Just Engaged and Proposals

Friend just got engaged. Thunder stolen; now what?

Okay, I got engaged in May and I'm getting married in November.  My friend (a VERY good friend) just got engaged last night, and I'm FURIOUS.  She's getting married next April but wants to have her engagement party the same night I'm having my bachelorette party.  I'm so angry at her!  

My question: How do I deal with this?  Now my friends want to take us out together to celebrate...I want my own time.  

Re: Friend just got engaged. Thunder stolen; now what?

  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited June 2015
    Okay, I got engaged in May and I'm getting married in November.  My friend (a VERY good friend) just got engaged last night, and I'm FURIOUS.  She's getting married next April but wants to have her engagement party the same night I'm having my bachelorette party.  I'm so angry at her!  

    My question: How do I deal with this?  Now my friends want to take us out together to celebrate...I want my own time.  
    MUD?  If the other bride is really a close friend of yours, then why can't you talk to her about scheduling your parties so that they don't conflict?
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
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    You're being ridiculous. I hope this is MUD because if you are serious, you need a reality check.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    adk19Knottie1444177154
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    I am hoping that this is MUD, because if it isn't, hello bridezilla!

  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
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    sparklepants41Heffalump[Deleted User]
  • ohmrs2014ohmrs2014 Dirty Jerz
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    If this isn't MUD, then I agree with @CMGragain.  If you guys are really good friends, talk to her.


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  • Wow, a few of the posters are being pretty pretentious and assumptive.So ignore them.

    I think it's fine to react out of jealousy, that's natural. The problem is, it's not worth damaging your relationship with this friend by being confrontational, angry, and bitter.

    One the day I got engaged, on Feb 14. My fiance's cousin got engaged...and his brother also got engaged. Was I jealous? Of course I was. Everyone was happy for us, but we were forgotten about the next day. But did I get over myself? Of course. Because I realized that we are still getting married, I have my best friend for the rest of my life. I was happy for them, and excited for us! We all picked different dates, so it didn't even matter. I am excited to share in with the future wedding showers and parties :)

    Now, with this situation, you need a couple days to cool down. You can be angry, you can be bitter, you can feel whatever you want to feel as long as you're not taking it out on people and hurting people. But once you muster up all those feelings, LET IT GO. She is your friend, and I know you care about her! Give yourself time, and you won't be so angry about this whole thing. If not, you need to do a little soul searching. How important is your friend to you? How much do you value her feelings? When you know you can talk to her graciously and kindly, see if you guys can find a compromise. You might have to change your own date if she can't, but do it with a gracious heart. This transition in her life is just as important as yours, and let her know it. 
    Knottie1449515727[Deleted User]
  • My sister got engaged last November. I got engaged in April. She isn't married yet and she's very happy for me. I've had friends get engaged and married already since I got engaged. Guess what? I don't care. It's great for them, doesn't change my life one iota.

    Knottie91379610 said about being forgotten (not to mention the whole "I got engaged on V-Day but magically thought the world should revolve around it being MY special day"-- glad you got over that, by the way, good to hear)... you don't get engaged to get attention. You get engaged to announce an intention to marry the person you love. If you're upset about thunder being stolen, you should probably sit down and explore why you feel jilted, why it matters to you that other people are happy. If, seriously, the attention you get from being engaged and getting married is a motivation to get married so much that it depresses you when that attention is no longer yours, you may want to reevaluate getting married.

    I'm not trying to be mean, by the way. I'm serious. If you're upset that someone else is getting married and possibly "stealing your thunder," you may want to reevaluate. You're getting married. You are pledging to spend your life with another human being. That's a pretty big decision. Think it over. Figure out why this bothers you. Address it, move on. Good luck.





    kimmiinthemittenthisismynickname2speakeasy14
  • My fiance's first cousin (and his best man) booked his wedding 3 weeks before ours when we had ours booked for a year.  Half of our wedding guests will be the same.  This stuff happens & sucks... Just remember this time will be special to you & your family.  It could definitely be worse.  Congrats!
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
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    My sister got engaged last November. I got engaged in April. She isn't married yet and she's very happy for me. I've had friends get engaged and married already since I got engaged. Guess what? I don't care. It's great for them, doesn't change my life one iota.

    Knottie91379610 said about being forgotten (not to mention the whole "I got engaged on V-Day but magically thought the world should revolve around it being MY special day"-- glad you got over that, by the way, good to hear)... you don't get engaged to get attention. You get engaged to announce an intention to marry the person you love. If you're upset about thunder being stolen, you should probably sit down and explore why you feel jilted, why it matters to you that other people are happy. If, seriously, the attention you get from being engaged and getting married is a motivation to get married so much that it depresses you when that attention is no longer yours, you may want to reevaluate getting married.

    I'm not trying to be mean, by the way. I'm serious. If you're upset that someone else is getting married and possibly "stealing your thunder," you may want to reevaluate. You're getting married. You are pledging to spend your life with another human being. That's a pretty big decision. Think it over. Figure out why this bothers you. Address it, move on. Good luck.
    I think this ^^ is very nicely said. I can't be as nice here. I have no idea why someone would feel "forgotten about" because other people got engaged around the same time. What breeds this? Seriously? Is it, "When my friends got engaged, everyone was always talking about them and their wedding and I want to be the focus for once..."  Frankly, I think it's pathetic. Just enjoy the fact that you found someone special to spend your life with. 
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    speakeasy14
  • I didn't read a lot of the replies on this because they all seemed to be very negative. I think you have every right to feel the way you do. It's a hard time. It's your special time, & you want the spotlight to be on you. Everyone else gets their spotlight, & you want your time to be about you. I think that's fair. Obviously you can't blame your friend for getting engaged. I know my best friend had gotten engaged right around the same time my fiance & I were looking at rings, so I was worried she'd be upset that I would steal her thunder, however she wasn't even planning her wedding for a few years down the road (they were having a baby first). 

    You can enjoy your time, & don't let her engagement bother you. Just think, you can enjoy planning your wedding & talking about wedding stuff without someone being so dull & bored, because they'll be listening for advice, or just having someone to talk about wedding stuff with is exciting. If she is going to be stuck up & not be willing to work towards a common date, knowing you were engaged first & are getting married first, & not willing to change her dates around, that's on her. That shouldn't be your problem. 
  • My fiance's first cousin (and his best man) booked his wedding 3 weeks before ours when we had ours booked for a year.  Half of our wedding guests will be the same.  This stuff happens & sucks... Just remember this time will be special to you & your family.  It could definitely be worse.  Congrats!
    ^This. 

    We got engaged December 2013 and we got married June 13 2015.
    My cousin proposed May 2014 and they got married May 2015. 
    My cousin's wife's shower was the week before mine and we had a blast at both showers.
    Since they got married a month before us some of my cousins from out of state were not able to travel for our wedding.

    No one was upset, no one was jealous and everybody had a good time celebrating love and marriage. 

    Try to figure out why you are feeling this way OP because it is no big deal, be happy for your friend, and try to let her know you are having you bach that day to see if maybe she can reschedule her E-party. Be an adult


  • Sorry, but what is MUD?
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
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    @lildropofsunshine - MUD = made up drama

  • @lildropofsunshine - MUD = made up drama
    Thanks!
  • Jax43615Jax43615
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    edited July 2015

    I think the OP is asking about what to do about the engagement party and bachelorette party being planned for the same day...it sounds to me that that is what she is furious about; not that her friend is also engaged. Hardly anyone addressed her actual question. Everyone just put her down immediately.


    carrieb12377Knottie1442677185
  • Jax43615 said:

    I think the OP is asking about what to do about the engagement party and bachelorette party being planned for the same day...it sounds to me that that is what she is furious about; not that her friend is also engaged. Hardly anyone addressed her actual question. Everyone just put her down immediately.


    First of all, this is a really old thread. Second of all, OP says "my friend got engaged last night and I'm FURIOUS". Who says that? Who feels that way? Someone with a really terrible attitude. Or, someone who's trying to stir up drama (MUD) or a troll.

    There is a lot of really good advice in this forum if you take the time to listen. I personally would have a hard time giving advice to a person who opened with something as obnoxious as OP did.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
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    Jax43615 said:

    I think the OP is asking about what to do about the engagement party and bachelorette party being planned for the same day...it sounds to me that that is what she is furious about; not that her friend is also engaged. Hardly anyone addressed her actual question. Everyone just put her down immediately.


    Evidence to the contrary: OP's use of the phrase "Thunder stolen."



    Blue_Bird
  • I think it's ok to feel a little jealous, but there's a way to handle the situation of the parties with maturity. She's your friend, whoever had their party planned first keeps that date and the other should reschedule. That would be the polite thing to do, especially if said friend was supposed to be present at said bachelorette party...
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
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    This thread is 6 months old, and the OP hasn't been logged in since October.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    MissKittyDanger
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