Are December Weddings Rude?

kimmiinthemitten

@caitlinmarie13 me too!  I've never been one to dream about my wedding day and am kind of still freaking out over all of this but the one thing I've always wanted is a winter wedding:).

Thanks for all of your honest feedback!  It's been helpful.  FI and I read it all together and decided to make some phone calls.  Everyone has been overwhelmingly supportive and says we should keep our date, most of our guests are from in-state and aren't afraid of driving in the winter, and any OOTers who don't make it, are likely the ones who wouldn't have regardless of date.

Two members of our party are OOTers who usually miss Christmas at home so this gives them a chance to spend it here and see family they typically miss on their trips home and three are parents who say they they have enough notice to make sure they are financially okay.

Or as my Aunt says, anyone who tells you not to have your wedding when it's convenient for you can "eff off."  Haha, gotta love family.

However, we are going to look into insurance, just in case:).

huskypuppy14

kimmiandkoley you realize teachers are not the only profession where it's hard to schedule vacations, right? My husband works 3-midnight Wednesday through Sunday (yes he works every weekend), while I work regular business hours. In order to get a weekend off, he usually just takes a whole week, because it's easier that way.

I have never spent Thanksgiving with him, and we've been together for over 4 years. He works Thursday so never gets it off. For Christmas he usually only gets a day or two at most. He asks for it off, but he rarely gets it. 

Teachers are also not the only profession to work on their days off, nights off. 

If you want a wedding in December, have it. It's fine and not against etiquette, but like PP have said, you can't be upset if people decline. 

thisismynickname2

It sounds like you're avoiding a summer wedding due to higher costs?

Perfectly reasonable. You're just gambling with the weather. My mom was married on New Year's Day in a region that almost never sees more than an inch or two of snow, and there was an epic blizzard and she had to be rescued from her home to make it to the Church. She was an hour late. 

My friend's sister just got married in January in the Midwest and it was 50 degrees. 

You just never know. You can delay your honeymoon to summer to avoid gambling with weather-delayed flights. As others have said, if your VIPs are ok with the date, have at it. 

kimmiinthemitten

@thisismynickname:  Actually I'm trying to avoid a summer wedding because I hate sweating!  LOL  

PrettyGirlLost

kimmiandkoley said:

I know that in life, weddings and babies bring on all sorts of unwanted and unneeded advice and opinions.

My fiance is a teacher, and for those of you who aren't teachers or in a relationship with one, it is hard.  He works 10-13 hour days 9 months a year, our weekends are shared between games, grading, and dates.  A lot of people work 10-13 hours a day 12 months a year and have to share weekends with family and social obligations.  If we want to vacation, we can only do it when he already has time off because he's basically not allowed days off.  What about June-August?  He's not working, right?  I'm confused.  And when your job gives you tons of freedom, it's a tough balancing act, one in which his job always win.  I'm still adjusting to this whole, I'm a bride thing, but the one thing I've always known is that I want a winter Michigan wedding.  But alas, I'm marrying a teacher so it can only be in December if he wants any time off.  Time off for what?  The honeymoon?  While it might not be ideal, you could always take your honeymoon once the school year is over.

However, I've recently had a couple people close to me tell me that while I should do what I want, that December weddings are rude due to financial stress that comes with Holiday Season.

I know technically, it's all about what I want, but truly what I want is throw a reception that our friends and family love.

There are a couple of things that might be technically correct as per Etiquette, but I wouldn't recommend doing them because they are still rude or are inconvenient to your guests.

A December wedding, while not rude per se, would not be convenient for guests in my opinion.  Those who celebrate Christmas already have financial obligations and family/travel obligations as well.  People might have wiggle room in their holiday budgets to accommodate a wedding, especially one that is OOT.  Or they might be able to accommodate but choose not to.

I'd expect a lot of declines, especially from OOT guests, and I'd personally decline any December wedding that wasn't by absolute BFF or one of my siblings.

Also, I don't think I'd trust the weather in Michigan in December.  That could add another layer of difficulties for both in town and OOT guests.

[Deleted User]

If someone I knew was getting married in December and it was a local wedding, I would not have a problem with it at all. Realistically, local weddings don't really require that much work for guests (as they shouldn't.) All your guests need to do is show up. I would also give you a gift/money, but as an adult I am capable of figuring out how to manage that despite it being a holiday.

If I was an OOT guest, I probably would decline, but it really wouldn't bother me. You are perfectly within your rights to pick a season that works best for you.

banana468

kimmiandkoley said:

@thisismynickname:  Actually I'm trying to avoid a summer wedding because I hate sweating!  LOL  

Are you not planning to dance? 

PrettyGirlLost

banana468 said:

kimmiandkoley said:

@thisismynickname:  Actually I'm trying to avoid a summer wedding because I hate sweating!  LOL  

Are you not planning to dance? 

Does AC not exist in Michigan? O.o

thespeshulestsnowflake

PrettyGirlLost said:

banana468 said:

kimmiandkoley said:

@thisismynickname:  Actually I'm trying to avoid a summer wedding because I hate sweating!  LOL  

Are you not planning to dance? 

Does AC not exist in Michigan? O.o

Yes it does. And honestly most places crank it to a ridiculous level. I usually have a sweatshirt with me in the summer for this reason.

randomslove

People are adults. As long as you understand they may have different priorities around the holidays, you're fine.

spglsp

I'm putting this into the same category as destination weddings: not rude, but potentially inconvenient. Also, to put the declines thing in perspective. FI and I originally planned on getting married in the fall but were persuaded away from that because according to my family, "[my] niece won't be able to get time off!" We moved the date and guess who isn't coming to our wedding anyway? My niece. Check in with your VIPs (including any special vendors like venues/officiants), establish the priorities, and give guests plenty of advance notice. 

bb2016

No I don't think December weddings are against etiquette. I love the Christmas season and can totally understand why someone would be drawn to a winter wedding. But I do think they are really inconvenient for me personally. As long as you're alright with having a larger than expected decline rate I don't see a problem with it. 

 

SP29

To add: for our January 4th wedding, there was a big snow storm 2 days later and a few of our guests had some trouble flying back home. Some were delayed 1-2 days. 

Winter is a risk, but "winter" can be anytime from November-April. You could also have trouble with flights in the summer too- crazy storms can delay flights (or you could have a hurricane on your wedding day like another poster ). 

All risks. Winter- riskier yes, particularly for OOT guests. But as long as you clear it with your VIPs, I'd say go for it. 

OfftheMap27

My fiancé and I are actually planning our wedding in the opposite of the "it's all about what we want" vain. Personally, we find our wedding to be a celebration of our love, but more importantly the people who have supported us throughout our lives and our relationships. I would have loved a winter wedding, but simultaneously, I imagined the various awful weather scenarios, and I know it's a totally chaotic time and insanely inconvenient for many people.

I much prefer not making people chose in-between two events, and if you are planning your weekend the weekend before Christmas, inevitably people are going to have to chose between your wedding, family Holiday parties, work Holiday parties, etc. In my mind, weddings prevail, however, knowing people might be sad to miss something else, would make me feel like they might not enjoy our wedding as much.

I would personally favor guest convenience over all, especially if they're traveling, but thats just me!

kimmiinthemitten

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indianaalum

The other option is to get married and have honeymoon later. That is what I did since I work in a school

JBee85

I'm a teacher. I had my wedding the weekend before Thanksgiving. It was easier to take off. Only one person from my guestlist declined and I had family coming from overseas. Just so you know. 

I have yet to go on my honeymoon. We were suppose to go Memorial Day weekend, but my passport didn't come in time. It is cheaper to travel in the summer more so than around the holiday season. My parents took a cruise in th Carribean this December and the waters were around 50 degrees that a lot of excursions got cancelled.

kmmssg

I have lived in Michigan for 35 years and am a 4 time MOB.  We don't have blizzards every weekend but we do get some.  A large part of it depends on where you live within the snow belt.  By the Great Lakes?  Blizzard city sometimes.  We live midstate and it is a hit or miss thing.  I would not plan my wedding around the possibility of a blizzard.  The worst blizzard I remember was actually in April of 1982 - I was 8 months pregnant and stranded 45 miles from home.  Michigan weather is what it is and people have weddings every weekend.

Only one of my DDs had a Winter wedding and it was beautiful.  Just enough snow for awesome pictures but driving was safe.

Pretend I said everything that @Lyndausvi said.  Be aware that it might not work for everyone and there will be declines.  You should set  your wedding date for a time that works for you and your VIPs.  Ask them for brutally  honest feedback.  Don't say, "you would come to my wedding if I got married December 17th, right?"  Ask them, "We are thinking about getting married December 17th.  I'd really like your brutally honest feedback on whether or not you would be able to attend."  Of course, only go that route with your VIPs - the ones you can't imagine not being at your wedding.

It is fine to have a December wedding but you must be incredibly gracious about declines as it may be very inconvenient for some of your guests.  And remember, just because they don't attend your wedding doesn't mean they don't love you or care about you.  The things that have occured that made them special to you in the past and their support of your marriage is what is important, not attending the party.

Good luck in your planning!

kimmiinthemitten

Thanks @kmmsg, we did heed the advice on this board and check with most of our OOTers and VIPs and we were overwhelmingly supported.  Our more important OOTers actually prefer the weekend before Christmas so they can just fly in a week early and not have to fly home twice.  One guest actually said this is easier for her since she's always home for Christmas and this saves her an additional flight home.

I would never be hurt if someone chose not to attend, with a guest list of 200 we expect declines!  However, I don't believe anyone in our family/close friends would begrudge us for hosting our wedding on a week that is most convenient to our work schedules either.

And with my luck, it'll be cloudy and 50 in December and snow the week after haha.  But anyone who lives here knows you can't plan around Michigan weather, regardless off the season!

kimmiinthemitten

JBee85 said:

I'm a teacher. I had my wedding the weekend before Thanksgiving. It was easier to take off. Only one person from my guestlist declined and I had family coming from overseas. Just so you know. 

I have yet to go on my honeymoon. We were suppose to go Memorial Day weekend, but my passport didn't come in time. It is cheaper to travel in the summer more so than around the holiday season. My parents took a cruise in th Carribean this December and the waters were around 50 degrees that a lot of excursions got cancelled.

Congrats!  And enjoy your Honeymoon when you do get to go:).

lyndausvi

I want to add that if you want to take your HM in late December it will be VERY expense.    I lived in the islands for 14 years.  The most expensive time of the year for us was from around Dec 18th until Jan 4th.    It was more than double then the rest of the year.  Most places required a 7-10 day stay.  Pre-paid.

And the kids, OMG, there were so many kids.   Actually there were just a ton of people in general.  Instead of a average room occupancy of 2.5 it was 4 per room.    That meant more people in the restaurants, more people fighting over chairs at the pool and beach.   More people on excursions.

Seriously,  you could not pay me enough to vacation Christmas-New Years week.   Spring breaks are also busy, but not the same because different schools take breaks at different times.   Christmas/New Years break is universal.  Only the start and end dates vary, between the 24th to the Jan 1 every school is off.   A lot of other industries shut down during the week too.   

Just something to think of.

kimmiinthemitten

lyndausvi said:

I want to add that if you want to take your HM in late December it will be VERY expense.    I lived in the islands for 14 years.  The most expensive time of the year for us was from around Dec 18th until Jan 4th.    It was more than double then the rest of the year.  Most places required a 7-10 day stay.  Pre-paid.

And the kids, OMG, there were so many kids.   Actually there were just a ton of people in general.  Instead of a average room occupancy of 2.5 it was 4 per room.    That meant more people in the restaurants, more people fighting over chairs at the pool and beach.   More people on excursions.

Seriously,  you could not pay me enough to vacation Christmas-New Years week.   Spring breaks are also busy, but not the same because different schools take breaks at different times.   Christmas/New Years break is universal.  Only the start and end dates vary, between the 24th to the Jan 1 every school is off.   A lot of other industries shut down during the week too.   

Just something to think of.

Thanks!  My job is in industrial sales so the best vacation times for me are either the week of Christmas or July 4th, since the Big 3 shut down those weeks, and so do most of their suppliers.  We're used to vacations either being expensive or super hot, but we're hoping an all inclusive at an adult only resort would help with the child/crowded factor.  Do you have any experience with those?

delujm0

I would just warn that the week between Christmas and New Years (which is typically when most teachers have their break) is the most expensive week of the year to travel to most places, especially those that are tropical in climate.  Additionally, they usually need to be booked very far in advance, because it fills up quickly.  So if you intend to honeymoon then, i'd start talking to a travel agent or doing some research on your own ASAP.  You can't book a flight until 11 months out, but you may be able to get a hotel 18 months in advance.

 

Or you could get married in the spring sometime and postpone the honeymoon until he is on summer break.  My sister and her now husband are teachers; they got married last weekend but are waiting until mid-July to honeymoon because they need to wait on the school year to end and then her husband runs a football camp for a few weeks, and then they're going to go.  This worked better than Christmas break for them both because of cost and time - they're able to take two weeks instead of one because neither of them has a full time summer job.

knottie9c5ed33df4bbd226

FI's sister got married on New Year's Eve and people LOVED it. I wanted to get married on Halloween and his family thought it was rude and would cause problems. So we are doing the week before, but I'm still bummed.

decembergrl2014

My wedding was in December of last year (on a Friday. I'm a teacher and my H is an assistant principal). We sent out STDs well in advance, and we had a church wedding too. (We did double check with the priest about having the wedding during Advent and it was fine.) Yes, we had some declines for various reasons, but we still had a beautiful, dream wedding with our friends and family.

The honeymoon is a different story. H and I want Hawaii, so yes we're having a delayed honeymoon. We did do a mini moon for New Year's/my birthday.

All in all, what matters most is that you and your FI are spending the rest of your lives loving each other. The wedding day is just that, a day.

Good luck!

charlottesmom0626

Maybe I'm an idiot;

but if your FI is a teacher, I'm assuming he has a normal teaching schedule of M-F, being off on weekends? So why can't you have a Friday night, Saturday or Sunday wedding? Then you can get married in any winter month that you decide on...

GuitarSlayer

It's not rude, but don't expect everyone to attend.  The traveling advice offered is good; the cheapest night to fly is New Year's Eve, and hotel prices drop 'round January 6, since for most, the holiday season is over.

I'm having a December wedding, also due to academic scheduling, except it's two different academic schedules on opposite sides of the Atlantic.  I feel your pain, but I also know some folks just won't make it.  As to the honeymoon, we're also probably going to delay it unless it's a weekend spin somewhere.

This tumblr post seemed relevant:  http://myfriendsaremarried.tumblr.com/post/121660551133/when-my-friend-tells-me-shes-going-on-her-third

kimmiinthemitten

charlottesmom0626 said:

Maybe I'm an idiot;

but if your FI is a teacher, I'm assuming he has a normal teaching schedule of M-F, being off on weekends? So why can't you have a Friday night, Saturday or Sunday wedding? Then you can get married in any winter month that you decide on...

------------

He only has a few requests: great food, not wearing pink, and being on break are his top 3:).

It actually is working out really well for us.  After reading everyone's responses, we reached out to a lot of people for feedback, including our OOTers.  With the exception of his grandparents who are too old to travel home regardless of when we have the wedding, our VIP OOTers (including 2 WP members) prefer the weekend before Christmas.  This allows them to travel home for the holidays and stay home for a week rather than travel back twice in one year:).

I can totally see how for many families this may not be a potential date/ time period.  I'm glad we took the time to talk about it with many of our guests and take that into consideration, but it ends up being ideal for a lot of people in both of our families!  We expect to have declines, as we would regardless of season, and of course we'd never be upset with someone who chose not to come due to things going on in their own lives that take precedent.

ETA:  we're also going to send out our Save the Dates around 10 months in advance so everyone who wants to attend has plenty of time to plan, if need be.

Jen4948

I don't think that December weddings are rude, but people may well decide not to attend them due to their proximity to the religious and year-end holidays that take place around that time of the year.  Also, depending on where you're getting married, it can be really cold outside (or really hot if you're south of the Equator).

Cassie346

You can have a wedding whenever you want. I deffinately is not rude.