Remarried grandfather?

MorganG0413

Hi everyone!  I need some opinions on how I should word my wedding programs.  My grandmother passed away 8 years ago.  We were very close and I am devastated that she won't be here on my wedding day.  My grandfather remarried 4 years ago and I am not close to his new wife at all.  I think my grandfather would be upset if I didn't list her, but in my heart of hearts, I have no desire to list her as a grandparent in my wedding program.  In my newspaper announcement, I listed them like this:

Mr. & Mrs. Thomas Grandfather (New Wife)

How do I put something like that in my wedding program?  My fiance and I have a flower arrangement that is dedicated to our grandparents that have passed and have a write up in the program about that. 

I guess the major question is can I just list my grandfather or do I have to list his new wife too?

southernbelle0915

MorganG0413 said:

Hi everyone!  I need some opinions on how I should word my wedding programs.  My grandmother passed away 8 years ago.  We were very close and I am devastated that she won't be here on my wedding day.  My grandfather remarried 4 years ago and I am not close to his new wife at all.  I think my grandfather would be upset if I didn't list her, but in my heart of hearts, I have no desire to list her as a grandparent in my wedding program.  In my newspaper announcement, I listed them like this:

Mr. & Mrs. Thomas Grandfather (New Wife)

How do I put something like that in my wedding program?  My fiance and I have a flower arrangement that is dedicated to our grandparents that have passed and have a write up in the program about that. 

I guess the major question is can I just list my grandfather or do I have to list his new wife too?

I just wouldn't list grandparents at all if you really want to avoid listing her. That way, you're still PC.

But if you decide to list grandparents, I do think you need to address her correctly, as his spouse. Just because it's painful for you, doesn't mean it's ok leave her off. It's not. She's your grandpa's wife.

You can mention your grandma on the back of the program if you want to give her a shout out. Something like "Our hearts are with those who can't celebrate with us today: Grandma so-and-so, anyone-from-FI's-side, etc."

bethsmiles

You don't need to list grandparents in the program at all. I'd just skip it and move on.

redoryx

southernbelle0915 said:

Hi everyone!  I need some opinions on how I should word my wedding programs.  My grandmother passed away 8 years ago.  We were very close and I am devastated that she won't be here on my wedding day.  My grandfather remarried 4 years ago and I am not close to his new wife at all.  I think my grandfather would be upset if I didn't list her, but in my heart of hearts, I have no desire to list her as a grandparent in my wedding program.  In my newspaper announcement, I listed them like this:

Mr. & Mrs. Thomas Grandfather (New Wife)

How do I put something like that in my wedding program?  My fiance and I have a flower arrangement that is dedicated to our grandparents that have passed and have a write up in the program about that. 

I guess the major question is can I just list my grandfather or do I have to list his new wife too?

I just wouldn't list grandparents at all if you really want to avoid listing her. That way, you're still PC.

But if you decide to list grandparents, I do think you need to address her correctly, as his spouse. Just because it's painful for you, doesn't mean it's ok leave her off. It's not. She's your grandpa's wife.

You can mention your grandma on the back of the program if you want to give her a shout out. Something like "Our hearts are with those who can't celebrate with us today: Grandma so-and-so, anyone-from-FI's-side, etc."

**boxes**

And if you do decide to list her in the program, skip the "(new wife)" bit. There's really no need and something about it rubs me the wrong way. 

Jen4948

redoryx said:

southernbelle0915 said:

Hi everyone!  I need some opinions on how I should word my wedding programs.  My grandmother passed away 8 years ago.  We were very close and I am devastated that she won't be here on my wedding day.  My grandfather remarried 4 years ago and I am not close to his new wife at all.  I think my grandfather would be upset if I didn't list her, but in my heart of hearts, I have no desire to list her as a grandparent in my wedding program.  In my newspaper announcement, I listed them like this:

Mr. & Mrs. Thomas Grandfather (New Wife)

How do I put something like that in my wedding program?  My fiance and I have a flower arrangement that is dedicated to our grandparents that have passed and have a write up in the program about that. 

I guess the major question is can I just list my grandfather or do I have to list his new wife too?

I just wouldn't list grandparents at all if you really want to avoid listing her. That way, you're still PC.

But if you decide to list grandparents, I do think you need to address her correctly, as his spouse. Just because it's painful for you, doesn't mean it's ok leave her off. It's not. She's your grandpa's wife.

You can mention your grandma on the back of the program if you want to give her a shout out. Something like "Our hearts are with those who can't celebrate with us today: Grandma so-and-so, anyone-from-FI's-side, etc."

**boxes**

And if you do decide to list her in the program, skip the "(new wife)" bit. There's really no need and something about it rubs me the wrong way. 

This.

My grandmother remarried after my grandfather died.  Our family did not really become close to her second husband, but at no time did we feel the need to distinguish him as a "new husband" or in any way indicate that he wasn't as full-fledged a member of our family as my grandfather had been.  And my grandfather had close, warm relationships with our other family members.

[Deleted User]

Jen4948 said:

redoryx said:

southernbelle0915 said:

Hi everyone!  I need some opinions on how I should word my wedding programs.  My grandmother passed away 8 years ago.  We were very close and I am devastated that she won't be here on my wedding day.  My grandfather remarried 4 years ago and I am not close to his new wife at all.  I think my grandfather would be upset if I didn't list her, but in my heart of hearts, I have no desire to list her as a grandparent in my wedding program.  In my newspaper announcement, I listed them like this:

Mr. & Mrs. Thomas Grandfather (New Wife)

How do I put something like that in my wedding program?  My fiance and I have a flower arrangement that is dedicated to our grandparents that have passed and have a write up in the program about that. 

I guess the major question is can I just list my grandfather or do I have to list his new wife too?

I just wouldn't list grandparents at all if you really want to avoid listing her. That way, you're still PC.

But if you decide to list grandparents, I do think you need to address her correctly, as his spouse. Just because it's painful for you, doesn't mean it's ok leave her off. It's not. She's your grandpa's wife.

You can mention your grandma on the back of the program if you want to give her a shout out. Something like "Our hearts are with those who can't celebrate with us today: Grandma so-and-so, anyone-from-FI's-side, etc."

**boxes**

And if you do decide to list her in the program, skip the "(new wife)" bit. There's really no need and something about it rubs me the wrong way. 

This.

My grandmother remarried after my grandfather died.  Our family did not really become close to her second husband, but at no time did we feel the need to distinguish him as a "new husband" or in any way indicate that he wasn't as full-fledged a member of our family as my grandfather had been.  And my grandfather had close, warm relationships with our other family members.

I don't think anything said the actual words New Wife.  I think she was trying to non-specific in her post.  It probably said something like Grandfather: Mr. John Albert Smith (Linda Smith)  Rather than Grandparents: Mr. and Mrs. John and Linda Smith

Jen4948

adk19 said:

Jen4948 said:

redoryx said:

southernbelle0915 said:

Hi everyone!  I need some opinions on how I should word my wedding programs.  My grandmother passed away 8 years ago.  We were very close and I am devastated that she won't be here on my wedding day.  My grandfather remarried 4 years ago and I am not close to his new wife at all.  I think my grandfather would be upset if I didn't list her, but in my heart of hearts, I have no desire to list her as a grandparent in my wedding program.  In my newspaper announcement, I listed them like this:

Mr. & Mrs. Thomas Grandfather (New Wife)

How do I put something like that in my wedding program?  My fiance and I have a flower arrangement that is dedicated to our grandparents that have passed and have a write up in the program about that. 

I guess the major question is can I just list my grandfather or do I have to list his new wife too?

I just wouldn't list grandparents at all if you really want to avoid listing her. That way, you're still PC.

But if you decide to list grandparents, I do think you need to address her correctly, as his spouse. Just because it's painful for you, doesn't mean it's ok leave her off. It's not. She's your grandpa's wife.

You can mention your grandma on the back of the program if you want to give her a shout out. Something like "Our hearts are with those who can't celebrate with us today: Grandma so-and-so, anyone-from-FI's-side, etc."

**boxes**

And if you do decide to list her in the program, skip the "(new wife)" bit. There's really no need and something about it rubs me the wrong way. 

This.

My grandmother remarried after my grandfather died.  Our family did not really become close to her second husband, but at no time did we feel the need to distinguish him as a "new husband" or in any way indicate that he wasn't as full-fledged a member of our family as my grandfather had been.  And my grandfather had close, warm relationships with our other family members.

I don't think anything said the actual words New Wife.  I think she was trying to non-specific in her post.  It probably said something like Grandfather: Mr. John Albert Smith (Linda Smith)  Rather than Grandparents: Mr. and Mrs. John and Linda Smith

Possibly.  The point is that we're advising her to use wording that indicates that she is a full-fledged member of the family without making any distinctions that suggest that she isn't, assuming that the grandparents are listed in the program.

I guess I would just say: Grandparents: Mr. and Mrs. John Smith or Grandparents: John and Linda Smith.

redoryx

Jen4948 said:

Jen4948 said:

redoryx said:

southernbelle0915 said:

Hi everyone!  I need some opinions on how I should word my wedding programs.  My grandmother passed away 8 years ago.  We were very close and I am devastated that she won't be here on my wedding day.  My grandfather remarried 4 years ago and I am not close to his new wife at all.  I think my grandfather would be upset if I didn't list her, but in my heart of hearts, I have no desire to list her as a grandparent in my wedding program.  In my newspaper announcement, I listed them like this:

Mr. & Mrs. Thomas Grandfather (New Wife)

How do I put something like that in my wedding program?  My fiance and I have a flower arrangement that is dedicated to our grandparents that have passed and have a write up in the program about that. 

I guess the major question is can I just list my grandfather or do I have to list his new wife too?

I just wouldn't list grandparents at all if you really want to avoid listing her. That way, you're still PC.

But if you decide to list grandparents, I do think you need to address her correctly, as his spouse. Just because it's painful for you, doesn't mean it's ok leave her off. It's not. She's your grandpa's wife.

You can mention your grandma on the back of the program if you want to give her a shout out. Something like "Our hearts are with those who can't celebrate with us today: Grandma so-and-so, anyone-from-FI's-side, etc."

**boxes**

And if you do decide to list her in the program, skip the "(new wife)" bit. There's really no need and something about it rubs me the wrong way. 

This.

My grandmother remarried after my grandfather died.  Our family did not really become close to her second husband, but at no time did we feel the need to distinguish him as a "new husband" or in any way indicate that he wasn't as full-fledged a member of our family as my grandfather had been.  And my grandfather had close, warm relationships with our other family members.

I don't think anything said the actual words New Wife.  I think she was trying to non-specific in her post.  It probably said something like Grandfather: Mr. John Albert Smith (Linda Smith)  Rather than Grandparents: Mr. and Mrs. John and Linda Smith

Possibly.  The point is that we're advising her to use wording that indicates that she isn't a full-fledged member of the family without making any distinctions that suggest that she isn't, assuming that the grandparents are listed in the program.

I guess I would just say: Grandparents: Mr. and Mrs. John Smith or Grandparents: John and Linda Smith.

**boxes**

Yes, this exactly. 

Jen4948

redoryx said:

Jen4948 said:

Jen4948 said:

redoryx said:

southernbelle0915 said:

Hi everyone!  I need some opinions on how I should word my wedding programs.  My grandmother passed away 8 years ago.  We were very close and I am devastated that she won't be here on my wedding day.  My grandfather remarried 4 years ago and I am not close to his new wife at all.  I think my grandfather would be upset if I didn't list her, but in my heart of hearts, I have no desire to list her as a grandparent in my wedding program.  In my newspaper announcement, I listed them like this:

Mr. & Mrs. Thomas Grandfather (New Wife)

How do I put something like that in my wedding program?  My fiance and I have a flower arrangement that is dedicated to our grandparents that have passed and have a write up in the program about that. 

I guess the major question is can I just list my grandfather or do I have to list his new wife too?

I just wouldn't list grandparents at all if you really want to avoid listing her. That way, you're still PC.

But if you decide to list grandparents, I do think you need to address her correctly, as his spouse. Just because it's painful for you, doesn't mean it's ok leave her off. It's not. She's your grandpa's wife.

You can mention your grandma on the back of the program if you want to give her a shout out. Something like "Our hearts are with those who can't celebrate with us today: Grandma so-and-so, anyone-from-FI's-side, etc."

**boxes**

And if you do decide to list her in the program, skip the "(new wife)" bit. There's really no need and something about it rubs me the wrong way. 

This.

My grandmother remarried after my grandfather died.  Our family did not really become close to her second husband, but at no time did we feel the need to distinguish him as a "new husband" or in any way indicate that he wasn't as full-fledged a member of our family as my grandfather had been.  And my grandfather had close, warm relationships with our other family members.

I don't think anything said the actual words New Wife.  I think she was trying to non-specific in her post.  It probably said something like Grandfather: Mr. John Albert Smith (Linda Smith)  Rather than Grandparents: Mr. and Mrs. John and Linda Smith

Possibly.  The point is that we're advising her to use wording that indicates that she isn't a full-fledged member of the family without making any distinctions that suggest that she isn't, assuming that the grandparents are listed in the program.

I guess I would just say: Grandparents: Mr. and Mrs. John Smith or Grandparents: John and Linda Smith.

**boxes**

Yes, this exactly. 

Corrected my own post above.  I'd been rewording it during the original typing so it got a typo by posting too soon.

aurianna

Could you do something like:

Grand Parents
John Doe ...................................................... Grandfather of the Groom
Jane Doe .................................................... Grandmother of the Groom

George Washington ....................................... Grandfather of the Bride
Martha Washington ............................ Step-Grandmother of the Bride

loveislouder

I didn't do programs at all, problem solved  

CMGragain

I have never seen grandparents listed in the program.  They do not stand in the reception line (unless they are hosting).  The program is to help guests with the wedding ceremony, and identifies the wedding party.  The parents are usually listed, and sometimes there is a memorial section.

aurianna

Oh I see grandparents listed in tons of programs since they often process in front of the parents. But as PPs have said, you don't need to list them.

SP29

OP, why are you listing grandparents in your program?

Is to announce them as they are processing in front of the parents, as aurianna has mentioned? In that case, I think you should directly address this woman as Mrs. John Smith, since she is there in person, walking down the aisle with your grandfather.

If you are listing grandparents because you want people to know your family (though usually this is not done for the reasons described by CMGragain) then I can see how you'd feel awkward as she may be your grandfather's wife, but that doesn't mean she's *your* grandmother. In which case, I would list only your grandfather's name.

Both DH's and my parents are divorced. In our programs we listed "Parents of the Bride/ Groom". Our parents were each named, on separate lines. Both my parents have significant others. Their significant others sat beside them at the ceremony, but seated themselves with the other guests. My mom was escorted in by my brothers, my dad escorted me in. DH's dad sat himself with the other guests and DH escorted his mom in. Thus- no reason to list my parent's SOs in the program, as they didn't process, nor are they my parents. 

STARMOON44

Either list her as his wife or don't list grandparents at all. Why in your heart of hearts do you want to make a big rude fuss about this woman who seemingly has done absolutely nothing wrong? Acknowledging that she exists politely does not harm to your feelings for your grandmother.