Wedding Etiquette Forum

Being Invited to a Baby Shower vs. Wedding

I am interested in hearing personal feelings as well as polite behavior regarding this topic. 

My mother and I were invited to a baby shower for a female relative of my mine last month. We had a very nice time, and she teared up when she read my card and sent me a very sincere thank you note. We became friends on Facebook and have been liking our things since then. I am now working on our guest count for our wedding.

This being said, how do you compare inviting to a baby shower and inviting to a wedding? The baby shower had around 15-20 ladies and consisted mostly of female extended family members, I being the most distant in relation. My concern is, I would like to easily reciprocate the gesture, and I do like her and really enjoyed the shower, but it might not be so easy. Although I was one woman who was invited (one or two of my sisters may have also been invited, but they did not come), to reciprocate just to invite the the mother-to-be and and the host (her sister) would be adding twelve people to my guest count with their SOs and children. And they are on a further rung of family - to invite the immediate relatives who they see often and are on the same level (their cousins) would be another 8, and to invite all my other relatives that are also the children of my grandparents' siblings' children would be an additional 14 - 15.

So how do people feel about the intimacy of baby showers and weddings? Since I was invited to the baby shower, is it similar enough in connection for them to feel left out by not being invited to the wedding, or is a wedding on a higher level where you would understand that you might not be able to be invited? The baby shower and the wedding will be about nine months apart. I do see these family members on most Christmases. I'm not sending out invitations for a few more months, but there would be a large enough difference in the guest count and finances that I think I need to make a decision on this sooner rather than later.

I've only been to two baby showers, so I don't really have a feel for how people feel about the people they've invited. I do know that this family member wasn't married and was resistant to being given a baby shower because she thought no one would come, so maybe more of us were invited than would be typical, but I think we left a good impression on each other.




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Re: Being Invited to a Baby Shower vs. Wedding

  • Just because someone invites you to a baby shower does not mean you have to invite her to your wedding. If you want to and have room and budget, then do so, but you are not obligated.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Invitations are not tit for tat. Just because you were invited to her baby shower doesn't obligate you to invite her to the wedding. Others also mention inviting in circles - and from the info you provided, inviting her would then open you up to including more family members on the same "level" as her. I wouldn't worry too much about hurt feelings, especially since you are not planning to invite a lot of other family members so adults should understand you have to make decisions for weddings and everyone isn't always invited.
  • You do not owe her a wedding invitation just because you received an invitation from her.
  • I invited people to my Baby Shower that I won't be inviting to my wedding. I also invited people to my baby shower and don't expect to be invited to their weddings (my single friends). A baby shower is about celebrating a baby, totally separate.
  • Over thinking party of one.

    If you want to invite her to your wedding because you like her and want her to attend then okay.  If you don't want to invite her then okay.  Stop comparing the two things because one is an apple and the other is an orange.

  • There is a difference between "I was invited to her baby shower where we reconnected. Because of this we have been talking/ getting together more so I would like to invite her to my wedding" and "I was invited to her shower so now I feel a bit obligated to invite her to my wedding".

    The rule Fi and I use about the guest list is: "Would I normally  take this person out for a £200 meal?"

    I think if this person wasn't on the list before, just one baby shower shouldn't be compelling enough reason to move her to the invite list. Now if you are talking/ emailing etc more, that is different. But you didn't have her on the list before. one party does not a relationship make.
  • Relationships aren't tit for tat. Just because she feels close to you doesn't mean you consider her that close.  If the baby shower invitation is the only reason you would consider inviting her, don't invite her.

    If you really feel like you are rekindling a relationship and that you are closer now than you once were, go ahead and invite her. You can invite just her and her spouse. You don't have to invite her children or her sister if you don't want to. 
  • CaitFins said:

    I am interested in hearing personal feelings as well as polite behavior regarding this topic. 


    My mother and I were invited to a baby shower for a female relative of my mine last month. We had a very nice time, and she teared up when she read my card and sent me a very sincere thank you note. We became friends on Facebook and have been liking our things since then. I am now working on our guest count for our wedding.

    This being said, how do you compare inviting to a baby shower and inviting to a wedding? The baby shower had around 15-20 ladies and consisted mostly of female extended family members, I being the most distant in relation. My concern is, I would like to easily reciprocate the gesture, and I do like her and really enjoyed the shower, but it might not be so easy. Although I was one woman who was invited (one or two of my sisters may have also been invited, but they did not come), to reciprocate just to invite the the mother-to-be and and the host (her sister) would be adding twelve people to my guest count with their SOs and children. And they are on a further rung of family - to invite the immediate relatives who they see often and are on the same level (their cousins) would be another 8, and to invite all my other relatives that are also the children of my grandparents' siblings' children would be an additional 14 - 15.

    So how do people feel about the intimacy of baby showers and weddings? Since I was invited to the baby shower, is it similar enough in connection for them to feel left out by not being invited to the wedding, or is a wedding on a higher level where you would understand that you might not be able to be invited? The baby shower and the wedding will be about nine months apart. I do see these family members on most Christmases. I'm not sending out invitations for a few more months, but there would be a large enough difference in the guest count and finances that I think I need to make a decision on this sooner rather than later.

    I've only been to two baby showers, so I don't really have a feel for how people feel about the people they've invited. I do know that this family member wasn't married and was resistant to being given a baby shower because she thought no one would come, so maybe more of us were invited than would be typical, but I think we left a good impression on each other.
    I am not polite, so I guess you don't want to hear my thoughts on this topic.
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  • I'll be having a baby shower this year. If someone there is planning a wedding or gets engaged down the road, I would have zero expectations of being invited.

    Events aren't tit for tat. If I invited everyone to my wedding whose baby showers, engagement parties, birthday parties, gender reveal parties, etc. I've attended, we would have been over our venue capacity in no time.
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  • You can invite just her and her spouse. You don't have to invite her children or her sister if you don't want to. 

    Agreed. I don't know that the rule of inviting in circles necessarily applies here.
  • bizzy592 said:

    You can invite just her and her spouse. You don't have to invite her children or her sister if you don't want to. 

    Agreed. I don't know that the rule of inviting in circles necessarily applies here.
    I was just going to say this. 

    My stepdad has six sisters and a mother. I invited one sister and her husband to our wedding. I know them well (we share season tickets) and I barely know the other family members. I also have a family of second cousins that I'm super close with. If we had a bigger wedding, I would have invited them but not every second cousin I have (I don't think I've ever even met most of those people). 

    I don't think the inviting in circles is necessarily a rule, but a guideline. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Agreed- you do not have to invite her just because you were invited to her baby shower. Even if you had been invited to her wedding, you are not required to invite her to yours.

    Now, if you WANT to invite her because you are developing a relationship, then go ahead. BUT that does not mean you need to invite another 20 people. You could invite her and her spouse only. Children if you want, but not required. 

    Inviting in circles is a good option, because it deals with the issue of potential hurt feelings and then people know other people but do realize it is NOT a requirement- it is a helpful way to deal with family and manage a guest list. 
  • CaitFinsCaitFins member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    edited April 2015
    KatWAG said:

    CaitFins said:

    I am not polite, so I guess you don't want to hear my thoughts on this topic. 

    Whoops! I was trying to explain that I'm posting in etiquette, but I'd like to hear personal feelings as well. I would love to hear your unpolite thoughts, @KatWAG

    Thanks, everyone! This is giving me some very helpful perspective on it all!


    Edit: And I completely messed up the box.




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