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Ugh. Update in comments. No, I'm not in jail ;)

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Re: Ugh. Update in comments. No, I'm not in jail ;)

  • Weird, after I told her she had crossed some serious boundaries and I was not happy about it, I haven't heard a word from my mom. Is she sulking, pissed, or working on plan B? 
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  • I can't wait to get to BFs house and show him that he is a Knot villian. @novella1186, you want me to smack him around on your behalf?

  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited March 2015

    Weird, after I told her she had crossed some serious boundaries and I was not happy about it, I haven't heard a word from my mom. Is she sulking, pissed, or working on plan B? 

    It could be any of the above but my money is working on another scheme.

  • Hmm, this sucks.  I would go to the shower and like others said, be graceful. As far as the fitting goes, I would probably call the shop and make up some reason that you will need to reschedule. Then plan on going alone (or with friends) and don't even tell mom when it is. Because I can see BSCS pulling some evil shit there. 
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  • I looked at some of these replies during lunch and then rushed back to my office. I just remember someone had asked at some point for the history on this. Since I'm bored as fuck, here's the very first post (actually my first post ever on TK) as to the origins of the drama with my sister: 

    And a follow-up: 

    There are a million others cuz I had been posting about her a lot back when this shit was going on. But those are the two main ones. So if you're super super bored and feel like finding out the background on this current nonsense, have at it. 
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  • MagicInk said:

    So I just completely went off on my mom. I posted in another thread that my shower is tomorrow in my hometown. I have a dress fitting early in the morning near my hometown. The plan was to drive up tonight after work, have dinner with my aunt (who's hosting) and cousin, since both of them traveled across the country to be here, stay the night at my parents' house, get up in the morning and take my aunt and cousin to the fitting so they can see my dress, and then have the shower. 


    I've been excited about it all week. 

    Well, I just got a text from my mom a little while ago that she asked my sister if she wants to come to the fitting tomorrow. Um... why the fuck would she ask my sister that? Oh, because my sister will already be at their house, and it would be mean to her if we ALL left for my fitting together and left her behind and it would make her feel bad. Um.... why the fuck is she gonna be at their house? Oh because she's coming in tonight to help set up for the shower! WTF. 

    No idea who asked her to help set up the shower; whether it was my aunt or my mom, and whether it was an innocent gesture or someone scheming to force us to "get along and be friends." I had asked that she not be invited at all, not out of spite but because I'm legitimately uncomfortable being around her. Also, no idea why she would agree to help and why she would want to attend, considering she thinks I'm a "terrible person." 

    Needless to say, I kind of lost it. I told my mom she had crossed some serious boundaries and that it was absolutely not her place to invite my sister to my fitting. Also let her know I won't be driving up there tonight to have dinner with everyone. I'd rather not be forced to spend that much time with my sister and stay in the same house with her when I seriously have no idea how she's going to act. In the last 2 interactions we've had, she completely attacked me, and then said she wasn't sorry for doing so. Why the fuck would I want to be around someone like that? 

    Honestly if I had found out about this sooner I would have cancelled the shower. Now I'm sitting at my desk trying not to cry because instead of looking forward to it, I'm just dreading it. And instead of letting me be excited and actually get to enjoy something, my mom has decided to put my sister at the center of everything, yet again. 

    I just need to calm down because I feel like I need a calmer perspective on this but right now I just feel like shit. 



    To the bolded:image

    No way would Novella 6 months ago have said that, you've come a long way baby.

    Also, to the folks who are all "well I can't be bothered to find out the background so here's some useless advice"image

    Also, Brad is actually BF's name so I keep reading "Brad's a cunt" and I get his total knee jerk NO HE"S NOT THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND BITCH reaction.   Heehee


    One of my best friend's (who stood up at my wedding with me!) is also named Brad! But he goes by Bradley. 

    Though...he can be a real cunt sometimes. 
    No, joke, our best man's name is Brad. But this Brad is a fucking saint and I love him.
    Oh I've got a ton of good Brads (Cousin Brad, favorite baby cousin's bf Brad, BFF Brad, random New Orleans Jazzfest friend Brad...) the list goes on. Point is, all my Brads and y'alls Brads are actually human beings, not knuckle-dragging, missing a base-pair primates plotting their world domination and destruction of Novella's wedding from a subterranean lair several layers beneath the earth's crust. Also, our Brads all have last names. This guy is "just Brad".

    Novella, I agree with PPs. Stick to your high road, do spend the time with your aunt & cousin and try not to let your sister's bad behavior ruin your weekend. I find a blank stare is usually the best way to greet outrageous/inappropriate behavior.

    I hope you have a nice time this weekend. I'm sorry your mom & sis are stressing you out (esp since Brad obviously put them up to it) but I have faith in you - your etiquette will prevail and you will have a lovely time. Make us proud!

    (And then please live blog on here about the drama).
  • That is some shit from your mom, I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

    Because she's an adult and should be able to understand that actions have consequences by now, could you tell her you're just having dinner with your aunt/cousin, then getting a hotel?  She should be able to understand that because she did a shitty thing, she is now not invited to your dinner and/or fitting.  Maybe that's too much, but damn it, I'm mad for you.  And as for the fitting/bustling, if you go alone you can always record a video of how to do it on your phone to show someone at the wedding.  I'm sure your shower will be amazing, and I hope you have a great time (I'd be willing to bet that nothing would get to your sister more)!  

    Also, just putting this out there, but you may want to just plan to see Brad at your shower.  He's probably hiding in a guest's gift box.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • Novella, any update? How did it go?
  • I really am torn.  I hope Novella had a wonderful shower and dress fitting but I want some cray-cray story of BSC sister's behavior.
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  • I feel like bitch bingo would have been a great way to make sis's tantrums fun. Especially if there were prizes. Then Novella could be all "Yes! Now just say something mean about my dress and I take myself out for brunch! I'm two bitches away from a spa day, come on!"

    Maybe that can be played for the wedding day? Then novella could come back and let us know which squares to mark off in her post-wedding BSC post.
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  • I am glad that you had a good time. You deserve one day without any drama but I am a little mad at your mom. After you told her specifically that BSC sister wasn't invited, she brought her anyway. She is such the enabler that she will always try to get you two to make up. That would drive me so crazy that I would be putting some distance between me and BSC family after the wedding.
  • Update:

    Guess who strolled into my dress fitting? BSC sister! With my mom. AFTER I made it pretty damn clear that she was not welcome. But ya know what? I ended up being really glad she crashed it. She sat in the corner and played on her phone and sulked the entire time. Didn't look at me, didn't say a word to me. Everyone else in the boutique-- aunt, cousin, mom, seamstress, consultant, owner-- were hovering around me gushing about "omg your veil! omg your shoes! omg those earrings! You're so beautiful your dress is so perfect squee!!!"

    I haven't really had many moments like that in my life. Any time I felt beautiful or was getting a lot of positive attention, BSCS was quick to sqaush it. But this time she couldn't without showing everyone what a psycho bitch she was so she kept her mouth shut and it was probably TORTURE for her. I just wanted so badly to say, "See? I'm allowed to be happy and feel good, so STFU." But really, I didn't need to say a word. 

    I found out after the fact that my cousin had told her on the way there, "You will sit there politely and keep your fucking mouth shut." Haha.

    My shower was super fun! I got to see some very good friends I hadn't seen in a while, found out the reason one of them was too sick to come to my bach party is cuz SHE'S PREGNANT! WOOO!!! My aunt did some amazing decorating and everything looked awesome. A few of my close friends got me vodka as part of my gift so everyone was cracking up when I kept pulling bottles of vodka out of gift bags, which was awesome.

    BSCS stayed far away from me the entire time and still didn't say a word to me. Till my mom made her sit with me while I opened gifts to write down who gave me what. (WTF mom? Really?) During that part, BSCS pretended to be all friendly and nice to me because everyone was watching. And she got me a nice gift, which was a bit unexpected. But again, everyone was watching.

    The only low point was when I overheard BSCS get really nasty with my (deceased) grandmother's elderly, disabled best friend who's the sweetest person on the planet. I let my mom know that lady was owed a sincere apology. (And I let the lady know-- without getting involved in sister drama-- that it meant so much to me that she could be there and I'm sure my grandmother would be so glad, etc). Kind of heartbreaking to see that lady be treated that way, but I can't pretend to be surprised. And it kind of reinforced the point that it doesn't matter if BSCS says terrible things about me, because people know what she is, and they know who I am. So I guess something positive even came out of that ugly scene.

    And my dad showed up at the end to say hi to everyone, at which point he made an extremely rude, loud, humiliating comment about my friend of 22 years who was there. I don't think she heard him, but several other people did and thought it was shitty as fuck. Again, can't be surprised.

    Then FI's mom took FI and I out for Mexican food and margaritas, and I opened up some of that gift vodka. So it was a pretty damn awesome day.

    I hoped you checked the list, and made sure your sister didn't fuck it up.

    What did your dad say?
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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited March 2015
    arrippa said:

    I am glad that you had a good time. You deserve one day without any drama but I am a little mad at your mom. After you told her specifically that BSC sister wasn't invited, she brought her anyway. She is such the enabler that she will always try to get you two to make up. That would drive me so crazy that I would be putting some distance between me and BSC family after the wedding.

    Yeah, FI got stuck hanging out with my dad for a couple hours, and he said the ENTIRE time they were hanging out, it was one long lecture from my dad about how he's not an asshole. Seems very apparent that my dad knows he has done some shitty things and we aren't happy with him. So he goes on and on about how great he is.

    During this lecture, he told FI how I upset my mom SO MUCH by saying I didn't want BSCS at my dress fitting. She felt SO BAD. It was SO HARD FOR HER. She felt bad ALL NIGHT. Because everything is always all about my mom and her feelings are the only thing that matters. K.

    FI replied to this by saying, "well Novella spent her entire lunch break crying so..."
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  • There sure is a lot of drama surrounding you.

    Glad she didn't ruin your day.
  • huskypuppy14 yep, it looks like the list is accurate. I have a good memory, and some stuff is unmistakable as to who the gift giver would be (ex. my mom's friend is a Vera Bradley rep and give me a really beautiful Vera Bradley weekend bag; another family friend goes to Michigan a lot, and got us a really pretty cutting board from a local shop so there's a Michigan tag on it, etc). I actually had the same suspicion but it looks like she was on her best behavior.

    Regarding the comment: My friend and I were total partners in crime when we were kids and would always get into trouble together. So my dad thought she was the worst person ever, and 22 years later he still hasn't gotten over it and says absolutely awful things about her (like if her name comes up, he calls her garbage and goes on a tirade about how "trashy" she is), even though I go off on him every single time he does that, and even though she totally has her shit together, has never gotten into any real trouble, is an amazing mom, worked her way through nursing school, and works her ass off at a hospital. Wow what a terrible person-- sarcasm.

    As she was walking out of the shower, she dropped a glass that was part of the favor. She's actually really shy, and I could see right away that she was super embarrassed. Especially because, of course, everyone saw/heard the glass break so the whole room did the whole "AWWWWWW!" thing and drew a ton of attention to it, and her face turned red. So my dad yelled out, "WELL SHE HASN'T CHANGED! STILL FUCKING EVERYTHING UP!" Ugh.

    (Sorry, didn't mean for this reply to be so long, but I felt like the background is important to get why it was such a shitty thing)
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  • There sure is a lot of drama surrounding you.

    Glad she didn't ruin your day.

    I very strongly believe I am doing something wrong. Or have managed to get involved with the wrong set of people.
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  • huskypuppy14 yep, it looks like the list is accurate. I have a good memory, and some stuff is unmistakable as to who the gift giver would be (ex. my mom's friend is a Vera Bradley rep and give me a really beautiful Vera Bradley weekend bag; another family friend goes to Michigan a lot, and got us a really pretty cutting board from a local shop so there's a Michigan tag on it, etc). I actually had the same suspicion but it looks like she was on her best behavior.

    Regarding the comment: My friend and I were total partners in crime when we were kids and would always get into trouble together. So my dad thought she was the worst person ever, and 22 years later he still hasn't gotten over it and says absolutely awful things about her (like if her name comes up, he calls her garbage and goes on a tirade about how "trashy" she is), even though I go off on him every single time he does that, and even though she totally has her shit together, has never gotten into any real trouble, is an amazing mom, worked her way through nursing school, and works her ass off at a hospital. Wow what a terrible person-- sarcasm.

    As she was walking out of the shower, she dropped a glass that was part of the favor. She's actually really shy, and I could see right away that she was super embarrassed. Especially because, of course, everyone saw/heard the glass break so the whole room did the whole "AWWWWWW!" thing and drew a ton of attention to it, and her face turned red. So my dad yelled out, "WELL SHE HASN'T CHANGED! STILL FUCKING EVERYTHING UP!" Ugh.

    (Sorry, didn't mean for this reply to be so long, but I felt like the background is important to get why it was such a shitty thing)

    Your dad is an asshole. And I am not sure how old you are, but if you're 30, then your dad is complaining about something you did when you and your friend were 8? What the hell is wrong with him. 
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  • There sure is a lot of drama surrounding you.

    Glad she didn't ruin your day.

    I very strongly believe I am doing something wrong. Or have managed to get involved with the wrong set of people.
    You... react to it. You just need to learn not to be bothered by shit like this. We all have shitty, crazy people in our lives that we shrug off. It's just... life.
    You're doing much better than you appear to have been doing in the past :) just keep doing your thing, Novella! Its hard to undo and unlearn activities and behaviors you've been doing for years. It's really like attending rehab and learn how to deal with people like them.

    Glad everything went so well! I'm sure your dress looks amazing.

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  • Like, if my dad had been an asshole for 22 years to my friend, I would have just said "Dad, no one fucking cares about what you think" and kept on moving.

    It blows my mind that you cried through your whole lunch break because absolutely nothing your family does should be shocking to you anymore. I've only read this stuff for a few months and none of it shocks me. C'mon, girl.

    I've pretty much said exactly that to him. He doesn't care. He just keeps talking.
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  • edited June 2015
  • Like, if my dad had been an asshole for 22 years to my friend, I would have just said "Dad, no one fucking cares about what you think" and kept on moving.

    It blows my mind that you cried through your whole lunch break because absolutely nothing your family does should be shocking to you anymore. I've only read this stuff for a few months and none of it shocks me. C'mon, girl.

    I've pretty much said exactly that to him. He doesn't care. He just keeps talking.
    Well I give up. Have fun with that shit, because apparently no one ever gets anything through to your horrific family but they're still invited to things for no reason.

    Maybe you guys should all just have that big MMA fight you've been building up towards and then never ever speak to each other ever again. Because for serious, how do you all even? This is so frustrating to read. "My family constantly always sucks and today they sucked again and also water is wet but it's still amazing to behold and they will always forever be involved because ain't no one ever just quit them".

    My head, it has been scratched.
    It's tough to cut my family out of my life. I've been distancing myself a ton. But it's not like one day I can suddenly say, "Ya know what? I get it now. From this moment on, I will never see or speak to them again." (I mean I do get it now, but I'm working my way through it the best that I can)

    I didn't know he was showing up at the end of my shower. I haven't spoken to him in quite a while and I definitely didn't ask him to come.

    So... I guess it's just a process.

    The main point of my update was that it was a great shower with great friends. Yeah, those two shitty things happened because of two shitty people who are always shitty, but it is what it is with them. I still had a really fun day.
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