of her life starting.</div>

JoanE2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_upset-with-the-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:47f91db1-df9c-4dc2-a9f9-848c9b86516cPost:4b116964-271d-4133-94b7-fe78b4408ea9">Re: Upset with the bridal party</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Upset with the bridal party : No, no, and no. <strong>They can still figure out the dress situation, even if it comes to picking up a couple of dresses from a department store. </strong>And the MOH traditionally  is in charge of the shower and bachelorette party. These things are not required. Period. OP needs to chill out. She has more important things to worry about, like the next chapter of her life starting.
Posted by JordanF13[/QUOTE]

Sounds like the OP decided on dresses but the BMs are not ordering them. 

The BMs laziness and lateness in ordering should not become unnecessary stress on the bride in finding new dresses off the rack. I don't understand how grown adults can accept a responsibility but not fulfill it. 

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_upset-with-the-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:12Discussion:47f91db1-df9c-4dc2-a9f9-848c9b86516cPost:b6d6f31e-0eb3-4552-831f-c9fdf843d001">Re: Upset with the bridal party</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Upset with the bridal party : Sounds like the OP decided on dresses but the BMs are not ordering them.  The BMs laziness and lateness in ordering should not become unnecessary stress on the bride in finding new dresses off the rack. I don't understand how grown adults can accept a responsibility but not fulfill it. 
Posted by JoanE2012[/QUOTE]

<div>Agreed. This should be considered a last resort but frankly if they're unable to order the dresses in time, it's on them.</div>

craziqt43

I know nothing is required, and I was fine with not having a shower. But, the fact theyre not even responding to anything I try to get opinions on. The dresses were picked out... By them! But now that they need to get them they just aren't. In the ten years I've known them they never did anything like this... I used to see them several times a week and we'd speak numerous times a day. : My new life with my fianc and family is important, but they are to me also.

[Deleted User]

Have you tried talking to them about things that had nothing to do about the wedding? They may be going through some things right now. Invite them out for coffee or dinner and just let them talk. No wedding talk, just catch up with them and what's going on in their lives.