“We’re still having a wedding though!”

KatieinBkln

kellyem2 said:

I guess I'm in the minority here. I think in most cases it doesn't really matter when the couple gets married. That's personal to them and they don't have to justify how they make their vows to each other to anyone, especially random strangers on the internet.

I can understand being annoyed if people lie about getting married, but if it's that upsetting to you just don't go. You don't get to sit there and be smug because these people aren't doing their wedding "the right way." Seriously, you don't know all the details about why they set things up the way they did. Maybe their parents asked them to go ahead and have the wedding. Maye their timeline got moved for some reason. You. Don't. Know.

And even if you did, it's not your place to decide what weddings count and what don't. It's beyond rude and makes you look like a huge brat. You're just as bad as the people who show up to weddings talking about how this marriage is a disaster and the couple is bound to get divorced in a couple years.

Yes, seriously, you are being that tacky.

I mean, let's be honest, most guests aren't going to weddings because they're really excited to see these people exchange their vows. You're there because you want the free food and booze and you want to party. So if you're going to complain about someone throwing their wedding for the same reasons you're being a huge hypocrite.

You know what I do know, though? That being an adult means making hard decisions sometimes. That being a good person means not lying to your loved ones. And that only adults are allowed to get married, so acting like a child and pretending that complicated logistics make you "special" or an "exception" is bullshit.

On the other hand, the second bolded leads me to believe that "adulting" isn't super high on your personal priority list. Not all of us go to weddings just to party. We enjoy the party after we share in our loved ones' union.

onefootinthebayou

kellyem2 said:

I guess I'm in the minority here. I think in most cases it doesn't really matter when the couple gets married. That's personal to them and they don't have to justify how they make their vows to each other to anyone, especially random strangers on the internet.

I can understand being annoyed if people lie about getting married, but if it's that upsetting to you just don't go. You don't get to sit there and be smug because these people aren't doing their wedding "the right way." Seriously, you don't know all the details about why they set things up the way they did. Maybe their parents asked them to go ahead and have the wedding. Maye their timeline got moved for some reason. You. Don't. Know.

And even if you did, it's not your place to decide what weddings count and what don't. It's beyond rude and makes you look like a huge brat. You're just as bad as the people who show up to weddings talking about how this marriage is a disaster and the couple is bound to get divorced in a couple years.

Yes, seriously, you are being that tacky.

I mean, let's be honest, most guests aren't going to weddings because they're really excited to see these people exchange their vows. You're there because you want the free food and booze and you want to party. So if you're going to complain about someone throwing their wedding for the same reasons you're being a huge hypocrite.

To the first bolded:

We're only random strangers on the internet on these boards.  IRL, we are wedding guests, sisters, bridesmaids, mothers, husbands (I think there are a few guys who post here periodically), brothers, coworkers, bosses, etc.  Get the point?  The way a person behaves affects their relationships with people in real life.  We are just helping people understand good behavior vs. poor, deceptive behavior.  

To the second bolded:

This statement makes no sense.  If we (guests) are lied to about the fact that a couple was legally married before their re-enactment, how can we make the choice not to go?  I wouldn't be just "annoyed" if I had found out someone close to me had perpetrated such a deception, I would likely not be friends with them anymore. 

To the third bolded:

Gross.  Seriously?

CMGragain

You said, " I think in most cases it doesn't really matter when the couple gets married"

Well, the IRS would disagree with you.  So would the couple's insurance medical insurance company.  Don't try lying to them!

PandaNikki

I don't really want to start a new thread about this since it's almost the same topic so I'm just gonna snark in here if nobody minds.

A friend of mine and DH's got married in a small ceremony last summer very quickly, because her (now) H is military and they wanted to get married before he had to go into a submarine or something. They said they were going to have a reception when he got back.

Ok, so I'm thinking they're just gonna host a party for all of their friends to celebrate their marriage. Sounds fun, a little different but nothing too bad here so far.

I saw their registry and noticed it said something about a bridal shower. Bit of side-eye, but OK, not exactly etiquette but I'll let it slide since they aren't even living together yet. So I get invited to the bridal shower and bachelorette party. A bit more side-eye but she came to my shower and I'm free that day so I might as well go.

First, she's wearing a banner that says bride-to-be. Second, the bridesmaids are totally flabbergasted at the idea that having a 2 hour gap between the bridal shower and bachelorette party is going to leave some people with nothing to do during that time. I end up going to a bar and getting a drink with one of the other girls. Still, a bit annoying.

Then we're talking about the reception. It doesn't appear that there will be a reenactment of vows, but she is hiring a photographer which makes me think her and her BMs are all gonna get BACK into the dresses they wore last summer during her ceremony. A bit more (internal) side-eye on that one.

It doesn't look like I'm gonna be able to make it to her reception anyway, but this whole experience left me with a bad taste in my mouth about the whole thing.

Sorry if I hijacked the thread! Just wanted to snark a bit!

ShesSoCold

KatieinBkln said:

I guess I'm in the minority here. I think in most cases it doesn't really matter when the couple gets married. That's personal to them and they don't have to justify how they make their vows to each other to anyone, especially random strangers on the internet.

I can understand being annoyed if people lie about getting married, but if it's that upsetting to you just don't go. You don't get to sit there and be smug because these people aren't doing their wedding "the right way." Seriously, you don't know all the details about why they set things up the way they did. Maybe their parents asked them to go ahead and have the wedding. Maye their timeline got moved for some reason. You. Don't. Know.

And even if you did, it's not your place to decide what weddings count and what don't. It's beyond rude and makes you look like a huge brat. You're just as bad as the people who show up to weddings talking about how this marriage is a disaster and the couple is bound to get divorced in a couple years.

Yes, seriously, you are being that tacky.

I mean, let's be honest, most guests aren't going to weddings because they're really excited to see these people exchange their vows. You're there because you want the free food and booze and you want to party. So if you're going to complain about someone throwing their wedding for the same reasons you're being a huge hypocrite.

You know what I do know, though? That being an adult means making hard decisions sometimes. That being a good person means not lying to your loved ones. And that only adults are allowed to get married, so acting like a child and pretending that complicated logistics make you "special" or an "exception" is bullshit.

On the other hand, the second bolded leads me to believe that "adulting" isn't super high on your personal priority list. Not all of us go to weddings just to party. We enjoy the party after we share in our loved ones' union.

This. I am an example of a bride whose timeline got all fucked. Weeks before my destination wedding, my mother was diagnosed with stage four cancer and told her life expectancy would be "measured in weeks, as opposed to months". We cancelled EVERYTHING and planned a new wedding (both legal and including pretty dress) in less than two weeks. I didn't get JOP married for my mom and then still parade around in a dress later because "I WAAAAANT ITTTTTTT". Why? Because I'm a fucking adult. I'm too old to play dress-up (outside of the bedroom, anyway). 

Being an adult means you can't always have everything exactly how you want it. Being an adult means you make the best of what you're given and move on. If not getting my prefect pretty princess everyone look at me day is the worst thing that happens to me, I'm doing pretty fucking great. 

[Deleted User]

kellyem2 said:

I guess I'm in the minority here. I think in most cases it doesn't really matter when the couple gets married. That's personal to them and they don't have to justify how they make their vows to each other to anyone, especially random strangers on the internet.

I can understand being annoyed if people lie about getting married, but if it's that upsetting to you just don't go. You don't get to sit there and be smug because these people aren't doing their wedding "the right way." Seriously, you don't know all the details about why they set things up the way they did. Maybe their parents asked them to go ahead and have the wedding. Maye their timeline got moved for some reason. You. Don't. Know.

And even if you did, it's not your place to decide what weddings count and what don't. It's beyond rude and makes you look like a huge brat. You're just as bad as the people who show up to weddings talking about how this marriage is a disaster and the couple is bound to get divorced in a couple years.

Yes, seriously, you are being that tacky.

I mean, let's be honest, most guests aren't going to weddings because they're really excited to see these people exchange their vows. You're there because you want the free food and booze and you want to party. So if you're going to complain about someone throwing their wedding for the same reasons you're being a huge hypocrite.

Wow, sorry that's how you feel about weddings. I, for one, get excited about watching my friends exchange vows. The reception is just a party celebrating that. I sure hope people aren't just coming to my wedding for the "free food and booze."

ohannabelle

I guess I'm in the minority here. I think in most cases it doesn't really matter when the couple gets married. That's personal to them and they don't have to justify how they make their vows to each other to anyone, especially random strangers on the internet.

I can understand being annoyed if people lie about getting married, but if it's that upsetting to you just don't go. You don't get to sit there and be smug because these people aren't doing their wedding "the right way." Seriously, you don't know all the details about why they set things up the way they did. Maybe their parents asked them to go ahead and have the wedding. Maye their timeline got moved for some reason. You. Don't. Know.

And even if you did, it's not your place to decide what weddings count and what don't. It's beyond rude and makes you look like a huge brat. You're just as bad as the people who show up to weddings talking about how this marriage is a disaster and the couple is bound to get divorced in a couple years.

Yes, seriously, you are being that tacky.

I mean, let's be honest, most guests aren't going to weddings because they're really excited to see these people exchange their vows. You're there because you want the free food and booze and you want to party. So if you're going to complain about someone throwing their wedding for the same reasons you're being a huge hypocrite.

Is that honestly why you go to weddings? That's truly repulsive. I completely avoid people who are that shallow and self serving. 

All weddings count. Yes. Thank you for making my point, though I don't think you fully understood that you were making that point. 

(Pretending a wedding didn't count unless it has a full audience and a fancy party and a big white dress, and now you want another one,  is much closer to being "a huge brat." )

I think what we have here is a fundamental misunderstanding of the English language. Let me help you. 

Wedding- when two people are wed. That means married. 

Party- a gathering of people celebrating. 

Note that they are two different words with two different meanings. A person might have a party in celebration of their wedding, but it isn't a wedding unless they are actually being wed.  A person might have a vow renewal. That is not a wedding.

Mark Twain said , “The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.”

Here's a huge big ass thought.  Words are tools. We use them to communicate truths. If I say, I'm sad, or the sky is blue, or please come to a wedding, you know exactly what I mean because the words have very clear definitions. That's how language works.  (Also because I practice being honest, and have enormous respect for truth.) 

Adult human beings (ideally) understand what words mean. If there is confusion, there are big books of defined words called dictionaries. You are not qualified to redefine those words to suit your own agenda. 

Deliberately using the wrong word to suit your personal agenda is called lying, or deception, or something similar. 

You're welcome.

huskypuppy14

ohannabelle said:

I guess I'm in the minority here. I think in most cases it doesn't really matter when the couple gets married. That's personal to them and they don't have to justify how they make their vows to each other to anyone, especially random strangers on the internet.

I can understand being annoyed if people lie about getting married, but if it's that upsetting to you just don't go. You don't get to sit there and be smug because these people aren't doing their wedding "the right way." Seriously, you don't know all the details about why they set things up the way they did. Maybe their parents asked them to go ahead and have the wedding. Maye their timeline got moved for some reason. You. Don't. Know.

And even if you did, it's not your place to decide what weddings count and what don't. It's beyond rude and makes you look like a huge brat. You're just as bad as the people who show up to weddings talking about how this marriage is a disaster and the couple is bound to get divorced in a couple years.

Yes, seriously, you are being that tacky.

I mean, let's be honest, most guests aren't going to weddings because they're really excited to see these people exchange their vows. You're there because you want the free food and booze and you want to party. So if you're going to complain about someone throwing their wedding for the same reasons you're being a huge hypocrite.

Is that honestly why you go to weddings? That's truly repulsive. I completely avoid people who are that shallow and self serving. 

All weddings count. Yes. Thank you for making my point, though I don't think you fully understood that you were making that point. 

(Pretending a wedding didn't count unless it has a full audience and a fancy party and a big white dress, and now you want another one,  is much closer to being "a huge brat." )

I think what we have here is a fundamental misunderstanding of the English language. Let me help you. 

Wedding- when two people are wed. That means married. 

Party- a gathering of people celebrating. 

Note that they are two different words with two different meanings. A person might have a party in celebration of their wedding, but it isn't a wedding unless they are actually being wed.  A person might have a vow renewal. That is not a wedding.

Mark Twain said , “The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.”

Here's a huge big ass thought.  Words are tools. We use them to communicate truths. If I say, I'm sad, or the sky is blue, or please come to a wedding, you know exactly what I mean because the words have very clear definitions. That's how language works.  (Also because I practice being honest, and have enormous respect for truth.) 

Adult human beings (ideally) understand what words mean. If there is confusion, there are big books of defined words called dictionaries. You are not qualified to redefine those words to suit your own agenda. 

Deliberately using the wrong word to suit your personal agenda is called lying, or deception, or something similar. 

You're welcome.

flutteringinfl

I don't know about you guys, but I'm sure our guests are paying hundreds, and in some cases thousands of dollars because they want a free meal and booze worth $150 a plate, not because they love us and want to see us get married. Because, you know, that makes perfect economic sense.

lovesclimbing

kellyem2 said:

I guess I'm in the minority here. I think in most cases it doesn't really matter when the couple gets married. That's personal to them and they don't have to justify how they make their vows to each other to anyone, especially random strangers on the internet.

I can understand being annoyed if people lie about getting married, but if it's that upsetting to you just don't go. You don't get to sit there and be smug because these people aren't doing their wedding "the right way." Seriously, you don't know all the details about why they set things up the way they did. Maybe their parents asked them to go ahead and have the wedding. Maye their timeline got moved for some reason. You. Don't. Know.

And even if you did, it's not your place to decide what weddings count and what don't. It's beyond rude and makes you look like a huge brat. You're just as bad as the people who show up to weddings talking about how this marriage is a disaster and the couple is bound to get divorced in a couple years.

Yes, seriously, you are being that tacky.

I mean, let's be honest, most guests aren't going to weddings because they're really excited to see these people exchange their vows. You're there because you want the free food and booze and you want to party. So if you're going to complain about someone throwing their wedding for the same reasons you're being a huge hypocrite.

False. I have yet to attend a wedding that had free booze.  I have yet to attend a wedding that had any booze at all.  I have attended six weddings.  All were dry.  Three had lunch, three had cake and punch.  None of them were super "party" atmospheres. Yes, they were fun and we all talked and laughed and had a great time, but none of them had a DJ and a ton of dancing. One of them had a band playing contra dancing music (which was really fun.)

randomslove

Part of the reason I'm glad my FI is getting out of the military. We were both active duty when we met and people constantly encouraged us to get a contract marriage with the understanding that it was to make our lives easier until we were really ready.

Ummm. No.

We're in a terrible area for that, too. Marriages tend last a year or less around here with many of them being "just legal" marriages where they plan to have the "real" wedding later. I don't care if we could have made more money by getting married.

We both want to get married in front of our family, so they can see us declare that we are making a lifelong commitment, becoming a family. So, no thanks, women and boots of my area. I will wait. And no, lady OP talked about, you're not special.

stephanie59hickman

I knew a girl who got engaged on a whim two years ago and two weeks later they were having a backyard ceremony and reception with a small group of people who had responded to a Facebook event invitation (there were no actual invitations sent out because they were only engaged for two weeks.) She wore a white prom dress and they signed the papers. I'm all for a small no-fuss wedding if that's what they wanted. But then, she said that they would be a having a "fancier" wedding in a couple years when they could afford it and invite everyone who couldn't attend the first one which was basically everyone because her whole family lives out of state and his whole family lives in Mexico, and she'll have a "real" dress and a "real" cake (their other one was a sheet cake from a Walmart bakery), and a whole host of other things that she could have had if she had taken the time to plan and pay for the wedding she actually wanted. I could even understand if they had this "second wedding" and did it as a vow renewal on their anniversary, but it seems like she's just wanting people to make a fuss over her and bring gifts. Definitely tacky in my opinion.

MissKittyDanger

I've heard of some military couples who did a quick wedding at city hall with witnesses and then ended up having an actual wedding. Their anniversary never changed, but typically they get married because of situation since majority of spouse's want to live with each other and can't live on base if not married or common-law over X amount of time.

randomslove

@mrsspence87 -- they don't get married to live with each other. That's usually just a lie they tell themselves. No, a civilian who is not a dependent can't live on base. However, a service member who is not married can choose to live off-base. They just won't get the extra pay for housing unless they're married, a staff non-commissioned officer, an officer, or have custody of a child.

Half of my military time was spent living off base and maintaining a room in the barracks. My last year was spent living with my now-FI, who is still active duty. On two military base pays (so we were not staff non-commissioned officer), we managed to pay for a place without breaking the bank. People told us all the time we should just get married so we would make BAH (basic allowance for housing) instead of paying out-of-pocket, but we didn't want to rush our relationship for money. We wanted to wait until we could have the kind of wedding we wanted.

In other words: wanting the government to fund you living with each other is not an excuse for PPD.

MissKittyDanger

randomslove said:

@mrsspence87 -- they don't get married to live with each other. That's usually just a lie they tell themselves. No, a civilian who is not a dependent can't live on base. However, a service member who is not married can choose to live off-base. They just won't get the extra pay for housing unless they're married, a staff non-commissioned officer, an officer, or have custody of a child.

Half of my military time was spent living off base and maintaining a room in the barracks. My last year was spent living with my now-FI, who is still active duty. On two military base pays (so we were not staff non-commissioned officer), we managed to pay for a place without breaking the bank. People told us all the time we should just get married so we would make BAH (basic allowance for housing) instead of paying out-of-pocket, but we didn't want to rush our relationship for money. We wanted to wait until we could have the kind of wedding we wanted.

In other words: wanting the government to fund you living with each other is not an excuse for PPD.

Might be different for different people. My friend's now husband is military and she wasn't allowed living on base until they were married. I suppose her situation was more important as she was pregnant {not a shot gun wedding - just to clarify}

Despite they were living at his family's place, she wasn't allowed to move with him to base and he was moving a few provinces {from Ontario, to New Brunswick}

randomslove

@misspence87 -- I don't know how that's any different. Once he had a child, if they had joint custody, he would get BAH, since the baby would be his dependent. She would not be his dependent until they got married. I still don't see why having a bennies wedding (married for the benefits with a "real" wedding later) would change anything. So they can't live on base as an unmarried couple. They could have still lived off base. They chose to get married so the government would pay for them to live together instead of them paying out of pocket themselves. If they got married so they could live together and had a "real" wedding later, the only reason they chose to get married before having a "Wedding" was for money/benefits. I don't get how her being pregnant has to do with the price of silk in China.

Basically. She had a PPD and isn't special. They got married so the government would pay for them to live together.

julieanne912

I just found out yesterday that my MOH got married before her "actual" wedding.  She got married in Belize, and apparently our state doesn't recognize weddings performed in Belize, so they had to do the legal wedding a week before they left to go down there. 

And you know, I didn't even care.  Made sense to me. 

TrixieJess

mrsspence87 said:

randomslove said:

@mrsspence87 -- they don't get married to live with each other. That's usually just a lie they tell themselves. No, a civilian who is not a dependent can't live on base. However, a service member who is not married can choose to live off-base. They just won't get the extra pay for housing unless they're married, a staff non-commissioned officer, an officer, or have custody of a child.

Half of my military time was spent living off base and maintaining a room in the barracks. My last year was spent living with my now-FI, who is still active duty. On two military base pays (so we were not staff non-commissioned officer), we managed to pay for a place without breaking the bank. People told us all the time we should just get married so we would make BAH (basic allowance for housing) instead of paying out-of-pocket, but we didn't want to rush our relationship for money. We wanted to wait until we could have the kind of wedding we wanted.

In other words: wanting the government to fund you living with each other is not an excuse for PPD.

Might be different for different people. My friend's now husband is military and she wasn't allowed living on base until they were married. I suppose her situation was more important as she was pregnant {not a shot gun wedding - just to clarify}

Despite they were living at his family's place, she wasn't allowed to move with him to base and he was moving a few provinces {from Ontario, to New Brunswick}

This makes no sense. As soon as they had the baby they would be considered Common-Law and have the same rights as being married, even in the Armed Forces. Common-Laws are all the same across Canada, as soon as you have a child and you share a household, you are Common-Law. FI and I are considered Common-Law because of our son. We pay "Married" taxes and he is included under my work Insurance. 

peachy13

My friend got married last year in a courthouse. She sent me a picture wearing a cute dress, smiling ear to ear, and holding her marriage certificate with her new husband. The caption said "omg we just got married!" When I talked to her afterwards, she explained that because her husband was in the military, his new marital status would help him stay close by, increase his monthly housing funds, and as a bonus, help my friend have cheaper health insurance. Good all around, except for when she told me "oh don't worry, the real wedding is still happening!" So blah blah blah, she had a PPD a few months later. Big white dress, hour-long church ceremony, first dance, the whole shebang. And as it turned out, half of her guests never found out that the couple had already been married months prior.

So I found it... amusing... when my friend's husband posted a FB status recently on the anniversary of their legal courthouse wedding with a picture of champagne saying something like "celebrating a successful first year of marriage with my love" and some people commented like "congrats" etc., but MOST people were like "oh I thought your anniversary was in September?" and the husband actually had to respond to those people like "yeah but we got married a year ago for military purposes." And I can only imagine that the duped guests were sitting there at the computer like, wtf did I watch and wtf did I spend money on.

thisismynickname2

peachy13 said:

My friend got married last year in a courthouse. She sent me a picture wearing a cute dress, smiling ear to ear, and holding her marriage certificate with her new husband. The caption said "omg we just got married!" When I talked to her afterwards, she explained that because her husband was in the military, his new marital status would help him stay close by, increase his monthly housing funds, and as a bonus, help my friend have cheaper health insurance. Good all around, except for when she told me "oh don't worry, the real wedding is still happening!" So blah blah blah, she had a PPD a few months later. Big white dress, hour-long church ceremony, first dance, the whole shebang. And as it turned out, half of her guests never found out that the couple had already been married months prior.

So I found it... amusing... when my friend's husband posted a FB status recently on the anniversary of their legal courthouse wedding with a picture of champagne saying something like "celebrating a successful first year of marriage with my love" and some people commented like "congrats" etc., but MOST people were like "oh I thought your anniversary was in September?" and the husband actually had to respond to those people like "yeah but we got married a year ago for military purposes." And I can only imagine that the duped guests were sitting there at the computer like, wtf did I watch and wtf did I spend money on.

You know, it came up on another thread that someone had seen quite a few quicky military weddings for the benefits, and marriages ended a year or so- shortly thereafter. 

SO GLAD my tax dollars subsidize people who don't really love each other and otherwise may not marry living together. SO GLAD. 

randomslove

thisismynickname said:

You know, it came up on another thread that someone had seen quite a few quicky military weddings for the benefits, and marriages ended a year or so- shortly thereafter. 

SO GLAD my tax dollars subsidize people who don't really love each other and otherwise may not marry living together. SO GLAD. 

If that was recent, that may have been me. I've been trying very, very hard to share all of the reasons that doesn't work. Like I said, I'm a veteran (I've been out a year), and my FI is active duty. We witness people getting divorces regularly-- the majority of them are couples who got married for some kind of benefits (whether it was to get someone on government health insurance, to make more money, or so the government would pay for the couple to live together, etc). As it is, with all of the benefits for marriage making it so appealing to single service members, even those who aren't getting married primarily because of the benefits rush relationships often with them in mind. Specifically, living in the barracks can suck.

I know there was also a veteran who was an Army MP talking against PPDs in the military, too. I believe she said the government also finds them fraudulent if you lie to everyone involved so you can have a "real" wedding later. While I haven't seen that happen, I have known people who got caught with adultery because they got engaged while "legally separated."

Anyway, TL;DR: There are a lot of things that need to change about the military and government in general. Also, if you marry for bennies, everyone local will know and many service members will look down on the civilian in the situation and call them a very specific word.

thisismynickname2

randomslove said:

thisismynickname said:

You know, it came up on another thread that someone had seen quite a few quicky military weddings for the benefits, and marriages ended a year or so- shortly thereafter. 

SO GLAD my tax dollars subsidize people who don't really love each other and otherwise may not marry living together. SO GLAD. 

If that was recent, that may have been me. I've been trying very, very hard to share all of the reasons that doesn't work. Like I said, I'm a veteran (I've been out a year), and my FI is active duty. We witness people getting divorces regularly-- the majority of them are couples who got married for some kind of benefits (whether it was to get someone on government health insurance, to make more money, or so the government would pay for the couple to live together, etc). As it is, with all of the benefits for marriage making it so appealing to single service members, even those who aren't getting married primarily because of the benefits rush relationships often with them in mind. Specifically, living in the barracks can suck.

I know there was also a veteran who was an Army MP talking against PPDs in the military, too. I believe she said the government also finds them fraudulent if you lie to everyone involved so you can have a "real" wedding later. While I haven't seen that happen, I have known people who got caught with adultery because they got engaged while "legally separated."

Anyway, TL;DR: There are a lot of things that need to change about the military and government in general. Also, if you marry for bennies, everyone local will know and many service members will look down on the civilian in the situation and call them a very specific word.

At least it's known that it's fraudulent. I don't fault the government for that so much as I fault individual people's choices. 

Actually, a family friend of my family has a son who's gay and in the navy. He married a lesbian woman so they could get the benefits. (They're long since divorced.) My family was pretty shocked when we heard that, but I was too young at the time to really understand the gravity of all of that. 

Laur6515

just a few questions.. I briefly read this thread -

Why does it matter when they got married? Aren't you invited to celebrate a wonderful event in a loved ones life?  Isn't focusing on how someone plans their wedding celebration something that doesn't require your opinon?

If it were a good friend of mine, I wouldn't care.  I would want to see the dress, the walk down the aisle, all that.  and it wouldn't matter if it was the first time or the 10th.

I got married a few weeks ago in Jamaica - my parents were the only ones who were able to make the trip.  We are having a reception this fall to celebrate with the people we love, and not once have I heard anything about it not being the 'right' way to do things.  its our way, and the people who love us cant wait.

Just my 2 cents.

banana468

Laur6515 said:

just a few questions.. I briefly read this thread -

Why does it matter when they got married? Aren't you invited to celebrate a wonderful event in a loved ones life?  Isn't focusing on how someone plans their wedding celebration something that doesn't require your opinon?

If it were a good friend of mine, I wouldn't care.  I would want to see the dress, the walk down the aisle, all that.  and it wouldn't matter if it was the first time or the 10th.

I got married a few weeks ago in Jamaica - my parents were the only ones who were able to make the trip.  We are having a reception this fall to celebrate with the people we love, and not once have I heard anything about it not being the 'right' way to do things.  its our way, and the people who love us cant wait.

Just my 2 cents.

Well, people who think that you're full of yourself rarely say, "Don't kid yourself.   I'm showing up but I think it's ricockulous that you didn't invite me to your actual wedding and instead I'm invited only to this sham event."

To the first bolded, it matters when they got married because THAT WAS THEIR WEDDING.

To the second bolded, that's great that it's your opinion.   However walking in a wedding dress up and down the aisle isn't a wedding.   If that's the case then I really was married in my backyard when I was 7.   If you want to invite people to your wedding then you're inviting them to see you actually get married.    A wedding doesn't get to be redefined because you wanted legal benefits first. 

Laur6515

Yikes.  Wrong thread to be a happy person.  Good luck criticizing other people's happiness & plans. 

Cookie Pusher

Clearly someone didn't lurk OR see that this is the Snarky Brides board, not the Blow-Sunshine-Up-Everyone's-Ass board.

banana468

Laur6515 said:

Yikes.  Wrong thread to be a happy person.  Good luck criticizing other people's happiness & plans. 

My late grandmother was really happy one hot August day when she told me that she was wearing her green outfit because it was St. Patrick's day.   That didn't make her right.

And as @CookiePusher said, this is the snarky brides board.   Did you honestly expect to come out defending inappropriate behavior with a response that was not snarky?  Do you honestly think it's OK to put on a show for guests??

I don't get it.   A wedding is where two people get married.   When did it start being an event where two people can pretend to do it?? 

Laur6515

Cookie Pusher said:

Clearly someone didn't lurk OR see that this is the Snarky Brides board, not the Blow-Sunshine-Up-Everyone's-Ass board.

  Snarky Brides? or I'm Bitter Lets Hate on Everyone Else Brides?

banana468 said:

Laur6515 said:

Yikes.  Wrong thread to be a happy person.  Good luck criticizing other people's happiness & plans. 

My late grandmother was really happy one hot August day when she told me that she was wearing her green outfit because it was St. Patrick's day.   That didn't make her right.

And as @CookiePusher said, this is the snarky brides board.   Did you honestly expect to come out defending inappropriate behavior with a response that was not snarky?  Do you honestly think it's OK to put on a show for guests??

I don't get it.   A wedding is where two people get married.   When did it start being an event where two people can pretend to do it?? 

Inappropriate? according to who? You? who cares about your opinion.  Let the girl celebrate however she wants.  She is the bride, not you.

And yes, I think its ok to celebrate however you want to when you get married. 

Have you ever had a birthday party that wasn't on your EXACT birthday?  if you have, how dare you if its not actually ON your bday?

 

TrixieJess

Laur6515 said:

Cookie Pusher said:

Clearly someone didn't lurk OR see that this is the Snarky Brides board, not the Blow-Sunshine-Up-Everyone's-Ass board.

  Snarky Brides? or I'm Bitter Lets Hate on Everyone Else Brides?

banana468 said:

Laur6515 said:

Yikes.  Wrong thread to be a happy person.  Good luck criticizing other people's happiness & plans. 

My late grandmother was really happy one hot August day when she told me that she was wearing her green outfit because it was St. Patrick's day.   That didn't make her right.

And as @CookiePusher said, this is the snarky brides board.   Did you honestly expect to come out defending inappropriate behavior with a response that was not snarky?  Do you honestly think it's OK to put on a show for guests??

I don't get it.   A wedding is where two people get married.   When did it start being an event where two people can pretend to do it?? 

Inappropriate? according to who? You? who cares about your opinion.  Let the girl celebrate however she wants.  She is the bride, not you.

And yes, I think its ok to celebrate however you want to when you get married. 

Have you ever had a birthday party that wasn't on your EXACT birthday?  if you have, how dare you if its not actually ON your bday?

 

From Dictionary.com:

Snarky: having a rudely critical tone or manner

banana468

I have had birthday parties on days that weren't my birthday but you know what - I didn't call that day my birthday.

If the couple wants to celebrate their exchange of vows not on their wedding day then as long as they're hosting those that WERE at their wedding day, I'll bite.

But they can't call it a wedding because it isn't one.   A wedding is when two people get married.   If they aren't getting married on that day then the celebration isn't a wedding.    

And since there are people out there who don't even HAVE the rights that many others do, yeah you can bet that I'm going to call out those who think that a wedding = white dress and big party.