Ugh. Update in comments. No, I'm not in jail ;)

novella1186

So I just completely went off on my mom. I posted in another thread that my shower is tomorrow in my hometown. I have a dress fitting early in the morning near my hometown. The plan was to drive up tonight after work, have dinner with my aunt (who's hosting) and cousin, since both of them traveled across the country to be here, stay the night at my parents' house, get up in the morning and take my aunt and cousin to the fitting so they can see my dress, and then have the shower. 

I've been excited about it all week. 

Well, I just got a text from my mom a little while ago that she asked my sister if she wants to come to the fitting tomorrow. Um... why the fuck would she ask my sister that? Oh, because my sister will already be at their house, and it would be mean to her if we ALL left for my fitting together and left her behind and it would make her feel bad. Um.... why the fuck is she gonna be at their house? Oh because she's coming in tonight to help set up for the shower! WTF. 

No idea who asked her to help set up the shower; whether it was my aunt or my mom, and whether it was an innocent gesture or someone scheming to force us to "get along and be friends." I had asked that she not be invited at all, not out of spite but because I'm legitimately uncomfortable being around her. Also, no idea why she would agree to help and why she would want to attend, considering she thinks I'm a "terrible person." 

Needless to say, I kind of lost it. I told my mom she had crossed some serious boundaries and that it was absolutely not her place to invite my sister to my fitting. Also let her know I won't be driving up there tonight to have dinner with everyone. I'd rather not be forced to spend that much time with my sister and stay in the same house with her when I seriously have no idea how she's going to act. In the last 2 interactions we've had, she completely attacked me, and then said she wasn't sorry for doing so. Why the fuck would I want to be around someone like that? 

Honestly if I had found out about this sooner I would have cancelled the shower. Now I'm sitting at my desk trying not to cry because instead of looking forward to it, I'm just dreading it. And instead of letting me be excited and actually get to enjoy something, my mom has decided to put my sister at the center of everything, yet again. 

I just need to calm down because I feel like I need a calmer perspective on this but right now I just feel like shit. 

sarawifenow

I think you should still go and spend time with your aunt and cousin. Like you said, they came all this way.

 

Just avoid your sister. She is a total nut job and, correct me if I am mistaken, your aunt knows this. You will not be alone with her. I would take your own car, though, so that you can leave if she goes cookoo.

 

Don't let the bitch ruin your fun!

ashley8918

STARMOON44

But doesn't your sister probably need to come to the fitting so she can get her long white lace dress altered too? After all, your special day's theme is "omg you guys look at my sister" right?

I'm glad you decided not to drive up there tonight. Hopefully you can have a really pleasant evening with Wine instead and tomorrow focus on all the non crazies at the shower who love you.

novella1186

ashley8918 said:

lol thank you. 

novella1186

STARMOON44 said:

But doesn't your sister probably need to come to the fitting so she can get her long white lace dress altered too? After all, your special day's theme is "omg you guys look at my sister" right?

I'm glad you decided not to drive up there tonight. Hopefully you can have a really pleasant evening with Wine instead and tomorrow focus on all the non crazies at the shower who love you.

lol thanks, that just made me giggle 

littlepep

I'm so sorry! Your mom definitely crossed the line. Good for your for saying something. 

I wish I had advice but all I have internet hugs! 

lovegood90

What the fuuuck? Ugh I'm so sorry! Is your sister actually going to be at the shower then? I definitely wouldn't allow that, hopefully your aunt knows not to let her come if that's possible?

kvruns

STARMOON44 said:

But doesn't your sister probably need to come to the fitting so she can get her long white lace dress altered too? After all, your special day's theme is "omg you guys look at my sister" right?

I'm glad you decided not to drive up there tonight. Hopefully you can have a really pleasant evening with Wine instead and tomorrow focus on all the non crazies at the shower who love you.

ha you beat me to it.  I was thinking of course sister needs to go to the fitting, she needs to get her white dress altered too!

kvruns

can you stay with your aunt and cousin, or are they also staying at your mom's house?

VulgarGirl

Alright your sister is still a crazy ass bitch. Nothing new there.

And your mom is refusing to see that. Nothing new there either.

Novella, I love you, you know that. But you can't change people. You can only change yourself. Let your sister be crazy in front of other people and just keep smiling. Cause you're gonna get married. And then your husband is gonna fuck you. A lot. And that's gonna be awesome.

And your sister is just gonna sit around being a fucking crazy ass bitch. And here's the thing about about crazy ass bitches, eventually they crazy ass bitch everyone they know and they're left on their own. 

mikenberger

Can you stay with your Aunt and Cousin? I wouldn't punish them by not showing up because your sister is staying at your parents house. It's not their fault... hopefully. 

As for your Mom inviting your sister.... I just. Wow. WTF MOM. I would immediately revert to high school, run to my room and slam the door. Seriously, fucking QUIT IT. For the fitting, I would see if I could go earlier and get it done before they ever show up and cut both of them out of it. Or suck it up and grin and bear it. Hopefully she won't be a total cuntface in public. For the shower, I would totally ignore and enjoy my day. Your happiness will piss her off more than anything.

katiekessler123

That really sucks. I'm sorry to hear all of this...I'm hoping you'll show up at your mom's and your sister will just not be there for whatever reason.

I think I missed a lot of this, but did your sister just turn crazy after you got engaged or did the two of you never get along?

beethery

@katiekessler123 it's all out there in her post history. You can read through it all there.

katiekessler123

Yeah there are so many posts and I'm not going to read them all.  If she doesn't want to answer, that's fine.  Just trying to connect the dots.

VulgarGirl

@katiekessler123 dad's a cunt, sister's a cunt, mom's an enabler to their cunt-ness and also refuses to see sister's cunty behavior.

Also Brad is a cunt. But he is not in this story. Just a reminder. Brad=cunt. We don't willingly let cunts into our lives. 

MadHops21

mikenberger said. Can you kill her with kindness and happiness? I don't know if she reacts to that, but seeing you laugh it off would make her defeated and maybe get an appointment earlier without telling mom and sister would be smart. 

beethery

katiekessler123 said:

Yeah there are so many posts and I'm not going to read them all.  If she doesn't want to answer, that's fine.  Just trying to connect the dots.

Girl, bye. You want her to re-write all the bullshit she's been dealing with just because you can't inconvenience yourself to read it all WHEN YOU WERE GOING TO READ IT ANYWAY?

Don't give me that shit.

MadHops21

MagicInk said:

@katiekessler123 dad's a cunt, sister's a cunt, mom's an enabler to their cunt-ness and also refuses to see sister's cunty behavior.

Also Brad is a cunt. But he is not in this story. Just a reminder. Brad=cunt. We don't willingly let cunts into our lives. 

FUCKING BRAD. 

mikenberger

MagicInk said:

@katiekessler123 dad's a cunt, sister's a cunt, mom's an enabler to their cunt-ness and also refuses to see sister's cunty behavior.

Also Brad is a cunt. But he is not in this story. Just a reminder. Brad=cunt. We don't willingly let cunts into our lives. 

#blamebrad

katiekessler123

what?? 

themuffinman16

I am so sorry, Novella. It is a terrible shitty thing for your mother to do.  If you and your sister are ever going to reconcile, it should be whether YOU want to, not because other people want you to get along. I know that putting two people, with a poor relationship, together does not create magic, it creates awkwardness. I don't understand why people think a big event is a reason to patch up poor relationships. That is the WORST time to patch up relationships. As it gets closer to the wedding, I would just invite your mom to less outings, and keep a low dose of her in your life. She will only ramp up efforts to get you guys together.

  When people use your bridal shower as a motive for their personal agenda, I find that tasteless. I know it hurts, please know that there are a bunch of us who are in your corner. We have been where you are.  On your wedding day, all this bullshit drama will melt away. It might still happen, but you will be too happy to care. Sending you hugs.

ashley8918

katiekessler123 said:

what?? 

Who are you talking to? There is a quote button.

OliveOilsMom

katiekessler123 said:

Yeah there are so many posts and I'm not going to read them all.  If she doesn't want to answer, that's fine.  Just trying to connect the dots.

But that's how you can connect your dots.  Read her OP in other threads to get an understanding. 

beethery

OliveOilsMom said:

katiekessler123 said:

Yeah there are so many posts and I'm not going to read them all.  If she doesn't want to answer, that's fine.  Just trying to connect the dots.

But that's how you can connect your dots.  Read her OP in other threads to get an understanding. 

I love you so much.

LondonLisa

I'm so sorry. Situations like this make me so angry. I am always baffled by people who would rather have "family harmony" (read: everyone thinking they are happy when in reality just sweeping it under the rug) rather than actually caring about the well being of people in their family. Especially after what your sister did. 

Can you get a cheap hotel for the night? Stay with your aunt or cousin? I would just minimise the amount of time you spend with your mother. 

I would tell my mother "Mum, I recognise you feel that it would be rude to leave uninvited sister at home, so we'll miss you at the fitting." Just go with your aunt and cousin. She cannot be trusted to respect boundaries, and she needs to know that has consequences. If she wants to chose to hang out with your sister, that is fine, but she cannot expect you to be there as well. I would make it clear that your mother made this decision when she decided to ignore your wishes.

Is the shower at your mum's house?

loveislouder

I vote you go for dinner with your aunt and cousin, grab a hotel room and have a grand old time by yourself. Drink wine, take a good book and destress and let your crazy ass sister act like... well your crazy ass sister in front of everybody and just sit there like "this shit don't phase me."

You can do it

Dreamergirl8812

The only person who made your sister "the center of everything," is you. Why do you even need an entourage at your fitting. I went alone, because a woman taking measurements is not my idea of a good time. And if I didn't have a shower because that kind of attention is not my style.

It's not your fault that these people are its, but it is your fault that you surround yourself with them. Why are you bringing this crap onto yourself? You don't need all of this extra shit to become a wife.

flyingfoxes

This blows my mind.  I think Mom just got herself uninvited from the fitting - like @LondonLisa said, let her keep crazyass company at home. 

ChemFanatic25

Don't not go because of her and your mother. Your aunt and cousin traveled to your hometown to see you. If you don't go then you are giving into your sister's craziness and your mom is never going to see things your way. My mom is like this. No matter how many times you try to explain things to her she will not see reason. You can have a good cry, believe me it's therapeutic, but go to your hometown to at least see your aunt and cousin. I really like @loveislouder 's idea of renting a hotel room. Do that! Then you have your own space and can still come in the night before.

 

Also in terms of the wedding dress thing - just go without your mom and sister. Like don't even drive over there with them. Tell your mom that she broke the boundaries and you will not be attending your fitting without her. 

 

Good luck!

MadHops21

Dreamergirl8812 said:

The only person who made your sister "the center of everything," is you. Why do you even need an entourage at your fitting. I went alone, because a woman taking measurements is not my idea of a good time. And if I didn't have a shower because that kind of attention is not my style.

It's not your fault that these people are its, but it is your fault that you surround yourself with them. Why are you bringing this crap onto yourself? You don't need all of this extra shit to become a wife.

Excuse my ignorance, but shouldn't someone be there for the fitting to see how the dress becomes bustled? I haven't done this before, but I thought that you bring a friend or whoever will be with you the day of to learn how to bustle the back of the dress. And take a video because people forget a month later during the wedding.