I want to do this right! (XP from vow renewals)

vikingmom806

This is a cross post from the bow renewals board - it's a little slow over there. Sorry this is long!

I am planning a vow renewal/anniversary party for our 5th anniversary in 2017. My husband and I are so excited to celebrate 5 years together! Another reason for the celebration is that relationships between our families are wonderful now, but were not when we first got married. We really feel that two families have become one over the past few years, and just find that to be another reason to celebrate with our loved ones.

I'll freely admit that I'm going to be wearing a white dress, but mainly because I love white. It'll be mid calf length, no veil, train, etc. But other than that, this is not a wedding do over. We adored our wedding! Our children, who will be almost 3 and 4 at the time of the party will be walking me down the aisle, we will have our original pastor do the "ceremony", and will be having a big fun party with food and dancing.

I know I have a lot of time to plan this, but I have a couple of etiquette questions for you ladies:

Is it okay to have my original florist recreate my original bouquet to use during the day? My bouquet was very special to me, but I don't want to use a bouquet if it would be considered inappropriate.

Would it be in bad taste to have a dance just between my husband and I? Dancing is a huge part of our lives, and I wouldn't have it be called a first dance or anything silly like that.

and

What are your thoughts on a "reverse" anniversary dance? I saw this done at a vow renewal a few years ago, and thought it was interesting. The DJ would have the longest married couples leave the dance floor first, and then my husband and I would give a piece of advice to the shortest married couple (or maybe even a couple about to get married?) left on the dance floor.

Thanks for your thoughts - I loved using this site to plan my wedding, and appreciate all the knowledge the women in this community have. Looking forward to reading what you all have to say.

Jen4948

I answered you on the "vow renewals" board.

OliveOilsMom

vikingmom806 said:

This is a cross post from the bow renewals board - it's a little slow over there. Sorry this is long! I am planning a vow renewal/anniversary party for our 5th anniversary in 2017. My husband and I are so excited to celebrate 5 years together! Another reason for the celebration is that relationships between our families are wonderful now, but were not when we first got married. We really feel that two families have become one over the past few years, and just find that to be another reason to celebrate with our loved ones. I'll freely admit that I'm going to be wearing a white dress, but mainly because I love white. It'll be mid calf length, no veil, train, etc. But other than that, this is not a wedding do over. We adored our wedding! Our children, who will be almost 3 and 4 at the time of the party will be walking me down the aisle, we will have our original pastor do the "ceremony", and will be having a big fun party with food and dancing. I know I have a lot of time to plan this, but I have a couple of etiquette questions for you ladies: Is it okay to have my original florist recreate my original bouquet to use during the day? My bouquet was very special to me, but I don't want to use a bouquet if it would be considered inappropriate. Would it be in bad taste to have a dance just between my husband and I? Dancing is a huge part of our lives, and I wouldn't have it be called a first dance or anything silly like that. and What are your thoughts on a "reverse" anniversary dance? I saw this done at a vow renewal a few years ago, and thought it was interesting. The DJ would have the longest married couples leave the dance floor first, and then my husband and I would give a piece of advice to the shortest married couple (or maybe even a couple about to get married?) left on the dance floor. Thanks for your thoughts - I loved using this site to plan my wedding, and appreciate all the knowledge the women in this community have. Looking forward to reading what you all have to say.

I think 5 years is a little too soon to have a vow renewal ceremony, unless the couple themselves have had a rough time and wanted to reaffirm their vows after coming out of a rough patch.  Or if the vow renewal was truly private and just between the couple.  Also, your families don't have to get along, so that seems like a silly reason to have a vow renewal as well.

If you go through with your plans, you can wear whatever dress you want.  You could also carry a bouquet if you want to.  As for the "reverse" anniversary dance, you have been married 5 years - it seems a little funny to give advice to a newly married couple.  I appreciate marriage advice from a couple who has been married a lot longer than 5 years.  No offense, I've been married 3 years and wouldn't try to impart wisdom on any newlyweds.

climbingsingle

I'm sorry, but I think it's totally ridiculous to be planning a vow renewal for 5 years. You've been married for 3 years. And you're already planning another party? Nah. 

But wear whatever dress you want. I don't see why it matters if you carry a bouquet or not. I think the backwards anniversary dance is weird, only because you're planning to give advice to the couple married the shortest amount of time. 

vikingmom806

I probably should have added that a 5-year vow renewal is a tradition in my family, but I do get what you're saying and am having some reservations now.

lovegood90

Agree with PPs that it's pretty ridiculous/AWish to have a vow renewal this early. Especially because you families didn't get along before...that and the fact that it's "tradition" aren't really good enough reasons to do this.

Why not throw a summer BBQ party or something? That way both of your families can get together but it's not an unnecessary party that's revolved around the two of you (since you already had that at your wedding, and you only get one wedding).

photokitty

I'd be ok with an anniversary party, but I'm not really interested in seeing a vow renewal at 5 years. If you do the reverse anniversary dance I would have the longest married couple give everyone their advice - give them the mic for a minute. I'm not that interested in marriage advice from someone with less than 5 years on me. 

I will say a vow renewal or anniversary party better have a a good spread or I'm going to decline. Cold cuts and punch for a 5 year renewal would get a really hard side eye from me.

STARMOON44

I think it's crazy that you're planning this now. Have you considered maybe knitting?

redoryx

STARMOON44 said:

I think it's crazy that you're planning this now. Have you considered maybe knitting?

This. I somehow missed that this won't be for another two years.

lyndausvi

I like to party.  I like to hang with my family and friends.  I would not have a problem with a 5 year vow renewal.

I do not see a problem with recreating your bouquet.  Although I would try and make is smaller if possible.

The special dance I'm on the fence with.  Not really a fan,  I guess more like I could take it or leave it.  If you do plan on the special dance make it short.

The reverse anniversary dance I would drop.   I want to hear advice from people who have been married for 20+ years, not 5.   Plus I'm not really have fan of special dances to begin with, so there's that.

AddieCake

I don't generally see the point to vow renewals before 10 years, but if you do it, the dress and bouquet and dance wouldn't bother me, but I don't want marriage advice from someone who has been married a shorter time than many of the people I know have been dating.

Maggie0829

Add me to the list that just doesn't see the point of a vow renewal after such a short period of time.

But if you want to do it then fine.  The dress, the bouquet and even the dance is fine.  It makes sense for the hosts of the party to open up the dance floor by dancing first.  I don't think you should make it a spotlight dance but you can simply go up and start dancing and then have your DJ announce that "Mr. and Mrs. VikingMom invite everyone to join them on the dance floor", or what have you.

But the reverse anniversary dance, yeah I would get rid of that.  I have been married almost 4 years and would not be comfortable acting like I know all there is to know about marriage and giving a newly married couple advice.  I would much rather hear advice from a couple who have been together decades because that couple would have been through many ups and downs and seeing that they are still together would know how to handle all of those ups and downs.

IrishPirate60

How is this not a "do over" if you are walking down the aisle, having your pastor "do the 'ceremony' " and throwing in a white dress and a remake of your original bouquet? And it's not til 2017? Girl, get a life!

thisismynickname2

If 5 year vow renewals are the norm in your family, I'm guessing people just really like a good party. 

But if it's not until 2017, I'd suggest waiting a heckuva lot longer to even begin thinking about planning. Wedding planning with a long engagement is exhausting enough and I can't believe anyone would spend another 1.5 to 2 years planning a renewal. 

Maybe break from your family's norm and just have an awesome 5 year anniversary party. 

MyNameIsNot

Add me to the list of people who don't see the point of renewing your vows after such a short period. I've never heard of anyone renewing vows earlier than 25 years. 

I had one friend who considered having a renewal on her 5th anniversary, because she and her H had both cheated on each other and separated for a while, and wanted a fresh start. They ended up going through with the divorce instead. Honestly, I would assume that you were renewing your vows at 5 years as for similar reasons. 

The bouquet and the dress are fine, as is the spotlight dance. I don't see the point in the anniversary dance, but it's fine as long as you cut the advice part. If anyone gives general marital advice, it should be the couple who has been married the longest. Still, it doesn't make sense to give the shortest-married couple any unsolicited advice, especially not in public. 

spglsp

You know that trope on television when one child tells another child "you'll understand when you're older?" That's how the advice thing reads to me. This might work if it was a vow renewal marking 50 years, but not after five.

lovegood90

spglsp said:

You know that trope on television when one child tells another child "you'll understand when you're older?" That's how the advice thing reads to me. This might work if it was a vow renewal marking 50 years, but not after five.

Yes! It's pretty AWish and self-congratulatory to be offering advice after only 5 years. SO and I aren't married but we'll have been together longer than OP will have been married...so any "advice" from them would definitely elicit an eye roll from me.

flbride2015

I'm not against the whole vow renewal at 5 years thing; but I will admit that as a poster mentioned above, I would assume you and your spouse had gone through a significant rough patch or separation, because otherwise, why would you have a vow renewal at the 5 year mark? Know what I mean? Unless you've "found God" and you were getting a convalidation or something like that, but even then, those don't normally have the whole walking down the aisle and bouqets stuff anyway right?

MandyMost

Why not just have a party? A fancy party, with a sit down dinner and dancing, if you want to. Why have another day all about you and your relationship? You already got married...I don't see why you want to walk down the aisle again unless you are just desperate for attention. I honestly just don't get it.

Throw a party. Have fun with your families. But don't make it all about you and your relationship.