Who to invite to what

KatWAG

Knottie71125182 said:

Thank you! THIS IS ONE THING I have not heard yet....And we both have large extended families, that neither of us really know. But I assumed they just needed to be invited since they were family. 

The only people that MUST be invited are the Bride, Groom and whomever will perform your ceremony.

Dreamergirl8812

Knottie71125182 said:

We are having a small ceremony 50 people max. However, we have no idea how many family members will come that are invited, as both sides of our family live far away. We are having a reception for all of our friends and family, expecting 150 people. However, one of my bridesmaids is throwing me a shower.My question is would it be rude to only invite some of the women to the shower and the reception and not to the ceremony? 

Knottie71125182 said:

Thank you! THIS IS ONE THING I have not heard yet....And we both have large extended families, that neither of us really know. But I assumed they just needed to be invited since they were family. 

This is all a little fishy. You wanted to invite these family members you didn't really know to your shower? But not the ceremony?

And, are your numbers including your friends/family's significant others in these guest counts?

flantastic

Knottie71125182 said:

Thank you! THIS IS ONE THING I have not heard yet....And we both have large extended families, that neither of us really know. But I assumed they just needed to be invited since they were family. 

Nope, no one is owed an invitation to your wedding, family or not. It's not rude not to invite someone. However, if you're going to invite them (to ceremony and/or party afterwards) you need to be sure to treat them well - and making it clear that friends are a second tier of guest to random family members ("they get the real deal, you can come for the party") would not be treating them well. I hope this knowledge is freeing.

The exception comes when your parents or others are paying for guest-related stuff - they then get a say in who's invited.

SP29

You sound confused about what you want, and like others are pushing you to do things you're not interested in. It also leaves us feeling confused. 

Invite who you and your FI WANT to the wedding. No one HAS to be invited to the wedding, besides you, FI, the officiant and witnesses. 

You will never *know* who will and who won't come- invite whom you'd LIKE to be there, and plan that 100% will come. Some may not, c'est la vie. 

The purpose of a reception is to thank your guests for attending the ceremony- thus the guest list for such events should be the same (the exception of an intimate ceremony with IMMEDIATE family only does hold). It makes your friends and family feel second tier if you invite them to one portion but not the other. It also comes across a gift grabby (even if you don't mention gifts- which you shouldn't), because it is common (note that I said common, not etiquette) to bring a gift to a momentous event. 

Only those who are also invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower, but not everyone who is invited to the wedding needs to be invited to the shower (which, BTW you can decline if you're not interested or comfortable with it). Showers are generally much more intimate events- close friends and family members, not every female on the guest list. 

Registry info can be mentioned for a shower or on a wedding website (just the link, that is all), but otherwise, it is not mentioned unless people ask (which they will). 

LondonLisa

Knottie71125182 said:

Thank you! THIS IS ONE THING I have not heard yet....And we both have large extended families, that neither of us really know. But I assumed they just needed to be invited since they were family. 

This really only works if it is less than 10% of your total. So if you have 80 people you want at the reception, you should only have 8 at your ceremony. As PP have said, it is rude to have a shower as guests to those need to be invited to both the ceremony and reception. 

Jen4948

To summarize: Only the bride, groom, and officiant need to be present at the ceremony. For everyone else, it's optional for the couple to invite them. No one can be invited to a shower or any other wedding-related event who is not invited to the wedding, and if there is not enough room at the ceremony venue to invite everyone you want to invite to the reception, then you either find a new ceremony venue, hold the ceremony at the reception venue, or limit your guest list for the entire event (including any other wedding-related events) to your ceremony venue's capacity, which needs to include immediate family members and their SOs, the officiant and his/her SO, and all vendors. And you do not include registry information in wedding invitations.

poodledoodleooo

Personally, I still think it's terribly rude to have an intimate ceremony with a large reception. You need to make your choice. I don't care if it's just mom and dad at the ceremony, and I'm 3rd cousin Bessie, I still feel slighted if I get an invite to the "reception only." I would feel no such way if I don't get invited at all.

A wedding is one event and should treated as such for everyone invited and involved. I stand by this sentiment.