Bridal Party Help

TrixieJess

Knottie1434918845 said:

OliveOilsMom said:

Knottie1434918845 said:

ShesSoCold said:

Knottie80779227 said:

I don't think that you're reading the post correctly. The expectations were solely that the memebers of the bridal support the bride. What are they supposed to be doing? They weren't asked to be in the weddnig party to stand there and look pretty.

What kind of support do you need and why? This is a wedding, not a funeral. People shouldn't need support when good things happen. And the bolded is exactly what they're supposed to do. My bridal party didn't even have to stand. 

I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. The word support has somehow become a curse word on this site for some reason. It really makes me wonder about who's giving all this advice about bridal parties where, no matter what, the bride is always being a bridezilla and the wedding party is should be bowed to and curtsied in front of or else they're being treated horribly. Wanting support from your friends on your wedding is NOT out of line and might I suggest that posters who think it is are using a very tenuous and inaccurate definition of the word "support."

"Support" usually is a bad word on this site because the majority of the time, when a bride comes on these boards and says she isn't getting support from her WP its because they are not doing enough DIY projects, aren't helping her plan the wedding, or planning her parties.  Also, if you need actual support (as in the actual definition of support), you probably should be thinking about whether this marriage is a good idea or not.

If you think of the actual definition of support is a bad thing, then you're not accurately using it.

If you need "support" that badly, you don't need a wedding party, you need a 12 step program.

Maggie0829

MyNameIsNot said:

Knottie1434918845 said:

redoryx said:

Knottie1434918845 said:

ShesSoCold said:

Knottie80779227 said:

I don't think that you're reading the post correctly. The expectations were solely that the memebers of the bridal support the bride. What are they supposed to be doing? They weren't asked to be in the weddnig party to stand there and look pretty.

What kind of support do you need and why? This is a wedding, not a funeral. People shouldn't need support when good things happen. And the bolded is exactly what they're supposed to do. My bridal party didn't even have to stand. 

I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. The word support has somehow become a curse word on this site for some reason. It really makes me wonder about who's giving all this advice about bridal parties where, no matter what, the bride is always being a bridezilla and the wedding party is should be bowed to and curtsied in front of or else they're being treated horribly. Wanting support from your friends on your wedding is NOT out of line and might I suggest that posters who think it is are using a very tenuous and inaccurate definition of the word "support."

Support, verb: 

1.to bear or hold up; serve as a foundation for.

2.to sustain or withstand without giving way; serve as a prop for.

3.to undergo or endure, especially with patience or submission; tolerate.

4.to sustain under trial or affliction:

They supported him throughout his ordeal.

5.to maintain by supplying with things necessary to existence; provide for: to support a family.

6.to uphold (a person, cause, policy, etc.) by aid, countenance, one's vote, etc.; back; second.

7.to maintain or advocate (a theory, principle, etc.).

Which of these does your bridal party fit into?

That would be "back." When I support someone's decision to do something, I promote their interest. When I support a cause without giving financially to them, I promote their interest. When I stand up next to my best friend on the best day of her life, I'm supporting her by being there with her. Some of you argue just for the sake of arguing.

No one argues just to argue. The members of this board try to get people to see when they're being ridiculous and try to encourage them to be better friends.

Even by your definition, if the bride needs her friends to champion her cause in order to go through with the wedding, she shouldn't be getting married. 

Eh, that isn't totally true on these boards.

But on this post people aren't arguing just to argue.

snowywinter

MyNameIsNot said:

Knottie1434918845 said:

redoryx said:

Knottie1434918845 said:

ShesSoCold said:

Knottie80779227 said:

I don't think that you're reading the post correctly. The expectations were solely that the memebers of the bridal support the bride. What are they supposed to be doing? They weren't asked to be in the weddnig party to stand there and look pretty.

What kind of support do you need and why? This is a wedding, not a funeral. People shouldn't need support when good things happen. And the bolded is exactly what they're supposed to do. My bridal party didn't even have to stand. 

I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. The word support has somehow become a curse word on this site for some reason. It really makes me wonder about who's giving all this advice about bridal parties where, no matter what, the bride is always being a bridezilla and the wedding party is should be bowed to and curtsied in front of or else they're being treated horribly. Wanting support from your friends on your wedding is NOT out of line and might I suggest that posters who think it is are using a very tenuous and inaccurate definition of the word "support."

Support, verb: 

1.to bear or hold up; serve as a foundation for.

2.to sustain or withstand without giving way; serve as a prop for.

3.to undergo or endure, especially with patience or submission; tolerate.

4.to sustain under trial or affliction:

They supported him throughout his ordeal.

5.to maintain by supplying with things necessary to existence; provide for: to support a family.

6.to uphold (a person, cause, policy, etc.) by aid, countenance, one's vote, etc.; back; second.

7.to maintain or advocate (a theory, principle, etc.).

Which of these does your bridal party fit into?

That would be "back." When I support someone's decision to do something, I promote their interest. When I support a cause without giving financially to them, I promote their interest. When I stand up next to my best friend on the best day of her life, I'm supporting her by being there with her. Some of you argue just for the sake of arguing.

No one argues just to argue. The members of this board try to get people to see when they're being ridiculous and try to encourage them to be better friends.

Even by your definition, if the bride needs her friends to champion her cause in order to go through with the wedding, she shouldn't be getting married. 

Posters argue just to argue all the time, even here. And would you try reading what you said with a straight face to anyone outside of here and let us know what they say? You're talking about grown adults who've managed to get through life being a good enough friend that they have friends agreeing to be their bridesmaids. Let's not act like you and anyone who agrees wtih you has cornered the market on what a good friend should be. Just because it's your opinion doesn't make it fact. This kind of condescending attitude --"you're a bad friend, let me teach you how to better, like me" -- is what keeps me from taking your advice seriously.

snowywinter

TrixieJess said:

Knottie1434918845 said:

OliveOilsMom said:

Knottie1434918845 said:

ShesSoCold said:

Knottie80779227 said:

I don't think that you're reading the post correctly. The expectations were solely that the memebers of the bridal support the bride. What are they supposed to be doing? They weren't asked to be in the weddnig party to stand there and look pretty.

What kind of support do you need and why? This is a wedding, not a funeral. People shouldn't need support when good things happen. And the bolded is exactly what they're supposed to do. My bridal party didn't even have to stand. 

I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. The word support has somehow become a curse word on this site for some reason. It really makes me wonder about who's giving all this advice about bridal parties where, no matter what, the bride is always being a bridezilla and the wedding party is should be bowed to and curtsied in front of or else they're being treated horribly. Wanting support from your friends on your wedding is NOT out of line and might I suggest that posters who think it is are using a very tenuous and inaccurate definition of the word "support."

"Support" usually is a bad word on this site because the majority of the time, when a bride comes on these boards and says she isn't getting support from her WP its because they are not doing enough DIY projects, aren't helping her plan the wedding, or planning her parties.  Also, if you need actual support (as in the actual definition of support), you probably should be thinking about whether this marriage is a good idea or not.

If you think of the actual definition of support is a bad thing, then you're not accurately using it.

If you need "support" that badly, you don't need a wedding party, you need a 12 step program.

Ah, great use of a totally irrelevant example that makes no sense in the context of this thread.

drunkenwitch

When my best friend's father died I rushed to her side to support her. When she got divorced, I was there to support her.

She is planning on getting married again to an absolutely wonderful man, on that day I won't be there supporting her, I will be there celebrating with her.

TrixieJess

Knottie1434918845 said:

TrixieJess said:

Knottie1434918845 said:

OliveOilsMom said:

Knottie1434918845 said:

ShesSoCold said:

Knottie80779227 said:

I don't think that you're reading the post correctly. The expectations were solely that the memebers of the bridal support the bride. What are they supposed to be doing? They weren't asked to be in the weddnig party to stand there and look pretty.

What kind of support do you need and why? This is a wedding, not a funeral. People shouldn't need support when good things happen. And the bolded is exactly what they're supposed to do. My bridal party didn't even have to stand. 

I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. The word support has somehow become a curse word on this site for some reason. It really makes me wonder about who's giving all this advice about bridal parties where, no matter what, the bride is always being a bridezilla and the wedding party is should be bowed to and curtsied in front of or else they're being treated horribly. Wanting support from your friends on your wedding is NOT out of line and might I suggest that posters who think it is are using a very tenuous and inaccurate definition of the word "support."

"Support" usually is a bad word on this site because the majority of the time, when a bride comes on these boards and says she isn't getting support from her WP its because they are not doing enough DIY projects, aren't helping her plan the wedding, or planning her parties.  Also, if you need actual support (as in the actual definition of support), you probably should be thinking about whether this marriage is a good idea or not.

If you think of the actual definition of support is a bad thing, then you're not accurately using it.



If you need "support" that badly, you don't need a wedding party, you need a 12 step program.


Ah, great use of a totally irrelevant example that makes no sense in the context of this thread.


Actually, it's not. You say you need support. You are getting married, what kind of support do you need? I'm getting married and racking my brain trying to figure out what kind of I could possibly need for a wedding. My friends who have gotten married didn't need any support, except maybe at the end of the festivities when we all needed a little support.

A 12 step program is designed for support and if you are so desperate for support as this post seems to be a cry for help of some sort. Good luck!

snowywinter

TrixieJess said:

If you need "support" that badly, you don't need a wedding party, you need a 12 step program.

Ah, great use of a totally irrelevant example that makes no sense in the context of this thread.

Actually, it's not. You say you need support. You are getting married, what kind of support do you need? I'm getting married and racking my brain trying to figure out what kind of I could possibly need for a wedding. My friends who have gotten married didn't need any support, except maybe at the end of the festivities when we all needed a little support. A 12 step program is designed for support and if you are so desperate for support as this post seems to be a cry for help of some sort. Good luck!

Totally irrelevant, inappropriate, melodramatic, and judgmental. Good luck to you if you go through life passing such judgment on people because you fail to understand the multiple definitions of a word.

TrixieJess

Knottie1434918845 said: TrixieJess said: If you need "support" that badly, you don't need a wedding party, you need a 12 step program. Ah, great use of a totally irrelevant example that makes no sense in the context of this thread.
Actually, it's not. You say you need support. You are getting married, what kind of support do you need? I'm getting married and racking my brain trying to figure out what kind of I could possibly need for a wedding. My friends who have gotten married didn't need any support, except maybe at the end of the festivities when we all needed a little support. A 12 step program is designed for support and if you are so desperate for support as this post seems to be a cry for help of some sort. Good luck!
Totally irrelevant, inappropriate, melodramatic, and judgmental. Good luck to you if you go through life passing such judgment on people because you fail to understand the multiple definitions of a word.
Honey, I understand what the word "support" means. I own a dictionary. I just don't need any just because I'm getting married, it's not that big of a deal. When my dad died, yep, needed support, when my brother had emergency surgery, yep support. When I birthed my son, SUPPORT! Getting married to the love of my life, not so much. I would like camaraderie and good wishes, but support isn't necessary.

snowywinter

Just as I thought, you have no idea what it means. Support is not necessarily for bad things in life. I go to my brother's little league games to support him. I attend my little sister's ballet recital to support her. I stand up for my friends at their weddings to support them and the new life they're beginning with their spouse. You have a very narrow definition of support if you only apply it to tragedy and heartbreak.

TrixieJess

Knottie1434918845 said:

Just as I thought, you have no idea what it means. Support is not necessarily for bad things in life. I go to my brother's little league games to support him. I attend my little sister's ballet recital to support her. I stand up for my friends at their weddings to support them and the new life they're beginning with their spouse. You have a very narrow definition of support if you only apply it to tragedy and heartbreak.

But that is not "support". Support is to reinforce or build up, to make stable. If you got married without your friends around you, would your marriage be less stable or reinforced? 

Support is holding something or someone up because they cannot do it on their own. YOU are not understanding what support is. YOU are using the word in the wrong context. You don't go to a game to support someone, you go to cheer them on, you don't go to a recital to support  someone (unless they are your pas de deux partner) you go to watch the show. Maybe you should look up the synonyms for support before trying to match analogies.

snowywinter

It IS support. Merriam-Webster defines support as " to promote the interests or cause of" and
"to agree with or approve of (someone or something)" and "to show that you approve of (someone or something) by doing something."

By standing up at a wedding, you are publicly supporting your friend and her marriage.

TrixieJess

MyNameIsNot

Knottie1434918845 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

Knottie1434918845 said:

redoryx said:

Knottie1434918845 said:

ShesSoCold said:

Knottie80779227 said:

I don't think that you're reading the post correctly. The expectations were solely that the memebers of the bridal support the bride. What are they supposed to be doing? They weren't asked to be in the weddnig party to stand there and look pretty.

What kind of support do you need and why? This is a wedding, not a funeral. People shouldn't need support when good things happen. And the bolded is exactly what they're supposed to do. My bridal party didn't even have to stand. 

I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. The word support has somehow become a curse word on this site for some reason. It really makes me wonder about who's giving all this advice about bridal parties where, no matter what, the bride is always being a bridezilla and the wedding party is should be bowed to and curtsied in front of or else they're being treated horribly. Wanting support from your friends on your wedding is NOT out of line and might I suggest that posters who think it is are using a very tenuous and inaccurate definition of the word "support."

Support, verb: 

1.to bear or hold up; serve as a foundation for.

2.to sustain or withstand without giving way; serve as a prop for.

3.to undergo or endure, especially with patience or submission; tolerate.

4.to sustain under trial or affliction:

They supported him throughout his ordeal.

5.to maintain by supplying with things necessary to existence; provide for: to support a family.

6.to uphold (a person, cause, policy, etc.) by aid, countenance, one's vote, etc.; back; second.

7.to maintain or advocate (a theory, principle, etc.).

Which of these does your bridal party fit into?

That would be "back." When I support someone's decision to do something, I promote their interest. When I support a cause without giving financially to them, I promote their interest. When I stand up next to my best friend on the best day of her life, I'm supporting her by being there with her. Some of you argue just for the sake of arguing.

No one argues just to argue. The members of this board try to get people to see when they're being ridiculous and try to encourage them to be better friends.

Even by your definition, if the bride needs her friends to champion her cause in order to go through with the wedding, she shouldn't be getting married. 

Posters argue just to argue all the time, even here. And would you try reading what you said with a straight face to anyone outside of here and let us know what they say? You're talking about grown adults who've managed to get through life being a good enough friend that they have friends agreeing to be their bridesmaids. Let's not act like you and anyone who agrees wtih you has cornered the market on what a good friend should be. Just because it's your opinion doesn't make it fact. This kind of condescending attitude --"you're a bad friend, let me teach you how to better, like me" -- is what keeps me from taking your advice seriously.

If anyone is arguing just to argue, it is you.

Actually, yes. If I knew anyone who was unstable enough to suggest that he/she needed support to get through his/her wedding, I would suggest that he/she reconsider the marriage. Thus far, I've never met anyone that codependent in real life.

Most of my friends are emotionally healthy, stable adults. We've supported each other through death, divorce, layoffs, bankruptcy, and all the other things that have happened in our lives. We don't have to support each other through weddings. Perhaps the fact that we have all been through difficult life experiences is the reason that we don't need support to get through happy times.

snowywinter

Or perhaps you do support one another. You just don't know the definition of the word. And to the "let it go" poster, why does that retort not surprise me? When presented with a documented definition that disagrees with you, you call /endthread. LOL

Anyway, feel free to continue behind judgmental veils. I'll *support* the OP's post some of you parrot one another over and over and over again using the same verbiage and one-liners.

AddieCake

I'm gonna have to agree that you can show support to someone and it have nothing to do with tragedy or sadness. My husband supported my decision to take a year off from work. I supported my dad's decision to marry his current wife. I support my cousin's aspirations of being a dancer by attending performances. I support gay marriage. And so on. 

I'm not particularly crazy about KnottieNumbers there, but she's right that you guys are harping on this word for no reason.

TrixieJess

Knottie1434918845 said:

Or perhaps you do support one another. You just don't know the definition of the word. And to the "let it go" poster, why does that retort not surprise me? When presented with a documented definition that disagrees with you, you call /endthread. LOL

Anyway, feel free to continue behind judgmental veils. I'll *support* the OP's post some of you parrot one another over and over and over again using the same verbiage and one-liners.

I didn't end the thread...I just figured everyone needed a little Elsa in the morning... and you seem to have something that you can't just Let Go! 

Here, you can support me with this.

climbingsingle

OP, you're the one that said you need the support of your friends to do things like "keep your mood up". 

Yes, showing up to someone's event is supporting them. But you seemed to use the word in an entirely different context. This is most likely why people are disagreeing with you. 

ETA: I can't keep all these KnottieNumbers straight. 

Knottie80779227

Haven't been back to my original post for a few days. At least everyone gave me a good laugh, I went around and read some boards and the overall consensus is "brides tend to overthink things". I think it's fair to say that planning a wedding, at least for me, is a long process (our engagement will have been about a year and a half come the actual wedding). I'd say the overthinking holds true to all these comments too. Everyone has their own thoughts and opinions, so it was good to hear others interpretations. I can go on to say I talked to my MOH again and we're great, not surprising, we've been friends for 15 years, and in her own words "she can't wait to be there to support me on my big day". I didn't even feed her that word, so I guess when it comes to weddings, maybe sometimes people use the word support in lieu of celebrate, but I know she means the same thing either way.

As far as my on the fence bridesmaid/FSIL, if she truly wants to be in the wedding party after initially saying no, I'm just leaving it up to my FH. It probably won't ruin my day, as long as, many of you point out, she shows up on time and sober.

Thanks for the entertaining feedback :-)