Moms and Maids

Moms at bachelorette/bachelor party

My FI and I are wanting to do a combined bachelor/bachelorette party. The problem is that my mother is assuming that she is invited already; his mom too. We haven't even decided who of our friends are invited or what we will be doing. So I don't really know if we want them to be there/if that would be weird for them to be there. I am wanting to know if anyone else has had any problems that are similar or if they have had their mother/FMIL at these parties and how that went. TIA.


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Re: Moms at bachelorette/bachelor party

  • My FI and I are wanting to do a combined bachelor/bachelorette party. The problem is that my mother is assuming that she is invited already; his mom too. We haven't even decided who of our friends are invited or what we will be doing. So I don't really know if we want them to be there/if that would be weird for them to be there. I am wanting to know if anyone else has had any problems that are similar or if they have had their mother/FMIL at these parties and how that went. TIA.

    Just to make sure, you aren't planning your own combined bach party right?

    As for your Mothers, if you don't want them there then don't put them on the invite list that you give to who is planning the party.  Honestly, unless you have a super close relationship with your Mom and are open about everything and typically go out and party it up with her, I can't imagine a Mom even assuming that she is invited to the bach party.

    If either Mother brings it up you or your FI (depending on which Mom says something) should just tell her that you love her but you just want a fun night out with friends.  No one, not even a parent should just assume that they are invited to anything.

    The most you could do to include them is if a dinner is being planned you can invite them to come to the dinner, but only if you want.

  • My FI and I are wanting to do a combined bachelor/bachelorette party. The problem is that my mother is assuming that she is invited already; his mom too. We haven't even decided who of our friends are invited or what we will be doing. So I don't really know if we want them to be there/if that would be weird for them to be there. I am wanting to know if anyone else has had any problems that are similar or if they have had their mother/FMIL at these parties and how that went. TIA.

    Just to make sure, you aren't planning your own combined bach party right?

    As for your Mothers, if you don't want them there then don't put them on the invite list that you give to who is planning the party.  Honestly, unless you have a super close relationship with your Mom and are open about everything and typically go out and party it up with her, I can't imagine a Mom even assuming that she is invited to the bach party.

    If either Mother brings it up you or your FI (depending on which Mom says something) should just tell her that you love her but you just want a fun night out with friends.  No one, not even a parent should just assume that they are invited to anything.

    The most you could do to include them is if a dinner is being planned you can invite them to come to the dinner, but only if you want.
    Yes we are combining them into one party. 

    We are somewhat close but her and my sister are closer. I have just never heard of anyone having a parent at the bach parties and just want to know if anyone has or has been at one that had a parent present and how it went for them. 


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  • My FI and I are wanting to do a combined bachelor/bachelorette party. The problem is that my mother is assuming that she is invited already; his mom too. We haven't even decided who of our friends are invited or what we will be doing. So I don't really know if we want them to be there/if that would be weird for them to be there. I am wanting to know if anyone else has had any problems that are similar or if they have had their mother/FMIL at these parties and how that went. TIA.

    Just to make sure, you aren't planning your own combined bach party right?

    As for your Mothers, if you don't want them there then don't put them on the invite list that you give to who is planning the party.  Honestly, unless you have a super close relationship with your Mom and are open about everything and typically go out and party it up with her, I can't imagine a Mom even assuming that she is invited to the bach party.

    If either Mother brings it up you or your FI (depending on which Mom says something) should just tell her that you love her but you just want a fun night out with friends.  No one, not even a parent should just assume that they are invited to anything.

    The most you could do to include them is if a dinner is being planned you can invite them to come to the dinner, but only if you want.
    Yes we are combining them into one party. 

    We are somewhat close but her and my sister are closer. I have just never heard of anyone having a parent at the bach parties and just want to know if anyone has or has been at one that had a parent present and how it went for them. 
    I think you misunderstood Maggie's question -- combining them is fine. Planning them yourself is not.
    image
  • redoryx said:

    My FI and I are wanting to do a combined bachelor/bachelorette party. The problem is that my mother is assuming that she is invited already; his mom too. We haven't even decided who of our friends are invited or what we will be doing. So I don't really know if we want them to be there/if that would be weird for them to be there. I am wanting to know if anyone else has had any problems that are similar or if they have had their mother/FMIL at these parties and how that went. TIA.

    Just to make sure, you aren't planning your own combined bach party right?

    As for your Mothers, if you don't want them there then don't put them on the invite list that you give to who is planning the party.  Honestly, unless you have a super close relationship with your Mom and are open about everything and typically go out and party it up with her, I can't imagine a Mom even assuming that she is invited to the bach party.

    If either Mother brings it up you or your FI (depending on which Mom says something) should just tell her that you love her but you just want a fun night out with friends.  No one, not even a parent should just assume that they are invited to anything.

    The most you could do to include them is if a dinner is being planned you can invite them to come to the dinner, but only if you want.
    Yes we are combining them into one party. 

    We are somewhat close but her and my sister are closer. I have just never heard of anyone having a parent at the bach parties and just want to know if anyone has or has been at one that had a parent present and how it went for them. 
    I think you misunderstood Maggie's question -- combining them is fine. Planning them yourself is not.
    Exactly.

  • My FI and I are wanting to do a combined bachelor/bachelorette party. The problem is that my mother is assuming that she is invited already; his mom too. We haven't even decided who of our friends are invited or what we will be doing. So I don't really know if we want them to be there/if that would be weird for them to be there. I am wanting to know if anyone else has had any problems that are similar or if they have had their mother/FMIL at these parties and how that went. TIA.

    Just to make sure, you aren't planning your own combined bach party right?

    As for your Mothers, if you don't want them there then don't put them on the invite list that you give to who is planning the party.  Honestly, unless you have a super close relationship with your Mom and are open about everything and typically go out and party it up with her, I can't imagine a Mom even assuming that she is invited to the bach party.

    If either Mother brings it up you or your FI (depending on which Mom says something) should just tell her that you love her but you just want a fun night out with friends.  No one, not even a parent should just assume that they are invited to anything.

    The most you could do to include them is if a dinner is being planned you can invite them to come to the dinner, but only if you want.
    Yes we are combining them into one party. 

    We are somewhat close but her and my sister are closer. I have just never heard of anyone having a parent at the bach parties and just want to know if anyone has or has been at one that had a parent present and how it went for them. 


    So what if others have had their parent attend their bach party?  The real question is if you and your FI want YOUR Mothers at your bach party.  So do you want your Mom there?  If not, don't invite her and tell her that the party is just going to be friends.  If you do want her there then invite her.

  • redoryx said:

    My FI and I are wanting to do a combined bachelor/bachelorette party. The problem is that my mother is assuming that she is invited already; his mom too. We haven't even decided who of our friends are invited or what we will be doing. So I don't really know if we want them to be there/if that would be weird for them to be there. I am wanting to know if anyone else has had any problems that are similar or if they have had their mother/FMIL at these parties and how that went. TIA.

    Just to make sure, you aren't planning your own combined bach party right?

    As for your Mothers, if you don't want them there then don't put them on the invite list that you give to who is planning the party.  Honestly, unless you have a super close relationship with your Mom and are open about everything and typically go out and party it up with her, I can't imagine a Mom even assuming that she is invited to the bach party.

    If either Mother brings it up you or your FI (depending on which Mom says something) should just tell her that you love her but you just want a fun night out with friends.  No one, not even a parent should just assume that they are invited to anything.

    The most you could do to include them is if a dinner is being planned you can invite them to come to the dinner, but only if you want.
    Yes we are combining them into one party. 

    We are somewhat close but her and my sister are closer. I have just never heard of anyone having a parent at the bach parties and just want to know if anyone has or has been at one that had a parent present and how it went for them. 
    I think you misunderstood Maggie's question -- combining them is fine. Planning them yourself is not.
    Not that it has anything to do with my original question on this post, but why is it a problem to plan them ourselves?


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  • redoryx said:

    My FI and I are wanting to do a combined bachelor/bachelorette party. The problem is that my mother is assuming that she is invited already; his mom too. We haven't even decided who of our friends are invited or what we will be doing. So I don't really know if we want them to be there/if that would be weird for them to be there. I am wanting to know if anyone else has had any problems that are similar or if they have had their mother/FMIL at these parties and how that went. TIA.

    Just to make sure, you aren't planning your own combined bach party right?

    As for your Mothers, if you don't want them there then don't put them on the invite list that you give to who is planning the party.  Honestly, unless you have a super close relationship with your Mom and are open about everything and typically go out and party it up with her, I can't imagine a Mom even assuming that she is invited to the bach party.

    If either Mother brings it up you or your FI (depending on which Mom says something) should just tell her that you love her but you just want a fun night out with friends.  No one, not even a parent should just assume that they are invited to anything.

    The most you could do to include them is if a dinner is being planned you can invite them to come to the dinner, but only if you want.
    Yes we are combining them into one party. 

    We are somewhat close but her and my sister are closer. I have just never heard of anyone having a parent at the bach parties and just want to know if anyone has or has been at one that had a parent present and how it went for them. 
    I think you misunderstood Maggie's question -- combining them is fine. Planning them yourself is not.
    Not that it has anything to do with my original question on this post, but why is it a problem to plan them ourselves?
    Because a b-party honors the bachelor/ette and it is inappropriate to plan a party honoring yourself. Other people may throw a party for you but you should not ask them to. If someone offers you can mention that you would prefer a joint party.

    That said, my mom threw my b-party (at home) and my dad threw H's (at a baseball game). So our parents did attend b/c there were no strippers and minimal drinking.
    image
  • redoryx said:

    My FI and I are wanting to do a combined bachelor/bachelorette party. The problem is that my mother is assuming that she is invited already; his mom too. We haven't even decided who of our friends are invited or what we will be doing. So I don't really know if we want them to be there/if that would be weird for them to be there. I am wanting to know if anyone else has had any problems that are similar or if they have had their mother/FMIL at these parties and how that went. TIA.

    Just to make sure, you aren't planning your own combined bach party right?

    As for your Mothers, if you don't want them there then don't put them on the invite list that you give to who is planning the party.  Honestly, unless you have a super close relationship with your Mom and are open about everything and typically go out and party it up with her, I can't imagine a Mom even assuming that she is invited to the bach party.

    If either Mother brings it up you or your FI (depending on which Mom says something) should just tell her that you love her but you just want a fun night out with friends.  No one, not even a parent should just assume that they are invited to anything.

    The most you could do to include them is if a dinner is being planned you can invite them to come to the dinner, but only if you want.
    Yes we are combining them into one party. 

    We are somewhat close but her and my sister are closer. I have just never heard of anyone having a parent at the bach parties and just want to know if anyone has or has been at one that had a parent present and how it went for them. 
    I think you misunderstood Maggie's question -- combining them is fine. Planning them yourself is not.
    Not that it has anything to do with my original question on this post, but why is it a problem to plan them ourselves?
    Because you can't plan a party in your own honor--it's tacky.  Feel free to plan a night out with your friends, but don't call it a bachelor/ette party.  Pre-wedding parties are not mandatory.  If someone offers to throw you a bachelorette party or bridal shower, that's great, but you can't plan them yourselves.  Planning your own bridal shower is especially bad since it is telling people to bring you presents and looks incredibly gift grabby. 


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  • Both of my parents are often invited to the bachelor/ette parties of my family and our friends. My mum attended my cousins, my sisters my SILs.

    My dad attended my Bro's, and several of my brothers friends parties (he's kinda a surrogate dad of their friends group).

    Unless you feel like you couldn't have a good time with your parents there, I don't see why you couldn't invite them.

    we always had a great time getting my mum to do silly shots. She isnt a huge drinker but always joined in the fun and when she was ready to leave she did.

    My sisters MIL had no interest in the party, so she came to dinner and then left.

    Really, its up to you. and parents to decide who is comfortable with what.
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  • @artbyallie ok thanks. I didn't know any of that.


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  • I wouldn't want my mother at my bachelorette party, it would probably make me uncomfortable. However, I think Maggie0829 has the right idea here. What would make me happy is really not as relevant as what would make you happy. If you envision wanting to celebrate with your mother in that way, by all means, invite her. If you'd rather make this friends-only, there will be plenty of other ways for her to celebrate with you.
    You should probably also think about what kind of bachelorette party this is going to be. I'm not talking about nitty gritty planning details which you're not responsible for anyway, but the overall event. Is it shots at a dance hall? Is it hiking in the country? If you put your mother into these situations, does it sound like more or less fun?
    Just Married!

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  • This is a non-issue until someone offers to throw you one.

    Formerly martha1818

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  • depends on you and your mom and the type of party you are having.  No way in hell my mom would be at a bachelorette party (at least not what you think of with going out to bars, penis stuff, etc) , and never would think of being invited to one.  For a friend's last year her mom bought us all tickets to Chip n Dales or whatever that show is called and her mom came to the show too. So it depends on your mom.
  • edited April 2015

    The MOH invited me to my daughter's bp. I declined because I thought she would prefer a fun day with her best friends, sans mom.

    If you don't want them there, just  say your planning a night of drunken debauchery, no moms allowed.

                       
  • Thanks for the feedback everyone.


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