Small FMIL vent

lovemyrunner

My FMIL is a nice enough lady.  We are not close and she lives about 2 hours away, so we don't get together terribly often and there is little wedding discussion.  Two weeks ago, we met up with FI's family for an event FI was involved in.  She informed me at that time that she needed a picture of the tux that FI decided on, because she wanted to find a similar one in her town for FFIL and FBIL to wear (they are both in the wedding).  I must have looked confused, because she explained that it's too much trouble to drive in to pick up the tuxes on Friday, drive in again for the wedding on Saturday, and then drive in again to return them on Sunday.

My first response was "Oh, you're not going to stay in town?  FI and I were planning on paying for your hotel room."  Nope she doesn't want to stay in town.  And she's just sure she can find something 'similar' in her town, even though we chose a local tux shop that has no locations near her.  I bean dipped her at that point and discussed it privately with FI later.  I told him that I don't like the idea, and that if 8 out of 10 men in the wedding party are wearing the same thing, the two that are not will be rather obvious.  I also pointed out that they will be driving in Friday for the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner anyway.  So, if returning the tuxes is a concern, FFIL and FBIL could just bring a change of clothes and leave the tuxes with us to return.  I then placed this squarely in FI's lap and told him he needs to talk with her about it.  I'm concerned though, because he is super non-confrontational and his mom can be a bit of a bulldozer.  In fact, she brought it up again when we saw her at Mother's Day.  FI said nothing at the time, I think because this was in front of his extended family and shutting her down publicly would have been inappropriate.  So she was bean dipped again.  But I fear I'm gonna have to follow up with him about this one.  And since this is usually the follow-up question; no his parents are not paying for anything.  They have mentioned giving us a specific amount for the rehearsal dinner, and also a small lump sum, but they have not actually given any money toward the wedding at this point.

Jen4948

I'd stay out of this one. If your FI doesn't care whether or not his groomsmen match or his parents stay at a hotel in your town, neither should you.

lovemyrunner

I don't care whether they stay in town, I was simply offering a solution to help accommodate them, but if they'd rather drive, fine by me.  And FI does care about the groomsmen matching.  He was far more detailed in picking out tuxes and accessories for them than I was with bridesmaids.  As previously stated, I've left it up to him.

Jen4948

OK. Even so, I think that I wouldn't get involved in either of these matters.

MairePoppy

lovemyrunner said:

I don't care whether they stay in town, I was simply offering a solution to help accommodate them, but if they'd rather drive, fine by me.  And FI does care about the groomsmen matching.  He was far more detailed in picking out tuxes and accessories for them than I was with bridesmaids.  As previously stated, I've left it up to him.

Don't change that policy now. Your Fi is in charge of his wedding party's attire. It's his family that is causing a slight complication. If it's important to him, he should stand up for himself. If he's generally easy going, he most likely will go along with his mom's request. 

I hope fi asked his wedding party for their budgets before he selected the tuxes and accessories. 

lovegood90

I don't get what the issue is? You said you've left it up to him and stayed out of it, which is what you should be doing, so...keep doing that?

Is the sky really going to fall if two groomsmen look slightly different, though? If this is your biggest concern so far then I'd say you guys are doing pretty well...

artbyallie

A tux is a tux. What is so special about yours that she can't rent basically identical ones at any other shop in the world?

Heffalump

My FIL owns a tux and opted to wear that instead of wearing a matching one.  Nobody noticed, or cared.  He looked great, everyone else looked great, we were married.  I had actually forgotten that he wore his own until I read your post, that's how unimportant it was.

flantastic

artbyallie said:

A tux is a tux. What is so special about yours that she can't rent basically identical ones at any other shop in the world?

Yep. A couple of our GMs and one of our ushers already owned tuxes, so we told them just to wear those. My one brother had more buttons than my other brother because of this. I think I noticed this for the first time when putting all our photos into an album, 6 months later. I'm pretty sure no one else noticed, and they definitely didn't care.

Your FI needs to handle it, and if he chooses to handle it by letting it go, that should be fine.