Eloping Etiquette Advice - When to tell your family

banana468

The only thing I'll say about the timing is not to put it on FB before you've told the important people.   

Jells2dot0

Knottie30291358 said:

I mean, no matter the method or time you're telling them that you don't you don't like them enough to want them at the formation of your union and new life, or even in the same state, so what does the medium matter?

WHAT?!?!

So, true story. When I got engaged the first time, I wanted a simple, private DW because my divorced parents did not like one another. Separately, they talked me into a traditional wedding. Guess what, they didn't respect me or like me enough to behave at my wedding and they caused several huge scenes. So, when I divorced and re-married, you bet your ass I eloped. I was not giving them the courtesy of knowing when I was going to be exchanging my vows or giving them the chance to cause another scene.

As for my ILs, they eloped when they got married, so they understood our decision.

bethsmiles

Knottie30291358 said:

I mean, no matter the method or time you're telling them that you don't you don't like them enough to want them at the formation of your union and new life, or even in the same state, so what does the medium matter?

CMGragain

adk19 said:

CMGragain said:

Traditionally, in the old days, a marriage was announced with a telegram, sent on the day of the ceremony.  Telegrams were used for very important announcements that couldn't wait for regular mail, such as weddings, births and deaths.
Today technology has changed, aand the telephone is the usual method of communication for very close family.  The call should be made on the day of the ceremony.  Other relatives and friends are notified with marriage announcements sent in the mail.  They are very brief.

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
announce their marriage
Date
City, State or Country

There have been many true elopements in my family.  Some were greeted with joy, and others not so much.  You are not responsible for how other people react to your elopement.  You have the right to choose how you are married.

I agree with the other posters.  DO NOT use social media (Facebook, e-mails, etc.) to announce your maqrriage.  It is very tacky.



No other information should be included.

So, if I get married at sunset on a beach in Hawaii next weekend, I'm supposed to be on the phone for the rest of the evening telling everyone that I've gotten married?  Because, unlike sending a telegram, that is not going to be a quick conversation.  What if I just want to enjoy my wedding day? Get married, take some sunset pictures, drink some champagne on the beach, have a romantic dinner by the pool, find a quiet spot to dance, get naked in the hotel room and have dirty, dirty hotel sex.  Calling my mother to tell her we got married without her will not be on my To Do list.  I'd totally send her a telegram though.

No, not everyone.  Just your parents.  They should be notified ASAP.  After that, you can mail out your wedding announcements.  Telegrams were EXPENSIVE back in the day!
I am sorry if this will upset your mother, but you are obligated to tell her.  If you think it will go badly, a phone call is easier than face-to-face, isn't it?

MairePoppy

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

CMGragain said:

Traditionally, in the old days, a marriage was announced with a telegram, sent on the day of the ceremony.  Telegrams were used for very important announcements that couldn't wait for regular mail, such as weddings, births and deaths.
Today technology has changed, aand the telephone is the usual method of communication for very close family.  The call should be made on the day of the ceremony.  Other relatives and friends are notified with marriage announcements sent in the mail.  They are very brief.

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
announce their marriage
Date
City, State or Country

There have been many true elopements in my family.  Some were greeted with joy, and others not so much.  You are not responsible for how other people react to your elopement.  You have the right to choose how you are married.

I agree with the other posters.  DO NOT use social media (Facebook, e-mails, etc.) to announce your maqrriage.  It is very tacky.



No other information should be included.

Honest curiosity, can you send telegrams still today?

I found this:

http://www.americantelegram.com/?gclid=CNHXxPmm6MQCFSJk7AodGXAAmA

MinBride29

Knottie30291358 said:

I mean, no matter the method or time you're telling them that you don't you don't like them enough to want them at the formation of your union and new life, or even in the same state, so what does the medium matter?

That's a harsh thing to say without knowing anything about me, my fiancé, and the reason why we're choosing to elope. You're certainly entitled to your own opinion and I don't intend on going into the details. Just know that the my fiancé and I are not taking the decision to elope lightly and we feel that this is the most appropriate way for us to get married.

Maggie0829

CMGragain said:

CMGragain said:

Traditionally, in the old days, a marriage was announced with a telegram, sent on the day of the ceremony.  Telegrams were used for very important announcements that couldn't wait for regular mail, such as weddings, births and deaths.
Today technology has changed, aand the telephone is the usual method of communication for very close family.  The call should be made on the day of the ceremony.  Other relatives and friends are notified with marriage announcements sent in the mail.  They are very brief.

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
announce their marriage
Date
City, State or Country

There have been many true elopements in my family.  Some were greeted with joy, and others not so much.  You are not responsible for how other people react to your elopement.  You have the right to choose how you are married.

I agree with the other posters.  DO NOT use social media (Facebook, e-mails, etc.) to announce your maqrriage.  It is very tacky.



No other information should be included.

So, if I get married at sunset on a beach in Hawaii next weekend, I'm supposed to be on the phone for the rest of the evening telling everyone that I've gotten married?  Because, unlike sending a telegram, that is not going to be a quick conversation.  What if I just want to enjoy my wedding day? Get married, take some sunset pictures, drink some champagne on the beach, have a romantic dinner by the pool, find a quiet spot to dance, get naked in the hotel room and have dirty, dirty hotel sex.  Calling my mother to tell her we got married without her will not be on my To Do list.  I'd totally send her a telegram though.

No, not everyone.  Just your parents.  They should be notified ASAP.  After that, you can mail out your wedding announcements.  Telegrams were EXPENSIVE back in the day!
I am sorry if this will upset your mother, but you are obligated to tell her.  If you think it will go badly, a phone call is easier than face-to-face, isn't it?


Why?  What if the couple in question does not have a good relationship with their parents?  Or even if they did, what is the harm in waiting until they get back from their vacation to tell anyone?  If the parents are going to be pissed that their son/daughter eloped they will be pissed whether they are told right away or a week later after the couple gets back from vacation.

thespeshulestsnowflake

MairePoppy said:

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

CMGragain said:

Traditionally, in the old days, a marriage was announced with a telegram, sent on the day of the ceremony.  Telegrams were used for very important announcements that couldn't wait for regular mail, such as weddings, births and deaths.
Today technology has changed, aand the telephone is the usual method of communication for very close family.  The call should be made on the day of the ceremony.  Other relatives and friends are notified with marriage announcements sent in the mail.  They are very brief.

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
announce their marriage
Date
City, State or Country

There have been many true elopements in my family.  Some were greeted with joy, and others not so much.  You are not responsible for how other people react to your elopement.  You have the right to choose how you are married.

I agree with the other posters.  DO NOT use social media (Facebook, e-mails, etc.) to announce your maqrriage.  It is very tacky.



No other information should be included.

Honest curiosity, can you send telegrams still today?

I found this:

http://www.americantelegram.com/?gclid=CNHXxPmm6MQCFSJk7AodGXAAmA

Thanks, I also googled "singing telegram" in my area. Sounds like they are still around. Totally might be sending my mother a singing Elvis telegram for her birthday.

MyNameIsNot

MairePoppy said:

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

CMGragain said:

Traditionally, in the old days, a marriage was announced with a telegram, sent on the day of the ceremony.  Telegrams were used for very important announcements that couldn't wait for regular mail, such as weddings, births and deaths.
Today technology has changed, aand the telephone is the usual method of communication for very close family.  The call should be made on the day of the ceremony.  Other relatives and friends are notified with marriage announcements sent in the mail.  They are very brief.

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
announce their marriage
Date
City, State or Country

There have been many true elopements in my family.  Some were greeted with joy, and others not so much.  You are not responsible for how other people react to your elopement.  You have the right to choose how you are married.

I agree with the other posters.  DO NOT use social media (Facebook, e-mails, etc.) to announce your maqrriage.  It is very tacky.



No other information should be included.

Honest curiosity, can you send telegrams still today?

I found this:

http://www.americantelegram.com/?gclid=CNHXxPmm6MQCFSJk7AodGXAAmA

WTF? A sympathy telegram? That would freak me right out. 

I'm so sorry for your loss STOP

Your mother will be greatly missed STOP

You are in our thoughts and prayers FULL STOP

redoryx

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

MairePoppy said:

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

CMGragain said:

Traditionally, in the old days, a marriage was announced with a telegram, sent on the day of the ceremony.  Telegrams were used for very important announcements that couldn't wait for regular mail, such as weddings, births and deaths.
Today technology has changed, aand the telephone is the usual method of communication for very close family.  The call should be made on the day of the ceremony.  Other relatives and friends are notified with marriage announcements sent in the mail.  They are very brief.

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
announce their marriage
Date
City, State or Country

There have been many true elopements in my family.  Some were greeted with joy, and others not so much.  You are not responsible for how other people react to your elopement.  You have the right to choose how you are married.

I agree with the other posters.  DO NOT use social media (Facebook, e-mails, etc.) to announce your maqrriage.  It is very tacky.



No other information should be included.

Honest curiosity, can you send telegrams still today?

I found this:

http://www.americantelegram.com/?gclid=CNHXxPmm6MQCFSJk7AodGXAAmA

Thanks, I also googled "singing telegram" in my area. Sounds like they are still around. Totally might be sending my mother a singing Elvis telegram for her birthday.

You say singing telegram, I think Clue 

thespeshulestsnowflake

MyNameIsNot said:

MairePoppy said:

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

CMGragain said:

Traditionally, in the old days, a marriage was announced with a telegram, sent on the day of the ceremony.  Telegrams were used for very important announcements that couldn't wait for regular mail, such as weddings, births and deaths.
Today technology has changed, aand the telephone is the usual method of communication for very close family.  The call should be made on the day of the ceremony.  Other relatives and friends are notified with marriage announcements sent in the mail.  They are very brief.

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
announce their marriage
Date
City, State or Country

There have been many true elopements in my family.  Some were greeted with joy, and others not so much.  You are not responsible for how other people react to your elopement.  You have the right to choose how you are married.

I agree with the other posters.  DO NOT use social media (Facebook, e-mails, etc.) to announce your maqrriage.  It is very tacky.



No other information should be included.

Honest curiosity, can you send telegrams still today?

I found this:

http://www.americantelegram.com/?gclid=CNHXxPmm6MQCFSJk7AodGXAAmA

WTF? A sympathy telegram? That would freak me right out. 

I'm so sorry for your loss STOP

Your mother will be greatly missed STOP

You are in our thoughts and prayers FULL STOP

Lol, this reminds me of Veronica Mars, when Logan's sister sent one to him when his mom died:

Aaron: Have you heard from your sister?Logan: She sent a telegram. Heartbroken. Stop. Can't make it back from Sydney. Stop. Underwater shoot starts tomorrow. Stop. Entire crew said prayer for Mom. Stop. Love you. Stop.Aaron: Logan...Logan: Stop?

[Deleted User]

CMGragain said:

CMGragain said:

Traditionally, in the old days, a marriage was announced with a telegram, sent on the day of the ceremony.  Telegrams were used for very important announcements that couldn't wait for regular mail, such as weddings, births and deaths.
Today technology has changed, aand the telephone is the usual method of communication for very close family.  The call should be made on the day of the ceremony.  Other relatives and friends are notified with marriage announcements sent in the mail.  They are very brief.

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
announce their marriage
Date
City, State or Country

There have been many true elopements in my family.  Some were greeted with joy, and others not so much.  You are not responsible for how other people react to your elopement.  You have the right to choose how you are married.

I agree with the other posters.  DO NOT use social media (Facebook, e-mails, etc.) to announce your maqrriage.  It is very tacky.



No other information should be included.

So, if I get married at sunset on a beach in Hawaii next weekend, I'm supposed to be on the phone for the rest of the evening telling everyone that I've gotten married?  Because, unlike sending a telegram, that is not going to be a quick conversation.  What if I just want to enjoy my wedding day? Get married, take some sunset pictures, drink some champagne on the beach, have a romantic dinner by the pool, find a quiet spot to dance, get naked in the hotel room and have dirty, dirty hotel sex.  Calling my mother to tell her we got married without her will not be on my To Do list.  I'd totally send her a telegram though.

No, not everyone.  Just your parents.  They should be notified ASAP.  After that, you can mail out your wedding announcements.  Telegrams were EXPENSIVE back in the day!
I am sorry if this will upset your mother, but you are obligated to tell her.  If you think it will go badly, a phone call is easier than face-to-face, isn't it?

Why?  What if the couple in question does not have a good relationship with their parents?  Or even if they did, what is the harm in waiting until they get back from their vacation to tell anyone?  If the parents are going to be pissed that their son/daughter eloped they will be pissed whether they are told right away or a week later after the couple gets back from vacation.Yes!  What she said!  Also, you didn't say that only parents needed to be called you said, "the telephone is the usual method of communication for very close family.  The call should be made on the day of the ceremony."  And my parents are not my only "very close family".  I'd have to call my parents, my sister, at least two cousins who are like brothers to me, and probably my grandmother.  And I never said that this would "upset my mother", I just know for a fact that it wouldn't be a quick conversation.  So we'd go through the congratulations, questions about why we decided to do it this way, what I wore, where we were, what we were having for dinner and otherwise doing to celebrate.  She'd want to talk to him, ask him all the same questions.  Then she'd remember that my dad was in basement, would call him up to the phone, and we'd go through the same thing all over again.  Then I'd have to have this same conversation with my sister along with some anger about why she wasn't told.  Then my grandmother would forget what we were talking about and I'd have the same conversation with her four or five times.  My cousin/brothers would be understanding and cool and probably quick.  But none of this is how I want to spend my wedding day.  I eloped for a reason, dammit!  If I wanted to have conversations with "very close family", I would have invited them to join us.

thespeshulestsnowflake

redoryx said:

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

MairePoppy said:

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

CMGragain said:

Traditionally, in the old days, a marriage was announced with a telegram, sent on the day of the ceremony.  Telegrams were used for very important announcements that couldn't wait for regular mail, such as weddings, births and deaths.
Today technology has changed, aand the telephone is the usual method of communication for very close family.  The call should be made on the day of the ceremony.  Other relatives and friends are notified with marriage announcements sent in the mail.  They are very brief.

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
announce their marriage
Date
City, State or Country

There have been many true elopements in my family.  Some were greeted with joy, and others not so much.  You are not responsible for how other people react to your elopement.  You have the right to choose how you are married.

I agree with the other posters.  DO NOT use social media (Facebook, e-mails, etc.) to announce your maqrriage.  It is very tacky.



No other information should be included.

Honest curiosity, can you send telegrams still today?

I found this:

http://www.americantelegram.com/?gclid=CNHXxPmm6MQCFSJk7AodGXAAmA

Thanks, I also googled "singing telegram" in my area. Sounds like they are still around. Totally might be sending my mother a singing Elvis telegram for her birthday.

You say singing telegram, I think Clue 

Me too! That gif what I was looking for when I stumbled upon the other singing telegram sites.

Knottie07721639

I did not elope but my aunt did.

My aunt called our home (back when I lived with our parents) while we were on vacation and left us a message on our answering machine. 

We found it comical but looking back it also was a cop-out.

Do what feels best for you. 

CMGragain

@adk19, the OP asked for elopement etiquette advice.  I gave it to her.  I am sorry that you don't like it, but that doesn't change my original advice.
By very close family, I meant parents, or persons who took the place of parents in your life.  Not the whole family tree.  Sorry for the confusion.

ChemFanatic25

CMGragain said:

@adk19, the OP asked for elopement etiquette advice.  I gave it to her.  I am sorry that you don't like it, but that doesn't change my original advice.
By very close family, I meant parents, or persons who took the place of parents in your life.  Not the whole family tree.  Sorry for the confusion.

I don't think it's rude to not tell your parents that you are now married on the day you get married. I'm sure there are many reasons two people elope and probably one of the biggest is the privacy it entails. So I don't think as soon as they get married they should find the nearest phone to call their parents if they don't want to. Maybe they want to enjoy their wedded bliss? I believe telling someone they should tell their parents ASAP after the ceremony is a matter of opinion.

MyNameIsNot

CMGragain said:

@adk19, the OP asked for elopement etiquette advice.  I gave it to her.  I am sorry that you don't like it, but that doesn't change my original advice.
By very close family, I meant parents, or persons who took the place of parents in your life.  Not the whole family tree.  Sorry for the confusion.

But you're just making it up. There is no etiquette rule on when you call your parents and tell them that you eloped. If you have a source to site, I'll stand corrected, but I believe the only relevant etiquette is about sending out announcements. 

You're giving relationship advise, which is fine, but is also subject to opinion. 

CMGragain

There is a reason for this etiquette rule.  It would be extremely hurtful to most parents to find out that their daughter or son was married and that they hadn't cared enough about them to telephone and inform them. 
The polite assumption is that the parents will be happy for the couple.  I know that this is not always the case, but I would not assume otherwise.
No, I am not giving relationship advice.  I am only telling you that this is the proper elopement procedure.  It avoids the painful, "But, why didn't they tell us first?" question. The fact that the couple did not inform their parents immediately could be used as fuel for the fire when the parents spread the word among their own circles.  Etiquette is not about what is best for the bride and groom!  It is about what is the best for other people in their lives.

http://etiquette.about.com/od/Receptions/fl/Etiquette-of-Eloping.htm

http://ezinearticles.com/?Eloping-Etiquette---How-to-Act-During-an-Elopement&id=2589426

http://ezinearticles.com/?Eloping-Etiquette---How-to-Act-During-an-Elopement&id=2589426

If the parents have any doubts about the marriage, it is also polite that they keep this to themselves, and congratulate the couple.
Believe me, I know about unpopular elopements.  I almost did this myself.  Both my grandmothers, and my aunt eloped.  In one case, the mother cut off all communication afterwards!  Sad, and it was her loss.
All the etiquette sites emphasize the feelings of the families, and recommend to either tell them beforehand, or tell them as soon as possible.  No website says it is OK to run off and enjoy yourself and to disregard your families!

PS.  I realize that some of you are newbies, and you don't know personal opinion about etiquette unless I specifically say that is it JMHO. 

Maggie0829

CMGragain said:

There is a reason for this etiquette rule.  It would be extremely hurtful to most parents to find out that their daughter or son was married and that they hadn't cared enough about them to telephone and inform them. 
The polite assumption is that the parents will be happy for the couple.  I know that this is not always the case, but I would not assume otherwise.
No, I am not giving relationship advice.  I am only telling you that this is the proper elopement procedure.  It avoids the painful, "But, why didn't they tell us first?" question.
If the parents have any doubts about the marriage, it is also polite that they keep this to themselves, and congratulate the couple.

And your source for this etiquette advice/elopement procedure is?

CMGragain

Sorry.  I was researching and revising while you were posting.  Maggie, you KNOW i never give just my personal opinion when I post etiquette advice!  I was unable to find my older Amy Vanderbilt source, which was written when elopements were more popular than they are today.
As a practical matter, the couple leaves themselves open to criticism if they delay telling their parents ASAP.

ChemFanatic25

CMGragain said:

There is a reason for this etiquette rule.  It would be extremely hurtful to most parents to find out that their daughter or son was married and that they hadn't cared enough about them to telephone and inform them. 
The polite assumption is that the parents will be happy for the couple.  I know that this is not always the case, but I would not assume otherwise.
No, I am not giving relationship advice.  I am only telling you that this is the proper elopement procedure.  It avoids the painful, "But, why didn't they tell us first?" question. The fact that the couple did not inform their parents immediately could be used as fuel for the fire when the parents spread the word among their own circles.  Etiquette is not about what is best for the bride and groom!  It is about what is the best for other people in their lives.

http://etiquette.about.com/od/Receptions/fl/Etiquette-of-Eloping.htm

http://ezinearticles.com/?Eloping-Etiquette---How-to-Act-During-an-Elopement&id=2589426

http://ezinearticles.com/?Eloping-Etiquette---How-to-Act-During-an-Elopement&id=2589426

If the parents have any doubts about the marriage, it is also polite that they keep this to themselves, and congratulate the couple.
Believe me, I know about unpopular elopements.  I almost did this myself.  Both my grandmothers, and my aunt eloped.  In one case, the mother cut off all communication afterwards!  Sad, and it was her loss.
All the etiquette sites emphasize the feelings of the families, and recommend to either tell them beforehand, or tell them as soon as possible.  No website says it is OK to run off and enjoy yourself and to disregard your families!

PS.  I realize that some of you are newbies, and you don't know personal opinion about etiquette unless I specifically say that is it JMHO. 

Honestly, if both sides are truly on good terms with their parents and close family I actually believe that their close friends/family would understand why they eloped and would not feel justified in receiving a phone call IMMEDIATELY afterward.

 

Also the marriage is about the two people getting married, not the two people and everyone else who wants an input. A reception is for the guests to say thank you but if a couple wants to run off and get married on their own terms and they are not breaking any etiquette (ie: bridal shower, wedding related parties, having a PPD when they come back) they are allowed to do whatever they damn well please and won't be breaking etiquette. Peoples' feelings will be hurt but guess what, even if you follow etiquette peoples' feelings will be hurt. Doesn't mean that they are breaking "etiquette rules" by not letting their parents know immediately afterwards. 

CMGragain

As I pointed out earlier, it does leave the couple open to criticism for not informing their parents ASAP.  In one of my grandmother's cases, she needed to call and inform her children, who were very unhappy about the marriage. (Which was my reason for the vague language in my original post.)   In earlier times, any second wedding was usually an elopement, or a private ceremony, so there were more of them than today.  Times have changed, but elopements have not.

thisismynickname2

How about instead of saying "parents and close family first" and "same day / immediately" we just say: Notify someone as soon as you're ready. Make sure the person or people you tell first truly deserve to know first. Use the best available medium, be it face to face, Skype, Hangout, telephone... and for everyone else, just the usual medium of communication. 

Does that work for everyone?

Maggie0829

CMGragain said:

Sorry.  I was researching and revising while you were posting.  Maggie, you KNOW i never give just my personal opinion when I post etiquette advice!  I was unable to find my older Amy Vanderbilt source, which was written when elopements were more popular than they are today.
As a practical matter, the couple leaves themselves open to criticism if they delay telling their parents ASAP.

Sorry, but even well known etiquette experts can be wrong.  

This is a family/relationship matter and should have no set time limit or procedure.  It is up to each couple to decide when it is appropriate to tell their family members that they eloped.  And the reason why is because each couple and parent relationship is different.  There is no right and wrong here.

The couple opens themselves to criticism if they decide to elope because some people (as we have seen in this thread) don't think eloping is okay.  And just because people may criticize that they eloped of when they told their parents doesn't matter.  Hell, I am sure someone is quietly criticizing me for wearing my hair in a messy bun today.  But does that criticism mean that I should always wear my hair down?  No.  What I do with my hair does not affect my ability to work.  How and when a couple chooses to tell their parents that they are married has no affect on anyone outside of that relationship.  So any and all criticisms are bullshit and should be ignored.

princessofgenovia

Well I mean...you open yourself up to critisim by ya know...existing. 

CMGragain

Notifying your parents/close family is an obligation.  It is not optional.  Waiting a week to tell them is potentially hurtful, and bad etiquette.
Can you wait a week to call?  Yes, but don't be surprised if many people find this rude and selfish.  It is.

ashley8918

CMGragain said:

Notifying your parents/close family is an obligation.  It is not optional.  Waiting a week to tell them is potentially hurtful, and bad etiquette.
Can you wait a week to call?  Yes, but don't be surprised if many people find this rude and selfish.  It is.

What? No, it absolutely is not. I didn't elope, but do you know who has no idea that I am married? My dad. And I sincerely doubt he cares.

You are under no obligation to tell anyone ANYTHING, ever. What a strange thing to say.

ashley8918

CMGragain said:

There is a reason for this etiquette rule.  It would be extremely hurtful to most parents to find out that their daughter or son was married and that they hadn't cared enough about them to telephone and inform them. 
The polite assumption is that the parents will be happy for the couple.  I know that this is not always the case, but I would not assume otherwise.
No, I am not giving relationship advice.  I am only telling you that this is the proper elopement procedure.  It avoids the painful, "But, why didn't they tell us first?" question. The fact that the couple did not inform their parents immediately could be used as fuel for the fire when the parents spread the word among their own circles.  Etiquette is not about what is best for the bride and groom!  It is about what is the best for other people in their lives.

http://etiquette.about.com/od/Receptions/fl/Etiquette-of-Eloping.htm

http://ezinearticles.com/?Eloping-Etiquette---How-to-Act-During-an-Elopement&id=2589426

http://ezinearticles.com/?Eloping-Etiquette---How-to-Act-During-an-Elopement&id=2589426

If the parents have any doubts about the marriage, it is also polite that they keep this to themselves, and congratulate the couple.
Believe me, I know about unpopular elopements.  I almost did this myself.  Both my grandmothers, and my aunt eloped.  In one case, the mother cut off all communication afterwards!  Sad, and it was her loss.
All the etiquette sites emphasize the feelings of the families, and recommend to either tell them beforehand, or tell them as soon as possible.  No website says it is OK to run off and enjoy yourself and to disregard your families!

PS.  I realize that some of you are newbies, and you don't know personal opinion about etiquette unless I specifically say that is it JMHO. 

1st bolded: This would not be an elopement, which you know. This makes no sense.

2nd bolded: How is enjoying the rest of your vacation as newlyweds "disregarding your family"?

CMGragain

ashley8918 said:

CMGragain said:

Notifying your parents/close family is an obligation.  It is not optional.  Waiting a week to tell them is potentially hurtful, and bad etiquette.
Can you wait a week to call?  Yes, but don't be surprised if many people find this rude and selfish.  It is.

What? No, it absolutely is not. I didn't elope, but do you know who has no idea that I am married? My dad. And I sincerely doubt he cares.

You are under no obligation to tell anyone ANYTHING, ever. What a strange thing to say.

I am so sorry you have such a sad family situation.  This explains a lot.  I had an unhappy family, too.  This does not change etiquette, though.  The bride and groom has the obligation to inform their close family of their marriage.  If you have already severed all ties with a family member (as my great-grandmother did) then you need not inform them.  My great-grandmother died my senior year of high school.  She never knew I existed.
This is not just for weddings.  It also applies to other important events, such as the birth of children, and deaths in the family.  When my FIL died, three weeks ago, we received a telephone call within the hour.
If my daughter had decided to elope, I would have been disappointed to miss her wedding day, but I would have been happy for her.  I would have been devastated and horribly hurt if she had eloped and not called me afterwards to tell me the good news!
Again, I am so sorry you have such a difficult family situation.

ashley8918

CMGragain said:

CMGragain said:

Notifying your parents/close family is an obligation.  It is not optional.  Waiting a week to tell them is potentially hurtful, and bad etiquette.
Can you wait a week to call?  Yes, but don't be surprised if many people find this rude and selfish.  It is.

What? No, it absolutely is not. I didn't elope, but do you know who has no idea that I am married? My dad. And I sincerely doubt he cares.

You are under no obligation to tell anyone ANYTHING, ever. What a strange thing to say.

I am so sorry you have such a sad family situation.  This explains a lot.  I had an unhappy family, too.  This does not change etiquette, though.  The bride and groom has the obligation to inform their close family of their marriage.  If you have already severed all ties with a family member (as my great-grandmother did) then you need not inform them.  My great-grandmother died my senior year of high school.  She never knew I existed.
This is not just for weddings.  It also applies to other important events, such as the birth of children, and deaths in the family.  When my FIL died, three weeks ago, we received a telephone call within the hour.
If my daughter had decided to elope, I would have been disappointed to miss her wedding day, but I would have been happy for her.  I would have been devastated and horribly hurt if she had eloped and not called me afterwards to tell me the good news!
Again, I am so sorry you have such a difficult family situation.

________________________________________________________

My family situation is not at all difficult, unhappy,or sad. And kindly take the bolded condescension and shove it. Thanks! 

Regardless, even If I was very close with a family member, I am in no way obligated to tell them at all, let alone within any defined time period. And obligation is a requirement. Nobody is required to tell anyone anything (except in situations where legally required, obviously.)

SHOULD I tell my (close) family/friends, and sooner rather than later? Yep. Am I OBLIGATED? Nope. Not at all in any way, shape, or form.