People, pleeease!

Rrobinson15

October destination bride here and just need to vent for a second:

Why do people post questions in the etiquette section and then when they get a response to their question they don't like it's pretty much "well damn etiquette, it's my wedding and I will do what i want". Why even ask the question in the first place if you were already going to do that? I feel like people already know the answer to the question, but just don't want to do it: yes, you have to feed your guest at the reception!

Secondly, I'm having a destination wedding...repeat destination wedding. Can not stress the word "wedding" enough. Again with the freakin etiquette on that board too (sigh!) We're actually having a wedding there, people will see us married, there will be a marriage license signed and rings exchanged. What's up with people and these "symbolic" ceremonies??? Can't deal with the legal requirements to get married, well then I guess you're not getting married there. End. Of. Story. We're getting married in Jamaica and really there isn't anymore hassle than doing it here (send in your birth certificate and we will see you there! really easy)

I guess part of my thinks it rude to ask all these etiquette questions then have people go through the trouble of responding to your post to help you get it right and then you just say "well i'm just going to do it my way". It just seems like "to hell with your answer, it's inconvenient for me". I know I shouldn't care, but really, deep down we all know there are somethings that are just plain crazy and rude: "we're having a city hall thing, nothing big, but the REAL wedding is thousands of miles away, really expensive for our guests time and money wise, oh and we're not telling them we're already married...is this proper etiquette?"

ugh, glass of wine please...leave the bottle, but keep the glass

NowIAmSyp

Short answer?  Because they're SPESHUL

anjemon

Always "special circumstances". Or "my friends will still love me".

True, but I still judged my friend super hard for leaving us out in the July heat while they took wedding pictures just so she could have the rice/bubbles (can't even remember) send off she wanted. Many people can love and be unhappy at the same time.

BrinkyDink16

I think the reason that some people take exception to the etiquette boards is that a lot of the responses are so stringent with no wiggle room at all.  Sometimes there are actual real life special circumstances that make these questions valid.  Also, the manner in which answers are given are often very abrasive and negative.  There are ways to give advice and opinions without completely trashing the views of someone else.  Additionally, the same etiquette doesn't always hold true for every culture, religion, social class etc and it seems like a lot of people are feeling their way through a grey area that has no "right" answer.

Cookie Pusher

BrinkyDink16 said:

I think the reason that some people take exception to the etiquette boards is that a lot of the responses are so stringent with no wiggle room at all.  Sometimes there are actual real life special circumstances that make these questions valid.  Also, the manner in which answers are given are often very abrasive and negative.  There are ways to give advice and opinions without completely trashing the views of someone else.  Additionally, the same etiquette doesn't always hold true for every culture, religion, social class etc and it seems like a lot of people are feeling their way through a grey area that has no "right" answer.

Yea, no. There are just some things that "real life special circumstances" don't excuse.

TrixieJess

BrinkyDink16 said:

I think the reason that some people take exception to the etiquette boards is that a lot of the responses are so stringent with no wiggle room at all.  Sometimes there are actual real life special circumstances that make these questions valid.  Also, the manner in which answers are given are often very abrasive and negative.  There are ways to give advice and opinions without completely trashing the views of someone else.  Additionally, the same etiquette doesn't always hold true for every culture, religion, social class etc and it seems like a lot of people are feeling their way through a grey area that has no "right" answer.

Think of etiquette in this way: if I'm dropped in the middle of another culture halfway around the world not knowing what is acceptable and what isn't, I will take my cues from the people around me and rely on my manners to navigate me through any social faux pas.

You are asking people to assist you in navigating through these social faux pas, then saying, "well, I like being an asshole, so I'll ignore everything you just told me".

sophhabobopha

BrinkyDink16 said:

I think the reason that some people take exception to the etiquette boards is that a lot of the responses are so stringent with no wiggle room at all.  Sometimes there are actual real life special circumstances that make these questions valid.  Also, the manner in which answers are given are often very abrasive and negative.  There are ways to give advice and opinions without completely trashing the views of someone else.  Additionally, the same etiquette doesn't always hold true for every culture, religion, social class etc and it seems like a lot of people are feeling their way through a grey area that has no "right" answer.

thespeshulestsnowflake

BrinkyDink16 said:

I think the reason that some people take exception to the etiquette boards is that a lot of the responses are so stringent with no wiggle room at all.  Sometimes there are actual real life special circumstances that make these questions valid.  Also, the manner in which answers are given are often very abrasive and negative.  There are ways to give advice and opinions without completely trashing the views of someone else.  Additionally, the same etiquette doesn't always hold true for every culture, religion, social class etc and it seems like a lot of people are feeling their way through a grey area that has no "right" answer.

Yes, there are totally cultures out there that say it is alright to be a dick to people you invited to join you on your super spechul day because you are getting married! Please tell me more!

BrinkyDink16

Thank you all for just completely proving my point!

allispain

BrinkyDink16 said:

Thank you all for just completely proving my point!

Dude. You posted on the "snarky brides" board. Where the responses tend to be snarky. Hence the name.

KatieinBkln

BrinkyDink16 said:

Thank you all for just completely proving my point!

The point being that "a tone I dislike" negates the content of a response? Because that point remains forever unproven.

Maybe the Internet isn't for you.

Rrobinson15

BrinkyDink16 said:

I think the reason that some people take exception to the etiquette boards is that a lot of the responses are so stringent with no wiggle room at all.  Sometimes there are actual real life special circumstances that make these questions valid.  Also, the manner in which answers are given are often very abrasive and negative.  There are ways to give advice and opinions without completely trashing the views of someone else.  Additionally, the same etiquette doesn't always hold true for every culture, religion, social class etc and it seems like a lot of people are feeling their way through a grey area that has no "right" answer.

Well aside from the the abrasive and negative responses, there should not be any wiggle room when it comes to etiquette for certain things, I believe. Such as, if you have a reception at a meal time then you are required to feed your guests a meal...no grey area there. My main problem with the etiquette board here is that some people ask questions that do have clear black and white answers. When the answer does not fall into what they want they just put it to the side and do what they want anyway.

Secondly, I understand, as do a lot of the brides on here, that there are different etiquette rules across different cultures, religions, social class, etc...but there are some things that are universally acceptable forms of behavior. Having your wedding on a Saints day or religious holiday may be bad form in some cultures, but I think inviting people to a "destination symbolic ceremony" and calling it a wedding without giving everyone all the facts is rude in across the board.

[Deleted User]

Rrobinson15 said:

I think the reason that some people take exception to the etiquette boards is that a lot of the responses are so stringent with no wiggle room at all.  Sometimes there are actual real life special circumstances that make these questions valid.  Also, the manner in which answers are given are often very abrasive and negative.  There are ways to give advice and opinions without completely trashing the views of someone else.  Additionally, the same etiquette doesn't always hold true for every culture, religion, social class etc and it seems like a lot of people are feeling their way through a grey area that has no "right" answer.

Well aside from the the abrasive and negative responses, there should not be any wiggle room when it comes to etiquette for certain things, I believe. Such as, if you have a reception at a meal time then you are required to feed your guests a meal...no grey area there. My main problem with the etiquette board here is that some people ask questions that do have clear black and white answers. When the answer does not fall into what they want they just put it to the side and do what they want anyway.

Secondly, I understand, as do a lot of the brides on here, that there are different etiquette rules across different cultures, religions, social class, etc...but there are some things that are universally acceptable forms of behavior. Having your wedding on a Saints day or religious holiday may be bad form in some cultures, but I think inviting people to a "destination symbolic ceremony" and calling it a wedding without giving everyone all the facts is rude in across the board.


I suppose where the "gray area" comes in is, what is considered a "meal time" in this culture?  Sure, we tell people that if they have a wedding at 5pm, they should serve a meal, but if they change it to 8pm, they can stick with only apps.  But suppose you were from a culture where everyone at their last meal at 8pm?  I think this is where the difference between cultural etiquette versus hardcore no gray areas etiquette comes in.