A Best Man Snark... of sorts (UPDATE page 5)

FiancB

Chipmunk415 said:

I had an acquaintance like this in my wedding planning....

She and I had known each other through college, but lost touch in grad school (she never returned calls, and only came back into my life to get me to help her/advise her)....some time later, when we're still in contact, I mentioned I'm getting married. Incidentally, she and I are of completely different racial/ethnic backgrounds (this will become important)

Upon hearing I'm getting married, this girl, whom I hadn't heard much from in 4 years, immediately starts going on about the wedding WE will plan (umm, no, I'M planning, not YOU) and TELLING me I MUST invite a bunch of young, wealthy, single men of her racial/ethnic background to my wedding for her to meet/hook up with/date. This assumes I know a bunch of men of her race that meet all of her criteria simply because of my profession as an attorney. She actually sent me a LIST of all the physical and financial attributes these men must have.

Her invitation "got lost in the mail..."

#blamebradelina

hellosweetie1015

AddieCake said:

This is the funniest fucking thing I've seen in forever. I wonder what he'd be like as a GROOM.

I honestly think, with his current attitude, the world may never know. ....which is probably a good thing.

[Deleted User]

.

littlepep

hellosweetie1015 said:

AddieCake said:

This is the funniest fucking thing I've seen in forever. I wonder what he'd be like as a GROOM.

I honestly think, with his current attitude, the world may never know. ....which is probably a good thing.

I was thinking the same thing. No one is going to marry to this clown.

paperpusher

Is this the guy who tried making out with you while your FI was in the same room? Or is that a different person?

ashley8918

paperpusher said:

Is this the guy who tried making out with you while your FI was in the same room? Or is that a different person?

Wait, what? Why would he choose a best man who tried to mack on his FI?

larrygaga

KatieinBkln said:

ashley8918 said:

PurplekittenMew said:

ashley8918 said:

PurplekittenMew said:

Oh.  Right.  Like you don't all know that neckbeards are often atheists that like to give religious people a hard time.  He has all the other traits of neckbeardism; it was a fair guess.

What the fuck are you talking about?!

How are currently using the internet but not aware of this type of person?!

Ex-fucking-scuse me? You make ignorant discriminatory statements, and then insinuate that I am the one who doesn't know how to handle life?

1) Militant atheism does not exist. There is no "sect" of atheism in which violence is purpotrated in the name of atheism.

2) The slang term "neckbeard" is in no way related to atheism, or to any religion. 

Guys, we need @larrygaga to come and settle this once and for all (she is the first one to introduce me to the term "Neckbeard" and therefore I grant her an honorary PhD in Douchebag Nomenclature).

I am pretty sure, though, that this particular brad is probably more of the "I'm super religious and therefore I'm looking for a whore to fuck and a madonna to marry, because everyone knows women can be one or the other." 

Actually, there is a small tie to the neckbeard culture and being an intolerant atheist. It's part of the meme. It's a weird belief that not believe in god makes you more intelligent. 

There are stupid religious people, stupid atheist people and stupid agnostics. I'm not saying it's either way, it's just the meme. I would like to think I'm pretty smart and I'm also fairly religious, although I don't go to church and I have very modern beliefs. People can think what they want as long as it doesn't infringe on other's rights.

Anyway, another neckbeard stereotype is viewing beautiful women as sex objects, and viewing ugly women how Hitler viewed the Jews. 

I met a real neckbeard once. We were at a party and he seemed not that bad, but super awkward and nerdy. We were getting along fine and then he randomly blurted out 'I HOPE YOU GET RAPED' Of course he got kicked out but he claimed it was just a joke. I never saw him again, thank gouda.  

hellohkb

PurplekittenMew said:

Oh.  Right.  Like you don't all know that neckbeards are often atheists that like to give religious people a hard time.  He has all the other traits of neckbeardism; it was a fair guess.

Is every single post you make a sweeping generalization about someone based off of their looks? Because that's really all I get from you. And it's kind of boring, TBH. Sure, there are neckbeard  MRA-type athiests, but there are also neckbeard MRA-type dudes of every religious/spiritual path.

novella1186

scribe95 said:

Did OP ever give an update on whether this was a joke or not?

Not yet. Her FI said something spot-on in response and hasn't heard back from Brad2.0 yet

Chipmunk415

novella1186 said:

Did OP ever give an update on whether this was a joke or not?

Not yet. Her FI said something spot-on in response and hasn't heard back from Brad2.0 yet


Sorry, I just snorted at this and the immediate advertisement that came to mind: "Coming to your area, it's Brad 2.0! This bigger, whinier, more self centered douchecanoe comes with additional shrill tone settings, three boxes of condoms, a flask, and the inflatable drunk hoe date! Available for purchase by cuntwaffles at these fine retailers..."

flutteringinfl

larrygaga said:

KatieinBkln said:

ashley8918 said:

PurplekittenMew said:

ashley8918 said:

PurplekittenMew said:

Oh.  Right.  Like you don't all know that neckbeards are often atheists that like to give religious people a hard time.  He has all the other traits of neckbeardism; it was a fair guess.

What the fuck are you talking about?!

How are currently using the internet but not aware of this type of person?!

Ex-fucking-scuse me? You make ignorant discriminatory statements, and then insinuate that I am the one who doesn't know how to handle life?

1) Militant atheism does not exist. There is no "sect" of atheism in which violence is purpotrated in the name of atheism.

2) The slang term "neckbeard" is in no way related to atheism, or to any religion. 

Guys, we need @larrygaga to come and settle this once and for all (she is the first one to introduce me to the term "Neckbeard" and therefore I grant her an honorary PhD in Douchebag Nomenclature).

I am pretty sure, though, that this particular brad is probably more of the "I'm super religious and therefore I'm looking for a whore to fuck and a madonna to marry, because everyone knows women can be one or the other." 

Actually, there is a small tie to the neckbeard culture and being an intolerant atheist. It's part of the meme. It's a weird belief that not believe in god makes you more intelligent. 

There are stupid religious people, stupid atheist people and stupid agnostics. I'm not saying it's either way, it's just the meme. I would like to think I'm pretty smart and I'm also fairly religious, although I don't go to church and I have very modern beliefs. People can think what they want as long as it doesn't infringe on other's rights.

Anyway, another neckbeard stereotype is viewing beautiful women as sex objects, and viewing ugly women how Hitler viewed the Jews. 

I met a real neckbeard once. We were at a party and he seemed not that bad, but super awkward and nerdy. We were getting along fine and then he randomly blurted out 'I HOPE YOU GET RAPED' Of course he got kicked out but he claimed it was just a joke. I never saw him again, thank gouda.  

Yeah, my ex was a neckbeard who fit this stereotype really well. He wore a fedora and a trenchcoat (which he bragged used to belong to a Nazi), attended Anonymous protests, and was openly disgusted by religion. But being a neckbeard doesn't automatically mean you have certain traits, nor do certain traits automatically make you a neckbeard. Generalizing people is generally not great.

loveislouder

Sorry guys, he hasn't responded.

[Deleted User]

.

mrsdee15

pinkrevenge said:

Sorry guys, he hasn't responded.

Send him ads for male escort services.

or a picture of a melon with a hole cut in it "Look, we got you a date!"

Literal LOL.  This brought me glee.

KatieinBkln

larrygaga said:

KatieinBkln said:

ashley8918 said:

PurplekittenMew said:

ashley8918 said:

PurplekittenMew said:

Oh.  Right.  Like you don't all know that neckbeards are often atheists that like to give religious people a hard time.  He has all the other traits of neckbeardism; it was a fair guess.

What the fuck are you talking about?!

How are currently using the internet but not aware of this type of person?!

Ex-fucking-scuse me? You make ignorant discriminatory statements, and then insinuate that I am the one who doesn't know how to handle life?

1) Militant atheism does not exist. There is no "sect" of atheism in which violence is purpotrated in the name of atheism.

2) The slang term "neckbeard" is in no way related to atheism, or to any religion. 

Guys, we need @larrygaga to come and settle this once and for all (she is the first one to introduce me to the term "Neckbeard" and therefore I grant her an honorary PhD in Douchebag Nomenclature).

I am pretty sure, though, that this particular brad is probably more of the "I'm super religious and therefore I'm looking for a whore to fuck and a madonna to marry, because everyone knows women can be one or the other." 

Actually, there is a small tie to the neckbeard culture and being an intolerant atheist. It's part of the meme. It's a weird belief that not believe in god makes you more intelligent. 

There are stupid religious people, stupid atheist people and stupid agnostics. I'm not saying it's either way, it's just the meme. I would like to think I'm pretty smart and I'm also fairly religious, although I don't go to church and I have very modern beliefs. People can think what they want as long as it doesn't infringe on other's rights.

Anyway, another neckbeard stereotype is viewing beautiful women as sex objects, and viewing ugly women how Hitler viewed the Jews. 

I met a real neckbeard once. We were at a party and he seemed not that bad, but super awkward and nerdy. We were getting along fine and then he randomly blurted out 'I HOPE YOU GET RAPED' Of course he got kicked out but he claimed it was just a joke. I never saw him again, thank gouda.  

I KNEW YOU WOULD KNOW EVERYTHING!!!

Also: so gross re: that dude at the party. How do dudes like this get invited to parties?

Every single guy above gives me the Run-Don't-Walk-Away heebie jeebies.

loveislouder

UPDATE:

Got another e-mail. Equally as hilarious. Small backstory: FMIL's boyfriend and FI's brothers (3 of our groomsmen) had not heard anything about a bachelor party, so they planned one and invited BM. They didn't tell us they were doing it, just asked for BM's phone number and went ahead and did it. FMIL had been badgering me to plan something, but I didn't because I know better (and I think I asked Knotties if I could lol)

"Loveislouder and FI,

I am dropping out FOR SURE now. How inconsiderate of you to plan your own bachelor party when you knew FULL WELL I was planning one for you. (We didn't...) It was scheduled for Saturday, April 4th but I was waiting until today (today guys... like Monday the 30th) to send out invitations. I can not believe how inconsiderate and rude you are. You will be lucky if I attend your wedding at all. I don't know if we can be friends.

All the best,

BM"

WOAH. Okay. So FI was like, what the FUCK do I do with that? So I told him to tell him that we were unaware of any parties scheduled by anybody at any time, and we're sorry he feels that way.  What does FI send him?

We didn't know about any parties. Stop being a douchecanoe (a word he picked up here.)

I love him

flutteringinfl

I read your update like this:

This guy is the best drama llama ever. Is he real? Can we preserve him somehow for future generations to observe and learn from and laugh at his odd ways?

[Deleted User]

Hahaha! This guy is legitimately bat shit crazy. Didn't he complain in email #1 about no bachelor party (because you know, weddings are supposed to be fun... aka get him laid).

And your FI's response was absolutely perfect.

KatieinBkln

I always wonder how dramatic people like this manage to live their day-to-day lives. When Every. Little. Thing. is a huge fucking deal, how do they cope with it when like, someone bumps them in line at the supermarket or a friend doesn't read their mind? I mean just physically, how do they do it? Their blood pressure must be through the goddamn roof.

I'm not saying drugs are the answer (drugs are never the answer, kids!) but...this brad needs to smoke a bowl or pop a Valium like, yesterday. 

loveislouder

AlisonM23 said:

Hahaha! This guy is legitimately bat shit crazy. Didn't he complain in email #1 about no bachelor party (because you know, weddings are supposed to be fun... aka get him laid).

And your FI's response was absolutely perfect.

This exactly. Like, we can't do anything right apparently

TrixieJess

I know people like this, but they are Theatre folks. Their whole life is a stage. This is the point where you get some popcorn, sell some tickets and stand back. And can someone please find a GIF of a "Douchecanoe", that is going to be my new go-to phrase. Thank you TK!

banana468

Your FI's response was spot on.

I'm trying to figure out what redeeming qualities this dude has. 

flutteringinfl

KatieinBkln said:

I always wonder how dramatic people like this manage to live their day-to-day lives. When Every. Little. Thing. is a huge fucking deal, how do they cope with it when like, someone bumps them in line at the supermarket or a friend doesn't read their mind? I mean just physically, how do they do it? Their blood pressure must be through the goddamn roof.

I'm not saying drugs are the answer (drugs are never the answer, kids!) but...this brad needs to smoke a bowl or pop a Valium like, yesterday. 

I had a roommate in college who was like this. She legit threw a tantrum when she dropped her phone behind her bed and couldn't find it for five minutes. Like, calling up to the heavens to ask what she had done to deserve this. I don't know how she's faring now. From what I hear, not great.

pinkcow13

flutteringinfl said:

KatieinBkln said:

I always wonder how dramatic people like this manage to live their day-to-day lives. When Every. Little. Thing. is a huge fucking deal, how do they cope with it when like, someone bumps them in line at the supermarket or a friend doesn't read their mind? I mean just physically, how do they do it? Their blood pressure must be through the goddamn roof.

I'm not saying drugs are the answer (drugs are never the answer, kids!) but...this brad needs to smoke a bowl or pop a Valium like, yesterday. 

I had a roommate in college who was like this. She legit threw a tantrum when she dropped her phone behind her bed and couldn't find it for five minutes. Like, calling up to the heavens to ask what she had done to deserve this. I don't know how she's faring now. From what I hear, not great.

Wow....He's a real tool...

I have a friend like this, too. I posted about her before (she's the one being all dramatic about my bachelorette party, if anyone remembers.) One time we were in her car and she was telling me about some guy she was dating, and how they got into a huge fight. At some point while we were driving home, he called her, and she put him on speaker phone. Totally normal conversation, and then he said something totally insignificant, and she completely blew up at him. Afterwards, she was all "Can you believe him?!?!" And she was ANGRY! Like furious at him. That was the moment I realized she had drama llama issues. 

beethery

banana468 said:

Your FI's response was spot on.

I'm trying to figure out what redeeming qualities this dude has. 

short answer: none!

novella1186

wow. I am fascinated by this guy and his douchebaggery. I would be tempted to say, "That's ok, you probably shouldn't come to the wedding. It may be too stressful for you, princess." But really I think so response at all is best here. Don't waste your time. 

climbingsingle

This is so crazy. Has he always been normal up until this point?

hellosweetie1015

OH MY GOD. 

Day made. That response. He said a couple days ago that there was no bach party, and that was why he was dropping out.

Now because he planned one and apparently someone else planned one, there's too MANY bach parties? WTF MATE.

On the other hand, it has made my DAY that this transpired as it did. Go FI for calling NewBrad out on his douchecanoery.

drunkenwitch

So, would you say Brad is more like this:

this

or this

ashley8918

Knottie1427384883 said:

OMG this guy is nuts!  Be glad he bowed out and hopefully he will bow our of your life!  Who needs that???

Are you for real with this link right now? Is this your blog or something?

@beethery clean up on aisle 7!