July 2016 Weddings

Would you invite an ex?

This is a serious question that I for some reason feel more comfortable asking strangers than people close to me at this time (Go figure!). I'm sure I can get some honest and objective feedback this way. Well, this is my 2nd wedding and while I was separated, my rebound was this really talented photographer. He did my 30th bday party, over 2 years ago and people are still commenting to this day how great the pics are. He's the best in my area imo, and I have no romantic feelings for him. He's even commented after we broke it off that he would gladly shoot my wedding (his speciality) when I do decide to get married again. To be honest I'm considering him as our photographer for his professionalism and talent and the money I'd save too, plus my FI is willing to go along with it. But I'm super concerned if it would be inappropriate to go along with this guy. I'm not sure if he still has any feelings for me & I don't want to make my FI uncomfortable at all.
Am I over thinking this or are these legitimate concerns?

Re: Would you invite an ex?

  • I think you have legitimate concerns. Would it bother you if the situation was reversed? Just because your FI is willing to go along with it doesn't mean he likes it. I think you should have a conversation with him about it and weigh the pros and cons together of going with him versus another photographer.

    I would say your first step should be talking to your FI and exploring all possible options. Remember, it's his wedding too so you want him to be as comfortable as possible! 

    Does this photographer have a website? I'm interested at looking at some of his shots and seeing the talent you described. Sometimes it's hard to be unbiased.

    Hopefully that helps you a little bit! 
  • AuroraRose41AuroraRose41 New York
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    I think inviting ex's is a case by case situation. For instance, currently I have one ex who will be invited, but we dated for a few months in high school and circumstances led to us becoming best friends later in high school in a non romantic way (he's almost like a brother to me). He is happily married and him and his wife will be invited. 

    However, I also have another ex currently who we are planning to invite, because he is dating one of my bridesmaids! If they break up prior to our wedding, then he will not be invited. 

    Are you still close with your ex in a non romantic way? Could you go out for coffee and ask him if it would make him uncomfortable in any way if you love his work that much? I also agree with making sure your FI is on board with this too and maybe looking into other photographers. 

  • Thanks for your feedback ladies, sometimes I just need someone else to say the obvious. I had a heart to heart with FI & he assures me it would not be a problem with him as he likes my ex's work too. I also spoke to my ex and before I asked him anything he's like "You are getting married aren't you!" Ha! So he said he's giving me friends, family & all types of discounts and he'd be super happy to photograph my wedding.
    So yea, huge relief! I have not found anyone in my area as good as he is and the out of town photographers I like are way over my photography budget but we are still trying to source other photographers just so that its not a biased decision,and we have some time to play with. 
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