I won't DD because that's dumb, but a few of you have given me awesome advice that should have seemed obvious and wasn't. Moot point below, alone in AZ it is!
Hello Knotties,
I hope you're all having a wonderful day! I am hoping you could impart some of you delightful wisdom on a situation that has cropped up. If this thread would be better suited elsewhere, by all means please move it, I was not sure where to post. Sorry for the novel in advance!
So, here's the deal. FI and I got engaged in December, and began wedding planning shortly there after. Originally, we wanted to have a small Disney wedding, but when we discussed it with the parents it became apparent that there was some conflict of interest, so we scratched that. Then we thought of going off to AZ, just the two of us, get married and have a celebration (not reception!) in Maryland later. We planned to have our HM in Arizona, so it would be so easy! However, my mom implied she'd be upset to not see me get married, and being the "people pleaser" I am, I caved.
I agreed to have a bigger wedding if it could be at a particular venue in the fall. Fall dates were gone, so we said "Ok spring", because again family was telling us next fall was too far away (why I cared, i don't know). Then that venue fell through and there began a "rush, rush, rush you need to find a venue". At this point I had no time to look at the next on the list (the Maryland Zoo), and my parents went, reported back, so we put a deposit on it for April 2016. I do love the zoo, and the money benefits it, so it seemed like a win, even if it was nothing I had originally wanted (small, fall, etc).
As the planning went on, it became apparent to me that it was getting entirely too stressful, and this was only going to continue. I won't go into the details as to why, but it has a lot to do with my feeling like I have to please everyone. On top of that FI and I are EXTREME introverts, we do not like the idea of being the complete center of attention and we would feel so awkward expressing vows in front of people, it's just how we roll. Also, spring has zero meaning to us, and fall has a lot of significant meaning.
Fast forward to today, we had all the parents in one place, and we began the discussion. We had a list of pros and cons, and the fact that we would only lose $600 and that would go to the zoo (yayy!) if we canceled. The conversation went better than expected, all 3 options were presented, and the Disney idea was again poo-pooed. The Arizona idea went over well enough I thought. There was some discussion of the parents coming, but my mother refuses to fly and my dad isn't keen on the drive, which I get, its a loooong drive. I wouldn't want to drive that either. FI's parents seem to want to see Arizona.
So to get to the point, when FI and his parents were outside my mom told us to just do what we wanted, to which I replied "and you won't be disappointed if you don't see us get married". Her response, while taring up, "well if his parents get to see it and I don't I'm going to be pissed." What am I supposed to do with that?!?! My dad told her not to "do that to me", which I appreciated. I cannot control if his parents want to come to AZ and she won't fly.
I guess what I am saying is, what would you do in this situation given that wrench? How do you proceed? How do you keep people happy? Do I go with the big awkward thing? Do we stick to our guns on AZ? I feel kind of trapped... I am being told to do whatever we want, but if XYZ happens, then DOOM!
**Edited because I cannot grammar today**