Picking Engagement Rings and Frustrated with My Pickiness

jenjen047

klk111415 - ah ok thanks for clarifying what you meant by "a step down".

klk111415

No prob! You are totally right about them being different stones! 

CMGragain

Just as a cautionary - your ring should last you a lifetime.  If you have a smaller, good quality diamond, it will last, possibly increase in value over the years, and you can hand it down to your descendants.  I doubt if anyone will be interested in the moissanite.  Nobody knows if it will remain popular.

My late mother was engaged to a man who gave her a small (1/4 carat) diamond.  They never married.  My father didn't give her an engagement ring.  She had two more engagement rings later, both of them very impressive.  One went to my sister, who will probably see that my daughter gets it eventually.  I have the others.  I made a necklace of one, and a sapphire/diamond ring with the other.  I am so glad Mom didn't go for the YAG stones or the CZ that were sold as diamond substitutes in the 1970s.
On the otherhand, a sapphire, ruby or emerald ring would have been appreciated.  There are lots of alternatives to diamonds, but I think natural stones are the best idea for a long term ring.  Amethyst is a hard stone that is not expensive.

jacques27

CMGragain said:

Just as a cautionary - your ring should last you a lifetime.  If you have a smaller, good quality diamond, it will last, possibly increase in value over the years, and you can hand it down to your descendants.  I doubt if anyone will be interested in the moissanite.  Nobody knows if it will remain popular.

My late mother was engaged to a man who gave her a small (1/4 carat) diamond.  They never married.  My father didn't give her an engagement ring.  She had two more engagement rings later, both of them very impressive.  One went to my sister, who will probably see that my daughter gets it eventually.  I have the others.  I made a necklace of one, and a sapphire/diamond ring with the other.  I am so glad Mom didn't go for the YAG stones or the CZ that were sold as diamond substitutes in the 1970s.
On the otherhand, a sapphire, ruby or emerald ring would have been appreciated.  There are lots of alternatives to diamonds, but I think natural stones are the best idea for a long term ring.  Amethyst is a hard stone that is not expensive.

Or, OP, you know, you could not care about how much a stone is worth when you're dead and buried in the ground with no need for a ring or worry about whether your currently fictional grandchildren will even like the style/stone you picked out and just pick out whatever your heart desires that will make you happy while you're alive and able to enjoy it.

jenjen047

jacques27 said:

CMGragain said:

Just as a cautionary - your ring should last you a lifetime.  If you have a smaller, good quality diamond, it will last, possibly increase in value over the years, and you can hand it down to your descendants.  I doubt if anyone will be interested in the moissanite.  Nobody knows if it will remain popular.

My late mother was engaged to a man who gave her a small (1/4 carat) diamond.  They never married.  My father didn't give her an engagement ring.  She had two more engagement rings later, both of them very impressive.  One went to my sister, who will probably see that my daughter gets it eventually.  I have the others.  I made a necklace of one, and a sapphire/diamond ring with the other.  I am so glad Mom didn't go for the YAG stones or the CZ that were sold as diamond substitutes in the 1970s.
On the otherhand, a sapphire, ruby or emerald ring would have been appreciated.  There are lots of alternatives to diamonds, but I think natural stones are the best idea for a long term ring.  Amethyst is a hard stone that is not expensive.

Or, OP, you know, you could not care about how much a stone is worth when you're dead and buried in the ground with no need for a ring or worry about whether your currently fictional grandchildren will even like the style/stone you picked out and just pick out whatever your heart desires that will make you happy while you're alive and able to enjoy it.

so much this. get what you love and can afford. whether your friend, sister, MIL, future daughter, dental hygenist, etc likes it or not doesnt mean anything.

anidorikiladra

Thanks again for all the advice! I'll post again when I go looking for rings in August.

CMGragain

Cool down, guys!  I never advised the OP to expect to spend a lot of money on her engagement ring.  I love the setting she likes, and it would be very economical to have an amethyst set into that mounting, which most jewelers could order for her.  Less than the cost of a laboratory man-made copy, and a beautiful heirloom for anyone's lifetime.
Way back when, my dream engagement ring was a simple ruby set into a tiffany style mount,  DH chose my ring, and he wanted to give me something different.

jacques27

CMGragain said:

Cool down, guys!  I never advised the OP to expect to spend a lot of money on her engagement ring.  I love the setting she likes, and it would be very economical to have an amethyst set into that mounting, which most jewelers could order for her.  Less than the cost of a laboratory man-made copy, and a beautiful heirloom for anyone's lifetime.
Way back when, my dream engagement ring was a simple ruby set into a tiffany style mount,  DH chose my ring, and he wanted to give me something different.

I never said you were telling her to spend a lot of money.  What you did write though seemed like at the very least a subtle dig to those people on this thread who picked stones like moissonite or other lab-created stones - which sounded very...snobby is the nice version of the word I'm probably thinking of.

When there are people who are having angst over what to pick, then adding the pressure of making sure they pick something that will appreciate in value that their potentially never to occur children and grandchildren will want as heirlooms is just silly.  I love my grandmother's things because she loved them and I loved her, not because sapphires appreciate in value.  Her favorite earrings were clip-ons from Swarovksi that I bought her from the store I worked at in high school and I kept them after she passed.  It's just jewelry.  It's just metal and a stone until you decide to ascribe some meaning to it and the meaning that you gave it is the part that's valuable.  Being something you love and you love wearing should be first and foremost without the added pressure of making sure your grandchildren have something to brag about on an internet chat forum 60 years later.

KeptInStitches

CMGragain said:

Cool down, guys!  I never advised the OP to expect to spend a lot of money on her engagement ring.  I love the setting she likes, and it would be very economical to have an amethyst set into that mounting, which most jewelers could order for her.  Less than the cost of a laboratory man-made copy, and a beautiful heirloom for anyone's lifetime.
Way back when, my dream engagement ring was a simple ruby set into a tiffany style mount,  DH chose my ring, and he wanted to give me something different.

When I don't care for amethyst ... and I like moissanite ... why on earth should I have told now-H I want amethyst when that would clearly not be the case?

bethsmiles

Who gives a shit what hypothetical, maybe some day children will think of your engagement ring. Maybe OP doesn't even want children. That is just the most absurd advice on picking an engagement ring I've ever heard. Pick what you want because you love it. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of it now or later.

speakeasy14

 

GoldenPenguin

She's also told people that morganite is a terrible choice for an engagement ring too, so I'd take her "advice" with a grain of salt, OP.

eilis1228

I love my moissanite ring, and I wear it proudly. We actually had a diamond ring from my mom that we could have used, and we opted for moissanite instead for a variety of reasons. OP, opt for whatever stone you want. There is no wrong answer. If you want a diamond, get a diamond. If you want a sapphire, get a sapphire. If you want a pearl, get a pearl. It's your ring--get whatever stone you want.

Historically, engagement rings were not limited to diamonds. DeBeers came up with a brilliant marketing campaign in the 1930s that changed how society viewed engagement rings. LINK

To the PP hating on moissanite and morganite:

labro

@eilis1228 You are my favorite!

@CMGragrain Really??? What real person actually cares if their heirloom jewelry contains "real" stones at all? If it was precious to my grandmother then it sure as hell is probably going to be precious to me....whether is a diamond chip or a 2 carat morganite. Your "advice" is really WAY off base here.

speakeasy14

@eilis1228

jenjen047

@eilis1228 - genius picture

GoldenPenguin

@eilis1228 - Please tell all these newbs the background of your picture.

Yes, I demand credit.

eilis1228

@GoldenPenguin I forget that not everyone was around for your EPIC picture. My picture is definitely an homage to you and your fabulous ring.

GoldenPenguin

Hahaha just for accuracy: 

teddygirl9

People choose simulants and non-diamond e-rings all the time, for many reasons. In the end, it's just a ring.

 

BUT there are many options. Mossianite is closer to a 9.25 in hardness, and will have a tint that is different from a diamond.

CZ can be made totally colourless (a D equivalent), but will dispurse light different. These are both softer than a diamond - the major reason this matters, is because they will get scratched up and not maintain a polish. It is simple enough to unset them every little bit and have them re-polished to keep them looking good. ALSO - keep in mind that any gem gets dirty quite easily. Literally just washing your ring with soap and water can have it looking better than a natural diamond that hasn't been cleaned.

There is also lab-grown diamonds - this is different than moss/morg. A lab grown diamond is the exact same material and structure of a natural diamond, and it is created as nature would. I've included a link to a thread below that outlines this. http://www.pricescope.com/forum/laboratory-grown-diamonds-man-made-diamonds-mmd/questions-for-mr-zarakhani-of-d-neadiamonds-com-lab-created-diamonds-t87518.html

IF you go with a lab-grown diamond, you do need to be careful that you are using a reputable company. There are many companies who will sell you a simulant and call it lab-grown diamond. These are 2 different things.

 

And a ring doesn't have to last a lifetime. Preferences change, styles come and go. It's very common to change out your engagement ring. (or any jewellery for that matter) 

Anyways. I love all things diamond, gem, and related. But I think its important for people to be aware of what they are buying. If someone wants to buy a diamond, that is great. If they want a sapphire, awesome. Or a honking mossy for the same price, go for it.

GoldenPenguin

teddygirl9 said:

People choose simulants and non-diamond e-rings all the time, for many reasons. In the end, it's just a ring.

 

BUT there are many options. Mossianite is closer to a 9.25 in hardness, and will have a tint that is different from a diamond.

CZ can be made totally colourless (a D equivalent), but will dispurse light different. These are both softer than a diamond - the major reason this matters, is because they will get scratched up and not maintain a polish. It is simple enough to unset them every little bit and have them re-polished to keep them looking good. ALSO - keep in mind that any gem gets dirty quite easily. Literally just washing your ring with soap and water can have it looking better than a natural diamond that hasn't been cleaned.

There is also lab-grown diamonds - this is different than moss/morg. A lab grown diamond is the exact same material and structure of a natural diamond, and it is created as nature would. I've included a link to a thread below that outlines this. http://www.pricescope.com/forum/laboratory-grown-diamonds-man-made-diamonds-mmd/questions-for-mr-zarakhani-of-d-neadiamonds-com-lab-created-diamonds-t87518.html

IF you go with a lab-grown diamond, you do need to be careful that you are using a reputable company. There are many companies who will sell you a simulant and call it lab-grown diamond. These are 2 different things.

 

And a ring doesn't have to last a lifetime. Preferences change, styles come and go. It's very common to change out your engagement ring. (or any jewellery for that matter) 

Anyways. I love all things diamond, gem, and related. But I think its important for people to be aware of what they are buying. If someone wants to buy a diamond, that is great. If they want a sapphire, awesome. Or a honking mossy for the same price, go for it.

Just for the record, a morganite isn't anything at all related to a diamond, natural or lab-grown. It's in the beryl family, like emeralds and aquamarines.

AlPacina

GoldenPenguin said:

teddygirl9 said:

People choose simulants and non-diamond e-rings all the time, for many reasons. In the end, it's just a ring.

 

BUT there are many options. Mossianite is closer to a 9.25 in hardness, and will have a tint that is different from a diamond.

CZ can be made totally colourless (a D equivalent), but will dispurse light different. These are both softer than a diamond - the major reason this matters, is because they will get scratched up and not maintain a polish. It is simple enough to unset them every little bit and have them re-polished to keep them looking good. ALSO - keep in mind that any gem gets dirty quite easily. Literally just washing your ring with soap and water can have it looking better than a natural diamond that hasn't been cleaned.

There is also lab-grown diamonds - this is different than moss/morg. A lab grown diamond is the exact same material and structure of a natural diamond, and it is created as nature would. I've included a link to a thread below that outlines this. http://www.pricescope.com/forum/laboratory-grown-diamonds-man-made-diamonds-mmd/questions-for-mr-zarakhani-of-d-neadiamonds-com-lab-created-diamonds-t87518.html

IF you go with a lab-grown diamond, you do need to be careful that you are using a reputable company. There are many companies who will sell you a simulant and call it lab-grown diamond. These are 2 different things.

 

And a ring doesn't have to last a lifetime. Preferences change, styles come and go. It's very common to change out your engagement ring. (or any jewellery for that matter) 

Anyways. I love all things diamond, gem, and related. But I think its important for people to be aware of what they are buying. If someone wants to buy a diamond, that is great. If they want a sapphire, awesome. Or a honking mossy for the same price, go for it.

Just for the record, a morganite isn't anything at all related to a diamond, natural or lab-grown. It's in the beryl family, like emeralds and aquamarines.

I actually didn't know that! Everyone always talks about them like they're man-made.

AlPacina

Holy crap, that picture is way bigger than I wanted.......

teddygirl9

GoldenPenguin said:

teddygirl9 said:

People choose simulants and non-diamond e-rings all the time, for many reasons. In the end, it's just a ring.

 

BUT there are many options. Mossianite is closer to a 9.25 in hardness, and will have a tint that is different from a diamond.

CZ can be made totally colourless (a D equivalent), but will dispurse light different. These are both softer than a diamond - the major reason this matters, is because they will get scratched up and not maintain a polish. It is simple enough to unset them every little bit and have them re-polished to keep them looking good. ALSO - keep in mind that any gem gets dirty quite easily. Literally just washing your ring with soap and water can have it looking better than a natural diamond that hasn't been cleaned.

There is also lab-grown diamonds - this is different than moss/morg. A lab grown diamond is the exact same material and structure of a natural diamond, and it is created as nature would. I've included a link to a thread below that outlines this. http://www.pricescope.com/forum/laboratory-grown-diamonds-man-made-diamonds-mmd/questions-for-mr-zarakhani-of-d-neadiamonds-com-lab-created-diamonds-t87518.html

IF you go with a lab-grown diamond, you do need to be careful that you are using a reputable company. There are many companies who will sell you a simulant and call it lab-grown diamond. These are 2 different things.

 

And a ring doesn't have to last a lifetime. Preferences change, styles come and go. It's very common to change out your engagement ring. (or any jewellery for that matter) 

Anyways. I love all things diamond, gem, and related. But I think its important for people to be aware of what they are buying. If someone wants to buy a diamond, that is great. If they want a sapphire, awesome. Or a honking mossy for the same price, go for it.

Just for the record, a morganite isn't anything at all related to a diamond, natural or lab-grown. It's in the beryl family, like emeralds and aquamarines.

Sorry if that was unclear. I am aware, however lab grown or synthetic morganite can be sold to unsuspecting buyers as a rare pink diamond. 

kimmiinthemitten

I wouldn't stress over what other people, especially the jeweler says, about having a sapphire ring.  It's your ring, your hand and if you're going to wear it for a lifetime, you better love it.

I'm not a ring person, at all.  Until about 3 weeks ago, I never wore a ring, so I knew I wanted one ring to serve as both engagement and wedding, and I really liked the way pave bands looked.  A lot of people tried to convince me otherwise, but now that I have my non-traditional ring, even the naysayers agree this is more my style.

Also, totally go to a locally owned store, especially when the owner is likely to be working (Mondays are a good day).  The price tag on the sticker is always negotiable and you'll get a better deal when you shop small and take your negotiation to the top!

Good luck, and enjoy shopping!  Remember, you're looking for jewelry not an oral surgeon!

klk111415

Just to be clear,  I was offered my grandmother's ring.  It was in a platinum setting, had a rare miners cut diamond, and today is worth over 10k.  But I turned it down because I felt it looked a little dated.  And now I have a 1 carat moissanite solitare that I can't take my eyes off of.  It's beautiful and a fraction of the cost.  The money saved has gone towards a down payment on our first home together.  And if I didn't want my grandmother's ring, why should I expect my child, or grand child to want something that I like.  

If you got married years ago, the diamond industry made you believe that a diamond stands for way more than they actually do.  Men were told "3 months salary" was necessary to spend on an engagement ring.  It's a crock of bull.  The price of the ring and the size of the stone won't change the marriage- it won't make you stay together longer.  The 

There are a lot more diamond alternatives out on the market, and it's always worth exploring your options.  And of course, there is also this:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/03/expensive-weddings-study_n_5929056.html

Don't put down moissanite or any diamond alternatives, especially if you've never owned moissanite jewelry.  And thank you to all the AMAZING photos of your moissanite rings, ladies! I thoroughly enjoyed them!

Swazzle

I haven't been on TK since Friday so I missed all of the fun posts in this thread. 

I'm a firm believer that you're going to wear this ring for the rest of your life and the only thing that matters is that you love it. Not how much/little it cost or what kind of stone it has or what type of metal it's made of. 

I think certain responses in this thread ( @CMGragain mainly, though I'm really not even surprised) are uncalled for. 

In the same token, those of us who did want a diamond don't need to be shamed for it. I wanted a diamond and the rings I liked fit into my H's budget just fine. It has absolutely no affect on any other person, just like your (general) engagement ring has no affect on me. 

Linking to stupid fucking articles, @klk111415, stating that I'll probably get divorced because of how much my H spent on my engagement ring or what our wedding cost is shitty and unfair. 

klk111415

@swazzle  Sorry about that... my link was more to say that the size and cost of the ring doesn't change anything- not that if you spend a lot of money on a ring, you will get divorced... because obviously that's not true. If you have the money to spend, and you want a specific ring and that is what will make you happy- then you should do that.  But you shouldn't let a marketing scheme from the diamond industry dictate what should and shouldn't make you happy.  And if your ring costs $100 or it costs 10k, it shouldn't matter to anyone else- it should only matter to you.  

The only thing that should matter to you is that you're happy.  I don't care if you have an expensive ring, or had an expensive wedding- if it's what makes you happy, that's all that matters at the end of the day.  

No attack specifically on you.

CMGragain

I never intended to "put down" anyone's choice of an engagement ring.  I worked for one of the largest jewelry companies in the USA for a couple of years before I married.  My advice is not just subjective.  I think most jewelers would agree with it.
However, sentimental value cannot be quantified.  My mother's rings had absolutely no sentimental value.  It did not bother me to have them reset into other jewelry.  I do not look on them sentimentally.  I envy those of your who have pieces, costume or otherwise, that have sentimental value.  There is nothing like that in my family.
We are not talking about sentiment here, though.  We are talking about the complete practicality of choosing a ring you will hopefully wear for a lifetime.  The simple fact is that natural stones will hold their value over treated stones or lab created stones.  Moissanite is very new, and nobody knows how it will hold it's value.  As for morganite, I don't recommend it for vey practical reasons - it is fragile.  I don't recommend opals, turquoise, or pearls, either, for the same reason, though I love them for their beauty.  Same with morganite or emeralds.  I seldom wear my emerald ring because it has several noticeable chips in the emerald stone from wear over the years.
No one can place a value on the sentiment that you will have for your ring.  That would be silly.  To say that one ring has more sentimental value than another because it is bigger, more valuable, or more unusual is silly, too.  I would never say this.

GoldenPenguin

CMGragain said:

I never intended to "put down" anyone's choice of an engagement ring.  I worked for one of the largest jewelry companies in the USA for a couple of years before I married.  My advice is not just subjective.  I think most jewelers would agree with it.
However, sentimental value cannot be quantified.  My mother's rings had absolutely no sentimental value.  It did not bother me to have them reset into other jewelry.  I do not look on them sentimentally.  I envy those of your who have pieces, costume or otherwise, that have sentimental value.  There is nothing like that in my family.
We are not talking about sentiment here, though.  We are talking about the complete practicality of choosing a ring you will hopefully wear for a lifetime.  The simple fact is that natural stones will hold their value over treated stones or lab created stones.  Moissanite is very new, and nobody knows how it will hold it's value.  As for morganite, I don't recommend it for vey practical reasons - it is fragile.  I don't recommend opals, turquoise, or pearls, either, for the same reason, though I love them for their beauty.  Same with morganite or emeralds.  I seldom wear my emerald ring because it has several noticeable chips in the emerald stone from wear over the years.
No one can place a value on the sentiment that you will have for your ring.  That would be silly.  To say that one ring has more sentimental value than another because it is bigger, more valuable, or more unusual is silly, too.  I would never say this.

You are contradicting yourself here. 

First you say: The simple fact is that natural stones will hold their value over treated stones or lab created stones.

Then you say: Moissanite is very new, and nobody knows how it will hold it's value.

NOBODY KNOWS. Which means you, despite knowing everything about everything, DON'T KNOW. 

Morganite is NOT as fragile as opals, turquoise, or pearls. It's not as hard as a diamond, no, but it's not "fragile." It is a completely acceptable everyday stone. 

Your advice is 100% subjective. You're not a jeweler. I don't care which one of the 438902174839 jobs you've claimed to have had that you're talking about, you don't know everything. You give unsolicited, ridiculous, over-opinionated advice at every turn, and you offend just about everyone. At what point are you going to realize that it's not everyone else who has the issue, it's just you?