Snarky Brides

co-worker snark

My co-worker is in her early 40s, has never been married, and while seeing someone is not currently engaged. She's been living on her own for probably close to 20 years at this point. 

At lunch three of us were talking about baking and she doesn't have a hand mixer or anything nor a KitchenAid and eventually it came out that she hasn't bought one because she's waiting for her currently non-existent shower. Because -- and I quote -- "that's what my mom's friends are for." 

Bitch, I bought my own damn KitchenAid Mixer and I'm about 10 years younger than you. 
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Re: co-worker snark

  • My FH bought me my KitchenAid for Christmas when I was pregnant with our son. When we were first dating, I used to bake for him all the time and had a crappy hand mixer and told him that I would love a KitchenAid someday. When I opened the box, I cried, (I blamed the hormones). I have never waited for my wedding for people to buy me gifts. I have no idea what to put on my registry. I'm thinking towels, sheets, and accessories for the KitchenAid.
  • She also said she hasn't upgraded her dishes in about 15 years for this very same reason. She's waiting for other people to buy them for her if and when she finally gets engaged and gets a shower.

    It just boggles my mind. Again, when I needed new dishes I bought them myself. Because I am a grown-up. 
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  • Oh yeah, I know someone who refused to buy new things in her 20's because she was waiting to have a wedding registry. She got engaged in her 30's...

    And hell, I didn't have a husband in sight in my 20's so I told my immediate family I had an unofficial "single girl registry." For several years of birthdays and Christmas my parents and sister bought me nice stuff. Like, I got a blender, a cheese plate, a nice set of dishes.... 
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  • I can't even.

    FI and I needed new plates when we moved into our apartment, as the ones we had were too big for the dishwasher. We went out and bought a very nice set of everyday china. We have been slowly doing the same for wine glasses, bedding, sheets, towels, etc. because we are adults. My parents bought me a KitchenAid for a birthday present a few years ago, but they know how much I love to bake and I didn't ask them for it. 

    I have no idea what I am even going to put on a registry, let alone ever thought others should buy those things for us because we were going to get married! 

  • My Mom side-eyes every "household" purchase I make. "That's what a registry is for." No, Mom, if I want it and it fits in my budget, I'm going to buy what I need, like an adult. I don't expect anyone to buy me things, and I'm not going to struggle off of the bare minimum until I get married because people "might" give them to me. 


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  • I didn't have a registry or shower BECAUSE I'm a grown-up and bought all the things I want and need. I don't WANT a Kitchen Aide, but I would buy one if I did. I bought my own china (service for 12) almost a decade ago - long before DH and I got engaged. I have flatware, crystal, Christmas china, and buy my own damn Le Creuset. Sure, I've been gifted some things for Christmas/birthdays, but I certainly didn't wait around in the hopes of getting stuff at my hypothetical bridal shower.
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • redoryx said:

    She also said she hasn't upgraded her dishes in about 15 years for this very same reason. She's waiting for other people to buy them for her if and when she finally gets engaged and gets a shower.


    It just boggles my mind. Again, when I needed new dishes I bought them myself. Because I am a grown-up. 
    So she doesn't entertain?   Make cakes or cookies?     Or are those only things only old married hags do?

    And with this logic she hasn't managed to pin some poor sap down and convince him to marry her?   SHOCKING! 
  • Does she have Pinterest? I wonder what her wedding page looks like...
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  • banana468 said:

    redoryx said:

    She also said she hasn't upgraded her dishes in about 15 years for this very same reason. She's waiting for other people to buy them for her if and when she finally gets engaged and gets a shower.


    It just boggles my mind. Again, when I needed new dishes I bought them myself. Because I am a grown-up. 
    So she doesn't entertain?   Make cakes or cookies?     Or are those only things only old married hags do?

    And with this logic she hasn't managed to pin some poor sap down and convince him to marry her?   SHOCKING! 
    She entertains for sure but apparently just uses whatever dishes and cookware she's had for ages. I mean, I can't say with certainty that she's never upgraded anything but from the sounds of it she hasn't and sees this as perfectly normal. 
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  • Does she have Pinterest? I wonder what her wedding page looks like...
    Oh god, I hadn't thought of that. I might need to look. 

    She not only hasn't upgraded her dishes because she's waiting for if/when she gets married, but she already has the dishes picked out

    (Fiestaware, by the way. Which I own. BECAUSE I BOUGHT THEM MYSELF.)
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  • levioosa said:

    My Mom side-eyes every "household" purchase I make. "That's what a registry is for." No, Mom, if I want it and it fits in my budget, I'm going to buy what I need, like an adult. I don't expect anyone to buy me things, and I'm not going to struggle off of the bare minimum until I get married because people "might" give them to me. 

    Do we have the same mom? 

    My mom gave me attitude when I had to replace my everyday dishes while I was living alone but dating my FI (had only been dating for 4 months at that time). She told me that buying these dishes was sending a message to my FI that I'm too independent and I don't see us together in the future. And that I should save these dishes for my registry.

    I bought the fuck out of those dishes. In hindsight, I should have bought 2 sets of dishes just to make a point.



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  • levioosa said:

    My Mom side-eyes every "household" purchase I make. "That's what a registry is for." No, Mom, if I want it and it fits in my budget, I'm going to buy what I need, like an adult. I don't expect anyone to buy me things, and I'm not going to struggle off of the bare minimum until I get married because people "might" give them to me. 

    Do we have the same mom? 

    My mom gave me attitude when I had to replace my everyday dishes while I was living alone but dating my FI (had only been dating for 4 months at that time). She told me that buying these dishes was sending a message to my FI that I'm too independent and I don't see us together in the future. And that I should save these dishes for my registry.

    I bought the fuck out of those dishes. In hindsight, I should have bought 2 sets of dishes just to make a point.



    I've got that mom, too. She is always chiding us that we aren't "supposed" to buy ourselves things when any gift-giving occasion is upcoming (Christmas, birthdays, apparently our wedding). I have actually scolded FI for that exact thing when he comes home with something shiny and new like a week before his birthday, but somehow "don't buy yourself any kitchen items till your wedding" seems more ridiculous. I just...don't expect people to buy me shit? It's nice if they do, but I can't live my life that way. Because it's gross, yes. But also because I don't like to wait.
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
  • levioosa said:

    My Mom side-eyes every "household" purchase I make. "That's what a registry is for." No, Mom, if I want it and it fits in my budget, I'm going to buy what I need, like an adult. I don't expect anyone to buy me things, and I'm not going to struggle off of the bare minimum until I get married because people "might" give them to me. 

    Do we have the same mom? 

    My mom gave me attitude when I had to replace my everyday dishes while I was living alone but dating my FI (had only been dating for 4 months at that time). She told me that buying these dishes was sending a message to my FI that I'm too independent and I don't see us together in the future. And that I should save these dishes for my registry.

    I bought the fuck out of those dishes. In hindsight, I should have bought 2 sets of dishes just to make a point.



    I've got that mom, too. She is always chiding us that we aren't "supposed" to buy ourselves things when any gift-giving occasion is upcoming (Christmas, birthdays, apparently our wedding). I have actually scolded FI for that exact thing when he comes home with something shiny and new like a week before his birthday, but somehow "don't buy yourself any kitchen items till your wedding" seems more ridiculous. I just...don't expect people to buy me shit? It's nice if they do, but I can't live my life that way. Because it's gross, yes. But also because I don't like to wait.
    Exactly. 
    To OP's point, a reasonable adult would buy their own dishes. Her co-worker shouldn't count on having someone else to give her gifts based on a hypothetical scenario that hasn't even happened yet. 
    If it's so important to this co-worker, she should save her money and treat herself, even if it's just one fiestawear plate at a time. 

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  • levioosa said:

    My Mom side-eyes every "household" purchase I make. "That's what a registry is for." No, Mom, if I want it and it fits in my budget, I'm going to buy what I need, like an adult. I don't expect anyone to buy me things, and I'm not going to struggle off of the bare minimum until I get married because people "might" give them to me. 

    Haha. My MIL is the opposed. She told us not to register for very much so we could get cash.
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  • levioosa said:

    My Mom side-eyes every "household" purchase I make. "That's what a registry is for." No, Mom, if I want it and it fits in my budget, I'm going to buy what I need, like an adult. I don't expect anyone to buy me things, and I'm not going to struggle off of the bare minimum until I get married because people "might" give them to me. 

    Do we have the same mom? 

    My mom gave me attitude when I had to replace my everyday dishes while I was living alone but dating my FI (had only been dating for 4 months at that time). She told me that buying these dishes was sending a message to my FI that I'm too independent and I don't see us together in the future. And that I should save these dishes for my registry.

    I bought the fuck out of those dishes. In hindsight, I should have bought 2 sets of dishes just to make a point.



    I've got that mom, too. She is always chiding us that we aren't "supposed" to buy ourselves things when any gift-giving occasion is upcoming (Christmas, birthdays, apparently our wedding). I have actually scolded FI for that exact thing when he comes home with something shiny and new like a week before his birthday, but somehow "don't buy yourself any kitchen items till your wedding" seems more ridiculous. I just...don't expect people to buy me shit? It's nice if they do, but I can't live my life that way. Because it's gross, yes. But also because I don't like to wait.
    Ugh, it also bothers me that it insinuates that you don't get to have nice things unless you are getting married.  I'm moving this weekend and my Mom has been helping me pack.  She can't believe that I have so much "house stuff" and it's honestly even made her irritated.  I don't understand.  SO and I lived together for over a year before I had to move for school.  I've been buying shit for a future house since I was 18.  But I shouldn't have anything (especially anything nice, gasp!) because I'm not married?  It makes zero sense.  And damnit, if I want that $200 knife and I saved up for it, then who the eff cares if I buy it for myself?


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  • banana468 said:

    My Godmother was the opposite.   She bought me Le Creuset cookware and China when I was living on my own because she thought it was absolute bullshit that a woman is only given those things if she has a man.   

    My mom has been very similar with us. I love the little appliances, cute every day china, and big vases my mom got me when I was a poor college kid and immediately post-graduation. She saw no reason why I had to wait until I was married to have nice things!
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • banana468 said:

    My Godmother was the opposite.   She bought me Le Creuset cookware and China when I was living on my own because she thought it was absolute bullshit that a woman is only given those things if she has a man.   

    I don't think this was my mom's mentality for doing it, but my mom loved shopping for my kitchen once i moved out on my own. I think it might have been to buy kitchen stuff without needing to find storage for it (she might have a problem). She stocked my kitchen well for a one person house (small crock pot, small sauce pans, etc.) and everything in Pink. There was no though of what a further husband might think of any of it.
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  • I got lucky, it was my mom who suggested I buy my KitchenAid as a present for myself after getting a raise at work.

    Of course, I'd also been single for a looong time at that point. She probably had given up on me and figured I might as well bake myself into lifelong singledom LOL

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  • I've waited on buying a few things, like a Kitchenaid mixer and put it on my registry. But I own a fairly nice hand mixer, the big mixer was just a purchase I hadn't saved up for yet. And I think I didn't consider buying it until FI and I were fairly serious. I can't imagine not buying something I want/need just because I might someday get married. 

    I'm starting to wonder why we don't have "graduation showers" instead of wedding showers. I could have used a lot of the stuff I registered for when I was a poor ex-student. Now that I'm 30, FI and I could afford most of the stuff we put on our registry. Maybe not all at once, but over time. Although I do really look forward to a nice, new house and nice, new baking supplies.
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  • banana468 said:

    My Godmother was the opposite.   She bought me Le Creuset cookware and China when I was living on my own because she thought it was absolute bullshit that a woman is only given those things if she has a man.   

    Ooooh, note to self: be That kind of godmother.  

    This thread cracks me up because all our casserole pans, small appliances, and the Kitchen Aid Mixer were all bought by FH when he was single.  I brought mismatched dishes and flatware into this relationship, the end.
  • anjemon said:

    I've waited on buying a few things, like a Kitchenaid mixer and put it on my registry. But I own a fairly nice hand mixer, the big mixer was just a purchase I hadn't saved up for yet. And I think I didn't consider buying it until FI and I were fairly serious. I can't imagine not buying something I want/need just because I might someday get married. 


    I'm starting to wonder why we don't have "graduation showers" instead of wedding showers. I could have used a lot of the stuff I registered for when I was a poor ex-student. Now that I'm 30, FI and I could afford most of the stuff we put on our registry. Maybe not all at once, but over time. Although I do really look forward to a nice, new house and nice, new baking supplies.

    YES! Agree 100%. 

    There was an article/blog post a couple of years back about this. I'm trying to find it.

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  • OP -- our co-workers must be friends. Mine is mid-30s and unmarried and says shit like this too, the worst being this line from one time: "my future wedding registry is going to be so stacked. I deserve it for waiting this long!" 

    On a related-ish snark, she groups me into a category she calls "baby brides" because I'm under 30. First off, rude. Second, I'm fucking 29. She'll say things like "aw you baby brides and your giant bridal parties." "Aw you baby brides and your long engagements."

    Luckily I'm not that young that I take much offense. Just gotta shrug off the dumb. 
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  • anjemon said:

    I've waited on buying a few things, like a Kitchenaid mixer and put it on my registry. But I own a fairly nice hand mixer, the big mixer was just a purchase I hadn't saved up for yet. And I think I didn't consider buying it until FI and I were fairly serious. I can't imagine not buying something I want/need just because I might someday get married. 


    I'm starting to wonder why we don't have "graduation showers" instead of wedding showers. I could have used a lot of the stuff I registered for when I was a poor ex-student. Now that I'm 30, FI and I could afford most of the stuff we put on our registry. Maybe not all at once, but over time. Although I do really look forward to a nice, new house and nice, new baking supplies.
    Speaking for myself here, but I wouldn't have had an appreciation for it at 22 years old. I would have scratched up the pots, put chips in the casserole dishes, lost pieces of ramekins, etc.

                                                                     

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  • jenna8984 said:

    anjemon said:

    I've waited on buying a few things, like a Kitchenaid mixer and put it on my registry. But I own a fairly nice hand mixer, the big mixer was just a purchase I hadn't saved up for yet. And I think I didn't consider buying it until FI and I were fairly serious. I can't imagine not buying something I want/need just because I might someday get married. 


    I'm starting to wonder why we don't have "graduation showers" instead of wedding showers. I could have used a lot of the stuff I registered for when I was a poor ex-student. Now that I'm 30, FI and I could afford most of the stuff we put on our registry. Maybe not all at once, but over time. Although I do really look forward to a nice, new house and nice, new baking supplies.
    Speaking for myself here, but I wouldn't have had an appreciation for it at 22 years old. I would have scratched up the pots, put chips in the casserole dishes, lost pieces of ramekins, etc.
    Considering the state of my current cupboards...yes. This.

    I can't have nice things. 
    image
    This baby knows exactly how I feel
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