Best Friend/MOH and SIL both getting married

kolache3

I am the Matron of Honor in my best friend's wedding (she was my Maid of Honor) and she is getting married in the summer of 2016 but has not set a date. My SIL just got engaged and both her and her fiance are teachers, so it seems likely they will be getting married around the same time. I am worried that they may end up getting married on the same day or that other wedding conflicts may arise. I think my SIL would be really upset if I did not go to her wedding so I want to try to prevent this from happening as much as possible. Is there any polite and reasonable way to bring up this concern with either of them or do I just need to wait it out and potentially miss SIL's wedding? I don't want it to seem like they have to plan it around me but I know she would be really mad if I couldn't go.

[Deleted User]

kolache3 said:

I am the Matron of Honor in my best friend's wedding (she was my Maid of Honor) and she is getting married in the summer of 2016 but has not set a date. My SIL just got engaged and both her and her fiance are teachers, so it seems likely they will be getting married around the same time. I am worried that they may end up getting married on the same day or that other wedding conflicts may arise. I think my SIL would be really upset if I did not go to her wedding so I want to try to prevent this from happening as much as possible. Is there any polite and reasonable way to bring up this concern with either of them or do I just need to wait it out and potentially miss SIL's wedding? I don't want it to seem like they have to plan it around me but I know she would be really mad if I couldn't go.

As soon as one of them sets a date, mention it to the other one.  "Hey BFF, my SIL just set her wedding date for Blah.  I'm so excited to be able to attend both your weddings next summer.  I don't know what date you were for sure looking at but I really hope it's not Blah as I really don't want to have to choose one wedding over the other."

kaos16

kolache3 said:

I am the Matron of Honor in my best friend's wedding (she was my Maid of Honor) and she is getting married in the summer of 2016 but has not set a date. My SIL just got engaged and both her and her fiance are teachers, so it seems likely they will be getting married around the same time. I am worried that they may end up getting married on the same day or that other wedding conflicts may arise. I think my SIL would be really upset if I did not go to her wedding so I want to try to prevent this from happening as much as possible. Is there any polite and reasonable way to bring up this concern with either of them or do I just need to wait it out and potentially miss SIL's wedding? I don't want it to seem like they have to plan it around me but I know she would be really mad if I couldn't go.

If neither has set a date yet, I feel like there isn't much you can do.  Maybe ask each separately if they can give you a heads up when they have a date because you have 2 weddings to clear your schedule for.

southernbelle0915

I would be straight up with your BFF. "Hey BFF, stoked for your wedding, but I also said yes to being in my SIL's wedding. Neither of y'all have set a date, but I was hoping you could just let me know if you have anything in mind. I want to make sure I can be in both weddings."

kolache3

it's actually the reverse....i am the MOH in my MOH's wedding. I have not been asked to be in SIL's wedding yet though I am not expecting to be. I already know that if I had to choose I'd pick MOH's wedding because I've been committed to being her MOH for 6 months.

Maggie0829

kolache3 said:

it's actually the reverse....i am the MOH in my MOH's wedding. I have not been asked to be in SIL's wedding yet though I am not expecting to be. I already know that if I had to choose I'd pick MOH's wedding because I've been committed to being her MOH for 6 months.

Holy hell did she ask you early.

But if they fall on the same date then oh well.  You just have to tell your SIL that unfortunately you have committed to being MOH in your friends wedding on the same date.  Crap happens.  If she gets upset then she will just need to get over it.

huskypuppy14

Maggie0829 said:

kolache3 said:

it's actually the reverse....i am the MOH in my MOH's wedding. I have not been asked to be in SIL's wedding yet though I am not expecting to be. I already know that if I had to choose I'd pick MOH's wedding because I've been committed to being her MOH for 6 months.

Holy hell did she ask you early.

But if they fall on the same date then oh well.  You just have to tell your SIL that unfortunately you have committed to being MOH in your friends wedding on the same date.  Crap happens.  If she gets upset then she will just need to get over it.

It's her best friend though. And it's only a year away. I honestly don't think it's that early. Yes it makes sense to do it closer to the wedding, but I know many people that have asked that early or earlier. I got married in June and asked my attendants the July/Early August before . My sister asked me right when she got engaged, and she didn't get married for almost 2 years.

When I was looking at venues, before picking a date, my sister texted me to let me know her friend who she was also a bridesmaid for picked June 22 for her wedding. We were actually thinking about June 21, but we scratched that date off our list because the weddings were 5 hours apart, and it wouldn't have been fair for my sister to have to go from one wedding to another.

That same sister is getting married in July, they were thinking of July 11, my other sister's husband is in a wedding that same day. Now they were still thinking of taking that day, but they chose the next week. 

Just tell whoever books their wedding second what the conflicting date is. 

Maggie0829

huskypuppy14 said:

Maggie0829 said:

kolache3 said:

it's actually the reverse....i am the MOH in my MOH's wedding. I have not been asked to be in SIL's wedding yet though I am not expecting to be. I already know that if I had to choose I'd pick MOH's wedding because I've been committed to being her MOH for 6 months.

Holy hell did she ask you early.

But if they fall on the same date then oh well.  You just have to tell your SIL that unfortunately you have committed to being MOH in your friends wedding on the same date.  Crap happens.  If she gets upset then she will just need to get over it.

It's her best friend though. And it's only a year away. I honestly don't think it's that early. Yes it makes sense to do it closer to the wedding, but I know many people that have asked that early or earlier. I got married in June and asked my attendants the July/Early August before . My sister asked me right when she got engaged, and she didn't get married for almost 2 years.

When I was looking at venues, before picking a date, my sister texted me to let me know her friend who she was also a bridesmaid for picked June 22 for her wedding. We were actually thinking about June 21, but we scratched that date off our list because the weddings were 5 hours apart, and it wouldn't have been fair for my sister to have to go from one wedding to another.

That same sister is getting married in July, they were thinking of July 11, my other sister's husband is in a wedding that same day. Now they were still thinking of taking that day, but they chose the next week. 

Just tell whoever books their wedding second what the conflicting date is. 

But her friend has not set a date.  To me when the couple doesn't have an actual date then asking anyone to be in your wedding is asking too damn early.  Anything could happen where the wedding could be pushed back another year or more.  Or it could even be earlier, but seriously don't ask people to be in a wedding when you don't have a date.  You are asking them to commit to something and they don't even know when in the year they are committing to.

Also OP said that she has been committed to being MOH for her friends wedding for 6 months.  SO that means that she was asked a full year and a half before her friends wedding that may or may not take place in the summer of 2016 since no actual date has been set.

groomguy87

If the dates do conflict I would just tell your SIL that unfortunately you've already committed to being a MOH for another wedding.  If she really wants to get pissy over that then it is her problem.

As for asking too early, I dont think thats really an issue.  I asked my best man the night I got engaged before we had even set a date and my wife asked her MOH not long after.  

JerseyBeachGal22

FI and I waited until we set a date to ask anyone to be in the wedding party, although I mentioned potential dates to those who I knew I would be asking and that's when we had to nix one of our dates due to one of my (now)BMs having another wedding that weekend. 

When your BFF sets her date, I would ask SIL what dates she is considering and then mention your BFF's date. If your SIL really wants you to be an active part of her wedding in any way, then she will take your conflict into consideration.

Also, hope your BFF sets a date ASAP, because it's possible your SIL might beat her to the punch. I got engaged 10 months after FI's cousin and set our date before she did..  I personally feel there are red flags when a couple waits 6+ months to set a date, so don't bank on your BFF setting it for summer 2016. 

Edited for clarity