Invites and Paper

Invitation wording help

mj8215mj8215
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edited March 2015 in Invites and Paper
OK wise ladies of TK, this is what we came up with. Your input is appreciated. 

Notes: its a Jewish wedding in a beautiful city in the middle of Europe. Both my mom and his parents are generously contributing (we are covering about 50% and they are splitting the rest 50/50). We tried to convey that. Or does that sound weird and should we just change it to the parents are requesting the honor of everyone's presence ? (We do want to name the parents as opposed to using "together with their families"). Also do we need to say Chuppah Ceremony instead of just Chuppah? And, if the venue is a landmark, do we need to put the full address on there? Seems like that would look very crowded. 
Should our website go on there? Or on a separate card? 
Thanks in advance!
(edited because formatting came out weird)
----
Together with their parents
Mrs. My Mom  Dr. and Mrs. His Parents

MJfirstname and FIfirstname

[Names in Hebrew underneath]

Request the honor of your presence at their wedding celebration

Sunday, the Second of August, Two Thousand and Fifteen

At Venue Name

City, Country

Bedeken at 4pm

Chuppah at 5pm followed by dinner and dancing



- The stars, like dust, encircle me in living mists of light. And all of space I seem to see in one vast burst of sight. 

Re: Invitation wording help

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    edited March 2015
    I'm sorry if this seems harsh, but:

    First of all, who's hosting does not equal who's paying. Second, the financial arrangements are none of the guests' business. And third, the only persons "honored" by a wedding invitations are the guests. Not the couple, not any of their parents, not anyone else. The only persons who should be listed on the invitation besides the couple are the hosts, who are the "point persons" of the wedding: the persons who issue the invitations, receive the replies, greet guests at the wedding, and arrange for their needs to be tended to-whether or not they are contributing financially. It is not an "honor" to be listed as a host on a wedding invitation because it is not a playbill that lists all the players. (If you need to do that, use programs.)

    The wording for any wedding invitation, Jewish or otherwise, does not properly convey the financial arrangements. Nor does it describe the specifics of the rituals or the hospitality. So "bedeken" and "chuppah" are not mentioned on the invitation itself. (If any of your guests are not Jewish or don't practice, they may not know what these terms refer to. If you mention them at all, I'd put them on an explanatory insert or program at the wedding itself rather than in the invitation.) "Dinner and dancing" also does not appear on the invitation.

    Also, "wedding celebration" means that the ceremony already took place and what you are inviting your guests to is some kind of post-wedding celebration and not the wedding itself.

    So the correct wording should be (assuming both sets of parents are "hosting" as described in the second paragraph of this post)

    Together with their parents
    Mrs. Bride's Mother
    Dr. and Mrs. Grooms Parents
    Bride
    and
    Groom
    request the honor of your presence (at a house of worship)/
    request the pleasure of your company (all other ceremonies)
    as they are united in marriage
    on Sunday, the second of August
    Two thousand and fifteen
    at four o'clock
    Venue Name
    Venue Address
    City, Country

    Reception to follow (if the reception is at the same venue)

    If the reception is at a different venue, then instead of putting "Reception to follow" on the invitation, you enclose a reception card worded

    Reception
    Immediately following the ceremony
    Venue Name
    Venue Address
    City, Country

    Again, there is no mention of "dinner and dancing."

    I'd put the website on a separate insert.

    I'm Jewish myself, by the way.
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited March 2015
    Jewish weddings have slightly different etiquette than other weddings.  Both parents are named on the invitation, but the bride and groom do not host.  Since you are the focus of the event, which is held in your honor, you give the parents the hosting line.  It is no one's business who is paying for what.

    Mrs. My Mom
    Dr. and Mrs. His Parents

    request the honor of your presence (Temple?)

    at the marriage of

    Bride's Full Name

    (Hebrew Name)

    and

    Groom's Full Name

    (Hebrew Name)

    Sunday, the second of August

    two thousand fifteen

    Venue Name

    City, Country

    Bedeken at four o'clock

    Chuppah Ceremony at five o'clock


    Reception to follow


    Often Jewish wedding invitations divided in half, with the bride's parents on one side, and the grooms parents on the other.   You never describe the food and activities at your reception, and I have never been to a Jewish wedding where dinner and dancing wasn't part of the reception.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    member
    edited March 2015
    CMGragain said:

    Jewish weddings have slightly different etiquette than other weddings.  Both parents are named on the invitation, but the bride and groom do not host.  Since you are the focus of the event, which is held in your honor, you give the parents the hosting line.  It is no one's business who is paying for what.

    Mrs. My Mom
    Dr. and Mrs. His Parents

    request the honor of your presence (Temple?)

    at the marriage of

    Bride's Full Name

    (Hebrew Name)

    and

    Groom's Full Name

    (Hebrew Name)

    Sunday, the second of August

    two thousand fifteen

    Venue Name

    City, Country

    Bedeken at four o'clock

    Chuppah Ceremony at five o'clock


    Reception to follow


    Often Jewish wedding invitations divided in half, with the bride's parents on one side, and the grooms parents on the other.   You never describe the food and activities at your reception, and I have never been to a Jewish wedding where dinner and dancing wasn't part of the reception.

    This is not correct.

    Jewish wedding invitations are not typically divided in half. Although there is generally a meal served, Jewish weddings can take place without dancing. There won't be, if for example, there was a recent death in either or both families.

    Also, Jewish wedding invitations do not mention "bedeken" or "chuppah ceremonies." The bedeken ceremony is private and is usually limited to very close family and friends, while the chuppah ceremony is the public ceremony that everyone is invited to. So the only start time that should be listed on the invitation is the chuppah ceremony start time and the wording "chuppah ceremony" does not appear. Invitations to the bedeken are not conveyed on the main invitation but generally by discreet word of mouth.
  • Um, OK. First off, thank you both for the input. Re: "who is hosting" we will definitely take your advice and use the "parents are hosting" wording which seems most appropriate in our case. 

    Regarding @Jen4948 's statement about bedeken, I have to respectfully disagree (also, yes you do come off a bit harsh, but I guess that's what happens when you ask strangers on the internet a question). Whether or not the Bedeken is private or open to all guests is up to the couple/ family. We think it is a beautiful tradition that we want to share with all our guests. In fact, we specifically want to mention it on the invitation because we want to combine it with a Cocktail hour (I should have explained that better, sorry). 

    Basically the plan is: 

    4 pm - 5 pm Cocktail hour including Bedeken (guests arriving at venue and mingling, drinks and hors d'oeuvres being served ("flying trays" not buffet style). At some point groom coming over to bride (we will be on separate ends of the ballroom) and Bedeken being performed. Cocktail hour music (Clarinet, traditional Jewish music). 

    5 pm Chuppah (the actual wedding ceremony). 

    Followed by Reception (OK, I get the part about not specifically stating "dinner & dancing"). 

    With above clarification in mind, does it make more sense now to list bedeken/ chuppah separately?
    - The stars, like dust, encircle me in living mists of light. And all of space I seem to see in one vast burst of sight. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    edited March 2015
    mj8215 said:

    Um, OK. First off, thank you both for the input. Re: "who is hosting" we will definitely take your advice and use the "parents are hosting" wording which seems most appropriate in our case. 


    Regarding @Jen4948 's statement about bedeken, I have to respectfully disagree (also, yes you do come off a bit harsh, but I guess that's what happens when you ask strangers on the internet a question). Whether or not the Bedeken is private or open to all guests is up to the couple/ family. We think it is a beautiful tradition that we want to share with all our guests. In fact, we specifically want to mention it on the invitation because we want to combine it with a Cocktail hour (I should have explained that better, sorry). 

    Basically the plan is: 

    4 pm - 5 pm Cocktail hour including Bedeken (guests arriving at venue and mingling, drinks and hors d'oeuvres being served ("flying trays" not buffet style). At some point groom coming over to bride (we will be on separate ends of the ballroom) and Bedeken being performed. Cocktail hour music (Clarinet, traditional Jewish music). 

    5 pm Chuppah (the actual wedding ceremony). 

    Followed by Reception (OK, I get the part about not specifically stating "dinner & dancing"). 

    With above clarification in mind, does it make more sense now to list bedeken/ chuppah separately?
    No, it does not. If you want everyone to be there at a specific time, then you list that particular time as the start time. As noted earlier, you do not describe the hospitality or the rituals on the face of the invitation. So, no, you do not list "bedeken" or "chuppah ceremony" on your invitations. The reason why is that it can give the impression, however erroneous, that you are inviting guests to a tiered event, in which not everyone is invited to the whole thing. Tiered weddings are among the height of rudeness, so you don't want to create that impression.

    Edited to add: Sorry for the earlier harshness, but we've told posters many times over that the sole purpose of a wedding invitation, Jewish or otherwise, is to convey a request from the hosts to the guests asking them to attend an event at a specified place, date, and time. It isn't a playbill, program, or family tree. When we see this repeatedly popping up, it gets old and I guess we get frustrated having to make this clear yet again. My apologies for the tone.
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