Wedding Etiquette Forum

Getting into my Wedding Dress

Hi All,

I just went to a seamstress yesterday to drop off my wedding gown for adjustments.  One of the things the seamstress suggested to me was to have someone, like one or two of my bridesmaids, come to one of the fittings to make sure that they know how to tie up the back of the dress (built-in corset with outside zipper).  I've pretty much kept my dress a secret.  Only my mom and my FSIL know what it looks like from when I chose the dress.

My MOH lives far out and so it would be a hassle for her to get to my seamstress.  I already talked to her and she doesn't mind if I ask one of the other bridesmaids.  My FSIL is great and would have been my go to person, however, because of the timeline for the day, she will have to get her hair and makeup done before everyone else to take family photos before the wedding.  I have two other bridesmaids I'm considering to help me with the dress and I'm sure they would love to.

I'm afraid my FSIL would be offended if I didn't ask her for her help.  The only reason I won't is because of the scheduling, which is the only way the whole day is going to work. 

 I am planning on being upfront with her about it and saying "I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to ask ______ to help me with the dress because you will be needed at the photo shoot before me and the rest of the bridesmaids even get there.  However, I really appreciate all of the help you're giving me during this process." 

Since she will be taking photos before the rest of us (his family takes photos first), I will ask her to coordinate the photos to make sure we get the shots we want. Is that okay to say or is there a better way of saying it.  Thanks.

Re: Getting into my Wedding Dress


  • Hi All,


    I just went to a seamstress yesterday to drop off my wedding gown for adjustments.  One of the things the seamstress suggested to me was to have someone, like one or two of my bridesmaids, come to one of the fittings to make sure that they know how to tie up the back of the dress (built-in corset with outside zipper).  I've pretty much kept my dress a secret.  Only my mom and my FSIL know what it looks like from when I chose the dress.

    My MOH lives far out and so it would be a hassle for her to get to my seamstress.  I already talked to her and she doesn't mind if I ask one of the other bridesmaids.  My FSIL is great and would have been my go to person, however, because of the timeline for the day, she will have to get her hair and makeup done before everyone else to take family photos before the wedding.  I have two other bridesmaids I'm considering to help me with the dress and I'm sure they would love to.

    I'm afraid my FSIL would be offended if I didn't ask her for her help.  The only reason I won't is because of the scheduling, which is the only way the whole day is going to work. 

     I am planning on being upfront with her about it and saying "I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to ask ______ to help me with the dress because you will be needed at the photo shoot before me and the rest of the bridesmaids even get there.  However, I really appreciate all of the help you're giving me during this process." 

    Since she will be taking photos before the rest of us (his family takes photos first), I will ask her to coordinate the photos to make sure we get the shots we want. Is that okay to say or is there a better way of saying it.  Thanks.


    I seriously doubt she cares who is helping you into your dress.

    Also, your photographer should be coordinating photos, not one of your BMs. You can provide a list of "must have" photos to your photographer so that they know what to shoot.

    Formerly martha1818

    image


  • Way way way overthinking this.

     

    Your photographer will arrange the photos.  Also, most brides don't tie up their trains until after photos are complete...so wouldn't your FSIL be done with pictures by the time you want your bustle done?

     

    Speaking from experience, it is way easier to have at least one person be aware of how to bustle your dress ahead of time.  I had this job for two weddings that i was in.  I went with one of the brides to the seamstress to learn how to do it, but not the other one.  The one whose seamstress showed me how to do it took less than 5 minutes to complete on the wedding day.  The other one took 20 because we were all trying to figure out how the F it was supposed to work.  Some bustles are super easy...others are not at all.  You should be able to bring someone just to your final fitting for them to learn how to do it.

  • edited April 2015
    I also thought I am over-thinking this a little.  But knowing my FSIL, sometimes she gets offended at small things.  When I went to pick up my dress because I wasn't going to travel that far for alterations, I only took my mom with me.  She alluded to my fiance that she had the time to go that day and would've like to.  It really wasn't a big deal to me to just pick up the dress but it seemed like she minded because I didn't ask her to come.  I just want to keep the peace.

    Actually, it's not bustling the dress....that will take 5 minutes like you said....I meant actually tying up the back of the dress and zipping me up.  That takes a while because it is a corset bodice on the inside of the dress and then the dress gets zipped up.
  • There is absolutely no reason why you need to have someone with you to have your seamstress explain how to do up a corset and a zipper.  It's a corset and a zipper.  You definitely don't need to ask anyone to come, and you don't need to worry about your FSIL being offended that you didn't ask her to help.  It's a corset and a zipper.  Not exactly nuclear fission. 

    Now, bustles.  Bustles are a bit more complicated, however, you don't necessarily need someone there for that, either.  I had a 10 point bustle on my dress, and my seamstress just drew a little picture on a post-it for me.  After our ceremony, I just ducked into the bathroom with my sister and her SIL, and I dictated from the picture while they tied me up.  No big deal.

    **The OMH formerly known as jsangel1018**
  • I've got two words for you.  Video.  Tape.  Have the seamstress record herself or her assistant tying up the corset.  Or put the damn dress on a dummy and you record it while the seamstress ties and explains.  Then whoever happens to be nearest when you're putting on the dress can help.
  • Way way way over thinking. 

    You know who helped me tie the bow on my sash? The photographer's assistant. My sister/MOH couldn't get it straight. Zero fucks were given.

    If nobody/only one person can make it to the salon to see how it's done, have someone take a video on your phone so that can help guide whoever ends up helping you, whoever that may be.

    image
    image
  • Yeah you are over thinking this.  Tying up a corset, especially an inner corset that will not be seen, is not rocket science.  It is like lacing up a tennis shoe and then tighten, tighten, tighten.  So no one really has to go with you to your appointment, but if someone is available then okay.

    As for if your FSIL will be upset if you don't ask her, I think that is completely ridiculous.  You need someone there to help with it, if your FSIL is busy then you have to ask someone else.  Nothing personal.

  • This is not a huge deal at all.

    My dress was a corset and it turned out to be way more complicated than we thought (and my 17 year old sister was the only one who went to the fittings with me)... so anyone in the suite ended up helping! ha. I never "asked" anyone to help me. It was just the day of, whoever was nearby, can you help me??

    Don't overthink this.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I didn't have anyone come with me to my alteration appointments. The seamstress showed me how to do the corset (just like lacing a shoe) and the bustle, then I explained to my MOH/BM the day of. Easy peasy. 

    Sure, if one of your BMs is free they can come if they want, but I wouldn't worry about it. And if FSIL gets upset because she didn't "learn" how to do up your dress.... yeesh! 
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