I am interested in hearing personal feelings as well as polite behavior regarding this topic.
My mother and I were invited to a baby shower for a female relative of my mine last month. We had a very nice time, and she teared up when she read my card and sent me a very sincere thank you note. We became friends on Facebook and have been liking our things since then. I am now working on our guest count for our wedding.
This being said, how do you compare inviting to a baby shower and inviting to a wedding? The baby shower had around 15-20 ladies and consisted mostly of female extended family members, I being the most distant in relation. My concern is, I would like to easily reciprocate the gesture, and I do like her and really enjoyed the shower, but it might not be so easy. Although I was one woman who was invited (one or two of my sisters may have also been invited, but they did not come), to reciprocate just to invite the the mother-to-be and and the host (her sister) would be adding twelve people to my guest count with their SOs and children. And they are on a further rung of family - to invite the immediate relatives who they see often and are on the same level (their cousins) would be another 8, and to invite all my other relatives that are also the children of my grandparents' siblings' children would be an additional 14 - 15.
So how do people feel about the intimacy of baby showers and weddings? Since I was invited to the baby shower, is it similar enough in connection for them to feel left out by not being invited to the wedding, or is a wedding on a higher level where you would understand that you might not be able to be invited? The baby shower and the wedding will be about nine months apart. I do see these family members on most Christmases. I'm not sending out invitations for a few more months, but there would be a large enough difference in the guest count and finances that I think I need to make a decision on this sooner rather than later.
I've only been to two baby showers, so I don't really have a feel for how people feel about the people they've invited. I do know that this family member wasn't married and was resistant to being given a baby shower because she thought no one would come, so maybe more of us were invited than would be typical, but I think we left a good impression on each other.