I am ashamed!

ashtsb

I just found out my cousin is making a baby registry for her third child.

Her other two are girls and this one is also a girl. I am astounded! She is probably going to have a baby shower too! Lucky for me she lives a few states away, and I haven't been invited to previous showers, but seriously! She needs to get her priorities together, she and her husband her having the kid, not anyone else.

sarawifenow

ashncoal said:

I just found out my cousin is making a baby registry for her third child.

Her other two are girls and this one is also a girl. I am astounded! She is probably going to have a baby shower too! Lucky for me she lives a few states away, and I haven't been invited to previous showers, but seriously! She needs to get her priorities together, she and her husband her having the kid, not anyone else.

Um...this is a little harsh don't you think?

beachyone15

Meh...multiple baby showers don't bother me. I like the idea of celebrating each new child. I just don't look at it as a gift-grab.

banana468

Is this a real registry or is it a wish list?   When I had my 2nd I made a list of items I wanted to get on Amazon and some people asked me for it.   I didn't have an intention of spreading the word but we were having another and needed to get a few additional things.  

How did you find out? 

ashtsb

beachyone15 said:

Meh...multiple baby showers don't bother me. I like the idea of celebrating each new child. I just don't look at it as a gift-grab.

I'm fine with that too, she's making a registry though, she said something on FB.

I'm excited she's having another baby, but this isn't her first one, I don't see why she needs more things, she knows what entails raising a kid.

ashtsb

banana468 said:

Is this a real registry or is it a wish list?   When I had my 2nd I made a list of items I wanted to get on Amazon and some people asked me for it.   I didn't have an intention of spreading the word but we were having another and needed to get a few additional things.  

How did you find out? 

Nope, registry. She blantly said registry on FB.

labro

I get where she is coming from. I've always seen the point of a full blown shower as being for a first child/multiples/children born long after the others have gotten older and parents have discarded all the baby stuff. I'd definitely side eye a third full shower.

OP, I wouldn't necessarily judge a registry unless you 100% know she's actually having a shower. I think you are getting a bit ahead of yourself here. Maybe one of her friends is organizing a baby sprinkle for new diapers/clothes?

novella1186

ashncoal said:

banana468 said:

Is this a real registry or is it a wish list?   When I had my 2nd I made a list of items I wanted to get on Amazon and some people asked me for it.   I didn't have an intention of spreading the word but we were having another and needed to get a few additional things.  

How did you find out? 

Nope, registry. She blantly said registry on FB.

Spreading a registry via facebook is the part I side-eye the most. 

I don't have kids so I don't know what all you might need, but a close friend from childhood had her third girl last summer and she was BEGGING people not to give her gifts (like everyone was calling and asking what she needed cuz they wanted to buy her something, and she kept saying, "No please!") 

She mentioned to me that the only stuff she really needed after years of having so much girl stuff crammed into her house was things that get used up, like baby shampoo, wipes, and diapers. 

sarawifenow

I guess I just don't understand why you are "ashamed" of your cousin. You come across as super judgmental and, frankly, mean. I just don't get why this is bothering you so much.

 

ETA: I also have no problem with people having a baby shower for each child. If people don't want to give a gift, then they can decline to attend. It really isn't something to get your panties in a twist over.

ashtsb

labro said:

I get where she is coming from. I've always seen the point of a full blown shower as being for a first child/multiples/children born long after the others have gotten older and parents have discarded all the baby stuff. I'd definitely side eye a third full shower.

OP, I wouldn't necessarily judge a registry unless you 100% know she's actually having a shower. I think you are getting a bit ahead of yourself here. Maybe one of her friends is organizing a baby sprinkle for new diapers/clothes?

Meh, I probably am. Her oldest is only 3 or 4 I believe? She's got a younger one then that too. Just really surprised me is all.

sheknows6

ashncoal said:

beachyone15 said:

Meh...multiple baby showers don't bother me. I like the idea of celebrating each new child. I just don't look at it as a gift-grab.

I'm fine with that too, she's making a registry though, she said something on FB.

I'm excited she's having another baby, but this isn't her first one, I don't see why she needs more things, she knows what entails raising a kid.

If you're alright with someone having multiple baby showers then why are you so upset that your cousin is registering for her third child? Something isn't right here.......

onefootinthebayou

I'm definitely not an expert on baby showers OR mothering for that matter (not kids yet) but I learned over on TB, of all places, that the purpose of a baby shower is to celebrate a "new mother" & help her prepare for the arrival of baby which is the reason multiple showers are side-eyed.

I get the difference btw a registry & a wish-list. SIL creates the wish list for every child's bday & I find it very helpful as I'm still learning what are age-appropriate gifts for littles if it's not written on the box.

*Edited b/c I can't type while getting waxed.

kvruns

I'm not a fan of showers for the additional children although I know some people have them. I have never been invited to one, so I think it would depend on how close I was with the person to go or not.

KatWAG

onefootinthebayou said:

I'm definitely not an expert on baby showers OR mothering for that matter (not kids yet) but I learned over on TB, of all places, that the purpose of a baby shower is to celebrate a "new mother" & help her prepare for the arrival of baby which is the reason multiple showers are side-eyed. I get the difference btw a registry & a wish-list. SIL creates the wish list for every bday & I find it very helpful as I'm still learning what are age-appropriate gifts for littles of it's not written on the box.

I don't side eye multiple showers for the first baby as long as the guest lists are different each time.

But I definitely judge showers for second and third babies, especially if they are very close together in age. And sharing her registry on fb, yuck.

OP, I am with you on this.

southernbelle0915

I don't think it's "harsh". I totally side eye showers for subsequent kids. Sprinkles? Ok, whatever. But a full-blown shower with a registry when you already have two kids? Nah.

And I especially side-eye people who post their registries to Facebook. 

Definitely cringe-worthy, IMO.

luckya23

My sister's son turned 2 yesterday, and to my knowledge she threw out or donated all of his own grown things last year. Now she has a house and trying for #2.
I will definitely side-eye her next shower!! They are just not "think ahead" type people.

southernbelle0915

luckya23 said:

My sister's son turned 2 yesterday, and to my knowledge she threw out or donated all of his own grown things last year. Now she has a house and trying for #2. I will definitely side-eye her next shower!! They are just not "think ahead" type people.

Yea, see... just no. 

This is why I don't like second, third, fourth.... showers. 

If you (general you) asked for all pink shit the first time around because 'omg my pretty little princess' and now you want another shower because you're having a boy? Sorry, but you shouldn't ask others to fund your tunnel visioned choices and the genderizing of your child. First world problems.

If you threw out all your baby shit because ambitious spring cleaning or other reasons and now...omg you're pregnant again? Sorry, but if you want to have another kid, you should have saved stuff. 

onefootinthebayou

KatWAG said:

onefootinthebayou said:

I'm definitely not an expert on baby showers OR mothering for that matter (not kids yet) but I learned over on TB, of all places, that the purpose of a baby shower is to celebrate a "new mother" & help her prepare for the arrival of baby which is the reason multiple showers are side-eyed. I get the difference btw a registry & a wish-list. SIL creates the wish list for every bday & I find it very helpful as I'm still learning what are age-appropriate gifts for littles of it's not written on the box.

I don't side eye multiple showers for the first baby as long as the guest lists are different each time.

But I definitely judge showers for second and third babies, especially if they are very close together in age. And sharing her registry on fb, yuck.

OP, I am with you on this.

Yup, that's what I meant, should have been more clear.  I meant showers for subsequent kids get the Chloe from me.  "Could you fucking not".  

sheknows6

I can understand to an extent that mothers should think ahead and prepare, but I don't see the harm in giving someone diapers, new infant clothes, pacifiers, etc. for a second or third child, and having a shower to celebrate the new baby coming into the world.

I know that showers are supposed to be for new moms but personally I think every baby is special. I have way too many friends that struggle with infertility and when one in particular was lucky enough to conceive a second baby, we were THRILLED to throw her another baby shower. 

I don't see why it's so horrid and I think my personal experience is to blame. I wouldn't buy a crib or something major for a second or third, but I wouldn't side eye the shower itself. Just me.

ashtsb

southernbelle0915 said:

luckya23 said:

My sister's son turned 2 yesterday, and to my knowledge she threw out or donated all of his own grown things last year. Now she has a house and trying for #2. I will definitely side-eye her next shower!! They are just not "think ahead" type people.

Yea, see... just no. 

This is why I don't like second, third, fourth.... showers. 

If you (general you) asked for all pink shit the first time around because 'omg my pretty little princess' and now you want another shower because you're having a boy? Sorry, but you shouldn't ask others to fund your tunnel visioned choices and the genderizing of your child. First world problems.

If you threw out all your baby shit because ambitious spring cleaning or other reasons and now...omg you're pregnant again? Sorry, but if you want to have another kid, you should have saved stuff. 

This was my line of thinking. I can understand people giving things like diapers and such, but this will be her third girl. I understand if it's a surprise, but she's young enough and already has two kids to show how fertile she and her husband are, they should plan a little better. I suppose that's my grip with it all. Sorry for being so judgy, I will try to be better in the future!

sarawifenow

ashncoal said:

southernbelle0915 said:

luckya23 said:

My sister's son turned 2 yesterday, and to my knowledge she threw out or donated all of his own grown things last year. Now she has a house and trying for #2. I will definitely side-eye her next shower!! They are just not "think ahead" type people.

Yea, see... just no. 

This is why I don't like second, third, fourth.... showers. 

If you (general you) asked for all pink shit the first time around because 'omg my pretty little princess' and now you want another shower because you're having a boy? Sorry, but you shouldn't ask others to fund your tunnel visioned choices and the genderizing of your child. First world problems.

If you threw out all your baby shit because ambitious spring cleaning or other reasons and now...omg you're pregnant again? Sorry, but if you want to have another kid, you should have saved stuff. 

This was my line of thinking. I can understand people giving things like diapers and such, but this will be her third girl. I understand if it's a surprise, but she's young enough and already has two kids to show how fertile she and her husband are, they should plan a little better. I suppose that's my grip with it all. Sorry for being so judgy, I will try to be better in the future!

People can develop fertility problems at any stage. It doesn't matter if they have zero kids or 10...

lovegood90

I don't get why people are ragging on the OP so much for being harsh? I would side eye someone sharing their own registry and having a shower for their third child too.

This site is known for being snarky and for people making threads judging people for tacky behavior, so I guess I don't see the big deal? Obviously people can disagree and I do think the "ashamed" language may have been a bit much, and I personally wouldn't have made a thread about this, but I guess I don't get all the pearl clutching. Then again I'm a bitch so

[Deleted User]

I'm side-eyeing the FB sharing. I truly don't care about showers for second, third, etc. kids. 

sarawifenow

lovegood90 said:

I don't get why people are ragging on the OP so much for being harsh? I would side eye someone sharing their own registry and having a shower for their third child too.

This site is known for being snarky and for people making threads judging people for tacky behavior, so I guess I don't see the big deal? Obviously people can disagree and I do think the "ashamed" language may have been a bit much, and I personally wouldn't have made a thread about this, but I guess I don't get all the pearl clutching. Then again I'm a bitch so

I assume you mean me since I am the one calling OP out the most. I just think it is super crappy to judge somebody because "it is their responsibility to have the kid" and this is their third so they should know better. I just think that is something crappy to say especially about family. Also I think it is ironic that you are saying you don't get why people are ragging on OP because she is ragging on her cousin. Yes, this site is known for being snarky bitchy some of the time most of the time. Doesn't mean I can't call people out when I don't agree with them. That is nothing new to the site either.

lovegood90

sarawifenow said:

lovegood90 said:

I don't get why people are ragging on the OP so much for being harsh? I would side eye someone sharing their own registry and having a shower for their third child too.

This site is known for being snarky and for people making threads judging people for tacky behavior, so I guess I don't see the big deal? Obviously people can disagree and I do think the "ashamed" language may have been a bit much, and I personally wouldn't have made a thread about this, but I guess I don't get all the pearl clutching. Then again I'm a bitch so

I assume you mean me since I am the one calling OP out the most. I just think it is super crappy to judge somebody because "it is their responsibility to have the kid" and this is their third so they should know better. I just think that is something crappy to say especially about family. Also I think it is ironic that you are saying you don't get why people are ragging on OP because she is ragging on her cousin. Yes, this site is known for being snarky bitchy some of the time most of the time. Doesn't mean I can't call people out when I don't agree with them. That is nothing new to the site either.

I actually wasn't calling anyone out specifically - there were quite a few more posts after yours. And I don't see how she's ragging on her cousin - she's just judging her from afar on an anonymous website. Again this is JMHO and I don't have kids/am not planning on having any so maybe I just don't get it/shouldn't have a say in this anyway.

sarawifenow

lovegood90 said:

lovegood90 said:

I don't get why people are ragging on the OP so much for being harsh? I would side eye someone sharing their own registry and having a shower for their third child too.

This site is known for being snarky and for people making threads judging people for tacky behavior, so I guess I don't see the big deal? Obviously people can disagree and I do think the "ashamed" language may have been a bit much, and I personally wouldn't have made a thread about this, but I guess I don't get all the pearl clutching. Then again I'm a bitch so

I assume you mean me since I am the one calling OP out the most. I just think it is super crappy to judge somebody because "it is their responsibility to have the kid" and this is their third so they should know better. I just think that is something crappy to say especially about family. Also I think it is ironic that you are saying you don't get why people are ragging on OP because she is ragging on her cousin. Yes, this site is known for being snarky bitchy some of the time most of the time. Doesn't mean I can't call people out when I don't agree with them. That is nothing new to the site either.

I actually wasn't calling anyone out specifically - there were quite a few more posts after yours. And I don't see how she's ragging on her cousin - she's just judging her from afar on an anonymous website. Again this is JMHO and I don't have kids/am not planning on having any so maybe I just don't get it/shouldn't have a say in this anyway.

lovegood90

sarawifenow said:

lovegood90 said:

sarawifenow said:

lovegood90 said:

I don't get why people are ragging on the OP so much for being harsh? I would side eye someone sharing their own registry and having a shower for their third child too.

This site is known for being snarky and for people making threads judging people for tacky behavior, so I guess I don't see the big deal? Obviously people can disagree and I do think the "ashamed" language may have been a bit much, and I personally wouldn't have made a thread about this, but I guess I don't get all the pearl clutching. Then again I'm a bitch so

I assume you mean me since I am the one calling OP out the most. I just think it is super crappy to judge somebody because "it is their responsibility to have the kid" and this is their third so they should know better. I just think that is something crappy to say especially about family. Also I think it is ironic that you are saying you don't get why people are ragging on OP because she is ragging on her cousin. Yes, this site is known for being snarky bitchy some of the time most of the time. Doesn't mean I can't call people out when I don't agree with them. That is nothing new to the site either.

I actually wasn't calling anyone out specifically - there were quite a few more posts after yours. And I don't see how she's ragging on her cousin - she's just judging her from afar on an anonymous website. Again this is JMHO and I don't have kids/am not planning on having any so maybe I just don't get it/shouldn't have a say in this anyway.

Umm ok I wasn't even starting anything with you, but cool gif/you win?

sheknows6

abcdevonn said:

I'm side-eyeing the FB sharing. I truly don't care about showers for second, third, etc. kids. 

The FB sharing would be the only thing I would side-eye, because that is gift-grabby as hell. 

As to the "they're fertile enough" comments....

I do think it's super shitty to pass judgement on anyone's decision surrounding family planning. Just because they've had kids before doesn't mean they will easily do so again. No one has the right to say "you didn't plan your pregnancy well enough" or decide that they've had enough children......as women we should not do that to one another. 

I get that she's your cousin, but that doesn't give you cart blanche to say she's doing this somehow wrong because she has two children already.

But like OMG she's having like another shower!

I'm all for being snarky, but this isn't that. 

PrettyGirlLost

sarawifenow said:

ashncoal said:

I just found out my cousin is making a baby registry for her third child.

Her other two are girls and this one is also a girl. I am astounded! She is probably going to have a baby shower too! Lucky for me she lives a few states away, and I haven't been invited to previous showers, but seriously! She needs to get her priorities together, she and her husband her having the kid, not anyone else.

Um...this is a little harsh don't you think?

Why?  I side eye this as well.  Isn't it generally accepted on these boards that having registries and baby showers for your 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc child is gift grabby and tacky?

And isn't snarking on shit we find tacky kinda our thing here?

PrettyGirlLost

sheknows6 said:

I can understand to an extent that mothers should think ahead and prepare, but I don't see the harm in giving someone diapers, new infant clothes, pacifiers, etc. for a second or third child, and having a shower to celebrate the new baby coming into the world.

I know that showers are supposed to be for new moms Yes, to shower them with material items that they need to raise an infant but don't already own yet. . . because they haven't had a child yet.  Hence why some of us judge subsequent showers for subsequent kids as a total gift grab. . . You just had a bay 2 years ago, what the fuck did you do with all those clothes and the car seat, etc?  but personally I think every baby is special. I have way too many friends that struggle with infertility and when one in particular was lucky enough to conceive a second baby, we were THRILLED to throw her another baby shower.  You can be excited and throw a party to celebrate the birth.  Parties do not imply guests must bring a gift.  Showers imply guests must bring a gift.

I don't see why it's so horrid and I think my personal experience is to blame. I wouldn't buy a crib or something major for a second or third, but I wouldn't side eye the shower itself. Just me.

sarawifenow

sheknows6 said:

abcdevonn said:

I'm side-eyeing the FB sharing. I truly don't care about showers for second, third, etc. kids. 

The FB sharing would be the only thing I would side-eye, because that is gift-grabby as hell. 

As to the "they're fertile enough" comments....

I do think it's super shitty to pass judgement on anyone's decision surrounding family planning. Just because they've had kids before doesn't mean they will easily do so again. No one has the right to say "you didn't plan your pregnancy well enough" or decide that they've had enough children......as women we should not do that to one another. 

I get that she's your cousin, but that doesn't give you cart blanche to say she's doing this somehow wrong because she has two children already.

But like OMG she's having like another shower!

I'm all for being snarky, but this isn't that. 

This x100000000. This is what I have been trying to say but obviously, wasn't getting across.