Use your words

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
I enjoy a warm, loving relationship with my two sisters and their daughters and granddaughters. Every year they get together for a Mother’s Day lunch somewhere and have a lovely time. I am the only female in the family who isn’t included in the luncheon because I’m not a mom or daughter, I suppose. (My mother passed a few years ago.) I understand that I don’t “qualify.” It’s just hard for me to understand why my loving female relatives choose to exclude me from the fun. If there were an Aunt’s Day or Niece’s Day, I surely wouldn’t exclude any of them. I certainly don’t expect to be honored in any way; I would just like to join in the celebration of women I love. Am I being silly to feel left out?

—Odd Aunt Out

GBCK

Part of me wonders if they don't want aunty there.

Not that there's anything wrong with aunty but, sometimes it's nice to have time w/ mom without aunty.  Not 'exclusive' so much as 'slightly private, just this once'

MNNEBride

If all her sisters, nieces and grandnieces are getting together and she's the only one not being included, I can see how she's feeling left out.  It would be gracious of them to include her.  Also, she is probably a godmother to at least some of those nieces.

I may be more sensitive to the issue since I'm childless as well.

mrsconn23

I'm in between your answers.  I think if she has not brought up that she'd like to be included, then she needs to do that first.  It could be as simple as, "We didn't know you wanted to be a part of this."  

Wringing your hands and writing to an advice column is not the way to check the barometer on the situation. 

6fsn

Yep, I can see where the writer would be hurt to be left out of an event every other woman is invited to.  I can also see where the other women might not think about it.  If they were doing things at separate houses I'd be in the camp that aunt was overreacting.

*Barbie*

I can see why she feels left out, but if it's a one-time/year tradition and they don't exclude her otherwise, it doesn't seem like as big of a deal. 

MNNEBride

I agree, mrs.conn.

GBCK

See, I was thinking that part of me would want to be included and rankled to not be invited...but another part of me always rankled at the 'you do't have kids, here's a pity invite/well you're a mother to SOMEONE" BS.

I don't know which one rankles worse long term, but the 'you're female so you're treated as a mom' got more outright hostility from me.

And, if it's NOT just for moms, then I'd make it an all family day, that includes the menz too...and suddenly we've gone from afternoon tea to family party.

hmonkey

if they're close, i don't see a reason why aunt is not included. it's not like they spend the entire time talking about things only moms know and understand.

and yes, she should just ask or just show up.

MesmrEwe

Heck - my daughter feels left out because I'm not taking her to the Little Guy's Mother's Day Tea!

IMO if it's an all women thing, then yea - understandable that she feels left out... but agreed - just ask!