Wedding Etiquette Forum

S/O: What to Do With Extra Guests?

Out of pure curiosity ...

Knotties have fabulous advice about gracious, etiquette-aproved ways to "remind" guests that their random guests and/or children aren't invited - but what happens if randoms show up?

We had this happen at my BFF's wedding, but it was beyond casual so we just made space for them as quickly as possible. What happens in a more formal setting?

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Re: S/O: What to Do With Extra Guests?

  • Sometimes, when it's possible to accommodate them in the kitchen or another room, away from the invited guests, that might be done. But if they just can't be accommodated, the uninvited guests have to be turned away at the door.
  • I would talk to your venue about this and see what kind of options/solutions they have used in the past.  Or if it hasn't happened before at the venue make a list of options that you can choose from the day of.

  • Jen4948 said:

    Sometimes, when it's possible to accommodate them in the kitchen or another room, away from the invited guests, that might be done. But if they just can't be accommodated, the uninvited guests have to be turned away at the door.

    I'm dying.

    Thanks, ladies! Not anticipating this, just curious after reading other threads. :)
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  • We had a surprise guest.    We had a OOT couple who asked if their adult daughter could attend.  You see they are OOT.  He likes to drink,  wife doesn't drink, but doesn't drive either.  Their daughter lived about 45 minutes away and they were staying with her.   We said absolutely she could come.

    She bought a date.  Ha.

      The venue got another chair and table setting for him.   We had no shows do it didn't change our costs.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • AlexisA01AlexisA01 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited May 2015
    Has anybody had to make people leave when uninvited guest show up? Or enforce their security?  
    I always wondered when uninvited guest show up that they "think" that they will have space made for them.

    Live fast, die young. Bad Girls do it well. Suki Zuki.

  • I would be so horribly embarrassed if it was obvious they weren't expecting me and/or my date and had to pull up another chair and add a place setting for one or both of us. How do people not want to go hide under a rock?
  • geebee908 said:

    I would be so horribly embarrassed if it was obvious they weren't expecting me and/or my date and had to pull up another chair and add a place setting for one or both of us. How do people not want to go hide under a rock?

    Well in my case the culture of the couple and daughter wedding invitations were kind-of free for all.  The more the merrier.   So I do not think they thought much about it.   We were completely welcoming to the date.  He had a great time. Danced a lot..  Wish I knew his name as he is in a lot of photos.  Ha.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • We didn't have any extra guests at the wedding, and we also didn't have anyone ask to bring anyone not invited.

    My cousin did bring her 9 year old daughter to my shower, though. My sister was not expecting the daughter and she was not invited to the wedding. But what are you going to do? There was room because someone no showed, and a shower doesn't have seating charts or anything. Whatever.
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  • We had a spare table our coordinator called "late for dinner" in case any unexpected guests arrived. We didn't end up needing the table.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • Between a few no-shows and having a few extra spaces at tables anyway, it wouldn't have been a huge deal had anyone extra shown up. I wouldn't have asked anyone to leave unless it was an extreme situation or there was absolutely no way they could be accomodated.
  • geebee908 said:

    I would be so horribly embarrassed if it was obvious they weren't expecting me and/or my date and had to pull up another chair and add a place setting for one or both of us. How do people not want to go hide under a rock?

    I did this once.  I was 19.  It was the first time I was invited to a wedding because of me, not because of being tacked on to my parents' invitation.  I brought a friend.  She knew the bride and groom and the bride's entire extended family (we all went to church together).  I thought nothing of it until I showed up at the reception and my friend didn't have an escort card.  I freaked out, tracked down the DOC, looked over her shoulder at the seating chart, noticed that a couple we know from church wasn't here, and took their seats.  Freaked out a little more any time someone else showed up at the escort card table, but this couple really were no-shows, so it ended up working out.  A week later at church, the MOB tried to make me feel better and told me how nice it was that I brought Jo to the wedding.  It's been 20 years and I still want to crawl under a rock whenever I remember it.
  • anjemonanjemon member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    We actually had room too. We had a couple of no-shows and our photographers decided to eat at the bar and not at the table. Whatever worked for them, I felt bad not giving them a seat. So we would have had somewhere to put people. 

    If we had been full and had someone show up, they probably would have had to eat at the bar. It would probably have been really awkward, but there was space.
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  • We had a few unexpected guests - a person who brought a date but RSVPd for one, 2 couples who had childcare issues but RSVPd that they were leaving them at home.

    For the spare date, the venue pulled up another chair. For the couples with kids, they got moved to different tables. We had a bunch of no-shows which worked out-- a table with 4 no-shows ended up with a family of 4. Another table with 3 no-shows ended up being filled and an extra chair brought in. This was all on DH's side so people knew each other a bit better.

    I noticed that there were unexpected kids but was completely oblivious to how they were seated. The venue did an amazing job of accommodating.
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  • tcnobletcnoble member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    We had people who had RSVPd "No" but within the 48 hours leading up to the wedding changed to a "Yes" and I was not about to re-configure the seating chart so I told our DOC she could put them at table x, y, or z and make it work. So they handled it for us. We had a few tables with only 6 or 8 guests so it wasn't a big inconvenience to add seats.

    Trust your venue - they should be able to handle it in stride and you likely won't even notice the hiccup.
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  • It's kind of up to the hosts. They could be strict about it and say, "I'm sorry, there are only enough seats for invited guests who RSVP'd yes. We can't accommodate extra people." Or they could try to accommodate by adding an extra table and chairs (if possible).

    In our situation, we had open seating and about 15% extra tables/chairs in case people left space between them and/or didn't fill tables. We had a couple people who RSVP'd no but ended up coming. I had no idea until I made the rounds and saw them there. If there had been wedding crashers or kids, I would have had the coordinator ask them to leave. 

    Because of our seating plan (or lack thereof), these extras were not a big deal at all and they were actually able to sit with the people they wanted to sit with. 
    *********************************************************************************

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2015
    tcnoble said:

    We had people who had RSVPd "No" but within the 48 hours leading up to the wedding changed to a "Yes" and I was not about to re-configure the seating chart so I told our DOC she could put them at table x, y, or z and make it work. So they handled it for us. We had a few tables with only 6 or 8 guests so it wasn't a big inconvenience to add seats.


    Trust your venue - they should be able to handle it in stride and you likely won't even notice the hiccup.
    Not always, especially if the extra guests put the venue over capacity, or they are children and the venue has a strict "adults only" rule. And what if the venue charges the hosts extra for these uninvited guests, beyond what they can pay?

    Nor should extra guests necessarily be accommodated, especially when the invited guests were explicitly told that their uninvited guests could not be accommodated in the first place. It's rewarding their bad behavior and reinforcing an inappropriate and unjustified sense of entitlement.
  • Jen4948 said:

    tcnoble said:

    We had people who had RSVPd "No" but within the 48 hours leading up to the wedding changed to a "Yes" and I was not about to re-configure the seating chart so I told our DOC she could put them at table x, y, or z and make it work. So they handled it for us. We had a few tables with only 6 or 8 guests so it wasn't a big inconvenience to add seats.


    Trust your venue - they should be able to handle it in stride and you likely won't even notice the hiccup.
    Not always, especially if the extra guests put the venue over capacity, or they are children and the venue has a strict "adults only" rule. And what if the venue charges the hosts extra for these uninvited guests, beyond what they can pay?

    Nor should extra guests necessarily be accommodated, especially when the invited guests were explicitly told that their uninvited guests could not be accommodated in the first place. It's rewarding their bad behavior and reinforcing an inappropriate and unjustified sense of entitlement.
    Exactly. Making room for these crashers just gives them a pass for their idiocy. You're not invited, you don't get a seat. Period. 
  • tcnobletcnoble member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Jen4948 said:

    tcnoble said:

    We had people who had RSVPd "No" but within the 48 hours leading up to the wedding changed to a "Yes" and I was not about to re-configure the seating chart so I told our DOC she could put them at table x, y, or z and make it work. So they handled it for us. We had a few tables with only 6 or 8 guests so it wasn't a big inconvenience to add seats.


    Trust your venue - they should be able to handle it in stride and you likely won't even notice the hiccup.
    Not always, especially if the extra guests put the venue over capacity, or they are children and the venue has a strict "adults only" rule. And what if the venue charges the hosts extra for these uninvited guests, beyond what they can pay?

    Nor should extra guests necessarily be accommodated, especially when the invited guests were explicitly told that their uninvited guests could not be accommodated in the first place. It's rewarding their bad behavior and reinforcing an inappropriate and unjustified sense of entitlement.
    I agree with this, in regards to uninvited guests. I was just stating for my example, the guests weren't crashers and our venue handled it.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    tcnoble said:

    Jen4948 said:

    tcnoble said:

    We had people who had RSVPd "No" but within the 48 hours leading up to the wedding changed to a "Yes" and I was not about to re-configure the seating chart so I told our DOC she could put them at table x, y, or z and make it work. So they handled it for us. We had a few tables with only 6 or 8 guests so it wasn't a big inconvenience to add seats.


    Trust your venue - they should be able to handle it in stride and you likely won't even notice the hiccup.
    Not always, especially if the extra guests put the venue over capacity, or they are children and the venue has a strict "adults only" rule. And what if the venue charges the hosts extra for these uninvited guests, beyond what they can pay?

    Nor should extra guests necessarily be accommodated, especially when the invited guests were explicitly told that their uninvited guests could not be accommodated in the first place. It's rewarding their bad behavior and reinforcing an inappropriate and unjustified sense of entitlement.
    I agree with this, in regards to uninvited guests. I was just stating for my example, the guests weren't crashers and our venue handled it.
    Fair enough.  If anyone is okay with including uninvited guests, that's certainly up to them.  But they shouldn't be expected to by anyone or be criticized for not doing so.  It's a pet peeve of mine when people do criticize hosts who turn away uninvited guests.
  • I saw this happen at a wedding--there were no "no-shows" so the extra guest got bread sticks and salad for dinner. I think they were pretty embarrassed. 

    My venue also does not make "extra" dinners for plated meals, so they warned us in advance that this could happen, although it's apparently extremely rare.


  • We got lucky and one decline turned into a yes, but we had 3 guests that had to cancel last minute to do health/family emergencies so it balanced out ok. But had we not had that, depending on who the crasher and how many, I might try to find room for them or I might kick them out.
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