Wedding Etiquette Forum

a couple questions

I try to come to the knot with any etiquette question I have, and I have a couple now if you don't  mind.

we sent std already. an old friend "D" and her hubby were invited. Now its time to send out the invites soon but it seems that D has stirred up some trouble with my bridesmaids and me indirectly.

Ill try and explain the scenario. this is a friend from highschool that lives a couple hours away but we see each other when we can. enjoyed ourselves at her wedding get togethers and recently a weekend getaway 2 months ago.

about a month ago on social media there was a debate between her and my bridesmaids (we are all mutual friends) about a political subject. and since then she deleted and blocked them and me on facebook, which is the only way we would communicate about get togethers etc.

I then text her asking for her new address for an invite and she gave it to me, but didn't address the issue. I never text her ever.

should I assume that being blocked on fb and that's the only way we communicate means that she isn't interested in continuing our friendship? do I send an invite since I already sent a std?

my bridesmaids would be very offended if I invited her at this point because of everything lately.

im so not confrontational and neither is D in general.


question 2: we are giving everyone a plus one except for 2 single guests because they would just bring a random friend anyways and they know many other guests. is this ok?

Re: a couple questions

  • Question 2: if you are inviting guests with their significant other it is not considered a +1. It is within etiquette to not invite truly single guests with a +1.

    Question 1: are you willing to end this friendship? Because that is what not inviting her would do. If she really does not want to communicate with you anymore she will decline your invite.
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  • lovegood90lovegood90 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2015

    I try to come to the knot with any etiquette question I have, and I have a couple now if you don't  mind.

    we sent std already. an old friend "D" and her hubby were invited. Now its time to send out the invites soon but it seems that D has stirred up some trouble with my bridesmaids and me indirectly.

    Ill try and explain the scenario. this is a friend from highschool that lives a couple hours away but we see each other when we can. enjoyed ourselves at her wedding get togethers and recently a weekend getaway 2 months ago.

    about a month ago on social media there was a debate between her and my bridesmaids (we are all mutual friends) about a political subject. and since then she deleted and blocked them and me on facebook, which is the only way we would communicate about get togethers etc.

    I then text her asking for her new address for an invite and she gave it to me, but didn't address the issue. I never text her ever.

    should I assume that being blocked on fb and that's the only way we communicate means that she isn't interested in continuing our friendship? do I send an invite since I already sent a std?

    my bridesmaids would be very offended if I invited her at this point because of everything lately.

    im so not confrontational and neither is D in general.


    question 2: we are giving everyone a plus one except for 2 single guests because they would just bring a random friend anyways and they know many other guests. is this ok?



    Q1: Are you interested in salvaging the friendship? If you are, just send her and her SO and invite. If you don't want to continue being friends with her, I wouldn't send one. Usual etiquette says that everyone who gets a STD must get an invite, so if there's still a chance you want to stay friends, then yes send one.

    Q2: Truly single guests do not need to be invited with a guest, however it's a nice gesture. If they're travelling from far away and everyone else has a SO or is invited with a guest, and if you have the space, I would. But your choice.

    Formerly martha1818

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  • 1) It would be really rude not to invite her at this point. If you're ok totally cutting her out of your life, I guess you could exclude her. That seems awfully drastic over some FB BS. Also, your BM gets no say. If she can't be a grown up with your other wedding guests, she needs to stay home.

    2) It's fine. Guests need to be invited with their s/os. If they are truly single, it's fine to invite them alone. 
  • 1) I'd still invite her...if she truly doesn't want to continue the friendship, she'll just decline the invite.  At least that way you don't look like the one who cut her out.  She'll have done that herself.

     

    2) As long as these ladies are truly single WHEN INVITATIONS GO OUT they can be invited alone.  If you have the space, it would be nice to give them +1's.  It's kind of a bummer going to a wedding alone when everyone else you know is coupled up.

  • On the point PPs are making with question 2 - not only do you definitely need to invite the SOs, but you need to find out their names and address it to them by name, not as "& guest." Nothing says "I don't give a shit about you" like not bothering to find out their name.
  • I didn't read most of question one.  The gist I understood is that you sent a STDate to someone but you're wondering if you HAVE to invite them.  No, you don't have to invite them.  But you better expect this to end the friendship because it's an incredibly rude and crappy thing to do someone.  You told her/asked her to SAVE the date.  She may have been invited to do something else but is choosing not to because she's SAVING THAT DATE for you and your wedding.  To not send her an invitation now is pretty shitty.

    PPs have question two covered.  Invite all your guests with their husbands/wives, fiances/fiancees, boyfriends/girlfriends/partners by name.  If you have space to invite your single friends with a random Plus One, great, if not, fine.
  • I try to come to the knot with any etiquette question I have, and I have a couple now if you don't  mind.

    we sent std already. an old friend "D" and her hubby were invited. Now its time to send out the invites soon but it seems that D has stirred up some trouble with my bridesmaids and me indirectly.

    Ill try and explain the scenario. this is a friend from highschool that lives a couple hours away but we see each other when we can. enjoyed ourselves at her wedding get togethers and recently a weekend getaway 2 months ago.

    about a month ago on social media there was a debate between her and my bridesmaids (we are all mutual friends) about a political subject. and since then she deleted and blocked them and me on facebook, which is the only way we would communicate about get togethers etc.

    I then text her asking for her new address for an invite and she gave it to me, but didn't address the issue. I never text her ever.

    should I assume that being blocked on fb and that's the only way we communicate means that she isn't interested in continuing our friendship? do I send an invite since I already sent a std?

    my bridesmaids would be very offended if I invited her at this point because of everything lately.

    im so not confrontational and neither is D in general.


    question 2: we are giving everyone a plus one except for 2 single guests because they would just bring a random friend anyways and they know many other guests. is this ok?

    Are you seriously incapable of maintaining a friendship outside of Facebook? I've had friends deactivate their accounts... it doesn't mean we're not friends. What is this world coming to if that's how shallow friendships are? Facebook is a TOOL, that's it. Find a different tool that doesn't lend itself to the kind of drama that FB does.

    She doesn't have to address a disagreement that took place. She removed herself from it and moved on, and you should too. Invite her and her H unless you're ready and willing to end the friendship entirely.

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  • I try to come to the knot with any etiquette question I have, and I have a couple now if you don't  mind.

    we sent std already. an old friend "D" and her hubby were invited. Now its time to send out the invites soon but it seems that D has stirred up some trouble with my bridesmaids and me indirectly.

    Ill try and explain the scenario. this is a friend from highschool that lives a couple hours away but we see each other when we can. enjoyed ourselves at her wedding get togethers and recently a weekend getaway 2 months ago.

    about a month ago on social media there was a debate between her and my bridesmaids (we are all mutual friends) about a political subject. and since then she deleted and blocked them and me on facebook, which is the only way we would communicate about get togethers etc.

    I then text her asking for her new address for an invite and she gave it to me, but didn't address the issue. I never text her ever.

    should I assume that being blocked on fb and that's the only way we communicate means that she isn't interested in continuing our friendship? do I send an invite since I already sent a std?

    my bridesmaids would be very offended if I invited her at this point because of everything lately.

    im so not confrontational and neither is D in general.


    question 2: we are giving everyone a plus one except for 2 single guests because they would just bring a random friend anyways and they know many other guests. is this ok?

    Are you seriously incapable of maintaining a friendship outside of Facebook? I've had friends deactivate their accounts... it doesn't mean we're not friends. What is this world coming to if that's how shallow friendships are? Facebook is a TOOL, that's it. Find a different tool that doesn't lend itself to the kind of drama that FB does.

    She doesn't have to address a disagreement that took place. She removed herself from it and moved on, and you should too. Invite her and her H unless you're ready and willing to end the friendship entirely.


    I've known people to de-friend people on FB simply because they post way too much crap.  They are still friends outside of FB.  

    question 1 -    Send her an invite

    question 2 - You do not have to send them a plus one.  However, for 2 guests I would.   IDK, it's just not a hill I would die on.    My guests comfort was worth the potential extra costs of a few guests.    Only about half of  my "and guests" (true single) even brought a guest. 








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • So you, your BMs and a friend had a facebook fight and since your friend did the social media equivalent of throwing up a W with her fingers and saying "whatever" you are now not wanting to send her an invite?  Really?  And facebook is the only way that you two stay in contact?  I wonder how anyone was able to keep any friends before facebook *smh*

    Send her and her SO an invite.  To end a friendship over something ridiculous that happened over facebook is childish.

    As for your second question, so other single guests are getting a plus one?  If so and you have just singled out these two guests because they will bring someone random is kind of rude in my opinion.  But if these are the only truly single guests on your list then it is fine you aren't giving them a plus one.  But really, are two more guests going to kill your budget?

  • It seems to me that if D wasn't interested in being your friend and/or going to your wedding any longer when you asked for her address she wouldn't have responded.  The fact that she gave it to you is a clear indication that she still wants to maintain the friendship with you, regardless of what happened with her and your other friends.  I'd invite and act as though nothing happened, because really nothing happened between you and her.  She was involved in an argument with some mutual friends, but sounds like she didn't want to put you in the middle of it.  
  • Send D and her husband an invitation. Etiquette wise, whoever gets a STD gets an invitation.

    You don't have to give truly single guests plus ones. However, is 2 people really going to be a problem? 
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  • lnixon8lnixon8 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Seems like D deleted you on fb so as not to have any more facebook fights... not because she doesn't want to be your friend irl. Maybe even to make sure you all STAY friends. Unless D has actually abused your bridesmaids, who you invite is not their business. 


  • 4forluck said:

    It seems to me that if D wasn't interested in being your friend and/or going to your wedding any longer when you asked for her address she wouldn't have responded.  The fact that she gave it to you is a clear indication that she still wants to maintain the friendship with you, regardless of what happened with her and your other friends.  I'd invite and act as though nothing happened, because really nothing happened between you and her.  She was involved in an argument with some mutual friends, but sounds like she didn't want to put you in the middle of it.  

    ^ This
  • Try taking your friendship off of Facebook.

    Stop deciding the status of your relationships by how much you Facebook each other.

    Have real conversations with people in person or by phone.

    Send her an invitation.

    I have several friends who are mutual facebook friends who had to finally block one member of the group because she uses Facebook like a freakin' diary and then tends to post cryptic woe-is-me drama.  They got sick of it, not her.  I have several friends who had to unfriend and block their own HUSBANDS, because they have different political views and it was just getting so upsetting to have it thrown in their face every time the log on Facebook.  In their marriage they decided to agree to disagree, but Facebook is where the husbands talk about their politics instead of at home.  They didn't get divorced - they just decided that they can't handle whatever the other person posts about and if they want to continue liking the person in the flesh, in actual interactions, then they need to block the virtual reality version.
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