Honoring Bride's Mom at the Reception

KnottieAK

Hey everyone,

My mom passed away from pancreatic cancer when I was 13 y/o in 2006. I'll be getting married in May 2016. Any suggestions on how to honor her?

My aunt's (mom's sisters) want me to do a dance with my brother as a remembrance, which may be too much for me - I still get pretty emotional and I don't want to be hysterically crying. My dad is also remarried, so I don't necessarily want to have an empty chair either.

If anyone else has / is going through something similar - any advice would be much appreciated.

Thank you!

MobKaz

KnottieAK said:

Hey everyone,

My mom passed away from pancreatic cancer when I was 13 y/o in 2006. I'll be getting married in May 2016. Any suggestions on how to honor her?

My aunt's (mom's sisters) want me to do a dance with my brother as a remembrance, which may be too much for me - I still get pretty emotional and I don't want to be hysterically crying. My dad is also remarried, so I don't necessarily want to have an empty chair either.

If anyone else has / is going through something similar - any advice would be much appreciated.

Thank you!

I'm sorry for your loss.

Typically, it is suggested that remembrances be done in a subtle way. You could carry a picture of your mom in a locket that is wrapped around your bouquet. You could incorporate her favorite flower or color into your wedding theme. You could include a favorite food or beverage in your reception meal. You could include a favorite upbeat song your mom enjoyed and have it played at the reception.

If you are having a religious ceremony and it is protocol in the service, you could offer a prayer of intention for those friends and family who are unable to be with you on this day. You could also mention her in your wedding program.

mikenberger

MobKaz said:

KnottieAK said:

Hey everyone,

My mom passed away from pancreatic cancer when I was 13 y/o in 2006. I'll be getting married in May 2016. Any suggestions on how to honor her?

My aunt's (mom's sisters) want me to do a dance with my brother as a remembrance, which may be too much for me - I still get pretty emotional and I don't want to be hysterically crying. My dad is also remarried, so I don't necessarily want to have an empty chair either.

If anyone else has / is going through something similar - any advice would be much appreciated.

Thank you!

I'm sorry for your loss.

Typically, it is suggested that remembrances be done in a subtle way. You could carry a picture of your mom in a locket that is wrapped around your bouquet. You could incorporate her favorite flower or color into your wedding theme. You could include a favorite food or beverage in your reception meal. You could include a favorite upbeat song your mom enjoyed and have it played at the reception.

If you are having a religious ceremony and it is protocol in the service, you could offer a prayer of intention for those friends and family who are unable to be with you on this day. You could also mention her in your wedding program.

My condolences on the loss of your mom. 

These are really good ideas. Subtlety is key when honoring ones we've lost on our wedding days just for the reason you've stated: Some people, ourselves included, might still be very emotional about it and it turns an otherwise, very happy and joyous occasion into a day of mourning. 

augsum15

Ditto on it being subtle. Do you have any jewelry of hers you could wear as your wedding jewelry? I personally love the locket idea as well, either around your bouquet or wear a locket necklace. Don't do anything that you know is going to make you emotional (more emotional than you'd rightfully be already) it's not fair to you or your guests. I hate when people suggest empty chairs, etc. It's a wedding day, not a memorial. You should be happy! So do something that's going to keep you in high spirits. 

aliwis000

I am very sorry for your loss.

I agree with PP. Keep it subtle and close to your heart. I will also say if you do not feel like you need/can to do anything but remember her throughout the day that is ok too. My FI lost his dad at 14. I have asked him if there is anything he would like to do/have at the wedding. He thought about it and came back with a no. We will just remember him in our hearts. I just wanted to point that out too, you do not have to justify yourself anyone on this.

HTH!

levioosa

I am so sorry for your loss.

Keep it subtle.  PPs have given good suggestions. 

Jen4948

Another vote for subtlety.

Most regular posters in this forum, me included, agree that empty chairs are too morbid. They're too strong a reminder of why the persons in question aren't there.

mikenberger

.... nevermind. Remaining vote for subtley.

julieanne912

Another vote for subtle.  My dad passed away when I was 18.  At my wedding (which is a casual country type thing), I'm going to have a coat stand off to the side with his hat hanging on it.  That's it.  Most people probably won't notice it much but I'll know it's there.  

CMGragain

So sorry for your loss.  My Dad died from pancreatic cancer when I was 15.

At my own wedding, I did not have any "remembrances".  My relatives were all very much aware of how much I missed my Dad on that day.  Unknown to everyone except the two of us, my maternal grandmother placed a single flower from my bouquet on my Dad's grave, privately.  It would have been too much for my Dad's mother to deal with that.  The last thing I would have wanted was to cause her pain on my wedding day.

When my daughter was married, my sister took one look at DH walking down the aisle with daughter on his arm, and burst into tears. It had been 45 years since Dad had passed away, but it still hurt.

futuremrshp

I'm very very sorry for your loss.  My uncle also passed away from pancreatic cancer and it still hurts today.

We decided to go a subtle route as others noted.  I was thinking about honoring that same uncle in the program as well as my gradnparents who raised me and FI's dad.  But FI got a bit emotional and he's a tad bit private about it, which is totally his right.  We are doing the following:  2 flower bouquets at the alter in vases to honor my uncle and FI's dad -- no signs or notes about who it's for.  We know it.  And I have a locket with an old school pic of my grandparents meant for the bouquet... and I'm using my grandmother's Bible at the wedding ceremony.

I hope these ideas can help.

OliveOilsMom

Ditto on being subtle with your remembrance of your mom.  I would also add that you should not let your aunts pressure you into doing something you don't want to/feel good about doing.  You know how you will be, so go by your own feelings on this.  I would also warn the DJ about giving one of your aunts the microphone.  Their hearts might be in the right place, but if it will make you and potentially other guests upset, then it is not the right thing to do.

KnottieAK

Thank you everyone! I really appreciate all of the suggestions. The hardest part will be telling my decision to my mom's sisters (my aunt'). I actually plan on having my wedding on my mom's birthday (May 8) as a way to remember her. May is usually such a sad time between her birthday and mother's day - however now I can turn it into a happy day. For me that's enough.

Per jewlery: she wasn't really into jewelry and the jewelry she did own is yellow gold, while all of my jewelry - including my engagement ring - is white gold.