Is it ok NOT to register?

soontobemrshamilton

We are having a small wedding, with 17 guests. We honestly don't really need any thing and we thought it was a little silly to create a wedding registry for such a small wedding. BUT I did want to make sure this wasn't rude or following bad etiquette.

kvruns

not rude or bad etiquette.  I'm pretty sure others will say that registries were created by stores to make themselves more $$- it isn't a requirement at all.

theartistformerlyknownas

As long as you're not having a shower, it's perfectly fine. It is a common courtesy to have one for a shower though, to help people out.

Cookie Pusher

lolo883 said:

As long as you're not having a shower, it's perfectly fine. It is a common courtesy to have one for a shower though, to help people out.

This. We had a smallish (for our area) wedding, and didn't register. Of course, boxed gifts aren't generally given at weddings where we live either.

MyNameIsNot

Nope, no one has to register. (Except like PP said, you need one if you have a shower.)

With a smaller wedding, I would think it's pretty unnecessary. 

MesmrEwe

No need to register if you truly don't want to! 

That said - even if you don't NEED anything specific that you can think of off the top of your head, it's best to do some form of registering in the respect that you don't want to get a bunch of really random things you truly have no use for nor way to return (not everyone likes giving cash gifts).  Ideas for items...  New/nicer sheet sets than you have, additional pieces of your everyday plates and silverware, kitchen aid stand mixer (if you don't already have one), wine glasses, etc... Otherwise, if there are any home improvement projects you'd like to do, register for supplies/gift cards to your favorite hardware store.. 

southernbelle0915

@MesmrEwe - all good ideas except registering for gift cards. Asking for money in any form is an etiquette no no.

[Deleted User]

For 17 people, I wouldn't bother registering.  If people are asking though, like through your mom or another relative, tell your mom to tell the first person that while you're not registered, she happens to know you could use some new king size bedding (in yellow or gray).  Tell the second person who asks that you'd appreciate fluffy bath towels in white-gray-black family.  And, like, the third person that you're always scouring thrift stores for large silver or white serving trays.  If you know your aunts are going to want to give you an actual gift rather than a check, this may be a way to register without registering.

Jen4948

MyNameIsNot said:

Nope, no one has to register. (Except like PP said, you need one if you have a shower.)

With a smaller wedding, I would think it's pretty unnecessary. 

As showers have been given long before registries existed, no, you do not need a registry for a shower.

theartistformerlyknownas

Jen4948 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

Nope, no one has to register. (Except like PP said, you need one if you have a shower.)

With a smaller wedding, I would think it's pretty unnecessary. 

As showers have been given long before registries existed, no, you do not need a registry for a shower.

Cars without seat belts existed before cars with. Doesn't mean they're not a good idea to use.

Jen4948

lolo883 said:

Jen4948 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

Nope, no one has to register. (Except like PP said, you need one if you have a shower.)

With a smaller wedding, I would think it's pretty unnecessary. 

As showers have been given long before registries existed, no, you do not need a registry for a shower.

Cars without seat belts existed before cars with. Doesn't mean they're not a good idea to use.

Apples and oranges.

There is no etiquette rule requiring one to have a registry if one has a shower.

theartistformerlyknownas

Jen4948 said:

lolo883 said:

Jen4948 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

Nope, no one has to register. (Except like PP said, you need one if you have a shower.)

With a smaller wedding, I would think it's pretty unnecessary. 

As showers have been given long before registries existed, no, you do not need a registry for a shower.

Cars without seat belts existed before cars with. Doesn't mean they're not a good idea to use.

Apples and oranges.

There is no etiquette rule requiring one to have a registry if one has a shower.

I never said there was, but thanks for continuing to infer what people didn't say. Consistency is nice. 

Point is, sometimes people come up with better ideas over time. Just because something is relatively "new" doesn't mean it's bad or unnecessary. When you're being given a shower, and guests are SPECIFICALLY ASKED TO BRING YOU A GIFT, it only makes sense to give them the convenience of a list to choose from. Advising someone not to just because it hasn't always been done is just dumb advice. Why wouldn't you want to provide that convenience when people are going to such effort for your benefit?

Jen4948

lolo883 said:

Jen4948 said:

lolo883 said:

Jen4948 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

Nope, no one has to register. (Except like PP said, you need one if you have a shower.)

With a smaller wedding, I would think it's pretty unnecessary. 

As showers have been given long before registries existed, no, you do not need a registry for a shower.

Cars without seat belts existed before cars with. Doesn't mean they're not a good idea to use.

Apples and oranges.

There is no etiquette rule requiring one to have a registry if one has a shower.

I never said there was, but thanks for continuing to infer what people didn't say. Consistency is nice. 

Point is, sometimes people come up with better ideas over time. Just because something is relatively "new" doesn't mean it's bad or unnecessary. When you're being given a shower, and guests are SPECIFICALLY ASKED TO BRING YOU A GIFT, it only makes sense to give them the convenience of a list to choose from. Advising someone not to just because it hasn't always been done is just dumb advice. Why wouldn't you want to provide that convenience when people are going to such effort for your benefit?

BS. By definition, showers are unsolicited by the bride. She is not entitled to expect even shower gifts. Etiquette does not mandate making it "convenient" for people to give you gifts when you're not entitled to gifts in the first place. If people want to give you gifts, then the initiative has to stay with them.

No, this doesn't prevent her from creating a registry. But again, there's no requirement that she do a pre-selection of gifts for anyone's convenience just because she's getting married or even agrees to a shower. And etiquette is never going to mandate it.

JennyColada

No one said that it is mandated or that it is a requirement. So I really don't understand what you're so uppity about.

OP: I had an intimate wedding as well, didn't register, declined showers, and got 1 actual gift (and a few checks and a couple gift cards).

Jen4948

JennyColada said:

No one said that it is mandated or that it is a requirement. So I really don't understand what you're so uppity about.

OP: I had an intimate wedding as well, didn't register, declined showers, and got 1 actual gift (and a few checks and a couple gift cards).

Wrong. Some PPs have said that as long as one doesn't register it is fine not to have a shower, which indicates that they believe registering is required when one has a shower.

Registering is never required, whether or not one has a shower.

MyNameIsNot

Jen4948 said:

JennyColada said:

No one said that it is mandated or that it is a requirement. So I really don't understand what you're so uppity about.

OP: I had an intimate wedding as well, didn't register, declined showers, and got 1 actual gift (and a few checks and a couple gift cards).

Wrong. Some PPs have said that as long as one doesn't register it is fine not to have a shower, which indicates that they believe registering is required when one has a shower.

Registering is never required, whether or not one has a shower.

Having a shower with no registry implies that you are trying to have a cash shower, which is obviously a huge blunder.

Sure, a shower without a registry would have been fine 50+ years ago when registries weren't the norm, but today it doesn't make sense. People choose not to register because they don't want gifts or they prefer cash gifts. Neither of those circumstances fit with a shower. It may not be codified by an etiquette source (yet), but it is common sense. 

JennyColada

No one is asking about having a shower sans registry in this topic though. So how about we actually reply to what people say, instead of just what we want them to say.

Jen4948

MyNameIsNot said:

Jen4948 said:

JennyColada said:

No one said that it is mandated or that it is a requirement. So I really don't understand what you're so uppity about.

OP: I had an intimate wedding as well, didn't register, declined showers, and got 1 actual gift (and a few checks and a couple gift cards).

Wrong. Some PPs have said that as long as one doesn't register it is fine not to have a shower, which indicates that they believe registering is required when one has a shower.

Registering is never required, whether or not one has a shower.

Having a shower with no registry implies that you are trying to have a cash shower, which is obviously a huge blunder.

Sure, a shower without a registry would have been fine 50+ years ago when registries weren't the norm, but today it doesn't make sense. People choose not to register because they don't want gifts or they prefer cash gifts. Neither of those circumstances fit with a shower. It may not be codified by an etiquette source (yet), but it is common sense. 

It implies no such thing, especially if the shower is a surprise.

TheArtemisMoon

My fiance and I are not registering. I'm 29 and he's 32. We have both lived on our own for a long time and we have what we need. We agreed it would be rude of us to make a registry given that fact. If people still want to give us gifts, we're obviously not going to turn them down but we certainly aren't going to ask for them either.

Knottie1429926455

I came to this board specifically for this reason! We're having a wedding with about 30 people and we didn't think it was necessary to register but we've had a few people who were so distraught that we weren't registered! It just felt silly to request gifts for such a small gathering. We've had a few people ask for some ideas and we've suggested some basic things that we like, mostly the kinds of things we wouldn't necessary bother buying for ourselves.

futuremrshp

My DH and I just got married and we didn't have a registry.  People did ask if we had a registry and if we needed anything in particular.  I just said 'hey, we're not registered, you presence is enough."   Most people gave us cash (I think they would have anyway), there were a few who didn't give anything (but that would have happened anyway whether we had a registry or not) and there was one gift in there that was a little random/weird--- just a wooden cutting board from BB&B that looked like it was opened already. 

I say all this to say, it's not rude to not have a registry.  Some people may make you feel that way if it's a big custom to them but if you don't feel you need one, don't sign up for one!