FI and I went out tonight to meet an old high school buddy of his for dinner, and he had some other friends there, too. I kind of hit it off with this one girl and we chatted a lot. But then she kind of pissed me off. FI is a chef. She was saying that her husband used to be a chef (I think in reality he just worked as a cook at a restaurant at one point, and she was conflating "restaurant employee" with chef... that's not the same as being a chef, but that's a whole different Oprah).
She was like, "my husband used to be a chef but I convinced him to go to law school. I couldn't deal with marrying a chef, they all turn out to be alcoholics and drug addicts. I just couldn't deal with a husband who has two heavy beers each night before coming home!! That whole industry is just ripe with drug and alcohol abuse, I would never marry a chef."
I'm sorry, but that is just rude! I'm not denying that there is substance abuse in the culinary industry (because there is), but that is such a rude thing to say. It's like, "I'd never marry someone like your FI, he's bound to end up a loser. I made my FI go to law school in order to be good enough for me." And she had no awareness about how this statement could come off as rude. And I, being polite and hating conflict, just nodded along.
My FI usually works day shifts at his restaurant these days (he's easing into the more family oriented schedule). He gets up at like 4:30 am every day to be there, so casual drinking is kind of out of the question. But if he does work a night shift, he might have a beer or two with his crew after work. That's reasonable when your work day ends at 11 pm! This does not make him a loser or an addict, and it doesn't make him intolerable to be around when he gets home. I think for people in their early 20's this might turn into all-night partying, but not for the boss (chef), and not at our age. Plus, I work in the legal field and lawyers are some of the biggest boozers around! I don't judge, they are under a lot of stress, too. But they do their drinking in suits at fancier bars, so I guess that makes it ok.
Good for you for forcing your then-fiance to change careers for you. I would never do that. And I would never suggest to an engaged person, two months before their wedding, that their fiance is some kind of bad seed. F*$^ that girl. Part of me wanted to be like "Yeah, well I've heard that lawyers have a high rate of infidelity -- I mean, I'd never marry a lawyer because he'd probably end up banging some paralegal!" But I would never do that. Because I have a freaking filter.