No Gift from Best Friend

Sn0wwball

A few years ago, my now-husband gave his close friend $700 for his wedding, on top of the expense of traveling to attend the event. We were both students at the time so this was a *huge* expense, but we were happy to do it.

This past weekend when we got married that same friend and his wife came to our wedding and didn't bring so much as a card.

I understand that these are tough economic times, but these people are very well off: they own a $700,000 condo, drive nice cars and have great jobs.

We don't know if the card got lost or if they snubbed us. I don't really care whether we get a gift, but my husband is devestated that his life long friend could behave in such a way.

How should we address this?

BURGH2NYC

I didn't get a gift from one of my oldest and closest friends.  I really don't mind that, but it would have been nice to have a note or a card from her in honor of the day.  She was a bridesmaid, I know she's there for me through thick and thin.  Wish she had put some of her thoughts down on paper, after all we have been through over the years.

Her husband's been out of work for months so a gift is really unnecessary, especially now.

HaylaC

Our best man didnt give us a gift.  We dont care.  He and his wife came to our wedding and helped, along with our other family and friends to make it the best day of our lives.  We wouldnt dream of turning around and asking where his gift was because their friendship means a hell of a lot more to us than any material goods.  I would think twice before saying anything before you ruin your friendship.

haleyrealtor

I agree that you shouldn't address it but think if everyone who hasn't already been in this boat could put yourself in her shoes, you might think/feel the same way. I also agree that maybe the perception is that they make a lot of money but maybe they're having trouble paying bills...or better yet, your card/gift is coming. 

Either way, I don't think these people should make you feel bad for posting a simple question. That's what these forums are for. Geesh!

VirgoBella

The true gift was their presence on your wedding day. Gifts are generous but not required by guests nor your wedding party.

VirgoBella

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-recap-withdrawal_gift-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:12Discussion:9f86d39f-37c3-4f8a-8573-e71a30af144cPost:fc864b81-35ac-4359-b13b-8abf1d1a79a1">Re: No Gift from Best Friend</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree that you shouldn't address it but think if everyone who hasn't already been in this boat could put yourself in her shoes, you might think/feel the same way. I also agree that maybe the perception is that they make a lot of money but maybe they're having trouble paying bills...or better yet, your card/gift is coming.  Either way, I don't think these people should make you feel bad for posting a simple question. That's what these forums are for. Geesh!
Posted by haleyrealtor[/QUOTE]

Agreed! There are so many harsh responses on these forums!

kmacisaac

I will admit that if someone close to me didn't give a gift or at least a card*... I would at the very least be curious and probably even upset. BUT... I would totally keep it to myself!

TiffannieF

1-while it sucks that they did not give you a gift or even a card do not mention it. 2-my MOH didn't get me a gift at neither of the 2 showers, threw me a b-party where she made me pay for my food, pay for my margarita that SHE ordered and I did not drink because I was driving and did not give me a gift there either (oh asked me to send a FB invite out for the party), and she didn't bring a gift to the wedding either. I will admit I was a bit annoyed but I've brushed it off and just smiled. She's my BFF because she's there for me not because of gifts. 3-we got married in November & last night I received a wedding gift. Give it time. Send a TY card to them thanking them for coming this might trigger an alarm and they might say "Oh shoot! We forgot the gift.!". 4-responses on here may sound harsh but it's because you cannot see our body language nor hear our tone of voice. You want a honest response and you got them. Some might have been short thus you think are rude. We are all strangers in here....it's not that big of a deal. We are not judging you, don't take it personal, we are giving you advice.

kmschwartzkopf

Shortly after I graduated college, I was the MOH for a high school BF. I obviously had to pay for all the normal bridesmaid stuff. I did get her a normal shower gift as well as helped put the shower on. I  planned and mostly paid for the bachelorette party. The day of the wedding, I bought all the champagne for the bridal party (10 girls) to get ready with, the champagne flutes to drink out of, and (at the brides request) made the baskets for the bathroom (like $60). I was pretty poor with student  loan debt so I did not have a lot of money. I did not give a gift or money but my boyfriend/date did give his own card with cash, I just couldnt afford it and honestly I thought she would have realized the effort and all other expenses. Now it's my wedding, she is a BM and she came to the shower, told me she forgot my card which I never recieved (shower was 4 months before wedding bc of holidays) and she ditched my bachelorette party last minute. I don't think it should really be tit-for-tat but its unrealistic to say that you don't think about what the other has done for you when the situation is reversed. I regret not giving her a card that explained a little about why I wasn't giving the gift of money because I am not sure if she realized it. I don't think that she necessarily is doing these things because of that.

In the end, I agree that a gift is not "required" but I would feel embarrased if I went to a wedding and didn't give anything unless its a situation like the one I had after college or if the person/ couple is having a hard time financially. I got shower gifts of like $10-$20 which is pretty minor but I definitely appreciated anything I got.