Honeymoon Discussions

Honeymoon shower

So my sweet grandma and mother wanted to throw me a bridal shower. Then I mentioned the website honeyfund and how people have honeymoon showers and now they want to do that instead of a bridal shower. Who has had a "Honeymoon shower". How does it work? And isn't it weird just getting money to pay for your honeymoon?
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Re: Honeymoon shower

  • NOTE: I have been reading other forms and... Where we are from and our type of family we are not "fancy". I'm not sure if that really matters? And we WILL use all of it for our honeymoon. We already have our hotel room on hold (they just need a credit card on file and then we pay when we get down there) so the money we get will soley be used for our honeymoon. Plus I registered at Honeyfund.com and all the guest does is print off a paper saying your helping with xyz and put that and cash/check in a card. So they will not get a portion of the money. Also like a lot of other couples we have been living together and don't need anything, and we won't be able to have that dream honeymoon otherwise and all our guest will understand that.
  • No.

    This is crazy tacky.

    You don't ask for money.  Ever.

  • What if all the people invited to the shower don't find it tackey?
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2015
    So my sweet grandma and mother wanted to throw me a bridal shower. Then I mentioned the website honeyfund and how people have honeymoon showers and now they want to do that instead of a bridal shower. Who has had a "Honeymoon shower". How does it work? And isn't it weird just getting money to pay for your honeymoon?

    NOTE: I have been reading other forms and... Where we are from and our type of family we are not "fancy". I'm not sure if that really matters? And we WILL use all of it for our honeymoon. We already have our hotel room on hold (they just need a credit card on file and then we pay when we get down there) so the money we get will soley be used for our honeymoon. Plus I registered at Honeyfund.com and all the guest does is print off a paper saying your helping with xyz and put that and cash/check in a card. So they will not get a portion of the money. Also like a lot of other couples we have been living together and don't need anything, and we won't be able to have that dream honeymoon otherwise and all our guest will understand that.
    If you can't afford that "dream honeymoon" yet then you go on a normal honeymoon.  You know, one that you can afford.  H and I didn't get our "dream honeymoon" of Hawaii but we sure as hell got a great honeymoon (Key West) that we were able to afford ourselves without begging for money from family and friends.

    A honeymoon is a vacation.  Plain and simple.  You aren't entitled to anything fancy.  You have years to go places, so just because you can't afford to spend a month in Italy now doesn't mean that others should pay your way because it is your "dream."

  • I'm not saying this with snark, I promise- but if you do a quick search of the forums, you will see tons of discussions on honeyfunds, and be able to see all the feedback/advice.

    Long story short- honeyfunds are considered gross around here (rightfully so)- if you don't need anything, don't register, and don't have a shower.  People should get the hint and give cash.  And just have your mom and grandma throw a lovely bridal luncheon (no gifts) instead.
  • Blech. Asking for cash for a vacation is in poor taste.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • It would just be a week on the Gulf of Mexico in Florida, nothing crazy. And I kinda find it the same as a bridal shower. Just because you can't afford your dream pot and pans set or plates and bowls set doesn't mean your guest should have to pay for it.
  • What if all the people invited to the shower don't find it tackey?
    So did you send out an anonymous poll asking this question and everyone replied truthfully?  I doubt that.

    A shower is a gift (meaning boxed gift) giving event.  If you don't need anything that comes from say, Target, BB&B, Macy's, Crate and Barrel, etc, then don't have a shower.  But don't ask for money which is exactly what you are doing with the honeyfund.  People know money makes a good gift and can give it, voluntarily, without you telling them.  Asking for money makes you look super greedy and entitled which is just gross.

    Also you should never plan an honeymoon in the hopes that you are given enough money to pay for it.  What if you don't receive enough money?  Then what?

  • What if all the people invited to the shower don't find it tackey?
    There is no way for you to know this. Even if you asked every single person, they would answer politely and probably not say "OMG GROSS!! NO FUCKING WAY!" right to your face. 

    This website is a great cross-section of different people from different cultural and economic backgrounds. If the majority of us find it offensive, chances are good that some of your guests will too. No one will be offended by you NOT having a honeyfund.

    And a honeymoon shower is even worse! What will you do? Open envelopes and announce how much money people gave you? Showers are for actual, physical, boxed gifts. If you don't want boxed gifts, decline any showers anyone offers to throw for you.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • And what if it were a supprise shower?
  • I think if it were so terrible no one would go/or have fun. But a friend of a friend just had one and everyone said it was great.
  • And just exspecting "boxed gifts" at a bridal shower isn't rude or tackey? What's the difference? In the end it's a gift for the couple.
  • I think if it were so terrible no one would go/or have fun. But a friend of a friend just had one and everyone said it was great.
    Did you read my response to you, or are you choosing to ignore it?  I HIGHLY recommend you use the search option- you will see- many times over- answers to all your questions about this and other alternatives/ideas.

    Now it just seems like you're being obtuse, and I'm re-thinking my non-snark answer above :)  lol
  • Sorry I did not see your response. And they are Insisting on giving me a huge shower! Not my idea at all but those two are thick lol!
  • It would just be a week on the Gulf of Mexico in Florida, nothing crazy. And I kinda find it the same as a bridal shower. Just because you can't afford your dream pot and pans set or plates and bowls set doesn't mean your guest should have to pay for it.
    I don't care if you are staying one night in a Motel 6.  You pay for it.

    Asking for cash is rude.  A registry is not asking for anything actually.  Instead it is a way to show your guests your tastes/preference if they WISH to buy you a gift.  Everyone already knows that money makes a great gift so to register for money is just tacky.


    I think if it were so terrible no one would go/or have fun. But a friend of a friend just had one and everyone said it was great.
    Oh a friend of a friend said it was great.  Well then that means that everyone is super cool with it.  No, not so much.


    And just exspecting "boxed gifts" at a bridal shower isn't rude or tackey? What's the difference? In the end it's a gift for the couple.
    Well when you are thrown a shower then yes you should be expecting boxed gifts.  Because the entire point of a shower is to shower the bride/couple with gifts.  So if one were to have a shower and not be given anything that would be very confusing.  If boxed gifts are not things that you want or need then you just don't have a shower.


    Sorry I did not see your response. And they are Insisting on giving me a huge shower! Not my idea at all but those two are thick lol!
    Use the word no. I don't care how thick someone is. If you don't want a shower then tell them no. And repeat as necessary.

  • Asking for money for a vacation is tacky. It doesn't matter if you're going to the bed and breakfast down the street or the Gulf of Mexico (which is a pretty nice vacation to many, many people). 

    The whole point of a wedding shower is to help the couple build the home together (read: boxed gifts). So part of the shower is opening those gifts. Can you imagine how tacky it would be if you sat there opening up a bunch of envelopes and saying, "Aunt Deb gave $50! Thank you Aunt Deb!" and "Wow! Grandma gave $150! Thanks, grandma!"

    And then not opening gifts at all is tacky because it becomes abundantly clear that you think if you just invite people over for cake they will bring you money. 

    Just all around NO. If you don't need anything physical, don't have a shower. Your mom and grandma could host a nice non-gift giving event if they really want to host something. 
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  • The ceremony will be small. Reception everyone is invited to.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2015
    The ceremony will be small. Reception everyone is invited to.
    Yeah, this doesn't matter in regards to your want for a cash shower.  That part is still tacky.

    You can only invite people to a shower who are invited to the actual wedding.  So only those who are invited to the ceremony since that is really the reason for your wedding day.

  • I wasn't saying it was! Someone asked about the small ceremony we are having!
  • I wasn't saying it was! Someone asked about the small ceremony we are having!
    What?

  • A bridal shower is a gift giving event. Those who do not wish to purchase you a gift can decline. A registry is used to give the gift-giver a guide to your color schemes and needs. It's not a demand to buy you a gift. If you don't need anything, then don't have a shower.

    In addition, a bridal shower is not intended to receive "dream" anything. It's intended for the bride to be showered with gifts to set up their new marital home and to be set up to properly raise a family. If you don't need anything, then there is no point in having one.

    If you're dead set on money, the best thing to do is not register. Don't accept a shower. If family insists, say you are open to having a bridal tea. A tea is not a gift giving event. It's a gathering of people to enjoy each other's company.

    If/when people ask where you are registered, you note that you are not registered anywhere but you are saving up for "x". People are smart and will get the hint that you want money.

     







  • I wasn't saying it was! Someone asked about the small ceremony we are having!
    What?
    I asked her if they would be inviting all shower guests to their wedding because she has said in other threads she's having immediate family only at her wedding. So she's not using the quote feature, but she was replying to me.
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  • I think it's weird you think having a "just a week in Florida, nothing crazy" honeymoon is a way to defend this idea, as if it's ok as long as you aren't headed to France for a few weeks.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • So for those who had honeymoon registries?  Do you sit at the edge of your seat wondering if you will get enough money to fund your HM?    Gifts are just that, gifts.  You should not be counting on these gifts for ANYTHING, let alone counting on getting enough to fund your HM.

    It's just such a strange concept.   I didn't have a honeymoon registry.  We paid for our own HM.   We still got a lot of cash as gifts.  Since our HM was so long, MIL deposited the cash for us (I was the one who filled out the deposit slip).  The checks were deposited after the HM.   The money was great to get, but it was not tied to our HM.    Meaning, we didn't spend more on the HM because we knew we had a bunch of checks waiting to be cashed.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • The ceremony will be small. Reception everyone is invited to.

    You can't have a small ceremony and a large shower. That's not how this works. 

    It doesn't matter who is or is not invited to the reception. What matters who is or is not invited to the ceremony. If they aren't invited to the ceremony, they shouldn't be invited to the shower. 
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  • AddieCake said:
    I think it's weird you think having a "just a week in Florida, nothing crazy" honeymoon is a way to defend this idea, as if it's ok as long as you aren't headed to France for a few weeks.
    Well if that is the case then I guess I should have had a honeyfund since I took a "nothing crazy" HM in Florida for a week.

    Do over for me!

    Girl, we never even took a honeymoon because we had an expensive move to make shortly after! Looks like it's GoFundMe time for us!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Also, think of it this way, the only time a person should be showered with cash, is if you are at the strip club.

    Andplusalso, your guests aren't even giving you $50, you are getting $42.50 after honeyfund takes a cut!  If you need this money for your HM so bad, then why are you allowing a 3rd party to take a cut of the money?  And you probably won't have the money in time to go on your HM if you are leaving for your HM right after the wedding. 

    If you mom is insistent on throwing you a party, then tell her to plan a bridal luncheon.  They are not gift giving occasions.

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