Honeymoon

Honeymoon Registries - Prepay for Flight?

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Re: Honeymoon Registries - Prepay for Flight?

  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
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    MobKaz said:

    MobKaz said:




    It has nothing to do with the way I look at this; it is the reality of honeymoon funds. You also have no assurance that this couple actually took the boat tour, or even went on the actual honeymoon.

    My son gifted his sister two REAL honeymoon experiences. She did not have any honeymoon fund. He called restaurants and experience sites in the town they were staying and made arrangements. His sister and her husband received the full experience and he received the FULL value of his gift.
    Actually, we do because they sent us pictures of them on the boat tour with an additional thank you for contributing towards it.  I do see what you're saying about how it might make more sense to just give cash but our friends used the site the way it was intended so I don't feel like we were mislead or they were slighted at all.



    Your friends are one of the few, unfortunately. I have seen many stories on here that a guest contributed to a HM fund and the couple never actually went on the HM! They just pocketed the cash.

    Also, since you most likely have to pay in advance for your HM, I've seen cases where the couple budgeted for their HM, paid for it in full, then used the HM registry cash for other items, like TVs, cars, and clothes.

    In the OP's  case, they can't even afford the HM they are planning, so they can't book anything in advance. She already said that if they don't go right after the wedding, they probably won't go at all. Chances are, they can't book the HM in advance because they can't afford the airfare (at the very least), they will get the money from their HM fund and use it for something else. Not cool, IMHO. On a traditional registry, someone buys you a toaster, you get the toaster, and you use it as a toaster. Some people do return gifts for credit or cash, but don't get me started on that rudeness.

     







  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
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    My form letter advice form personal experience...

    We did not register - anywhere. Everyone knows cash is always appropriate, appreciated and often preferred - literally everyone on earth knows this. =o) 
    Some people will want to get you a physical gift - these are not the people who use HM registries. The people who use HM registries are people who would give you a check, but instead think that you will receive the FULL amount they gift you. You you will ACTUALLY receive that massage, not a credit on your bill and if you decide you can get the massage or take the excursion. 

    But I have good news :) 
    For our wedding the gifts broke down like this: 75% cash or check, 20% gift cards and 5% physical gifts. 
    If you want money or don't need anything don't register. This is the best way to politely suggest folks give you money. I'm telling you from experience ;-) 
     A HM is not polite, sorry. There is nothing wrong with saying, when asked where you are registered, we are saving up for the honeymoon (or house or big screen TV or whatever it is you'd like to purchase). GL!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    erinlin25randomsloveInLoveInQueens
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago
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    jls5121 said:

    Thanks to everyone who gave advice! I totally agree that the trip to Thailand could probably wait until we can afford it - except that we already have two kids and don't expect to be able to take the time away from them any time in the near future, and we're hoping to take full advantage of all the offers from friends/family to babysit for us while we take our HM. Neither one of us has EVER been on a vacation in our entire lives, and we feel pretty confident that this will be the only opportunity we get for quite some time. Sort of a "go big or go home" mentality I suppose.

    Not sure about why it's rude to register for a honeymoon, being that we've been together for ten years and have no need for physical gifts like blenders and pans. It's not like we're sending out a memo saying "If you attend our wedding, you're required to give us a gift on honeyfund.com." If people want to go that route they will, and if they don't, they won't! Simple as that. My bet is that the people who care about us and want us to enjoy ourselves (read: the people we invite to our wedding) will be happy to give the gift that we WANT instead of just massive quantities of things we don't actually want or need. But every family is different, and maybe it IS rude amongst your family & friends. I won't pretend to know.

    Anyway, much appreciated for all the input! I guess we'll have to explore a couple alternatives and see what happens! :D



    The "go big or go home" mentality is fine when you can pay for it yourselves.

    I think its hilarious that you think Honeyfund would book you a flight to Thailand. And would do so without being paid in full. You might want to do a little research about what honeyfund really offers before signing up.

    BabyFruit Ticker
    tcnobleInLoveInQueens
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
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    If you can't afford to go on a honeymoon, then you don't go on one. Why is this so hard for people to understand? If you want a "go big" trip, start saving now, and take it after the wedding when you can afford it. 

    CMGragainInLoveInQueens
  • tojaitojai
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    Big vacations are completely doable, it just takes some planning and saving.  I'm sure people who offered to watch the kids for a honeymoon aren't restricting themselves to that situation only.  They don't have to be once in a lifetime things if you stay flexible and plan ahead.  There's a LOT of grey area between never having been on a vacation in your entire life and jetting off halfway across the world. 


  • OP, still trying to be helpful.
      What about an exotic location in the USA?  New Orleans is like a foreign country.  You could spend a couple of nights in a boutique but budget friendly hotel.  Florida has some good locations, too.
    Cruises from either Florida or California can be very budget friendly.
    Montreal in Canada would be very romantic.  Mexico has many nice resorts.  Colorado is beautiful in October.
    You don't need to spend a ton of money to have a beautiful honeymoon.
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    thisismynickname2[Deleted User]100yroldblinddogInLoveInQueens
  • jls5121jls5121
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    Thanks again everybody! I do so hate when these things turn into a heated debate about etiquette. Every region and family is different - tradition for one group isn't necessarily the right play for another.

    Anyway, I definitely took your advice to heart (for the most part), and my fiance and I are researching alternatives. I truly just wanted to know people's experiences with honeymoon registries, as I'm totally clueless and would rather get my info from real people than six pages of "Terms & Conditions." I still don't fully agree with the fact that it's rude, but I DO agree with the fact that the couple essentially pays for use of the registry, which is silly. I just thought that NOT registering (or stating that we're "saving up for a honeymoon") might be considered inconsiderate by some - sort of on the opposite side of the spectrum, so I do appreciate all your input.

    What we've done is plan out three options - one at a $2K budget, one at a $4K budget, and one at a $6K budget, with all three having the same first three days, which we can prepay ourselves to make sure we're covered. Road trip down the Pacific Coast Highway (with a little detour)! That way we can hit all the places we've wanted to go and still get that sort of "exotic" experience without screwing ourselves.

    We just put on our wedding website that we don't really take much stock in material goods, and since we've been together for nine years, we're opting to build experiences and memories instead of collecting plates and towels (in much more eloquent format), so basically, the gift of your presence is enough, but if you would like to get us something, we'll be sure to put it toward amazing experiences. I also included an outline of where we'd like to go (in an ideal world) so people who prefer to purchase gifts can maybe get us something that would be of use in one of our many locations - people love to share their travel advice and experiences, so if we're absolutely going to need a waterproof backpack to hike the Zion Narrows, maybe someone who has been there will opt to get us one. Does that sound reasonable? 
    Knottie1433791078.defunct635887248411526866
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown
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    jls5121 said:

    Thanks again everybody! I do so hate when these things turn into a heated debate about etiquette. Every region and family is different - tradition for one group isn't necessarily the right play for another.

    Anyway, I definitely took your advice to heart (for the most part), and my fiance and I are researching alternatives. I truly just wanted to know people's experiences with honeymoon registries, as I'm totally clueless and would rather get my info from real people than six pages of "Terms & Conditions." I still don't fully agree with the fact that it's rude, but I DO agree with the fact that the couple essentially pays for use of the registry, which is silly. I just thought that NOT registering (or stating that we're "saving up for a honeymoon") might be considered inconsiderate by some - sort of on the opposite side of the spectrum, so I do appreciate all your input.

    What we've done is plan out three options - one at a $2K budget, one at a $4K budget, and one at a $6K budget, with all three having the same first three days, which we can prepay ourselves to make sure we're covered. Road trip down the Pacific Coast Highway (with a little detour)! That way we can hit all the places we've wanted to go and still get that sort of "exotic" experience without screwing ourselves.

    We just put on our wedding website that we don't really take much stock in material goods, and since we've been together for nine years, we're opting to build experiences and memories instead of collecting plates and towels (in much more eloquent format), so basically, the gift of your presence is enough, but if you would like to get us something, we'll be sure to put it toward amazing experiences. I also included an outline of where we'd like to go (in an ideal world) so people who prefer to purchase gifts can maybe get us something that would be of use in one of our many locations - people love to share their travel advice and experiences, so if we're absolutely going to need a waterproof backpack to hike the Zion Narrows, maybe someone who has been there will opt to get us one. Does that sound reasonable? 




    Putting a mention of gifts (or not wanting gifts) is also considered to be against etiquette. Gifts are not to be expected, even though most people do give a gift at wedding, so mentioning gifts implies that you were expecting them. It can come off as gift grabby to mention it. Hence, why I said in one of my responses to mention saving for a HM via word of mouth and only when asked.

    Also, remember that tradition does NOT equal etiquette. Etiquette is a standard of manners. You can incorporate regional or cultural traditions and still follow proper etiquette. A good example of that is a registry. A registry is a TRADITION mostly in place because of bridal showers. However, one must follow ETIQUETTE when using or not using a registry (only including registry info in shower invites, not registering for money, etc.)

     







    [Deleted User]InLoveInQueens
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
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    This has nothing to do with region or family or tradition. Tacky is tacky is tacky. But you go on with ya bad self. 

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    tcnobleadwksInLoveInQueens
  • justsiejustsie
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    jls5121 said:

    Thanks again everybody! I do so hate when these things turn into a heated debate about etiquette. Every region and family is different - tradition for one group isn't necessarily the right play for another.

    Anyway, I definitely took your advice to heart (for the most part), and my fiance and I are researching alternatives. I truly just wanted to know people's experiences with honeymoon registries, as I'm totally clueless and would rather get my info from real people than six pages of "Terms & Conditions." I still don't fully agree with the fact that it's rude, but I DO agree with the fact that the couple essentially pays for use of the registry, which is silly. I just thought that NOT registering (or stating that we're "saving up for a honeymoon") might be considered inconsiderate by some - sort of on the opposite side of the spectrum, so I do appreciate all your input.

    What we've done is plan out three options - one at a $2K budget, one at a $4K budget, and one at a $6K budget, with all three having the same first three days, which we can prepay ourselves to make sure we're covered. Road trip down the Pacific Coast Highway (with a little detour)! That way we can hit all the places we've wanted to go and still get that sort of "exotic" experience without screwing ourselves.

    We just put on our wedding website that we don't really take much stock in material goods, and since we've been together for nine years, we're opting to build experiences and memories instead of collecting plates and towels (in much more eloquent format), so basically, the gift of your presence is enough, but if you would like to get us something, we'll be sure to put it toward amazing experiences. I also included an outline of where we'd like to go (in an ideal world) so people who prefer to purchase gifts can maybe get us something that would be of use in one of our many locations - people love to share their travel advice and experiences, so if we're absolutely going to need a waterproof backpack to hike the Zion Narrows, maybe someone who has been there will opt to get us one. Does that sound reasonable? 

    If I'm understanding right, you are planning the same 3 days that you can pay for and then adding on the other options if you get enough money you'll add on the other options. What happens if someone buys you something for an activity that's at the 6k level, but you don't get the 6k and therefor never get to use that item? 
    image
  • jls5121 said:

    Thanks again everybody! I do so hate when these things turn into a heated debate about etiquette. Every region and family is different - tradition for one group isn't necessarily the right play for another.

    Anyway, I definitely took your advice to heart (for the most part), and my fiance and I are researching alternatives. I truly just wanted to know people's experiences with honeymoon registries, as I'm totally clueless and would rather get my info from real people than six pages of "Terms & Conditions." I still don't fully agree with the fact that it's rude, but I DO agree with the fact that the couple essentially pays for use of the registry, which is silly. I just thought that NOT registering (or stating that we're "saving up for a honeymoon") might be considered inconsiderate by some - sort of on the opposite side of the spectrum, so I do appreciate all your input.

    What we've done is plan out three options - one at a $2K budget, one at a $4K budget, and one at a $6K budget, with all three having the same first three days, which we can prepay ourselves to make sure we're covered. Road trip down the Pacific Coast Highway (with a little detour)! That way we can hit all the places we've wanted to go and still get that sort of "exotic" experience without screwing ourselves.

    We just put on our wedding website that we don't really take much stock in material goods, and since we've been together for nine years, we're opting to build experiences and memories instead of collecting plates and towels (in much more eloquent format), so basically, the gift of your presence is enough, but if you would like to get us something, we'll be sure to put it toward amazing experiences. I also included an outline of where we'd like to go (in an ideal world) so people who prefer to purchase gifts can maybe get us something that would be of use in one of our many locations - people love to share their travel advice and experiences, so if we're absolutely going to need a waterproof backpack to hike the Zion Narrows, maybe someone who has been there will opt to get us one. Does that sound reasonable? 

    There really is no "debate" about etiquette. Something is either in keeping with proper etiquette or it is not. It is not subjective and does not change according to regions or tradition or your own personal experience. The point of having standards of etiquette is that they can be universally applied across ALL circumstances in a harmonized way.

    Most people on here understand the rules of etiquette and will state them. Some people don't agree with them and will try to bend the rules 6 ways to Sunday to suit their own personal wants, needs, *special circumstances* which can be frustrating to those who understand and promote choices in keeping with etiquette. That's where you're getting the "debate". Again, not really a debate.

    I'm glad that you are thinking twice about the HM reg - if for nothing else, due to the fees they charge. I encourage you to plan and execute the vacation you can afford in your own and don't solicit funding from your nearest and dearest in the name of fiscal responsibility.

    My parents couldn't afford a nice honeymoon nor a ring when they married. They went to VT for the honeymoon. They've been together 47 years now and are extremely well off due to their hard work and responsible financial choices. I think it's a good model to follow.

    Also, mention of gifts of any sort on the website is considered rude. As PPs will say, if you want cash, don't register. But please don't ask for it.
    justsietojaiCMGragain[Deleted User]
  • Just an idea, but what if you booked the trip through a travel agency that issues gift cards? I can think of a couple nationally known travel agencies that would be able to do this. Perhaps you can just not include registry information on your shower invites, and then if guests ask the shower host about registry info, she can explain that you're not registered but if you have a honeymoon booked at XYZ travel agency and would love a gift card. If they go with it fine, if not, fine. And maybe your bridesmaids can spread the word to family and friends too.

    Frankly, when I get someone a gift, I want to get them something they truly want or need. If they don't have a registry, I'd either give them cash or would get them a travel agency gift card if that's what I head they'd like. I wouldn't be offended.
  • Just an idea, but what if you booked the trip through a travel agency that issues gift cards? I can think of a couple nationally known travel agencies that would be able to do this. Perhaps you can just not include registry information on your shower invites, and then if guests ask the shower host about registry info, she can explain that you're not registered but if you have a honeymoon booked at XYZ travel agency and would love a gift card. If they go with it fine, if not, fine. And maybe your bridesmaids can spread the word to family and friends too.

    Frankly, when I get someone a gift, I want to get them something they truly want or need. If they don't have a registry, I'd either give them cash or would get them a travel agency gift card if that's what I head they'd like. I wouldn't be offended.
    Cash or a gift card are fine gifts, but a bridal shower is meant for boxed gifts. If you don't want a boxed gift or don't want to register, don't have a shower.
    image
    [Deleted User]InLoveInQueens
  • THANK YOU! Finally! A person who doesn't slam a "greedy" judgment on you.  My FH and I are registered on Honeyfund.com and while many of our friends think it is a different and creative idea, we got a few slams as well from non-supporters.  I think if you go about having a traditional registry in addition to the honeymoon one, your guests will have more gift-giving options if they aren't comfortable contributing to your honeymoon.  One more thing to consider is it's generational.  People are moving in before marriage, already have most of their needed housewares and want something different.  For those of you who are apprehensive about having a honeymoon registry and still want one, take heart! I'm sure there are a good handful of couples out there who have faced what you are facing now--both the embracers and judgment passers.
    Knottie1433791078.defunct635887248411526866[Deleted User]
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
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    edited August 2015
    @MusicLady7 this post is several months out of date and I know you know that your response is stirring the pot. @LyndaUSVI- close due to being a zombie?

     







    CMGragain
  • Another thing I'll mention is look into possible discounts, ie AARP or Military-related.  My FH is older than I and we just paid $16 for one year membership for AARP.  However, paying a small fee ahead of time, he and I are eligible for reduced costs in air fare AND hotel stays (ie $30 or more off the room PER NIGHT)! Just think about it, the savings add up here and there and you only end up asking for 2k or less for your honeymoon.  

     Military, active or retired, also have special discounts depending on which area.  If you're neither military or at a certain age, inquire about possible hotel discounts (every fourth night is free, etc.) Or if you have airline miles, see where that gets you in savings.  Finally, a last thought (and something we're doing) is contributing here and there to our own registry and have that build up, hopefully in addition to our guests' contributions.  If you are able to foot the airfare, maybe family and friends could help with hotel and food? There are seven ways to Sunday, right? A lot of creative thinking can not only land you with a honeymoon (even if it's domestic like ours), but can lower costs you didn't know could be lowered. 

  • edited August 2015
    I'm getting a headache from rolling my eyes so much at the people complaining about how anyone who "purchases" something from a HM Registry isn't ACTUALLY purchasing that item.

    Please don't insult the intelligence of the couple and their guests like that. They know how it works.

    We're considering a Honeymoon Fund (although we plan to do it in-person and not through a third-party site, but the same idea with specific events and excursions being "bought" by guests). We're aware that when it boils down to it, they are giving us cash and not buying our Broadway tickets or hotel stay directly. We know that. They know that. Repeating this implies that they don't, and that's just stupid.

    Guests want to get you something you'll use, if they bother getting anything. By allowing them to "buy" these Honeymoon items, they are contributing to something we'll actually use, instead of buying us a mixing bowl we'll just toss in the pantry and never use or return for cash anyway. We plan to take pictures at each thing we do with thank you signs addressed to the people who "bought" that moment for us. When we go to the Empire State Building, we will thank whoever contributed to our tickets (again, we know they didn't actually buy the tickets), and those photos will be a part of their thank you card.

    I think it's ridiculous to be annoyed by a Honeymoon Fund but think registries are just peachy. Not every couple needs ITEMS. My fiance and I have been together for three years, and lived together for more than two of those years. We have just about everything we could need for our home minus one or two big items that I would never dream of asking a guest to purchase for me. It is far less tacky for me to ask friends and families to contribute to our dream trip and to make it fun with "specific items" and what not than to ask them to buy us a $350 mixer. C'mon people.

    If you complain about HM Funds, you're assuming that the guests and/or the couple are oblivious to how they work, which is insulting and rude (you know, that word you guys like to throw around so much). It also makes no sense if you support traditional registries.

    You're basically saying that if they were literally PURCHASING those tickets for you, that meal for you, covering that fee at the hotel for you, you would be okay with (which is funny because some sites work with travel agencies or cruise lines and that actually is what happens), but because it's going into a lump sum and then you are buying those things later, it's suddenly this horrible tacky thing.

    Step back and think for a second, people. I'd much rather a couple ask me to contribute to their Honeymoon and "buy" a specific meal or plan or show or whatever for them in a more figurative sense, than buy them something they don't actually want or need. I'd rather contribute to them having an amazing celebration and creating beautiful memories than buying them a toaster they'll have to replace in five years and never remember who bought it for them.

    Can we please stop judging the couples who are considering or actively using these and just answer their questions and help them out? There is no reason to be judging each other -- the majority of us are actively under enough stress planning a wedding and figuring all of this out. We don't need people being rude jerks and criticizing our decisions when they don't even know us personally or what might be best for us and our guests. We're supposed to be a community for the sake of helping each other. Maybe give that a try instead of childishly insulting one another.

    P.S. To the people saying that couples might not use the money the way they say they will and are basically implying that they are SCAMMING their guests: You are gross. End of story.
    Knottie28989598Knottie1433791078.defunct635887248411526866[Deleted User]
  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North
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    I'm getting a headache from rolling my eyes so much at the people complaining about how anyone who "purchases" something from a HM Registry isn't ACTUALLY purchasing that item.

    Please don't insult the intelligence of the couple and their guests like that. They know how it works.

    We're considering a Honeymoon Fund (although we plan to do it in-person and not through a third-party site, but the same idea with specific events and excursions being "bought" by guests). We're aware that when it boils down to it, they are giving us cash and not buying our Broadway tickets or hotel stay directly. We know that. They know that. Repeating this implies that they don't, and that's just stupid.

    Guests want to get you something you'll use, if they bother getting anything. By allowing them to "buy" these Honeymoon items, they are contributing to something we'll actually use, instead of buying us a mixing bowl we'll just toss in the pantry and never use or return for cash anyway. We plan to take pictures at each thing we do with thank you signs addressed to the people who "bought" that moment for us. When we go to the Empire State Building, we will thank whoever contributed to our tickets (again, we know they didn't actually buy the tickets), and those photos will be a part of their thank you card.

    I think it's ridiculous to be annoyed by a Honeymoon Fund but think registries are just peachy. Not every couple needs ITEMS. My fiance and I have been together for three years, and lived together for more than two of those years. We have just about everything we could need for our home minus one or two big items that I would never dream of asking a guest to purchase for me. It is far less tacky for me to ask friends and families to contribute to our dream trip and to make it fun with "specific items" and what not than to ask them to buy us a $350 mixer. C'mon people.

    If you complain about HM Funds, you're assuming that the guests and/or the couple are oblivious to how they work, which is insulting and rude (you know, that word you guys like to throw around so much). It also makes no sense if you support traditional registries.

    You're basically saying that if they were literally PURCHASING those tickets for you, that meal for you, covering that fee at the hotel for you, you would be okay with (which is funny because some sites work with travel agencies or cruise lines and that actually is what happens), but because it's going into a lump sum and then you are buying those things later, it's suddenly this horrible tacky thing.

    Step back and think for a second, people. I'd much rather a couple ask me to contribute to their Honeymoon and "buy" a specific meal or plan or show or whatever for them in a more figurative sense, than buy them something they don't actually want or need. I'd rather contribute to them having an amazing celebration and creating beautiful memories than buying them a toaster they'll have to replace in five years and never remember who bought it for them.

    Can we please stop judging the couples who are considering or actively using these and just answer their questions and help them out? There is no reason to be judging each other -- the majority of us are actively under enough stress planning a wedding and figuring all of this out. We don't need people being rude jerks and criticizing our decisions when they don't even know us personally or what might be best for us and our guests. We're supposed to be a community for the sake of helping each other. Maybe give that a try instead of childishly insulting one another.

    P.S. To the people saying that couples might not use the money the way they say they will and are basically implying that they are SCAMMING their guests: You are gross. End of story.


    Yeah, actually, until coming here, I didn't know how HM registries worked.  I would have assumed I was buying them an actual dinner/event/etc.  

    Oh, and the last couple who did a HM registry (last summer) hasn't actually taken a HM yet.  Makes me glad I got them a boxed gift.  If you don't need stuff, don't have a registry.  We had about 5 items (towels, mattress cover, etc.) on ours, for people like my Granny who wanted to buy us something.  We didn't need stuff either
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  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited August 2015
    Many people are offended by honeymoon registers.  Fact.  If you go ahead and set one up, you are aware that some of your guests will be offended, and that is just rude and greedy.
    It doesn't matter what YOU think.  It is what your guests will think that matters.
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs
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    JoanE2012 said:
    I'm getting a headache from rolling my eyes so much at the people complaining about how anyone who "purchases" something from a HM Registry isn't ACTUALLY purchasing that item.

    Please don't insult the intelligence of the couple and their guests like that. They know how it works.

    We're considering a Honeymoon Fund (although we plan to do it in-person and not through a third-party site, but the same idea with specific events and excursions being "bought" by guests). We're aware that when it boils down to it, they are giving us cash and not buying our Broadway tickets or hotel stay directly. We know that. They know that. Repeating this implies that they don't, and that's just stupid.

    Guests want to get you something you'll use, if they bother getting anything. By allowing them to "buy" these Honeymoon items, they are contributing to something we'll actually use, instead of buying us a mixing bowl we'll just toss in the pantry and never use or return for cash anyway. We plan to take pictures at each thing we do with thank you signs addressed to the people who "bought" that moment for us. When we go to the Empire State Building, we will thank whoever contributed to our tickets (again, we know they didn't actually buy the tickets), and those photos will be a part of their thank you card.

    I think it's ridiculous to be annoyed by a Honeymoon Fund but think registries are just peachy. Not every couple needs ITEMS. My fiance and I have been together for three years, and lived together for more than two of those years. We have just about everything we could need for our home minus one or two big items that I would never dream of asking a guest to purchase for me. It is far less tacky for me to ask friends and families to contribute to our dream trip and to make it fun with "specific items" and what not than to ask them to buy us a $350 mixer. C'mon people.

    If you complain about HM Funds, you're assuming that the guests and/or the couple are oblivious to how they work, which is insulting and rude (you know, that word you guys like to throw around so much). It also makes no sense if you support traditional registries.

    You're basically saying that if they were literally PURCHASING those tickets for you, that meal for you, covering that fee at the hotel for you, you would be okay with (which is funny because some sites work with travel agencies or cruise lines and that actually is what happens), but because it's going into a lump sum and then you are buying those things later, it's suddenly this horrible tacky thing.

    Step back and think for a second, people. I'd much rather a couple ask me to contribute to their Honeymoon and "buy" a specific meal or plan or show or whatever for them in a more figurative sense, than buy them something they don't actually want or need. I'd rather contribute to them having an amazing celebration and creating beautiful memories than buying them a toaster they'll have to replace in five years and never remember who bought it for them.

    Can we please stop judging the couples who are considering or actively using these and just answer their questions and help them out? There is no reason to be judging each other -- the majority of us are actively under enough stress planning a wedding and figuring all of this out. We don't need people being rude jerks and criticizing our decisions when they don't even know us personally or what might be best for us and our guests. We're supposed to be a community for the sake of helping each other. Maybe give that a try instead of childishly insulting one another.

    P.S. To the people saying that couples might not use the money the way they say they will and are basically implying that they are SCAMMING their guests: You are gross. End of story.
    If you don't register, your guests will likely give cash. Contributing to a HM registry where a fee is taken out is just plain stupid.   Don't insult their intelligence and think they don't know how to write out a check. 
    Big font=truth.
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    InLoveInQueens
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    JoanE2012 said:
    I'm getting a headache from rolling my eyes so much at the people complaining about how anyone who "purchases" something from a HM Registry isn't ACTUALLY purchasing that item.

    Please don't insult the intelligence of the couple and their guests like that. They know how it works.

    We're considering a Honeymoon Fund (although we plan to do it in-person and not through a third-party site, but the same idea with specific events and excursions being "bought" by guests). We're aware that when it boils down to it, they are giving us cash and not buying our Broadway tickets or hotel stay directly. We know that. They know that. Repeating this implies that they don't, and that's just stupid.

    Guests want to get you something you'll use, if they bother getting anything. By allowing them to "buy" these Honeymoon items, they are contributing to something we'll actually use, instead of buying us a mixing bowl we'll just toss in the pantry and never use or return for cash anyway. We plan to take pictures at each thing we do with thank you signs addressed to the people who "bought" that moment for us. When we go to the Empire State Building, we will thank whoever contributed to our tickets (again, we know they didn't actually buy the tickets), and those photos will be a part of their thank you card.

    I think it's ridiculous to be annoyed by a Honeymoon Fund but think registries are just peachy. Not every couple needs ITEMS. My fiance and I have been together for three years, and lived together for more than two of those years. We have just about everything we could need for our home minus one or two big items that I would never dream of asking a guest to purchase for me. It is far less tacky for me to ask friends and families to contribute to our dream trip and to make it fun with "specific items" and what not than to ask them to buy us a $350 mixer. C'mon people.

    If you complain about HM Funds, you're assuming that the guests and/or the couple are oblivious to how they work, which is insulting and rude (you know, that word you guys like to throw around so much). It also makes no sense if you support traditional registries.

    You're basically saying that if they were literally PURCHASING those tickets for you, that meal for you, covering that fee at the hotel for you, you would be okay with (which is funny because some sites work with travel agencies or cruise lines and that actually is what happens), but because it's going into a lump sum and then you are buying those things later, it's suddenly this horrible tacky thing.

    Step back and think for a second, people. I'd much rather a couple ask me to contribute to their Honeymoon and "buy" a specific meal or plan or show or whatever for them in a more figurative sense, than buy them something they don't actually want or need. I'd rather contribute to them having an amazing celebration and creating beautiful memories than buying them a toaster they'll have to replace in five years and never remember who bought it for them.

    Can we please stop judging the couples who are considering or actively using these and just answer their questions and help them out? There is no reason to be judging each other -- the majority of us are actively under enough stress planning a wedding and figuring all of this out. We don't need people being rude jerks and criticizing our decisions when they don't even know us personally or what might be best for us and our guests. We're supposed to be a community for the sake of helping each other. Maybe give that a try instead of childishly insulting one another.

    P.S. To the people saying that couples might not use the money the way they say they will and are basically implying that they are SCAMMING their guests: You are gross. End of story.
    If you don't register, your guests will likely give cash. Contributing to a HM registry where a fee is taken out is just plain stupid.   Don't insult their intelligence and think they don't know how to write out a check. 
    Big font=truth.
    QFT. When my very frugal best friend recently got married, I knew (because she confided in me) that she was a little nervous about the cost of the honeymoon. I wrote her and her new husband a check and put in the memo line, "For your honeymoon!!"

    It's not hard. 
    ________________________________


    [Deleted User]InLoveInQueens
  • edited August 2015
    "It doesn't matter what YOU think.  It is what your guests will think that matters."

    I'm so glad you know my guests better than I do.

    You are all missing my point ENTIRELY. You assume that every couple is ripping people off or not being honest with their guests, that every Honeymoon Fund like this is a scam or that it is fooling the guests. This may be true for some people, but not for everyone. Judging people for making a decision regarding their own wedding and their own guests is ridiculous. You don't know them, their guests, or what works for them. We've talked this idea over with parents, siblings, friends, other relatives. etc. and every single one of them has thought it was a cool idea. They know exactly how it works. Other couples might not have guests as open to this idea. Who knows. The point is, each situation is going to be different and to blindly assume that every single couple doing this is somehow, intentionally or not, cheating their guests, is ludicrous and insulting to those couples who might be able to have this work for them.

    Personally, I know that many of MY friends and family members would find it more fun to contribute to a "specific" thing we do on our Honeymoon and have that personalized experience with us than to just hand us a check. For them and for us, just handing us a check or cash seems impersonal, but getting involved in our plans for our honeymoon is more fun, and knowing that they'll receive a thank you postcard from whatever they contributed to, be it a show or a dinner or even just silly pictures on the plane, makes it a better experience for us. FOR US. (Again, it's a PERSONAL choice.)

    For others, maybe that's not true. Why do you care? As long as the couple and their families and guests are happy, that's what matters. I understand sometimes that's not how it works, and that's unfortunate, but that's not every situation. I've known couples who returned most of their gifts for cash or exchanged them for other things. It happens quite often, actually. I don't see people coming on here throwing a fit over that. Leave people to do what is best for them. If you don't agree, then stay out of it. Period. Be helpful, or mind your own business. It's not hard. But it's not my problem if this is too difficult of a concept to grasp. Continue judging if you want, but it's not going to stop myself or other couples from doing what is best for them and their guests, exactly as they should, regardless of the opinions of strangers on the internet.
    Knottie28989598Knottie1433791078.defunct635887248411526866
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