MOH Drama....

ametoyer

I was married on Jan. 16th and I ran into a....situation....at the end of my wedding reception. (As a little background information things were already tense as my hubby's parents and my parents weren't getting along and had already had a couple of run-ins.) My MOH had a run-in with my FIL. He was joking around with her and hurt her feelings. She took it really personal and had her buzzed boyfriend say something to my FIL. Needless to say it didn't go over well and my MOH felt the need to involve my MIL as well and basically tell her to control her husband. Given the current tension I tried to smooth things over and my MOH left to avoid further conflict
My Husband is furious with her and never wants to speak to her again (they've also had conflicts in the past) because this was the last straw for him. After a few things he said to her in anger, she feels the same. At first i was just trying to smooth things over, but then I got to talk it out with a neutral party. I realized I'm furious with her and I'm not sure if I want to completely rekindle our friendship- at least not soon. We work together so I'm willing to keep the work relationship intact, but I really want nothing to do with her outside of work. I've come to realize I'm really dissappointed with her. When we spoke about the incident after my honeymoon she said she was sorry about the way she handled it, but not that she did it. And I'm really upset that she couldn't just get over herself for ten minutes and let it go because it was MY wedding....
I guess my questions is...is it OK that I'm THIS upset now? I thought I was ok before, but I realized I'm really angry with her. I'm now remembering how snotty she was on the day of and over analyzing all of it....what do I do now????? Please help me figure this out!

fishieballerina

Give it a while, let this breeze pass and see where you are in a month  or two. If she asks, explain to her that you really need to do some soul searching regarding your friendship. Tell her that the way she acted was inappropriate (not that your inlaws were acting like saints, but none of it was appropriate for a wedding). Tell her it really spoiled your day and that she needs to think about that and the consequences that that brings. Don't over think the situation. Most likely she had not been plotting all day to spoil it for you, she was probably stressed herself and didn't hide it well. Ask yourself, has she been your friend through thick and thin before? Was your friendship (the way it was before your wedding) worth preserving? If it is, work towards it. Sometimes stuff happens in a friendship and you can be furious for days, months even, but you eventually have to talk it out and see if it is worth it.

Trust me, right after Thanksgiving my MOH told me that she didn't want to be my friend anymore because I was an awful person who never cared about her and never made any attempt to see her, etc.(can you imagine my shock when I received that e-mail). I cried for two days straight. I wrote her a letter basically saying "I don't know what prompted this, but I still want to be your friend. If you want to talk let me know." And did not make any contact with her for a month. Finally, I called her to find out if she wanted to go get lunch. She agreed and when the time was right I brought up the issue and she told me that she had been really stressed at school and didn't mean any of it. From then the subject was dropped and we have been as close as ever. I really had to sit and think if her friendship was worth it, after the letter she wrote me, and I decided that 20 years of friendship had to mean something. However, it doesn't always, so you really have to think about it. Put the situation in perspective and look at it from all angles.

ametoyer

Wow...thank you so much!!! That's the best piece of advice I've gotten on the subject. I don't want to lose her as a friend, but I think I needed to hear it's ok to take a breather for a while. I still care for her a lot...maybe that's why I got so upset. THANKS Again